Who should pay for this?

[threecrazykids]

Ok, so this is a little long winded but I'm looking for some advice on how to proceed.

*note...these children are in 3rd grade* *My daughter knows she is NOT to play with this little girl. She was playing at the other neighbors when this happened, and this little girl came over there to play.

Our neighbor came over the other day and stated that there had been nasty words scratched into their electrical box in their yard, and was wondering if my daughter had witnessed or participated in any part of it (as she was over there playing earlier in the day). She said that her son explained to her what he saw happen and she wanted to see what my daughter's take on the situation. He did see her with a rock in her hand, but was adamant that my daughter didn't do anything wrong. It appeared that someone had gotten as far as fuc on one side and it was scratched out...and the other side said "f*$% you *****es" and was not scratched out.

My daughter was at Brownies at the time, and my neighbor didn't want to question her, she wanted me to ask her about it. She told me up front that she did not think my daughter wrote anything, and that she wanted to confirm this.

So, my daughter comes home from Brownies and I ask her if she was aware of any naughty words scratched into their electrical box. She starts crying INSTANTLY and says that yes, she knows about it. She goes on to explain that the neighbor girl (who is CONSTANTLY in trouble in the neighborhood for swearing and being absolutely horrible to other kids) scratched fuc, and my daughter saw it, so she grabbed a rock, told her to stop, and scratched it out. The little neighbor girl was mad that she scratched it off, so she started in scratching on the other side. My daughter said she was going home so she then proceeded to tell my daughter that if she told anyone she would tell her mom that my daughter did it.

So, after she explained this to me, I walked her over to the neighbor to explain exactly what she told me. The neighbor was extremely grateful, said that her explanation matched exactly what her son saw. She gave her a big hug and told her thank you so much for telling the truth and not keeping it a secret what happened. I asked her about replacement costs and she said "no...you don't need to pay anything...she wouldn't have had to scratch it off if other little girl didn't write it in the first place".

In the mean time, she had gone down to the other parents who questioned this little girl in front of the neighbor. She proceeded to say that she wasn't even over there playing, and had no part in any of it, and had no clue what she was talking about. Now, keep in mind, the neighbor KNOWS she was there, her son SAW her scratching on it.

The parents say "well...she says she didn't do it...so I don't know what to tell you". Neighbor says "well...I don't want to be rude, but I know for a fact she was there, let alone the fact that other kids saw her doing it".
Parent says "I don't know what to tell you...she said she didn't do it, so I have to believe she didn't".

Neighbor is stunned. She says that she'd like her to talk to the girl more about it when she's not there, because she's clearly lying and will be contacting the electrical company to find out how much it will cost for repair. She comes over and tells me about it, and says she doesn't want to cause a huff in the neighborhood but isn't sure what to do now that she's denying everything. I told her to give it some time and see if she comes back and says she finally admitted to it.

My husband went over to talk to the neighbor who then basically said "I'm not paying for damages your daughter did, my daughter said she wasn't even over there". My husband says "really...there were 3 kids who saw this whole thing go down, and you're going to believe that all 3 kids lied about her doing it?" She gets mad and says "you're going to believe your daughter and I choose to believe mine...my daughter wouldn't do something like that". Husband then says "...well, you know this isn't the first time she's been sent home from houses for swearing, being mean, etc. so if you choose to believe she's 100% innocent, then that's your choice".

10 minutes later the father of this family posts on Facebook "so tired of the drama, ready to move, anyone know of any lots or houses for sale".

The next day, this little girl gets on the bus and tells my daughter "he saw me writing on their box yesterday, and YOU told on me, so I told my mom you did it and that you TOLD ME you did it".

So, today I get copied an email from the neighbor of the little girl who did it and it (sent to the neighbor who had damage) that says "when the electrical company was out today, we spoke with him and told them that although our daughter had NOTHING to do with this, we will be willing to pay for 1/2 the cost of the damage".

I'm just not sure what to do. I feel like I maybe should pay since my daughter DID scratch off the bad word, however, I almost feel like I'm not responsible for ANY of the charges, because as the neighbor said...had she not scratched the word in there, my daughter wouldn't have scratched it off! But I don't feel it's right for the neighbor to have to pay for ANY of the damages to this electrical box if they are only going to pay 1/2. I don't think the neighbor who received the damage really wants to fight with anyone, so they are in a sense, leaving it up to everyone but themselves to decide who pays for it.

How would you proceed?

 

[tlbwriter]

You have witnesses that say your daughter didn't do it. If I were the victim, I would not accept any money from you.

 

[MagicalMawMaw]

Sounds like you are doing the right thing raising your daughter. I think I'd go ahead & pay the other half & here's my reasons.

Your daughter only marked off the bad words because she knew they were bad which is great reasoning on a kids part. In ways I'd be proud of her -- but she did damage the box when she did so -- so I'd pay because of that reason.

