Why can't parents just admit it? - All kids aren't academically gifted!!!

[MinnieGirl33]

MareQ

Don't let a list diminish the fact that working hard & knowing without a doubt that you did the best you could is a great lesson.

You are probably the only one your son is looking for appoval/ackowledgement from anyway.

Maybe making up your own rewards/celebrations might put anpother twist on things.

 

[golfgal]

Probably will get some flames for this but along these lines- I cringe every time I see all those lists printed in our local paper - alll the kids that made the Honor Roll or High Honor Roll. These are not celebrations of children that worked their hardest - they are celebrations of children that worked their hardest and achieved near perfection... FANTASTIC for them - but what about all the kids that worked 10 times harder only to get half as far?? My child because of his learning disabilities will never make it on the honor roll but he works even harder than most other kids. He gets all the help we can give to him, he stays for the afterschool program for tutoring, goes to the summer school session every year - we sit every night and work on therapy work, homework - he tries his absolute best each and every day - but since we don't reward hard work by itself his name will never be on a list...

That is very true. My youngest doesn't have to work very hard to get straight A's but your child probably deserves his name in the paper more for the amount of work they put into learning. I know at our kids' old school the LD kids got graded in the resource room based on their progress and THOSE grades went down for the honor roll not their classroom grades so the LD kids DID make the honor roll (this was a Catholic K-8 school).

 

[MinnieGirl33]

It always amazes me when parents think THEY are so superior because their child is smart.

Exactly.

Like our children's academic record is a barometer of what kind of parents we are.

I thought parenting was supposed to be about the kids not the parents.

 

[Amy]

Personally, I think being 'gifted' is highly overrated anyway. Not that I'm saying innate intelligence is detrimental (not at all), but it seems so many of the successful people I know didn't so well academically. I believe drive, ambition, interpersonal skills, and generally being a well-rounded person seem to be more of a determinant to success than giftedness.

Amen to this! All the 4.99999 grade points averages in the world can't make up for good social skills.

 

[TruBlu]

I know at our kids' old school the LD kids got graded in the resource room based on their progress and THOSE grades went down for the honor roll not their classroom grades so the LD kids DID make the honor roll (this was a Catholic K-8 school).

Wow! What a fantastic idea! I wish the public schools would do this!! it would really encourage all kids to try harder if they were recognized for improvement rather than final grade.

 

[minkydog]

I have a DD4 and she is VERY GIFTED! Gifted in running around and playing with dolls and whatnot. I hope she lands the career of her dreams with those two talents!

Yeah, my DD13 was like that. She's gifted in hairstyling, makeup and shoe-shopping now. Her career aspirations run from veterinarian (what?I have to take science?!) to fashion designer (she needs a Coach bag, ya know. ) She is a solid B-C student mailnly because she would rather have fun than study.

On the other hand I have Abbot & Costello, her brothers. One(20) barely graduated by the skin of his teeth(and with some aggressive homeschooling on my part after he quit HS in his senior year!) and the other(11) has an IEP which includes potty training as part of his school plan.

It's safe to say, we missed the boat on gifted kids

 

[Becky2005]

Then you have mine where it's -- I have no idea what to do with this kid!

He's definitely delayed in reading -- as a matter of fact today is the last day of summer school for him so that he doesn't fall any further behind because he usually has regression. Next year he will have an aide in his classroom because of how far behind he is.

On the FLIP side -- he's really, really good in math. Doing more advanced work than the rest -- although I don't think he would ever qualify for our enrichment math class due to the reading. Those story problems kill him.

Ahh...if only life was all auditory & visual without having to read -- he would be doing fantastic.

My oldest is definitely just an average kid -- actually she's the kind that school is geared toward so she does really well.

My 6 year old is well...he's another one that perplexes the school system. Actually, he has some physical needs and so his OT put some goals to do this summer thinking he would be in regular summer school (like my 9 year old is). HOWEVER, he's not behind academically (yet! Hard to tell when it's only Kindergarten. ) so only qualified to go for speech during the summer. They were all confused as to what to do with the OT stuff. So, he's not bad enough for extra help but not good enough for no help. I had that problem between pre-school & Kindergarten too. His teacher said that he's not bad enough to need summer school but not really "good" enough to have nothing over the summer (she didn't use good but that's the gist of it) so we had to figure something out.

Always makes for interesting summers when trying to plan stuff when you have to continue to work around a school schedule (luckily, it's only in the AM and not on Fridays but still). At least I'm getting good at IEP meetings since I have 2 kids with them.

I still struggle with deciding who should know ahead of time about his reading though. Some are obvious to tell but others it's iffy because if they aren't going to read anything, no need to point it out but don't want to put him on the spot either.

 

[UnderTheMistletoe]

I've never understood that.

Maybe he was in for tutoring becuase they skipped him a grade

 

[ILUVMYBRIT]

My children both do OK in school. My 7th grade DS was very proud that he made honor roll three of the four semesters and I was proud of him. The last semester he didnt quite make it and he was very upset with himself. I asked him, did you do your best? Did you try your hardest? He said yes. Then, I said, you have nothing to be ashamed of. He got 2 C's and he was crushed. I told him that a C is average and perfectly acceptable if you worked hard. I was an honor roll student in school and I can remember the pressure my parents put on me for A's. I will never do that to my children.

 

[MareQ]

Wow! What a fantastic idea! I wish the public schools would do this!! it would really encourage all kids to try harder if they were recognized for improvement rather than final grade.

I agree - I wish my school district did this.

We are realistic about our children. My oldest is my LD child. We do reward hard work for him - I read his report card but MY measuring stick is how hard he tried, how well behaved he was for his teachers and how kind of a person he is in general.

