Who else lives with someone who is depressed?

[JESW]

How do you get through it? I have to find a healthier way than just eating my way through it. DH is bi-polar and not on any meds - he has tried several and they make him worse - went through a major disaster with them last Fall. Right now he sleeps a lot when he is home - comes home from work and goes to sleep on the couch - he was home 3 days last week and slept through most of them. I really try to be understanding, knowing that he can't just "snap out of it", but honestly, it gets old! We have two kids and I didn't plan on being a single parent but that's what I feel like a lot. I didn't plan to have such a lonely marriage but that's what I've got.

Just having a bad day here and wondering how other people get through it.

Jill

 

[RobynK]

At least your husband can go to work. The medicine mine is on at least lets him get out of bed but he is still tired all the time. We have four kids and I know what you mean about being a single parent- I have recently put a taxi sign on my car!

 

[icebrat001]

My partner is bipolar, even spent time in the hospital for it. We've been dating for nearly four years and she has been on a variety of medicine. We've finally found one that works, but sometimes its a pain because she doesn't want to take her meds.

You are right, it does get old and sometimes you just want to get away and scream or cry or both. It's hard.

I suggest you sit down and come up with a plan that works for you, so when it gets to the point where you feel you are apart to snap that you get away for a little bit without hurting that persons feelings.

For instance sometimes I have a difficult day and then my partner is in one of her moods and I listen for hours and deal with things and then a point comes where it's just too much, and I'll either go to another room or I'll give her a puzzle or an audiobook to listen to, it distracts her and it helps me keep my sanity in a difficult moment.

Try puzzles or something that stimulates him to keep his mind off of things.

Hope that helped.

 

[luvmyeor]

My mother is bi-polar. She has been living with us since Oct 04 when my father passed away very unexpectantly. I honestly don't know how my father dealt with it for almost 40 years. It can be very stressful and I never know how much I will accomplish in a day based on mom's behavior. My mom isn't able to work. She was on a 15-year streak of no hospitalizations or any other major issues. Unfortunately that all came to an end 4 years ago when her family doctor prescribed some meds to treat a physical condition that interacted with her mental health meds. It has been a roller coaster ever since. Just when I think we're out of the woods she starts going backwards again. Luckily she takes her meds most days without a fight...the other days she'll be difficult but once I tell her to get in the car to head to the hospital she takes them. I hate doing that but it's the only thing that works.

I'm sure it is difficult trying to care for your children. I know if my dad had not had my grandparents to help him he never would have made it. The first time I can remember mom being in the hospital was when I was 4. She had many hospital stays when my brother and I were little. We are only 17 months apart so we were quite a handful. My grandparents used to watch us while my dad worked. When we got older my grandfather would drive us home every morning so we could catch the school bus. We started staying by ourselves at night (with our neighbors being aware) when I was 12 because my grandfather had died and grandma couldn't drive.

I think my brother and I turned out pretty good considering everything. We both were more responsible and more mature than our friends when we were growing up.

I attend support groups when I can. You can check with your local mental health agency to see if they have a list of meetings. I have also read some books about people who are bi-polar. While the books may not help relieve the stress I have at least learned more about this illness. I don't think a week goes by where my mom hasn't told me she hates me. I know she doesn't mean it. Some days are harder than others. I've had to limit my hours at my part-time job because I cannot leave mom alone for even 5 minutes. She has a habit of walking off.

Try to hang in there. If there is anyway to get your husband to see another doctor and try a different regime of meds it would be best for all of you. Bi-polar is one of the more difficult illnesses to medicate. You have to keep trying until you find the right "cocktail." It took my mom's doctors almost 20 years to find the right ones. Unfortunately after the family doctor messed it up those meds were no longer the right ones and we have been on the hunt ever since.

Good luck!

 

[Forevryoung]

I was diagnosed bipolar 5 years ago when I was 16. Everyones posts remind me why I shouldn't get married, shouldn't have children... I know everyone is just venting (and that's ok, you have every right to!) but it kind of puts a thought in my head that I "cant" do it and it would be detrimental to all those involved.

