Why can't parents just admit it? - All kids aren't academically gifted!!!

[paigevz]

we have one little girl at our school that if she was in one with a 'gifted' program would be referred in a heartbeat and held up as a 'shining example to aspire to'. that 'example' is regularly physicaly ill/has complete emotional meltdowns (in private) if she does'nt live up to her own self imposed standards. the parents struggle with trying to get their child to enjoy the process of learning vs. focusing on what grade she gets, what level she's at. is'nt open to trying anything she is'nt sure she will have 'instant' success at and as a result closes herself off to allot of real learning experiences.

they have a pretty good handle on it now and the school works with them on it ( counseling and some type of arrangement where work does'nt get a letter grade just an indication of it's acceptable) but they are realy worried when she'll move on to another school in 3 years (ours goes k-8th) and there will be the whole issue of gifted programs, honors classes and the big emphasis on grades for college admissions.

i would much rather be in the position of trying to motivate my child vs. trying to prevent an 11 year old from developing ulcers and anxiety attacks

My son's best friend in his old district was similar. Unfortunately, among gifted children this is not uncommon. They tend to be highly controlled and highly anxious (about a variety of things.......my son worries about the state of the world, we have to shield him from the news), and it often comes out physically.

 

[luvtogo12]

DD16 must be gifted.........she knows everything!

Actually, I agree 100% with the ones who say the kids who struggle but work hard need to be recognized as much as the kids who make honor/high honor roll.
DS10 really struggles with his reading and writing. He knows how difficult it would be for him to achieve honor roll and though he will continue to try for it, he has set his sights on effort roll. The school has a special breakfast for those who make honor roll/high honor roll and/or effort roll and he would be thrilled beyond belief to be invited to that breakfast. Last marking period, the only class to keep him off the effort roll was Spanish. He stuggles with the English language and now Spanish class has kept him off the effort roll. He was heart broken.

 

[jrmasm]

we have one little girl at our school that if she was in one with a 'gifted' program would be referred in a heartbeat and held up as a 'shining example to aspire to'. that 'example' is regularly physicaly ill/has complete emotional meltdowns (in private) if she does'nt live up to her own self imposed standards.

she is an overachiever, not necessarily gifted. There is a big difference.

 

[ZuZugal]

!

Plus, if everyone is "gifted" then doesn't "gifted" become average?

YEP!!

 

[TheGirlin14G]

I'm not a "gifted" student, but I'm an honors student and treasurer of National Honor Society at my school - I get A's and B's(in mostly honors level classes).. I probably could get all A's if I had about 4 more hours in every day - but I enjoy having time to do stuff I want to - take lessons, do several plays and musicals at a time, join clubs, just relax and get enough sleep! I enjoy those things, and they make me happy! - in addition to being in the top 10% of my class... it is possible to find that happy medium of school/parental/self enduced stress and happiness that make this whole school thing work!

I do have a "gifted" friend.. in all the honors/AP/Advanced classes - or else.. she gets all A's all the time - or else!.. but I know we are having 2 completely different high school experiences! She takes music lessons right after school, goes home, does homework, and practices... No calls(even school related) to her house after 9(she's in bed.. she's 17!), no sleepovers during the school year(on weekends, mind you), no going to a friends house after football games on Friday nights... and she has anxiety attacks during school.. I've learned to help her along with these - but that is not something any high schooler should go through as much as she does just over school work! As her friend I hate seeing her so stressed out all the time.. She is the sweetest nicest person - I just know that she could be having so much more fun and like school that much more if she would let herself/be allowed to do these things and loosen up on grades a little bit...

As a not-complete-failure Senior in high school, this is what I've seen the past few years.. just my 2 cents

 

[Lanshark]

If everyone wasn't not gifted then what would all of those annoying bumper stickers say:

MY KID IS PERFECTLY AVERAGE

 

[Hedy]

What's better is that those parents don't stop fretting--our neighbor who was freaked out because her kid got "average" on the IOWA at age 8 is that same one who wrote in her Christmas letter "[son] is going to [instate "public Ivy"]. A lot of kids here go there rather than Harvard or Princeton because it's cheaper."
Like we cared why her son was going to [public ivy]. It was his top choice and I was happy for him.

