Why did you get a divorce?

[Serena]

Because I was 18 and he 20, and stupid when we got married. It took 22 years of trying to make it work, at first it did, but we finally decided enough was enough.

There are a lot of things he did that was controlling and a jerk, but when I'm feeling nice, I know it was because he didn't love me and wanted out, he felt trapped.
I also realize I didn't really love him either. I thought I did, but not the way I should have, or the way he needed.

But the final straw was when he chose to go to someone else.

We just got tired.

I'm much better now. I feel like a great big weight is off my shoulders. I feel like the dark cloud is gone. And I know he's happy now.

Between the two of us a lot of damage was done to my self esteem and self worth. I'm working on that slowly but surely.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

My ex told me he didn't love and never did. He only married me to get out of his parent's house. Then he decided it was okay to shack up with his boss from time to time.

 

[mrsheppo]

When I started having panic attacks anytime he was coming home, I knew it was time. I just hated being around him, he made me feel icky about everything. After I started feeling that way I stayed another year and the final straw was when he bought his girlfriend an engagement ring on my birthday with my credit card. That was enough to put me over the edge. I wasn't smart back then

I had my ex put a charge to the local brothel on my credit card. He also was abusive and had a child by another woman while we were married.

 

[Poohnatic]

Ex decided that he'd rather sleep with a coworker.

Underlying issue was that he was an abuser-emotionally and to some extent, verbally. It took some therapy to realize that there isn't anything wrong with me.

To give you an idea of how messed up it was, two weeks before our wedding he said "Hypothetically, if I told you I didn't want kids, what would you say?" I told him that the wedding would be off, no ifs ands or buts. He said he wasn't ready yet-and neither was I.

Then when we split, he said he'd told me he didn't want kids. I reminded him that he said he wasn't ready and that I'd told him that I wouldn't get married if I wasn't going to have kids. He also told me to get my tubes tied and he'd come back to me.

Suzanne

 

[Hootiss]

My exh decided to knock up one of his employees. Brilliant huh!

 

[Stacy's a freak]

My ex was a spend thrift and an untrustworthy compulsive liar. So I'm better off - 2 years later I'm buying a house on my own (yay!). If I were still with him, we would still be drowning in debt with good salaries and I would be wondering who he was talking to online constantly.

 

[CookieGVB]

Ex DH was an abusive alcoholic. Couldn't change him Had to change life for my DD then 6 and DS then 3 and myself. So I did that and never looked back. It was scary and hard, but living with him was so much worse.

I understand completely.

 

[Shugardrawers]

My ex had a serious drinking problem. He wasn't abusive even when drunk but was always drinking something. He even came to visit me in the hospital with a take out cup of coke and wiskey! Aside from that he was not an affectionate person. I needed hugs, kisses, kind words and such. I didn't get that from him. He couldn't say he loved me. He thought insult humor was funny thought I should be a good sport about being insulted. Example:

Me: How do I look?
Him: You want me to lie to you or tell you the awful truth?

Now, to be fair, my ex is a decent guy who will give you the shirt off his back. Even after we divorced I could ask him for anything. I knew what he was like before I married him but I had issues of my own that kept me from realizing he would always be that way. Clearly, my needs were not being met and they never would be. We were just a very poor match. Standing before the judge on our wedding day I thought to myself "I give us 2 years" I just cannot explain exactly why I went through with it It was 10 years after the divorce that I finally sorted myself out enough to have a real relationship and then I met Dh.

My Dh now, is the exact opposite. No one could be more kind and affectionate with me. I feel loved, appreciated, wanted and beautiful all the time. He is definitely my soul mate and was worth the wait.

 

[Stitchfans]

I divorced cause I was married to a control freak. He was also bad tempered.
DH is the complete opposite, more like my dad. Even down to the corny jokes.

 

[figment52]

because he told me he was leaving and moving out. He had his reasons (and it wasn't me) I just was never part of his long term plan. I was just convenient at the time. Wish he had told me that sooner. At least the only child in our marriage was him.

 

[Byrd]

It was 30 years ago, and would be still very wrong today. He had sex with one of his students. I still hope to this day that he burns in h____!

 

[tiggersmom2]

It was 30 years ago, and would be still very wrong today. He had sex with one of his students. I still hope to this day that he burns in h____!

Bless you sweetie What a POS, I am glad you got out! My first husband killed himself before I could divorce him (divorce proceedings had been started) and he had cheated on me, beat me and made me a laughingstock.

The whole experience made me stronger and I married an incredible guy the next time around!

 

[Byrd]

Tiggersmom2 you are right! It makes you stronger. I have a wonderful husband and two great boys. I would not have what I have today if I hadn't gone through what I did, but no one can understand how awful a person can be to others and cause so much harm.

I can't imagine all the pain that you must have gone through, things do get better, much better!
What is a POS?

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

POS= Piece of ****. I have a child by one of those. He owes me enough in back child support for me to pay cash for a VERY nice house. I would rather have the peace of mind that he leaves us alone then the cash any day of the week.

 

[Meezers]

Verbal Abuse
Psychological Abuse
Sexual Abuse
Financial Abuse

Guess that about covers it. Almost 4 years later....no new man....happier than I have ever been!

I was blessed with a wonderful friend who held me up....the local PD (I worked for) who kept me safe...and a family that welcomed me back. It was the hardest thing that I have ever done....felt I had failed in some way. No more....I am me...the best me I can be!

 

[totalia]

To the OP... can you explain more about whats going on that would make you consider divorce?

 

[PixieDust32]

My ex was abusive and a cheater. Breaking my nose was the final straw.

OMG!! same here!! He was abusive, cheater, drinking problem, his hobbies were TV (soccer, boxing) smoking, beer, friends, S.Clubs.

We had no family trips, no family nothing!

We was so abusive and the final straw was my broken nose, black eyes, 2 broken ribs.

After a long time of therapy and care from friends and family, DH2 come to my life like an angel he is my other half, my soul, my Disney lover friend too!

 

[Kristi1357]

My ex thought it was ok to have a girlfriend as well as a wife and, well, I just didn't think it was okey dokey.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I wouldn't wish a divorce on my worst enemy--it was the most painful thing I've ever been through. to you.

My ex thought the same thing - and I also agree that my divorce was the most painful thing I've ever been through.

 

[Kahana-ri]

I married young. My ex-dh was young as well and we were not ready for married life. Financially we had no clue. My ex-dh was very self-absorb in to his world and he always came first. I also found I didn’t just marry him, but his mother too-what a mama’s boy!
I am thankful though. Ex-dh taught me what I really wanted out of a relationship and what I would no longer settle for. For me it was a learning experience. Besides, I look at my life now with dh-2 and ds and I am ever so grateful ex-dh and I divorced. I couldn’t imagine still being with him. Good luck to your situation. I believe you truly know in your heart when it is over.

 

[NMAmy]

Same here ! But it all worked out better in the end. DH #2 is the best.

Actually my DH is also the better husband for me, too. In my family, way back to my great-grandmother--we're better at picking out second husbands than first ones!

And, although my ex had an affair and got another woman pregnant while we were married--we did have a good 10 years together (unfortunately we were married for 13 years) and he gave me DD for which I'll always be grateful. She was worth all the crap.

I just look at it this way: I had to go through all this to get where I am now and, as others have said, it made me a much stronger and happier person. We all make mistakes in life; it's how we handle them that counts.