Why are people so "afraid" of being "judged?"

[RitaZ.]

I see it frequentely here on the DIS, posters say "don't judge me". Also, one of my neighbors is big on others not judging her choices, but the fact is that she does her fair share of judging others and their decisions. Is it simply a case of do as I say and not as I do?

I mean, we all judge others at one time or another. We make judgements and opinions about others based on our own life experiences and choices, some people may not even realize that they are doing it, but we do it. In the end, does it really matter what others, especially strangers, think of us?

 

[Michie]

Don't worry so much about what others think about you~because they really aren't thinking about you too much.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Don't judge me, Rita.

 

[Stacerita]

In the end, does it really matter what others, especially strangers, think of us?

I dont think it really matters in the end. But I do know there are those out there who always worry about what someone thinks of them. Or what some sort of validation.

 

[MAKmom]

In the end, does it really matter what others, especially strangers, think of us?

In the end it does not matter...its all the time before the end everyone is worried about. I think it's human nature to care about what some people think of you. Strangers/Neighbors I don't worry about. My mother yes, because she tells me what she thinks & if its negative it will upset me. I am working on getting to a point where I does not matter.

 

[Captain Brain]

Sounds like a High School thing. I worry about how people think of me in my High School.

It's the same way here, I was scared to post here for a while.

 

[mick67]

I care what people think from the standpoint of knowing other people's opinions. I realize that my initial opinion may not always be well informed, and hearing other POV's allows me to learn something. I don't care about being "judged" by anyone....we all make judgements all the time, so our judgements are like a**holes...everybody has one.

 

[powellrj]

As someone who was told tonight that her kids were spoiled brats on another thread, I just figure until they have walked a mile or two in my crocs their opinion is just that.... their opinion!

 

[o'malleyalleycat]

Ironically Rita if you investigate you'll see every one of those "don't judge me"
types are the WORST judges of all.

The psyche behind it? They posess EXTREME views or ways of looking at things that deep in their heart they KNOW are wrong but hate too much to care one way or another. You'll find some sort of anti authority ,anti establishment attitude behind every one of them.

The humble among us accept that there is a side to human nature that is not so nice.The side of human nature that wants to lie,cheat,steal, be mean,self absorbed, selfish,etc. The humble recognize this and accept these
need to be fought against as some would say "fight the good fight" meaning against any sign of arrogance you may find within yourself . Eventually
producing character within you thus leading to class. In effect you have
to JUDGE ,JUDGE,JUDGE, repeatedly, AGAINST arrogance in FAVOR of
humility.

Simply put "don't judge me" is the cry of the arrogant. They don't want to hear it.


ANY and EVERY part of their nature that may tempt or persuade them to be mean ,selfish,etc, towards others IS NOT to be judged. THAT'S THE WAY THEY FEEL . They believe if they feel like lying ,cheating or stealing,its justified or else they would not feel that way to begin with.They rationalize and keep their reasoning in a constant state of lying to themselves to act as a defense mechanism, and base their reasoning in arguing with you from the "reality" that is twisted to suit their perspective.


One rationale is everybody's arrogant,everybody lies, so living within a WORLD
where everybody is out for themselves, no real trust or love exists,it is
perfectly justfiable for me to lie and manipulate for my own survival,I don't want ANY AUTHORITY CONCEPT to tell ME WHAT TO DO. I HAVE THE RIGHT TO VIOLATE YOUR RIGHTS ALONG THE WAY AFTER ALL ITS DOG EAT DOG ISN'T IT?

Filled with a VOLCANO of hatred towards establishment and authority concepts ,knowing that those concepts DO exists and that there are people
who do respect them, the "don't judge me" crap is them ADMITTING and
ACKNOWLEDGING yeah they do have an attitude problem and are PROUD of it.

AND YOU ARE NO BETTER. Eventually this rationalizes into the law abiding citizen is no better than the most ruthless criminal.We are ALL "EQUAL".

The Arrogant KNOW they are Arrogant ,they just don't want to be judged for it.

So it's easier for them to cut to the chase with a quick "don't judge me"
remark to cut you off from questioning their worthless mouths so they can just keep running and running and running with as many arrogant remarks and statements as they want.

THEN WATCH FOR THE ULTIMATE HYPOCRITICAL KICKER- Watch as they then accuse you ,THE HUMBLE PERSON of being Arrogant and Judging,when the ONLY THING that ever comes out of THEIR MOUTHS IS...........................................ARROGANCE and JUDGING ......................
OF the Humble.......................................................

And that Rita is what the "don't judge me" phenomena is all about.


VERY IMPORTANT - NEED TO ADD -When the Humble find themselves UNDER THE ATTACK OF THE ARROGANT- THEN you better believe- You, as the
Humble have the right to say to the ARROGANT -DON'T JUDGE ME!!!

Problem is the Arrogant don't SEE THEMSELVES as Arrogant and think the principles which apply to the Humble.................apply to them as well, thus
the hypocrisy.

 

[mick67]

I would also like to add that no intelligent human being should be afraid of being judged. Go boldly, don't be afraid to fail, and learn from your life's experience...that's what you're here for.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I see it frequentely here on the DIS, posters say "don't judge me". Also, one of my neighbors is big on others not judging her choices, but the fact is that she does her fair share of judging others and their decisions. Is it simply a case of do as I say and not as I do?

