Why am I so jealous of ex's?

[ols386]

I am in with those who believe that 'you can't, and shouldn't ignore what is current... what is in-your-face....

OP, sorry your DH seems to be more concerned with whether he might be seen as a jerk to his ex-girlfriends than he is about focusing on you, and your marriage.

Now, I am not saying that he has really done anything wrong... But, it is what it is... I agree with your feelings.

A person always has a right to their feelings.
Your feelings are always valid.
(feelings do not necessarily have a right or wrong...)
When you tell yourself your feelings are silly,worthless,etc... That is self-depreciation.

I don't think he seems more concerned with what his FB friends think of him, rather than being focussed on the op, considering the fact that he did de-friend them on FB. I think that shows that he is more focussed on his wife and their marriage.

If he's not done anything wrong, and it doesn't sound like he has, then there should be no problem.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Well, thanks so much OLS for quoting me and countering(flaming) my opinion.

But, if you looked, you would see that those comments were written BEFORE she spoke to her husband and he (reluctantly) agreed to un-friend these women. So, I think my comments were, and still are, valid.

I agree with the latest posters who have to ask...
Very simply... If you don't want an ongoing, IRL, friendship with somebody, then why 'friend' them.

 

[ols386]

Well, thanks so much OLS for quoting me and countering(flaming) my opinion.

But, if you looked, you would see that those comments were written BEFORE she spoke to her husband and he (reluctantly) agreed to un-friend these women. So, I think my comments were, and still are, valid.

I agree with the latest posters who have to ask...
Very simply... If you don't want an ongoing, IRL, friendship with somebody, then why 'friend' them.

I wasn't trying to flame you, I just had a different opinion than you did. I'm sorry if it came across that way.

And no, I didn't notice that your comments were written before the op spoke to the dh. My mistake.

There is nothing wrong with being a friend with an ex on FB or IRL, IMO. I am friends with my ex-dh because we remained friends after a divorce. He is remarried and so am I. We are friends, nothing more nothing less, and as far as I know, neither spouse has a problem with it. I believe it all gets back to how an individual feels about themself. If they feel insecure, then it may bother them. And in the case of the op of this thread, it didn't sound to me like the dh was doing anything wrong to begin with, and I think the op said that he did indeed de-friend them.

 

[counteroffer]

Well, thanks so much OLS for quoting me and countering(flaming) my opinion.

But, if you looked, you would see that those comments were written BEFORE she spoke to her husband and he (reluctantly) agreed to un-friend these women. So, I think my comments were, and still are, valid.

I agree with the latest posters who have to ask...
Very simply... If you don't want an ongoing, IRL, friendship with somebody, then why 'friend' them.

Actually I spoke with him and he defriended them about a week before I posted. I posted because I was trying to figure out why exactly I was jeakous of these people and why I was wanting him to defriend them in the first place.

 

[counteroffer]

Wow!! There are people who don't go from your first post to this one in 20 years and you did it like THAT!! Good for YOU!!

There are plusses to finding like minds... we all want people to agree with us, but what do we learn from that? Self evaluation is hard but HEALING!! You are on your way to Grownupville!!

Thank you so much. I really appreciate the support. I have felt so much better about thing after getting it all out and being able to evaluate my feelings. Your right, it is never easy to self evaluate but it is something that needs to be done.

 

[ols386]

Actually I spoke with him and he defriended them about a week before I posted. I posted because I was trying to figure out why exactly I was jeakous of these people and why I was wanting him to defriend them in the first place.

From everything you've posted, it really does sound like your dh loves and cares for you very much.

I used to be jealous as you are, of spouse's exes. Over the years I've gotten over it. I think sometimes with age, your (in the general sense) feelings and attitudes can change about a lot of different things. For me, I think when I was younger I was terribly insecure with myself, and that really was the reason I was jealous. Now that I'm older, I have more self-confidence and just don't worry about stuff like that.

Best wishes to you, op.

 

[MickeyCrazedMom]

OP -your feelings are valid because it is how you feel. I don't understand them or agree, but they are valid.

2 of DH's exes were at our wedding. They were family friends from childhood. They each came with their husbands. I can honestly say it did not bother me at all. At one point of DH's life they were important to him. They tried relationships, it didn't work, and so they went back to being friends. I have friended my exes on fb because I am curious to how their lives turned out. DH doesn't care because he knows that they were important to me at one point. I guess it is about trust and respect for me. I trust that he chose me and have respect for the life he had before me.

My mom thinks that there is no such thing as a civil breakup. She hates her exes, my exes, my siblings exes . She wants her boyfriend to quit his job because he has a female boss. I just don't understand it. People only have power over you if you let them.

 

[castleview]

People only have power over you if you let them.

Take a bow ma'am. That's what it's all about. I'm extremely casual about FB and have "friends" that maybe said two words to me in high school. As for exes, it seems so long ago that I wouldn't be bothered by why they'd want to friend me. Although, I would be skeptical of one of DH's exes because she's nuts.

Anyway OP, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.