"who Bit My Little Girl!?!?!"

[a1tinkfans]

Due to confidentiality and privacy, the school CAN NOT disclose the name of any child to another parent in an incident report. If your DD can describe the other child or point to her/him in a photo then you'll know. It is important to know who this other child is who bit your DD.

My DD had a number of incidents where other kids in her class injured her and the school did nothing! Few Kindys have 'zero tolerance' and so they just let the problem continue. They tell the other kids' parents who probably feel terrible for a hot second and then forget about it b/c their precious baby is now beating up/biting/kicking/hitting the sibling so they don't have time to deal with you and your child.

Make note of the incident and photograph any evidence and note any adverse reaction DD has. Also, keep tabs on whether this other child is biting other kids or just your daughter. If the other kid keeps biting and the school does nothing then you should consider taking action.

Be sure to let DD know that she didn't do anything that warrants being bitten and that biting is wrong and that if it happens again that she needs to tell the teacher and to tell you.

I know what you must be feeling and going through. Unfortunately, not all children are taught proper behavior before being sent off to school. I know kids will be kids, so don't start with the flames. But, really, there is no reason that small children can't learn that biting is wrong. And as for that 13 year old who was biting, he deserved to be suspended. At that age it's assault, not just a kid being a kid.

Confidentiality and privacy???? WHAT about the child who was "attacked" and bit? That is CRAZY if you ask me.
I would DEMAND to know and then I would ALSO be very clear with the staff that my child should NOT be placed near a child that has no control of him/her self. This child should be protected from this aggressive behavior. It is absolutely dreadful....Wonder if there were previous incidents with same child, Hmmmmmmmmm
Hopefully no skin was broken, if it was, WOO HOO that can be VERY SERIOUS indeed!
Sorry to hear this happened to her, hope SHE is well and YOU can be confident that school is handling appropriately (like a time out/recess lost and a note home) to say the least.
I am on a RANT.... as I recall.....when I did NOT get a call in Elem School that my son was hurt during gym. Later found out that a "bully" (child that had several previous incidents under his belt) "accidentally" fell on my child, what they also did not tell me was that AFTER he fell on my child he also "accidentally" THEN bent his finger back and BROKE IT! He did not fall on the finger, he purposely bent it.
My son was taken to the nurse and given ice, I was not even called. they sent him back to class (it was near end of day) By the time he came off the bus he was in tears, took him to doctor, who sent us to ER, what a horror!
You bet I was on that phone first thing the next morning and demanded some information, which I got!
Then I told them they would have to PAY for the ER bill, which they wound up doing thru the districts insurance policy.
The other child was reprimanded, I think he had recess at VP office for a week. All I know is, the handling was poor at best and I demanded that my child was not in ANY class with that boy again. He never was. We were told later that it was not really "against" my child, the other child had "issues" Well whatever HIS issues were I did not want them as OUR issues!

They went thru middle school and now HS, so far never in same class. (Mind you this same child has had other run ins on and off as we have heard thru grapevine)
BUT they seem to just ignore each other and since my DS is more scholastic minded rather than sports minded they are not in the same circles, thankfully.
Parenting is TOUGH!!

 

[5 for WDW]

I feel for you, OP. My daughter just started Kindergarten on September 3rd. She was not bit but, 4 days into the school year she was slapped by another girl. Right on the face, it got her eye too.

I picked her up on the car line and my older son was standing with her. They were not even in the car when my daughter started to cry. I pulled over in front of the school and she told me what happened. Apparently, my daughter was waving to my son across the pick up area and this other little girl thought my DD was waving at her friend. So, she slapped my DD. We went right down to the classroom and told the teacher what happened and who it was. The teacher talked to my DD and told her how proud she was that she told her Mom what happened and promised her that she would call and talk to the Mom of the other child that night.

The next morning we were waiting to go into the school, when the Mom and little girl came up to apologize. The child had made a pic for my DD. The Mom was very apologetic and embarassed but, she should have quit while she was ahead. After her apology she told me that "M****** is very possessive about her friends, she didn't like that your daughter was looking at her friend."

All my DD wanted to know was if M****** could still be her friend.

So sorry that go so long. It is tough being a parent sometimes. I hope your daughter does not have anymore problems with the biter.