I mean, we all judge others at one time or another. We make judgements and opinions about others based on our own life experiences and choices, some people may not even realize that they are doing it, but we do it. In the end, does it really matter what others, especially strangers, think of us?

I see it too. And agree with your statements.

 

[tiggersmom2]

We all judge. That is the way it is.

 

[va32h]

The last few decades have seen a major trend in relativism. Nothing is "right" or "wrong", it has to be qualified with "right for me" and "wrong for me".

In many ways this is an improvement. It used to be so shameful to have a child out of wedlock that, for example, when my husband was born to a single mom in 1966, his birth certificate actually had ILLEGITIMATE stamped on it in huge red letters.

In other ways, relativism is not an improvement - as people are sometimes reluctant to set limits. For example - I saw an interview with a juror in the Michael Jackson child molestation case in which the juror said she "didn't want to judge" Jackson's behavior. Hello! You were on the jury. It was your job to judge.

I think that when people say "don't judge me" on some level they think that what they are doing really is wrong and they are projecting their own self-judgement onto others.

 

[tiggersmom2]

The last few decades have seen a major trend in relativism. Nothing is "right" or "wrong", it has to be qualified with "right for me" and "wrong for me".

In many ways this is an improvement. It used to be so shameful to have a child out of wedlock that, for example, when my husband was born to a single mom in 1966, his birth certificate actually had ILLEGITIMATE stamped on it in huge red letters.

In other ways, relativism is not an improvement - as people are sometimes reluctant to set limits. For example - I saw an interview with a juror in the Michael Jackson child molestation case in which the juror said she "didn't want to judge" Jackson's behavior. Hello! You were on the jury. It was your job to judge.

I think that when people say "don't judge me" on some level they think that what they are doing really is wrong and they are projecting their own self-judgement onto others.

Amen!! I am a judgemental diser....oh goodness...that was scandalous to admit!!!

 

[Keli]

I believe there are two types of 'judgement' and one is wrong and the other is right. I think we should not be passing 'judgement' on some in the sense that we say "I hope so and so goes straight to hell for what they've done because that's what they deserve."

But I don't think there's anything wrong at all in saying "I believe it's wrong to do this or that" or even "I think so and so is wrong to do this or that". Making determinations between right and wrong is a type of judgement that I think is right.

No one likes to hear that you think their behavior is wrong or a sin and they usually get upset about it and say "Don't judge me" but that doesn't mean they are right and you shouldn't. I think they are just unhappy because you don't agree with something in their life.

 

[Freyja]

I don´t think I have ever ben afraid of being judged. Maybe because I grew up being judged everywhere I went. I have lived in various different countries and always been "judged": As a foreigner, the new kid, etc. When I got older I was "judged" for being a teen mom, young wife....
Having said that, I still belive everyone, and everyone´s opinions get judged by everyone. I don´t believe you can have an opinion about something without having "judged" the subject.

 

[minkydog]

The last few decades have seen a major trend in relativism. Nothing is "right" or "wrong", it has to be qualified with "right for me" and "wrong for me".

In many ways this is an improvement. It used to be so shameful to have a child out of wedlock that, for example, when my husband was born to a single mom in 1966, his birth certificate actually had ILLEGITIMATE stamped on it in huge red letters.

In other ways, relativism is not an improvement - as people are sometimes reluctant to set limits. For example - I saw an interview with a juror in the Michael Jackson child molestation case in which the juror said she "didn't want to judge" Jackson's behavior. Hello! You were on the jury. It was your job to judge.

I think that when people say "don't judge me" on some level they think that what they are doing really is wrong and they are projecting their own self-judgement onto others.

Totally agree. When people say "don't judge me" what they mean is "don't criticize." They wouldn't say if they knew their actions were right.

 

[Marseeya]

I really struggle with this! Growing up, my mother was really big on "what will others think" and we all had to put on a good show for everyone. I hated growing up like that. Without going into too much gory detail, at a very vital time in my life, my mother put what other people thought before my needs (and these were some BIG needs), and it completely ruined our relationship for the rest of our lives. Oh, just as an example I can share here... when I was in labor with my son, she was SO worried that I would say a profanity. It didn't matter that I was in the worst pain of my life and thought I was dying (I was actually pretty close to it!), just don't say a profanity and make her look bad in front of her friends (she was a nurse at that hospital).

That said, the strong, confident me doesn't give a flying hoot about what anyone else thinks. I really don't. But there's still a part of me that regresses to the teenager who had to worry about every little thing I said or did for fear someone would judge me.

 

[VSL]

That said, the strong, confident me doesn't give a flying hoot about what anyone else thinks. I really don't. But there's still a part of me that regresses to the teenager who had to worry about every little thing I said or did for fear someone would judge me.

Same here.

As far as judging... I try not to judge out loud, but I'm only human and can get pretty worked up about things (even though I might not be so explicit about it on here!).

I don't think I've ever told anyone not to judge me - but I have argued back about why I was feeling/acting a certain way. I've been wrong about too many things to ask others not to judge me

 

[mickeyfan2]

When people say don't judge me, they have doubts in their minds about their choices and know they could be wrong, so if you point it out you will blow up their minds. So please don't judge them, or it can get messy.