OP you have to have the long conversation with the hubster about this. You have to find out why this is such a problem for him.
It might just be the passport. It might be more. Dig deep to really work this out.
With us, we're allowed to be unreasonable, but we have to OWN that. If DH doesn't want something to happen, we'll talk for a few days, and if it comes down to a case of "I just don't wanna", then that's his reason and we can work from there. Same for me.
DH would trust me and be OK with me traveling alone with DS to just about any place on the planet *that I would feel comfy traveling to in the first place*. He KNOWS I'm not about to go to the Sudan, I'm not going to go to Iraq or Iran (though I know a guy whose family has (or had, in '95) the main AC factory in Jordan, so maybe someday I'll visit there..."anyone know Ibrahim?", but that's not going to happen any time soon), I'm not going to go to either of the poles, north or south, and I won't go to many other places due to lack of interest.
On the other hand, he wouldn't be OK'd for takeoff to take DS much of anywhere. Part of that is irrational, and we both know it. The other part of it, however, is that all but one of DS's big injuries have been while DH has been right there, watching him. And the one exception actually was his call, but I was closer physically and went along with DH's decision. DH knows darned well that I have a higher degree of "keeping Eamon safer" than he does. There's also the aspect of they look nothing alike to strangers, and he would be seriously questioned *everywhere*.
But we can't just do one-liners. There has to be conversation, to worm out all of the real reasons buried in our hearts.
Apple and oranges. Taking your kid to the movies and taking your kid to another country are completely different.
Yep. Taking them to the movies in America is likely as dangerous or MORE dangerous than traveling abroad to many countries would be...
He and I haven't discussed renewing his passport yet, but it can't just be renewed because it's been expired for awhile. He'd have to go through the whole process again...
Not a big deal at all. I renewed mine, sent it in 2 days after DS's was sent in...I got it 2 WEEKS after DS got his.
But how long has it been expired. YOu can go 5 full years beyond expiration date and still have a renewal allowed. How do I know? I went 4 years 11 months and 3 weeks after mine expired and got the renewal. Got the passport in '95, it expired in '05, got it renewed in '10.
I would never leave DH for christmas even if he had to work. We would spend the time before and after work together.
Even if were a tiny bit of the main issues, she's said that he'd be awake *maybe* an hour after getting home from work. An hour!
According to what the OP has explained numerous times, the father also feels it is totally acceptable for the kids to not be there during Christmas *as long as their trip takes place within the borders of the United States*. If it is unreasonable to have one's kids away from one on Christmas, then she and he are equally unreasonable, no?
I really don't understand why posters continue to act as if the OP is being mean to the husband by thinking of taking the kids on the trip when that is something which (according to the OP) he agrees she should do!
Is the idea that the OP is simply lying about what her husband has said about the trip within the U.S.? Or is everyone assuming that the husband can't/won't say what he is really feeling/thinking? Or are people not actually reading what the OP is saying?
Omg your username!
I agree with what you wrote.
He did bring up 9/11 and people being stranded.
Of course, that would be an issue no matter where you were, if it was more than an easy car ride away. If something like that happened again, he *could not get to you* easily. It's a matter of fact. Heck, it could be difficult just to get *home* after work, if something big happened. As people of this warlike earth, we have to get used to that...like the gazelle isn't guaranteed safe passage through the veldt...we aren't guaranteed anything, either.
Not sure I recommend bringing that up to him NOW, of course... Just like should never EVER have mentioned the breakdown that I had, and the reasons why, after watching Bounce, to my friend who was in the hospital nearly at death's door and to her husband (who, it turned out, was already on his way out of the relationship partially b/c he couldn't handle her chronic illness), it's likely better to save the above conversation for later.
Oh i see that side too---it just seems this thread has a lot of either one or the other only is okay and no in between.
Well I'm perfect for that! A Libra by birth, a "see both sides" person by nature (took me 30+ years to start having opinions).
DH and I were *extremely* codependent for the first part of our relationship. Never wanted to travel apart, so that if something happened, we'd both die. Felt that we'd do that when we had kids, too (have the whole family travel together). That was especially so for the concept of DH being left behind...while I would *want* very very much to die after such a thing, I am fairly certain that DH *would* die if something horrible happened to me and/or DS.
And then DH got this job. That has him, for instance, boarding a plane tomorrow only to come back the next day. That had him in Korea 3 times just since Spring. He flew to Tokyo on Dec 26th...the bosses said that he should go a few days later, but what the heck do we care about the dates? GO! It's mission critical for what he does, GO! (I got much kudos for that) He was here for his b'day, but missed DS's b'day, missed our anniversary. He said he will probably be here for my b'day, but I'm not holding my breath. He's done this work for over a year, and what we've found is that there are very FEW dates in our lives that we feel he *has to be here for*. Actually, there's only been one. And it was solely because I live for the company's summer picnic, and they almost sent him out for that day (we can't get in without him!). It was that day or our anniversary, so we made sure he was in town for the picnic, then he flew out the next day and missed our anniversary.
My brother and sister in law have realized, with their busy careers (that they LOVE), that dates are just dates, and things can be celebrated any time.
Of course, you have to be faced with a layoff and then the realization that contract work, even with Microsoft, can really suck, when you have a family, to get to the place where you realize dates are just dates. You have to have a job presented to you on a platter, a job that's very important to the company and the product you're supporting, a job that WILL take you away quite a lot of the time, to realize that just about every celebration can be rescheduled.
And it helps if no one's particularly religious in the immediate family.
Anyway, we used to be glued at the hip. And now I am back to being my old independent, self-sufficient, happier self, and he's remembering what it was like to travel (his family moved all around Asia when he was young)...he's scoping out places for us to visit in the future and getting some FF miles LOL. DS is the one that likes it least, but he's of the strong opinion that I should go off and do this job, and leave hubby behind. But I am wise to them and know it's b/c hubby would cave and buy a videogame system, and I'd come home a week later to find them still on the couch with their eyes glazed over and repetetive stress disorder on their thumbs, LOL. That's IF DS manages to avoid major injury...it would be DH watching him after all!
So I've been on both sides.
Well, that's the DIS for ya!
My kids were amazed that there are poorer places than even Newark or Camden, NJ!
It was late here when I read that and maybe I was not thinking as clearly as I should.