Your daughter did what she felt was right & then left & went home. Sounds like she handled it smart in kids thoughts but if you pay the 1/2 for the damages you can also teach her that even though others do wrong we have to handle stuff correctly w/o harming others things.

Sounds like y'all are a sweet family!

 

[reagan75]

Don't pay for it.

 

[mom of princessx2]

Does the electrical box no longer work properly? I can't understand why it needs to be replaced. If it still works, scratch it off or repaint and move on. I do think there gets to be way to much drama over little things these days.

 

[DipsyDoodles]

I think that your daughter is a sweet girl and you are a great mom for handling this situation the way you did. Having said that, it is probably best for you to pay half since your daughter did damage the box by scratching it, even though she thought she was doing it for the right reasons. Good luck, hopefully someone gave them a tip on a lot and you won't have to deal with this child and her family much longer.

 

[bethy]

Sounds like you are doing the right thing raising your daughter. I think I'd go ahead & pay the other half & here's my reasons.

Your daughter only marked off the bad words because she knew they were bad which is great reasoning on a kids part. In ways I'd be proud of her -- but she did damage the box when she did so -- so I'd pay because of that reason.

Your daughter did what she felt was right & then left & went home. Sounds like she handled it smart in kids thoughts but if you pay the 1/2 for the damages you can also teach her that even though others do wrong we have to handle stuff correctly w/o harming others things.

Sounds like y'all are a sweet family!

If I were the homeowner where the electrical box is located I'd probably just pay for the whole thing. That said, if others are going to be chipping in then I agree that your DD was responsible in part for damaging the box. I can see why she made the choice she did and she's clearly got a good heart but it wasn't the best judgment call in that situation IMO to further damage the box or get involved in any way. And therefore the natural consequences are that someone has to pay for the repairs. This is a great learning opportunity for her and I think it's great that she told the truth, etc.

 

[marmalade]

Gotta love kids and their parents! However there are 3 sides to every story, your side, their side and the truth. I would pay for the other half if it were my daughter who was involved. I would also stress to my child that if she is around anything that she know's is not right she needs to get an adult immediately. I am not saying that as if you didn't teach your daughter that already.

It seems like you took proper precatutions to keep your DD away from this child however obviously this isn't a perfect world and stuff happens. Pay for it and move on.

 

[HM]

I'm also wondering why the electrical box needs to be replaced. If it were at my house, I'd probably sand the scratches out and repaint it.

You are a good neighbor and your daughter was put in a very bad place because of the other girl. I hope that next time that 'bad' girl comes around when your dauther is playing somewhere, your daughter goes home right away, to stay out of any more drama.

 

[pal-mickey]

I think I would offer to pay the other half one more time. If your neighbor refuses again, then that's it. I think the family of the girl who caused all the damage should pay the full amount.

 

[dallastxcpa]

I am sorry you are having to deal with this. We have been very fortunate that the kids in our neighborhood all get along and all are respectful and have parents that hold them accountable.

I don't think you are required to pay anything but, as a friend of the neighbor I would offer to pay half. If the neighbor refuses you might think of another way to let them know you appreciate them. Maybe have them over and grill out steaks or buy them a gift card to their favorite restaurant.

 

[crisi]

I'm also wondering why the electrical box needs to be replaced. If it were at my house, I'd probably sand the scratches out and repaint it.

You are a good neighbor and your daughter was put in a very bad place because of the other girl. I hope that next time that 'bad' girl comes around when your dauther is playing somewhere, your daughter goes home right away, to stay out of any more drama.

Offer to have your daughter (with your help or your husbands) come over and sand out the scratches and repaint.

 

[mamaLori05]

I would probably pay half since my daughter did do damage too, but I definately wouldn't punish my dd for it or even let her know I was paying to fix it. Sounds like she was just doing what she thought she had to to stop the bad behavior, and I would be proud of her for trying to stop it instead of going along with it. You are doing a wonderful job!!!

As for the other girl, well, I can't blame you for not allowing her over to your house. Sounds like her family is a piece of work. I might even go as far as letting the other nice neighbor know that if the other girl comes over to their house when my dd is there, to please send my dd home. I'd explain to her that I don't want my dd anywhere near her if that is how she and her family are going to act. My guess though is that the nice neighbor won't be allowing that little girl over to play anymore either.

 

[ConnieB]

I'd post on the Dad's Facebook page the name and phone number of a good real estate agent.


I'd be very careful about paying for any part of it....only because it sounds to me like the bad girl's mom is trying to guilt you into paying and then she can go around saying YOU paid because your daughter did it. This is a family that has a LOT of issues. I'm all for believing your child when there is no evidence to support a lie from them. But I also believe is making my children own up to their responsibility....and that much proof that they did, then I'm going to have weigh that evidence and call my child on her probably lie. I'll bet this child has never done anything wrong in the eyes of her parents.