 

[eliza61]

Confidentiality and privacy???? WHAT about the child who was "attacked" and bit? That is CRAZY if you ask me.
I would DEMAND to know and then I would ALSO be very clear with the staff that my child should NOT be placed near a child that has no control of him/her self. This child should be protected from this aggressive behavior. It is absolutely dreadful....Wonder if there were previous incidents with same child, Hmmmmmmmmm
Hopefully no skin was broken, if it was, WOO HOO that can be VERY SERIOUS indeed!
Sorry to hear this happened to her, hope SHE is well and YOU can be confident that school is handling appropriately (like a time out/recess lost and a note home) to say the least.
I am on a RANT.... as I recall.....when I did NOT get a call in Elem School that my son was hurt during gym. Later found out that a "bully" (child that had several previous incidents under his belt) "accidentally" fell on my child, what they also did not tell me was that AFTER he fell on my child he also "accidentally" THEN bent his finger back and BROKE IT! He did not fall on the finger, he purposely bent it.
My son was taken to the nurse and given ice, I was not even called. they sent him back to class (it was near end of day) By the time he came off the bus he was in tears, took him to doctor, who sent us to ER, what a horror!
You bet I was on that phone first thing the next morning and demanded some information, which I got!
Then I told them they would have to PAY for the ER bill, which they wound up doing thru the districts insurance policy.
The other child was reprimanded, I think he had recess at VP office for a week. All I know is, the handling was poor at best and I demanded that my child was not in ANY class with that boy again. He never was. We were told later that it was not really "against" my child, the other child had "issues" Well whatever HIS issues were I did not want them as OUR issues!
!!

Ok, after you find out what are you going to do? Run up on the child and reprimand her. That's a quick way to get arrested.
Op sorry your child was bitten. My kids were bitten and biters. My son did not have issues, was not a bullier or damage. He's a well adjusted college student now. He was simply immature and did not know how to handle anger as quickly as other 4 year olds. Once he learned that this was not ok, he stopped.

Biting does not mean you'll end up on americas most wanted. Do you have faith that the school has handled it in a timely and proper fashion? Is this the 1st incident.
Can we put away the tar & feathers now

 

[SLK1]

Sorry, but biters should be kept at home until they are mature enough to handle their emotions. Why allow them to gnaw on other kids just because they are too immature to be in a social setting where things might not go their way?

 

[mjantz]

Confidentiality and privacy???? WHAT about the child who was "attacked" and bit? That is CRAZY if you ask me.
I would DEMAND to know and then I would ALSO be very clear with the staff that my child should NOT be placed near a child that has no control of him/her self. This child should be protected from this aggressive behavior. It is absolutely dreadful....Wonder if there were previous incidents with same child, Hmmmmmmmmm
Hopefully no skin was broken, if it was, WOO HOO that can be VERY SERIOUS indeed!

Its responses like yours that are why we can't release names. As a teacher I don't want to be sued because I told parents who bit who & the bitees parent decided to retaliate.
Child & parental privacy is a huge issue for me & one that I've found many schools & child care centers need to work on.

Sorry, but biters should be kept at home until they are mature enough to handle their emotions. Why allow them to gnaw on other kids just because they are too immature to be in a social setting where things might not go their way?

Biting, especially at younger ages, happens for a ton of reasons. Teething & frustration are just 2 reasons. Its not always a 'He took my toy so I'm going to bite him'. Sometimes its just 'I need something to chew on & this hand is available'.
As they get older, yes, biting becomes very inappropriate. But, at 2YO or younger its not unexpected. I was bit a few years ago by a 2YO child in my class and I can tell you it was my fault! I was trying to take a toy from her because we were cleaning up & my hand ended up right in front of her mouth. After the initial shock my first thought was 'Well that was stupid to put my hand in front of her mouth! I was practically asking to be bit!!'.

 

[SLK1]

Its responses like yours that are why we can't release names. As a teacher I don't want to be sued because I told parents who bit who & the bitees parent decided to retaliate.
Child & parental privacy is a huge issue for me & one that I've found many schools & child care centers need to work on.