You guys are all saints to put up with us bipolar crowd

I wish you all the best of luck.

For the OP: What about giving him an individual task to do? Even if you have to remind him several times every day to do it. Do you have pictures that need to be sorted? Boxes in the attic that you have always wanted to go through? Give him a little task (like a handful of pictures, not the whole big box) and ask him to do it. It might make things easier. Or ask him to go to the store and buy milk. All he has to do is get one thing... not a whole list of things. I dunno, it's whats kept me going. I wish I could help more, depression sucks the life out of you. What about finding a new doctor?

 

[SplshMtn99]

No advice Jill, just lots of hugs.

 

[LightBurnsBlue]

I don't have much advice, other than I know what you are going through and I sympathize with you. My dad is bipolar, and at times, it has been hard on my family. I'm sad to hear that medications have not worked out for your DH---it would be great if he could get with the right doctor who could get him on some effective medication, but trust me, I know that any medicine changes in a bipolar person can be a very scary, stressful time.

Also, be sure that you are taking care of yourself and spending some time (away from home) doing things that you enjoy. Also, if your DH is up to it, try to encourage him to spend time doing fun things with the kids. My dad spent a lot of my childhood consumed by his work and his depression, and he regrets not spending as more time with us when we were younger.

 

[DisnyMama]

My 14 year old DS is going through depression and we are now starting our 2nd antidepressant due to no luck with the 1st. He sees his therapist weekly and the Phsychiatrist for his meds but things aren't getting any better. I'm a single mom and have taken off work the last two months, originally for my blood pressure but my doctor extended it for me due to my son. I have gained about 15 lbs since X-mas due to staying up all hours of the night on the DIS and eating. I am going back to work this Wednesday but cutting my hours so that I am home when he gets out of school. DS's therapist just doesn't want him spending time alone. My sister doesn't understand any of this and thinks that all he needs to do is get involved in an extra carricular activity like Karate which she tried to get him involed in but he didn't like it. He is on the track team, Shot Put (don't know how to spell it) which he joined on his own. The worse time for him is late evening. I quite often have to sit with him till he gets to sleep. He should be able to deal with things on his own but he struggles. After he gets to sleep I sometimes go into the garage where he won't hear me and cry because my heart is breaking for him. I know that most of this has been caused by his father not calling him anymore. I pray that either a medication will help or as he gets older he will mature and be able to deal with this stuff a little better and funtion efectively. I have hope.

 

[JESW]

Thanks for the replies as they are appreciated! DH has an aversion to dr's as last year he was put on 3 very different meds - mood stabilizer, anphetamine and sedative - and they had a real bad affect on him! He also had steroid shots for his spinal stenosis and for whatever reason ended up in the hospital with pneumonia, thrush and a compromised immune system. He has various pains with his back issues, but I am not always sure if they are "real" pains or part of the depression pains. It is so very hard when you don't know the right thing to do. Our DS11 has asperger's so we deal with him on a daily basis. I am more convinced that dh also has asperger's, but he says the diagnose doesn't make a difference. I beleive it does. Whenever he is under extreme pressure at work (like now) he gets this way. It is a vicious circle.

Thanks for letting me get things out as sometimes it is really hard to keep it all inside and keep the family going. The caretaker is usully the last one to take care of themselves. I did start back at Curves this morning so that is a big plus for me.

Jill

 

[LightBurnsBlue]

Has he ever taken Lithium? It may be worth a shot if he hasn't tried it yet.

 

[Tiggeroo]

I would say don't give up on treatment. You might have to go to 20 dr's and try several med combos before you get what works. As he is depressed he won't be able to think/act for himself so you may have to do it in the beginning. BP should never only be given meds. They need counseling individual and fmaily. If you were in therapy together they might give you tips on how to deal with his illness, plus you'll have a chance to vent someplace safe.

 

[Equidae]

My dad has depression. He's had it ever since I was in middle school. It's very tough living with someone who is like this. He also slept all day, I sometimes wouldn't see him all weekend. No advice, I grew up and left home, but I know it's very hard. Know you aren't alone. I agree that treatment, whether medicial or therapy, is a good thing.