Who Pays? A Going Out To Dinner Question….

[Marrila]

I've never seen it in a restaurant, but I've encountered it other places--the dentist is one that sticks out in my mind.

A couple of locally owned restaurants near me offer a discount for cash.

 

[TwoMisfits]

I think I've seen all the possibilities in the response, so if you want another vote:
1) There is no right or wrong. Do what you feel comfortable with doing for you. Don't make a big deal out of it.
2) Do talk to your daughter and ask her thoughts. Don't make a big deal out of it.
3) Unless the waitperson asks, I wouldn't ask for separate checks. See how the meal goes and then refer to number 1 above. And of course, don't make a big deal out of it.
4) Finally, don't make a big deal out of it. I know if can be a bit stressful, but whatever you do will be the right thing.

Here's the thing...if you don't ask for separate checks at the time of order, it becomes a huge pain in the behind for the waitstaff at many places to do it later. So, if you think there is a chance you want to do separate checks, you'll want to ask at the order time, and that's where the "no big deal" can be discussed vs at the end of the meal after all the ordering...

 

[tvguy]

I live in Missouri. I have never once seen a separate price for cash at a restaurant.

The receipt I posted from from an Illinois restaurant. Traveled a bit the past year and not unheard of. Seen it in California where I live, Arizona, New Mexico and Illinois.

 

[tvguy]

I've never seen it in a restaurant, but I've encountered it other places--the dentist is one that sticks out in my mind.

Yes, usually a 15% discount for cash at the three Dental practices I have used over the past 60 years. But, also Dental insurance was less common then so many people had to make installment payments for major dental work before insurance.

 

[QueenIsabella]

Yes, usually a 15% discount for cash at the three Dental practices I have used over the past 60 years. But, also Dental insurance was less common then so many people had to make installment payments for major dental work before insurance.

Ours was only a 3-4% discount for cash/debit versus credit. It was only an issue when my youngest got his wisdom teeth out--he was getting all 4 yanked, we opted for sedation (which costs more), so we owed ~$1300 or so--due before they started. (We also had crappy dental insurance at the time, but we didn't want to wait--the wisdom teeth were coming in and threatening the nice smile we'd just spent a few thousand dollars on).

 

[tvguy]

Ours was only a 3-4% discount for cash/debit versus credit. It was only an issue when my youngest got his wisdom teeth out--he was getting all 4 yanked, we opted for sedation (which costs more), so we owed ~$1300 or so--due before they started. (We also had crappy dental insurance at the time, but we didn't want to wait--the wisdom teeth were coming in and threatening the nice smile we'd just spent a few thousand dollars on).

When my kids were getting braces, my employer offered optional Orthodontic Coverage. You had to keep the coverage for two years, the maximum benefit was $1,000 and the premiums over the required two years, $1,000! Yup, the coverage was no coverage.
We were able to pay cash up front to get the 15% cash discount.

 

[QueenIsabella]

When my kids were getting braces, my employer offered optional Orthodontic Coverage. You had to keep the coverage for two years, the maximum benefit was $1,000 and the premiums over the required two years, $1,000! Yup, the coverage was no coverage.
We were able to pay cash up front to get the 15% cash discount.

I know we got a discount for paying up-front on braces, I just don't remember how much. We had orthodontal coverage through my husband's work, but it was a drop in the bucket--maybe $1000, like you said. I can't remember the details now--4 kids over 10+ years, and a couple jobs/moves in the mix. They all have beautiful $mile$ now, though!

 

[hertamaniac]

I got roped into a dating scenario (1 sided) where we would agree to meet at a restaurant to either try something new or experience how good it allegedly is. I felt it customary to pay for our meals, get greeted with a hug goodbye, and then rinse-and-repeat for a couple of months. Now there is plenty more to the story, but my takeaway after going through that scenario is completely different.

I am now a full believer in parity.

 

[Robber Baron]

When my kids were getting braces, my employer offered optional Orthodontic Coverage. You had to keep the coverage for two years, the maximum benefit was $1,000 and the premiums over the required two years, $1,000! Yup, the coverage was no coverage.
We were able to pay cash up front to get the 15% cash discount.

Sounds more like the old Christmas Club's than dental insurance.

 

[tvguy]

Sounds more like the old Christmas Club's than dental insurance.

Well, it was the early to mid 1990s when employer insurance plans were in flux. We got sold to a St. Louis company whose owner wanted our insurance to stay as close to the same as we had under the previous owner. We had HMO options, and HMOs were kind of new then, something the owner had not seen before. He made a comment that he found it different that we had coverage that allowed just a $25 co-payment for services, not the traditional 20%. He merged his company the next year with a bigger one, and eventually got bought out due to differences between him and the people who bought his company out. He was very employee friendly, the group that bought him out were much less so, and continue to be that way today.

 

[focusondisney]

As they're swilling down their after-dinner drinks, BIL pulls my husband aside and confesses that he can't afford the meal--can we cover it? Now, we'd planned on paying for ourselves and half of MIL/FIL's meals, but not a banquet for 12! We reluctantly put it on our credit card. To their infinite credit, the aunt and uncle caught wind of the exchange and gave us money for their meal.