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

I have a gifted step daughter (really, she got a National Merit scholarship). My DD's however, I don't think will ever achieve that. Of my two, I have one who will definitely go to college and hopefully socially blossom, and the other will - who knows? Fashion industry maybe? Most probably not academia. Gifted doesn't always equal successful.

 

[RitaZ.]

DD16 must be gifted.........she knows everything!

My SIL and her DGD (17) visited last weekend and the girl must also be gifted. There was nothing you could say that she didn't know or know better. She even told DH that he could get over his asthma if he decided to fight it with his will and without meds. I tried to explain to her, but, again, she knew better.

I think there are so many parents who think they have g/t kids because many parents see their children as an extension of themselves so "if my kid is g/t I must be a wonderful parent".

I agree with this.

 

[monsterkitty]

My children both do OK in school. My 7th grade DS was very proud that he made honor roll three of the four semesters and I was proud of him. The last semester he didnt quite make it and he was very upset with himself. I asked him, did you do your best? Did you try your hardest? He said yes. Then, I said, you have nothing to be ashamed of. He got 2 C's and he was crushed. I told him that a C is average and perfectly acceptable if you worked hard. I was an honor roll student in school and I can remember the pressure my parents put on me for A's. I will never do that to my children.

I tell my students this all the time - especially the ones who are "gifted"!

When I see a car with a "My child is an honor student at whatever elementary," I want to ask the parents, "so what did your child learn ? That's great if you are a straight A student' but if you aren't learning to your fullist potential, who cares what the grade is?

I often have G/T students come to my class in tears because they got a B or a C on a test. I try to explain to them that it is more important that you did your best and learned as much as you could.

Yes, I came home in tears one day because I got a C in social studies. I was not a G/T student, but I was following a sister who is one of the smartest people I have ever met. My mom handed me a bowl of ice cream and talked while I ate. She asked if I tried my best, did I do all the work, and did I learn. I nodded yes in between my sobs. She explained that sometimes we learn more in a class that we receive a C, D, or even an F in than we do in a class where we get an A or B. What we learn is much more important than what grade we receive.

That lesson my mom taught me has stuck with me for 28 years. My goal is that I can teach others this lesson and have it stick with them.

Not every child will be an A student. It doesn't make a child any less of a person. We all have our strenghths to share with the world, and we all have our weaknesses to help us grow.

 

[musicotb]

I was labeled "gifted" in elementary school. I think that it was an IQ thing in my district.

Actually, I am pretty sure that MOST "gifted" programs are based on IQ - "gifted" students are considered part of special education as, based on IQ, they are a small part of the population (I think 2 standard deviations above the mean) and have "special needs."

I am a strong believer in Garder's theory of Multiple Intelligences, which supports 8 different types of intelligences. My younger brother was also "gifted," but his grades pretty much sucked until his junior year in high school and he found his gift in video production. My little sister was never "gifted," but far exceeds my brother and I in social skills - she is one of the most socially intelligent people I have ever known! She is going into cosmetology, and will probably be EXTREMELY successful and have a great and rewarding career.

I had friends whose parents wouldn't let them be in the pull-out program I was in in elementary school b/c they thought it would separate them - eh, maybe. I think that "gifted" kids get a bad reputation sometimes. We are not all know it alls. We don't get straight A's - I can count on one hand the number of times I have (including all 18 years of school I've had). You don't have to be "gifted" to do well, and if you are, success is no guarantee. All natural ability means is that if you have an aptitude for something, not necessarily the work behind it needed to succeed.

 

[stm61]

I was labeled gifted in 5K, it was totally due to IQ score. According to my mother, they kept pulling me out of class to retest me and, after the 3rd time, she figured I was either a genius or the village idiot and she better find out which one it was since she had 3 more still at home. There were no gifted classes back then, the teacher would just divide the class into 3 or 4 different levels for reading and, in the upper grades, math. I never thought I was particularly smart. I got A's when the subject was interesting, C's when it wasn't. There were many other kids, with lower IQ's and better grades, that I thought were way smarter then me. I was never told I was gifted or even smarter then the other kids. I was a typical underacheiver who hated school. My mother's constant song was "I hope you have kids just like you when you finally grow up".