Biting, especially at younger ages, happens for a ton of reasons. Teething & frustration are just 2 reasons. Its not always a 'He took my toy so I'm going to bite him'. Sometimes its just 'I need something to chew on & this hand is available'.
As they get older, yes, biting becomes very inappropriate. But, at 2YO or younger its not unexpected. I was bit a few years ago by a 2YO child in my class and I can tell you it was my fault! I was trying to take a toy from her because we were cleaning up & my hand ended up right in front of her mouth. After the initial shock my first thought was 'Well that was stupid to put my hand in front of her mouth! I was practically asking to be bit!!'.

Being a teacher, you are probably much more empathetic than I am. We are not talking about puppies here, we are talking about human beings who have to learn to deal with frustrations in life. I also was not referring to babies...the OP was talking about a five-year-old. The child should not be allowed into school until the behavior is stopped. It's just plain not fair to the other kids.

 

[ekball]

OP here. Thanks for all of the positive responses and understanding. To clarify, I didn't expect them to tell me a name, doesn't REALLY matter except that now that I know who it was and I will encourage DD to steer clear of 'the biter', until she can treat her friends kindly and respectfully. Seriously folks, I understand that we are talking about small children, children who at times make poor choices about how to handle problems/arguments/ disagreements. I get it. I was just more than a little surprised to hear that my child was BIT. Surprised, that's all. No, I don't think DD will be scarred for life, but darnit, I don't want the start of my child's school 'career' to include issues like this (I expected stuff like this, just not in week 3 of Kindy!). It's just not what I would have wished for - but we'll be fine. She'll be fine. No doubt about that. It's the mama bear in me to want to run in to defend and protect, but I fully realize that this is a part of life as she grows.

 

[FSUDisneyGirl]

We had a 5 year old bite another student at my school a few weeks ago...on the chest! I really don't know how it happened, but I felt so bad for the little boy! However, all of the adults jumped on her so fast about it, her behavior has really improved...I think she realized this wasn't pre-k anymore...

 

[HeatherSue]

It's hard sending our kids off to kindergarten. My daughter started this year, too. I can't imagine how upsetting it would be if she got hurt.

 

[pigletto]

Sorry, but biters should be kept at home until they are mature enough to handle their emotions. Why allow them to gnaw on other kids just because they are too immature to be in a social setting where things might not go their way?

Hmmmm..
Well let's throw a wrench in that narrow view shall we?
I am a daycare provider. I have a child in my daycare that has been bitten by my son. Was I horrified? You betcha. I was astounded. And ashamed.
But let's delve further..
This particular child has also been bitten by another boy in my daycare.
And.. as luck would have it.. she was not so nicely asked to leave her last daycare.. where she was bitten by another child.
Her mother's response was "Wow.. she is just a magnet for biters! Why always my child?"
Well.. this particular child was not violent... but so unbelievably mean to other kids whenever she thought I was out of earshot it was appalling.
"No one likes you.. everyone hates you.. I wish you would die" is something she would say regularly to other kids.
She obviously had some problems that needed to be worked on...
But a previously non biting child can be pushed to their limit with that kind of verbal abuse.
So who's really at fault there? Both children are acting and reacting poorly.
It;s not always so cut and dry.

 

[Miss LD]

Sorry, but biters should be kept at home until they are mature enough to handle their emotions. Why allow them to gnaw on other kids just because they are too immature to be in a social setting where things might not go their way?

really? If a kid bites they are too immature to be in a social setting?
The other day at karate my son bit someone. He hadn't bitten anyone in 2 years. (he is 4 now).
He got his belt taken away and came out in tears.
So, I asked him what had happened. It turns out that the other child had wrapped her belt around his neck.
Of course I stayed and talked to the Sensei because a) I wanted to confirm the story (I believe my son, but he's 4 and I wanted to know what led to it) and b) I wanted to know what the ramifications were for the other child.

Turns out they were being silly - and yes the girl wrapped her belt around his neck. He panicked and bit her. He got in trouble for "not using his words" and got his belt taken because he had been physical. She didn't.

Since that time he has now bitten 3 more times - once me, once my husband, once at school (he just started jk). All when he was angry.

Do I blame that girl? No.

