Who's Being Unreasonable?

[HLAuburn]

My family and I are thinking about going on a short, 3 night cruise to the Bahamas for Christmas. My husband has to work over the holiday, so he won't be able to go. But, when I told him what we were planning, he pretty much freaked out that I would even think about taking the kids "overseas" without him.

The kids will be 6 and 2 at the time. I will be with my parents and my sister, BIL, and their DD. It's not like I will be alone, and I know that technically we are leaving the country, but it's 2 days.

His concern is that if something happened to me or the kids, he wouldn't be able to get to us (his passport is expired). Obviously, he's a little overprotective, and I have to wonder if he thinks no one can watch his little angels like he can. He doesn't care if we go somewhere without him - he just wants it to be "in the country".

I really am trying to hear him out and respect what he has to say, but my family thinks he's insane. Am I being unreasonable or is he?

Thanks!

 

[mjkacmom]

He is - you will be in another country for hours, not days.

 

[Acklander]

Well, yeah, I think he's being unreasonable, but that doesn't matter. His feelings are his feelings and just because they're unreasonable doesn't mean they aren't valid.
Why don't you just buy him a passport so he has that for security. It should be here before Christmas.
Would that make him feel better about it?

 

[ICF]

Assuming that by "for Christmas" you actually mean you'll be gone on Christmas day.....

If I were the husband, I'd be pretty pissed that my wife was going on a vacation with the kids over Christmas. Granted, he cant get off work, but I still wouldnt be happy about it.

IMO, a big part of Christmas is being with family and having the kids be one place and their dad another (by choice) doesn't seem right. I'd be ok with them being gone after Christmas (saying leaving the 26th/27th) but not on Christmas day.

 

[MushyMushy]

Assuming that by "for Christmas" you actually mean you'll be gone on Christmas day.....

If I were the husband, I'd be pretty pissed that my wife was going on a vacation with the kids over Christmas. Granted, he cant get off work, but I still wouldnt be happy about it.

IMO, a big part of Christmas is being with family and having the kids be one place and their dad another (by choice) doesn't seem right. I'd be ok with them being gone after Christmas (saying leaving the 26th/27th) but not on Christmas day.

Yes, this is what I would say. I have a hard time leaving my husband behind for any trip, but a holiday trip would be absolutely out of the question. I just wouldn't do that to him.

 

[goofy4tink]

I love to cruise, so does my dh. I head to WDW every single year, early Dec, all by myself..dh says, go, have fun with your DIS buddies.
BUT....I'm not so sure he would be very happy if I took our dd and cruised without him over Christmas. Before or after?? Probably not an issue. But I would imagine that he would take a nutty on me if I told him we were cruising for Christmas and were sorry he couldn't go but we were doing it.

But....others may disagree with that. So, if your dh is truly upset about your having the kids 'out of the country' without him, and he wouldn't be able to get to you if there were to be an emergency, then perhaps he should just renew his passport...just in case.

 

[jrmasm]

Assuming that by "for Christmas" you actually mean you'll be gone on Christmas day.....

If I were the husband, I'd be pretty pissed that my wife was going on a vacation with the kids over Christmas. Granted, he cant get off work, but I still wouldnt be happy about it.

IMO, a big part of Christmas is being with family and having the kids be one place and their dad another (by choice) doesn't seem right. I'd be ok with them being gone after Christmas (saying leaving the 26th/27th) but not on Christmas day.

I agree with this.

 

[HLAuburn]

Assuming that by "for Christmas" you actually mean you'll be gone on Christmas day.....

If I were the husband, I'd be pretty pissed that my wife was going on a vacation with the kids over Christmas. Granted, he cant get off work, but I still wouldnt be happy about it.

IMO, a big part of Christmas is being with family and having the kids be one place and their dad another (by choice) doesn't seem right. I'd be ok with them being gone after Christmas (saying leaving the 26th/27th) but not on Christmas day.

It's Christmas Day, and trust me, he doesn't care about that. He will be working nights starting on the 24th, so any "family time" we had would be an hour or so when he got home in the morning and before he goes to sleep to work again that night. He'd rather me and the kids not be "alone" all Christmas day...and he'd rather avoid having a bunch of people here, too.

I understand what you're saying, but we wouldn't have any quality family time staying here with him. His shifts are 12 hours and pretty grueling, so when he comes home, he's ready to hit the sack. We plan on spending the week before Xmas out of town with his family, so we'll probably do presents/Xmas dinner/family time then.

 

[phorsenuf]

Assuming that by "for Christmas" you actually mean you'll be gone on Christmas day.....

If I were the husband, I'd be pretty pissed that my wife was going on a vacation with the kids over Christmas. Granted, he cant get off work, but I still wouldnt be happy about it.

