Why Am I Sad About This?

[va32h]

My daughter has been figure skating for almost five years now, since she was 6. She competed in several competitions, and was really starting to do well, winning her first competition last February.

But for the past several months she has really been uninterested and unwilling to practice, and things finally came to a head.

I told her I wanted her to be happy, and if skating didn't make her happy, she should quit. I promised I wouldn't be mad, but I just wanted to be sure she was deciding based on what she really wanted, not what she thought anyone else wanted.

And after a lot of crying and soul searching, she admitted that she didn't want to skate anymore, and hadn't wanted to for some time.

I really am not mad at her, but for some reason, I find myself terribly sad. I loved to watch her skate, I was so proud of her when she was out there performing.

Well, of course I love her and am proud of her all the time, but I thought this was something special beween us that we shared.

I swore I wouldn't be one of those moms who lived through their children, and I feel like I am doing just that!

 

[meandtheguys2]

Awww. I think it is just the end of a "season" for you, and that is always kind of sad. Don't be too hard on yourself. My opinion, of course.

 

[mickeyboat]

We can't help it, as parents we are emotionally vested in those little people.

DH and I played soccer through high school, and really wanted our kids to love it like we did. Well, they don't. I feel pretty disappointed, and I still hope they find a little soccer spark some day, but I need to let them figure out what they are interested in on their own.

I can see why you both would be upset, you have both invested a lot of time and energy into skating over the past 5 years. Is there another activity she has expressed interest in trying. Maybe it is is a blessing in disguise, and she will find time to explore new possibilities - maybe even something she is more passionate about, and can follow her into adulthood.

Denae

 

[Teacher03]

My daughter danced competitively for 9 years and suddenly quit. I felt the same way you do. But then....I noticed I had more money for Disney trips, weekend trips, etc. and I also had alot more free time. I still miss it at times, but she has found other things to occupy her time, and we are still close. It's just an adjustment. Maybe you can find something else you can do together.

 

[horseshowmom]

My daughter has been figure skating for almost five years now, since she was 6. She competed in several competitions, and was really starting to do well, winning her first competition last February.

But for the past several months she has really been uninterested and unwilling to practice, and things finally came to a head.

I told her I wanted her to be happy, and if skating didn't make her happy, she should quit. I promised I wouldn't be mad, but I just wanted to be sure she was deciding based on what she really wanted, not what she thought anyone else wanted.

And after a lot of crying and soul searching, she admitted that she didn't want to skate anymore, and hadn't wanted to for some time.

I really am not mad at her, but for some reason, I find myself terribly sad. I loved to watch her skate, I was so proud of her when she was out there performing.

Well, of course I love her and am proud of her all the time, but I thought this was something special beween us that we shared.

I swore I wouldn't be one of those moms who lived through their children, and I feel like I am doing just that!

I have a daughter who was heavily involved in horse showing (hence my user name ). She continued to show throughout high school and up until the demands of pharmacy school left her with very little time to prepare her horses (since your DD skated competitively, you know how much time goes into it).

In our case, while DD isn't currently showing, she's always talking about getting her horses ready to show again! While it's at least still floating around for us, we still miss the excitement, drama, and friendships that we had there (do NOT miss washing horses and being up early to late!).

Over the years, we saw many kids who decided that the time investment to be really competitive was more than they wanted to put into it, and that's okay, because everybody is different.

I wanted to comment, though, on the parts of your quote that I highlighted. The last show horse that we bought, we bought from a family who had a daughter a year younger than mine. She had decided to quit too, and they were being very selective who they sold the horse too (they loved him and would only send him to an approved home - fortunately, they loved us, and he went on to do very well for us).

When we had the families "meet" to determine whether our buying the horse was good for both of us, the mom said almost the exact same thing that you did. Her daughter had started showing at 7 and was then 14. They had so much of themselves invested in it (time, emotions, family time, etc.) that it was truly a "loss" of sorts to them. There were tears shed, and they really did grieve. (I like to think it made it a little bit easier, because they were able to stay in touch and sometimes come see the horse.)


Best wishes...

 

[Hedy]

Change is always hard. I don't think there's anything wrong in mourning, as it's not as if you wanted your DD to continue for your sake.

 

[va32h]

Well thanks everyone, I guess it's just change and change is always emotional. I cried when she turned one because she wasn't my baby anymore, and I cried on her first day of school, and I'm sure there are many other tear-worthy occasions ahead of us.

I also think, if I am being really honest with myself, that I did want her to enjoy skating, because it's something I would have loved to have done at her age, and done as well as she did.

In many ways, I really envy my little girl. Not the adult me - but the ten year old girl in me! She is really everything I wanted to be at her age. Pretty, smart, lots of friends, athletic, funny, not afraid to try new things...I'm really amazed sometimes that I was even able to produce such a creature!

Maybe I'll take the money from her skating lessons and take lessons myself. Or try something else I have always wanted to try.