As for the superior feeling that some parents have over their children's intelligence - it just makes me giggle. I am not even remotely impressed with kids that are intelligent. Intelligence will only get you so far in this world - I AM however impressed with children that show respect for adults and other children, children that have wonderful manners and are generally just plain old NICE kids.

 

[MinnieGirl33]

I was an honor roll student in school and I can remember the pressure my parents put on me for A's. I will never do that to my children.

I hear that.

 

[Kallison]

I work in a school and probably 90% of the gifted kids are NOT gifted. Also if they test into the gifted program in elementary school they are in it for the entirety of their high school career and that is just a joke. That is why I never worried about my kids getting in. My middle could have been in but said all the kids were weird and wasn't interested in the extracurricular studies. My oldest has been asking to take honors since 7th grade, finally going into h.s. he was recommended for all honors. I feel he truly earned it through hard work. I'm glad he is taking honors only because those kids are more serious about the academics and he won't have to deal with the screw offs wasting class time.

 

[paigevz]

Well, I'm both sides here.

My older ds is labeled gifted and does excel at mathematics. He has very high grades in his other subjects, but math is the only one I'd venture to say he's gifted in. In fact, he's 2 percentile points away from learning disabled in receptive and expressive language. He struggles with communication in general.

My younger ds on the other hand has a large vocabulary and is learning our second language (something the older one couldn't pick up), but he is VERY behind in motor skills and spatial skills, and seems to be having trouble with symbols.......shapes, letters, numbers........

I think another poster pegged it. All kids, like all adults, have something they seem to be well above average in, something well below, and lots in the average range.

I too much prefer if someone has a realistic view of their children's abilities. I've seen parents with inflated and deflated views and both ultimately damage the kids, I think.

 

[sha_lyn]

I think another poster pegged it. All kids, like all adults, have something they seem to be well above average in, something well below, and lots in the average range.

That reminds me of an article I read in Readers Digest yrs ago.
It was by a pediatrician who was complaining about all the labels given to kids these days. she talked about her parents who were both college professors. Her mother taught English, and couldn't figure out a 15% tip without a calculator.
The point of the article was basically what was said above. The ped was tired of so many of her patients having gifted or learning disabled labels (or the parents wanting the label)

 

[Bob Slydell]

Like Bob's (I think) signature "Your child might be an honor student, but you are a moron".

 

[Miller1412]

In the district that I work for, we have a gifted program. It is a pull out program that begins in kindergarten. Children are screened for the program by parent nomination, teacher nomination, a non verbal test and child find scores. Parents from all over the state are lined up to get their kids into this program.

Children are selected basically on their reading ability. That weighs very heavily in who gets into the program. Every May, when selections are announced, there is a lot of anger and defensiveness from parents who feel like their child should have been admitted.

This program is truly for "bright children". By definition, truly gifted children are a very low percentage of the population. The program moves at a fast pace, has a very select population and a desirable title. Therefore, parents are willing to do anything to get their kids in.

Now, I'm not blaming them. As a parent, I can see the advantage of my bright child being in a classroom of like-minded peers. Most of these children come from a similar background, have parents that value education, and have had many life experiences that are similar. Typically, the more challenging problems and behaviors of the regular classroom aren't an issue. However, children that would be ordinarily leaders in the regular classroom, are all of a sudden finding high competition among their peers. For certain personalities, I could see this could really hurt a child's self-esteem.

As a teacher, I believe that good teachers provide enrichment and differentiated instruction for everyone. I also believe that there is a lot to be said for peer mentoring and tutoring. Teaching someone else helps you learn and retain information more easily. I also believe that diversity is important. I want my children to see that they are one of many different types of people.

It's a tough issue...and truly there aren't clear answers. Families have to decided what is most important to them. I do wish they'd call the program what it is though, not gifted and talented, but an enrichment program.

 

[paigevz]

Typically, the more challenging problems and behaviors of the regular classroom aren't an issue.

We have a similar program. Gifted children however, can be VERY challenging behaviorally..........a lot depends on their background and if their giftedness has been addressed, however, which is probably not much of a problem in your area from your description.

 

[Mad4Mickey]

my son was called a dumb jock by one of the other parents who had a son on the wrestling team . I kept hearing she was talking about my son , turns out her son was on JV and never touched the mat she was upset over it and just zoned in on my son the Varsity Team Captian . I know this because I confronted her and asked what was going on . When she said she "knew" that with his wrestling "fame" that he could not have good grades because you cant be that involved and have study time.

She was very shocked that I confronted her but more shocked when I let her have it . My son graduated with honors and is signed to a division 1 school to wrestle .
Her son did graduate , and is not going to college this round becuase he said he HATES school and he says he barely gets by with grades .

 

[Tigger&Belle]

What amazes me about some of the parents are how they think it's such a direct reflection on them. We have friends with a son the age of mine (going into 8th grade). I like these people a lot, so this is not a slam on them personally. Their son is considered g/t and goes to a g/t school, but the effort that the parents go through to keep his grades up and his homework done amaze me. They spend so much time every evening working with him, they go over all work every night, micro-manage him to get stuff done, are super involved quizzing him before tests, know when all quizzes and tests are, and when all assignments are due, etc, etc. But my son is in the same classes in his regular school that this boy is in(ie, will be in algebra this year, so the same track for math, etc).

So this boy is considered gifted and is in a gifted program, but how much of it could he do without all the parental coaching and help? At least I know what my son is doing is 99% on his own and that he will be ready for high school and later for college because he's self motivated (can't say the same thing about his older brother, so it's nothing that we as parents are doing right ).

 

[punkin]

This program is truly for "bright children". By definition, truly gifted children are a very low percentage of the population.

Yes. All the discussion here is about "bright" children. Trully gifted children are extremely rare and schools are not really set up to deal with them even in "gifted" programs.