IMO, a big part of Christmas is being with family and having the kids be one place and their dad another (by choice) doesn't seem right. I'd be ok with them being gone after Christmas (saying leaving the 26th/27th) but not on Christmas day.

I don't blame your husband one bit. Leaving your husband behind at Christmas. I'm sure it sucks bad enough he has to work but now you are taking yourself and the kids away, depriving him of whatever time he does have off to spend with them. That's just wrong and sad in my opinion.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would say your dh because his reasoning is flawed. If he is so concerned about his passport, there is plenty of time to get that renewed.

 

[Hannathy]

I really am trying to hear him out and respect what he has to say, but my family thinks he's insane. Am I being unreasonable or is he?

Thanks!

I'm with your family. If he is that worried get a passport, there problem solved that wasn't so hard.

 

[RunningGirl]

If his only concern is truly that he can't get to you, then he is being unreasonable. He can get a passport before then.

If the underlying issue is that he doesn't want his family gone at Christmas, even if he'll only be available for a couple of hours, then you are being unreasonable. I wouldn't assume that this is not an issue for him whether or not he'll verbalize it.

 

[Hannathy]

she didn't say he was upset about the holiday, I'm not even reading it was Christmas day. I'm thinking the week between when kid have off, but many factories,mills have shut downs that you can't take time off.

If he has a passport even expired it is easy to renew it.

 

[MushyMushy]

It's Christmas Day, and trust me, he doesn't care about that. He will be working nights starting on the 24th, so any "family time" we had would be an hour or so when he got home in the morning and before he goes to sleep to work again that night. He'd rather me and the kids not be "alone" all Christmas day...and he'd rather avoid having a bunch of people here, too.

I understand what you're saying, but we wouldn't have any quality family time staying here with him. His shifts are 12 hours and pretty grueling, so when he comes home, he's ready to hit the sack. We plan on spending the week before Xmas out of town with his family, so we'll probably do presents/Xmas dinner/family time then.

Regardless, I wouldn't take the kids away from their dad on Christmas. I wouldn't even take myself away from him!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I don't blame your husband one bit. Leaving your husband behind at Christmas. I'm sure it sucks bad enough he has to work but now you are taking yourself and the kids away, depriving him of whatever time he does have off to spend with them. That's just wrong and sad in my opinion.

I could care less about "holidays" and so could my dh. I think using words like "wrong and sad" is being dramatic.

She can certainly "celebrate early" with her DH reaching a compromise.

 

[mjkacmom]

I don't blame your husband one bit. Leaving your husband behind at Christmas. I'm sure it sucks bad enough he has to work but now you are taking yourself and the kids away, depriving him of whatever time he does have off to spend with them. That's just wrong and sad in my opinion.

But the OP said he doesn't mind if they go away, as long as they stay in the country. Not all guys would mind. If my DH had a job where he had to work over a holiday, and would only be home to sleep, he would encourage us to go away if we wanted (much easier to sleep).

 

[RunningGirl]

she didn't say he was upset about the holiday, I'm not even reading it was Christmas day. I'm thinking the week between when kid have off, but many factories,mills have shut downs that you can't take time off.

If he has a passport even expired it is easy to renew it.

She clarifies that it is Christmas day.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Well, yeah, I think he's being unreasonable, but that doesn't matter. His feelings are his feelings and just because they're unreasonable doesn't mean they aren't valid.
Why don't you just buy him a passport so he has that for security. It should be here before Christmas.
Would that make him feel better about it?

Yes. Talk to him and calmly ask him if the passport/out of country things is REALLY the issue or if he would like you to be home over the holiday even though he has to work (FWIW my dad always had to work Christmas day when I was little. He truly would have been fine with us doing the presents another time as a family and Mom and I travelling so I know some people are--I just think you should ask him and give him the chance to tell you if he is concerned about it--maybe he does not want to admit his feelings are hurt).
If the passport/foreign travel is the issue do as others recommend and renew his passport. It is good to have anyway--and then you can all plan a trip together for when he can take time off.

 

[phorsenuf]

I could care less about "holidays" and so could my dh. I think using words like "wrong and sad" is being dramatic.

She can certainly "celebrate early" with her DH reaching a compromise.

Think of it as you will but that's my opinion. Sorry you feel it's dramatic.

 

[phorsenuf]

But the OP said he doesn't mind if they go away, as long as they stay in the country. Not all guys would mind. If my DH had a job where he had to work over a holiday, and would only be home to sleep, he would encourage us to go away if we wanted (much easier to sleep).

Well, to be fair did she post all that after I posted. But regardless, I don't think I would go. But it's a personal preference of course and I'm sure everyone has different opinions of the situation so the OP should just do what she feels is right for her family.