Next time this kid is around and swearing up a storm, somebody ought to pull out their cell phone and record it. Then go over to the family and tell them that she was sent home for swearing. Let her deny it and them side with her before pulling out the video. What are they going to say then....that you doctored the video.

I know some may say trapping the kid in her own lies is cruel....but ya know what, I disagree. I think it may be the nicest thing that you could do for this poor kid. She needs to learn NOW that lying and behavior like that is not acceptable....otherwise she's going to have a rather hard time socializing for the next 9 years of school and all of her adult life as well. THis is a habit that can be virtually impossible to break in adults.....and since it starts as a kid it might be easier to give her the wake up call early. She may hate you now, but someday she should look back and see that you saved her from a very unhappy life.

 

[threecrazykids]

I'd post on the Dad's Facebook page the name and phone number of a good real estate agent.


I'd be very careful about paying for any part of it....only because it sounds to me like the bad girl's mom is trying to guilt you into paying and then she can go around saying YOU paid because your daughter did it. This is a family that has a LOT of issues. I'm all for believing your child when there is no evidence to support a lie from them. But I also believe is making my children own up to their responsibility....and that much proof that they did, then I'm going to have weigh that evidence and call my child on her probably lie. I'll bet this child has never done anything wrong in the eyes of her parents.

Next time this kid is around and swearing up a storm, somebody ought to pull out their cell phone and record it. Then go over to the family and tell them that she was sent home for swearing. Let her deny it and them side with her before pulling out the video. What are they going to say then....that you doctored the video.

I know some may say trapping the kid in her own lies is cruel....but ya know what, I disagree. I think it may be the nicest thing that you could do for this poor kid. She needs to learn NOW that lying and behavior like that is not acceptable....otherwise she's going to have a rather hard time socializing for the next 9 years of school and all of her adult life as well. THis is a habit that can be virtually impossible to break in adults.....and since it starts as a kid it might be easier to give her the wake up call early. She may hate you now, but someday she should look back and see that you saved her from a very unhappy life.

This is what my husband said... "should I reply with a real estate agent to the post?" He was just kidding, but it's just ridiculous. Moving? Really? I guess in my opinion it's not worth it, but again, this is just one more issue in a multitude of issues and such their kids have had. Funny enough, they moved to this neighborhood for the same reasons; "because there were so many naughty kids in the last one".

Anyway, as far as replacing the box, it's not causing it to not work, it's rather that she doesn't want the words on there. I guess according to her, it's too deep to sand off and repaint and we would have to paint the whole thing so it all matched. She called the utility company who said not to touch it because it is not owned by the homeowner, but rather them. So she's waiting to find out if there will even be a cost to repair/replace the cover.

 

[Cruise]

Anyway, as far as replacing the box, it's not causing it to not work, it's rather that she doesn't want the words on there. I guess according to her, it's too deep to sand off and repaint and we would have to paint the whole thing so it all matched. She called the utility company who said not to touch it because it is not owned by the homeowner, but rather them. So she's waiting to find out if there will even be a cost to repair/replace the cover.

Is this the small box that everyone has on the side of their house? Or one of those big box type things that usually sits on corner lots? If it's the latter, there's no way the utility company should charge them as it's just the utility companies property that happens to be on their property. In which case, it was just basically graffiti that the homeowner had no control over.

 

[threecrazykids]

Is this the small box that everyone has on the side of their house? Or one of those big box type things that usually sits on corner lots? If it's the latter, there's no way the utility company should charge them as it's just the utility companies property that happens to be on their property. In which case, it was just basically graffiti that the homeowner had no control over.

It's the big green box that sits on the corner of the lot. She called them to come out and look at it for repairs, that is why they told her to not touch it. She's not 100% sure they will charge her for repairs as yes, it is graffiti, but in the case she IS charged to have it fixed, she doesn't want to pay for the repairs. But no, at this point, we don't even know if there will be a charge.

 

[Sadie22]

The box is owned by the utility. Defacing it is vandalism, a crime. Parents need to teach kids not to touch these things at all. Kids have been harmed by putting their hands where they don't belong when a vandal has broken the lock, etc. The utility could press charges against the defacers but they usually do not. Again, the box is not owned by the homewner and the homeowner has no right to alter it in any way. The box is located in a utility easement. Any child who scratched this utility box was wrong to even touch the box and the parents need to impress that upon all concerned. It is defacing the property of a public utililty and could be dangerous.

 

[jensen]

The biggest issue here is the vandalism of the box. Technically, what your daughter did is just as much vandalism as the nasty words... so, even though she thought she was doing the right thing, she wasn't and that should be impressed upon her. In a reassuring way, of course.

I agree with the PPs who said the utility company will pay for any necessary repairs to the box, so no one should be getting worked up about who is going to pay to repaint it.

 

[JB2K]

And this has WHAT to do with budgeting?


I'm just sayin'...