I’ve got to ask, did the BIL ever offer to reimburse you? Like later, down the road? Or eventually pay for any part of it? And I’d probably bring it up to my husband with a roll of my eyes. But if he never discussed it with his brother over the years, I wouldn’t bring it up to him. I wouldn’t want my daughter’s wedding to be tarnished in any way.

Edit, sorry I just read your other post about the BIL.

 

[DisneyHardin]

I live in Missouri. I have never once seen a separate price for cash at a restaurant.

I'm in Kentucky and I haven't seen it here, but when we were on vacation last summer in Hilton Head, almost every restaurant we ate at gave a discount for cash.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I am in Indiana, and yea I have seen separate price for cash vs CC for sure.

As far as the who pays for dinner.... that is always such an awkward thing. I am a firm believer in separate checks for each couple.

 

[Karin1984]

@slo will you let us know the outcome?

I was thinking what would happen if I had this scenario, if I were the daughter in my 20s, most likely my father would find a moment with the dad without me seeing it to discuss who would pay. I am quite sure he would offer it, but not insist if the dad would offer as well.

If I were the daughter in my 30s with the stable comfortable income that I have, I would offer to pay for it myself.

Was also thinking: I only split the bill with family on very rare occasions, usually just one of us pays.
I only pay my share when I am out with friends or colleagues.

 

[pens4821]

As far as the extra fee for credit cards, that seems to becoming a normal thing in my area (north of Pittsburgh). I don’t venture to many chains, but the local restaurants seem to charge it.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I’ve got to ask, did the BIL ever offer to reimburse you? Like later, down the road? Or eventually pay for any part of it? And I’d probably bring it up to my husband with a roll of my eyes. But if he never discussed it with his brother over the years, I wouldn’t bring it up to him. I wouldn’t want my daughter’s wedding to be tarnished in any way.

Edit, sorry I just read your other post about the BIL.

He actually DID, eventually, reimburse us. But it was weeks later, with my husband calling him repeatedly telling him the credit card bill was due. I'm sure he would have "forgotten", had DH not been so persistent. As I mentioned, this is but one incident in a long history of his brother taking advantage, mostly of his parents. For example, he'd "borrow" money to pay for a class, then "forget" to pay it back when he was reimbursed by his company. Every. Single. Semester. When he filed for bankruptcy and lost his house in foreclosure, his Mommy bought him a house outright. She never bought US a house...

 

[focusondisney]

He actually DID, eventually, reimburse us. But it was weeks later, with my husband calling him repeatedly telling him the credit card bill was due. I'm sure he would have "forgotten", had DH not been so persistent. As I mentioned, this is but one incident in a long history of his brother taking advantage, mostly of his parents. For example, he'd "borrow" money to pay for a class, then "forget" to pay it back when he was reimbursed by his company. Every. Single. Semester. When he filed for bankruptcy and lost his house in foreclosure, his Mommy bought him a house outright. She never bought US a house...

Ugh. Sometimes relatives can be very challenging. I’m glad your husband has enough strength to call him out.

 

[Calee]

I wouldn't discuss it with the dad in advance. I think that's weird and awkward and overkill. If it were me I'd make a gametime decision. If you are going to a moderately priced college town restaurant and there isn't alcohol consumed, you are talking $50ish bucks most likely. I'd take that on the chin to avoid an awkward situation if it came down to it. If upon meeting and sitting down it seemed as though this was the temperament of a person that could handle it, or that it was going to be WAY out of my budget, I'd just matter of factly tell the server when you order, "This is two checks-the three of us are together" and not make it a BIG THING.

 

[ronandannette]

Ok….we are not ones that go out to dinner often with others.

When my DD20 was still in travel ball we’d sometimes go with other families and everyone paid for their own family (separate checks).

Fast Forward…..This weekend we’re going to DD20’s college to watch her play and she just informed me that her boyfriend’s Dad will be there to watch him play on the college baseball team. We haven’t met theBF’s Dad yet and DD20 & her BF want us all to go out to eat together. We’re fine with that, but how does the payment situation play out - what do we do to not look tacky? I’m fine with separate checks, but does that look cheap if we don’t offer to pay for the BF & his Dad? I certainly don’t expect the BF’s Dad to pay for us.

If you have any advice, please share.
We aren’t wealthy people, and I’m not one to try and look that way to others. We are who we are. But if there’s a decent way of doing things, and we need to suck it up and pay, then I’ll do that too.

#confused
#probably overthinking this

How did it end up going?

 

[slo]

How did it end up going?

Thank you do much for asking

It went great.
I asked my DD20 ahead of time if it would be awkward for us to do separate checks and she said no - not at all.
So after we met him, I just said - you want to do separate checks? You pay for your kid and I'll pay for mine?
He said yes, that would great.
So we had good conversation and we hung out for about 2 hours.

I'm glad it went well, because my DD's BF is proving himself to be a really great guy and BF, so it's nice to know now that his Dad is very nice too, and not someone we'll dread seeing again. The BF's parents are recently divorced, so one day we'll need to meet the Mom, and hopefully she'll be just as nice as the Dad.

Thank you again for asking, and I'm very grateful for everyone's suggestions and comments