Fast forward to 1993, I am the proud possesser of a baby boy. I immediately swear to do things differently from my mother. Ds turns out to be extremely hyper, walks across the living rm at 7 months unassisted. At 3 1/2 he's tested to see if there's a medical reason the boy can't sit long enough to eat a cracker. Turns out ds has an IQ of 140! He's higher then me! Grandma is impressed Now jump to 5K. Ds decides he really has no use for books, paper, pencils, crayons, tables, or chairs. This attitude continues thru 7th gr, which he passes by the skin of his teeth. Ds visits a child psychologist who does his own testing. Dr reviews his results and asks "he's in g/t classes right?" My mother got her wish and then some, he's WORSE then I was!

Scariest part of my mother's hex/jinx/curse abilities: she wished a girl child who would be the opposite of my tomboy self on me. I had twin girls! Who both love dressing up and doing their hair And one of them has the same attitude as her brother about school!

Her abilities have also been used on 2 of my siblings. My athlete brother's oldest son is the world's biggest klutz, and my it's-all-about-me sister has a daughter who's spoiled rotten!

 

[Sparx]

I don't have a gifted IQ. I have an above average IQ. (mid twenties I think. somewhere around there)

I just test very well. So I was put into the gifted classes because of my test scores. I never really have to study, I just have great memory recall. Im usually in the top percent in tests. I'm good at retoric so I also do well on written essays.

I don't think I'm gifted. Nor I do I honestly care too much. I was just bored in class, so I started looking into Gifted classes. I'm taking harder corses this year (honors) but thats what I went into this for.

So I'm good at school work, but I'm not legally gifted. I think a lot of children are like htis. they seem very very smart, but just have a good memory and test well.

I also read well. I read every day. Reading is my strong point.

 

[Biscuitsmom31]

"Gifted" isn't everything. My DS 9 is brilliant but has terrible emotional/social problems. He was reading on a 5th grade level at 4 (taught himself to read) but cannot make friends or relate with other children.

My DD 8 and DSD 8 are both "normal" kids who score on grade level but thrive socially. They aren't perfect kids but they have a much easier time of it than my son.

 

[mom2boys]

That is very true. My youngest doesn't have to work very hard to get straight A's but your child probably deserves his name in the paper more for the amount of work they put into learning. I know at our kids' old school the LD kids got graded in the resource room based on their progress and THOSE grades went down for the honor roll not their classroom grades so the LD kids DID make the honor roll (this was a Catholic K-8 school).

What a wonderful school. The Catholic school my kids went to "politely" showed us the door because our kids have dyslexia. My oldest works so hard in school. He started Middle School and made honor roll - he did test a couple of points below grade level in reading but managed to pull a B in Language Arts anyway.
His brother is picks things up so much faster but he also frustrates much easier. The frustration leds to him shutting down. He loves to learn but sitting at a desk all day with a teacher talking at him all day. He is starting middle school this year. I am hoping that changing classes and looking at a new teacher every hour or so will help. He really needs more self0confidience.

 

[babytrees]

I think people need to remember that all children are "gifted" in some way. Of course we all know that THEIR child is the best, most everything but...

Some give the best hugs. Some make up the best stories. Some are the best at acting those stories out. Some can run THIS FAST. Some are the best helpers.

And some are just the best gift we ever received.

Academics are important no doubt. But they are not everything. Kindness, generosity, an appreciation of culture, sportsmanship & fairplay, charity & a sense of right & wrong are of equal value in my book.

By the way, DS12 is already looking at Harvard & Princeton & DS8 wants to join the army so go figure.

I so agree with your post.

 

[babytrees]

Probably will get some flames for this but along these lines- I cringe every time I see all those lists printed in our local paper - alll the kids that made the Honor Roll or High Honor Roll. These are not celebrations of children that worked their hardest - they are celebrations of children that worked their hardest and achieved near perfection... FANTASTIC for them - but what about all the kids that worked 10 times harder only to get half as far?? My child because of his learning disabilities will never make it on the honor roll but he works even harder than most other kids. He gets all the help we can give to him, he stays for the afterschool program for tutoring, goes to the summer school session every year - we sit every night and work on therapy work, homework - he tries his absolute best each and every day - but since we don't reward hard work by itself his name will never be on a list...

You are so right....I am proud of my daughter for getting on the honor roll but I would be just as proud (or prouder) if I knew she was trying her hardest and brought home a C.