BUT ... do I think he's too immature to be in a social setting. In general, no. But, the point of jk is to learn about school, social settings, etc. (and yes he was in pre-school - no biting ever). I speak to the teacher daily to make sure I'm ensuring that he won't bite again and that he adjusts. I'm not sure you can ask much more. Locking him at home until he hopefully doesn't show signs of biting???? Ridiculous

 

[cinderellamom123]

Oh, and if I ran a daycare and had a child that bit, I think I'd just not accept that child there anymore. Biting can cause serious harm.[/QUOTE]


I run a small family daycare and we are not allowed to give names. In four year I have only have two incidents of biting. One child bit me when the mom was leaving in the morning and I was trying to comfort him. He was probably two at the time.

A year later his parents were going thru a divorce and he bit another child. It is frustrating because these are not bad kids, but kids going thru difficult stages.

I think if it is a consistant continual problem that there should be repercussions.

For me, the parents get called the first time.

Second time parents must leave work and pick up their child for the day.

Three strikes you are out.

 

[SLK1]

I guess not everyone's kids can be as perfect as mine...

Just kidding everyone!!!!! A lot of these posts are "extreme" cases...if someone wrapped their karate belt around my kid's neck, or if some kid said they wanted my kid to die, obviously that child should also be severely reprimanded and sent home as well (not permanently, but like a suspension). I'm simply talking about the kids who bite simply because a toy was taken away or they got mad or frustrated. However, I also know there are "weapons" used that can be just as bad as teeth - the other day a first-grader threw a pencil right at my DD's eye (on purpose, unprovoked). But, I also believe we are not strict enough with our children these days and we allow very bad behavior (not just biting) because some are afraid of disciplining their children.

O.k., so bring on the bad comments. I'm ready...

 

[bonybroad]

My son got bit last year in first grade, and I was FURIOUS!
Luckily, my friend works at the school and saw the whole thing, and pulled the biter out and to the principal.
The part that bugs me is that no note, no call, just a band-aid and a bruise.
Someone should have told me!

 

[Stephres]

OP, my daughter was in kindergarten last year and was the victim of violence. A little boy had his hands on her neck tight enough to leave bruises. I was horrified at first but after I talked with the teacher I felt much better about the steps she took to ensure it didn't happen again. Also, my daughter was fine and it didn't effect how she felt about kindergarten or this boy. She loved kindergarten and was friends with this boy.

I think kids are a lot more resilient than we are and I hope your daughter bounces back as quickly as mine did.

 

[Camno's Mama]

Sorry, but biters should be kept at home until they are mature enough to handle their emotions. Why allow them to gnaw on other kids just because they are too immature to be in a social setting where things might not go their way?

Every kid at that age is working on their socialization. That's the point of preschool and Kindergarten. Will some do things that are more unacceptable than others? Certainly, but if they never start school, then they won't learn these lessons.

Seriously people, these are just kids. Little kids...not fifth graders! I can't imagine responding like this is someone bit my son. Would I be sad for him and upset? Yes, but you have to keep in mind that they are still little. I would actually be more surprised if this happened in the LAST three weeks of school rather than the FIRST three weeks!

This is your opportunity to teach their kids to stand up for themselves. To use their words and to really get the chance to talk about what happened. To the parents who really freak out...how are they going to feel about telling you stuff? Maybe it's the just the emotions talking here, and when you all handled this stuff you were completely rational. But kids don't want to see their parents upset, and if they think you are going to react like that, they will keep things from you in the future.

It sounds like most of the teachers handled the incidents in a proper way. Suspension would be most uncalled for in Kindergarten for this behavior...especially the first time. And, lets be honest, kids really like to make their teachers happy. If they handle it in a stern and appropriate manner, you are unlikely to see the problem again unless the child has some issues.

 

[nessz79]

Every kid at that age is working on their socialization. That's the point of preschool and Kindergarten. Will some do things that are more unacceptable than others? Certainly, but if they never start school, then they won't learn these lessons.

Seriously people, these are just kids. Little kids...not fifth graders! I can't imagine responding like this is someone bit my son. Would I be sad for him and upset? Yes, but you have to keep in mind that they are still little. I would actually be more surprised if this happened in the LAST three weeks of school rather than the FIRST three weeks!

This is your opportunity to teach their kids to stand up for themselves. To use their words and to really get the chance to talk about what happened. To the parents who really freak out...how are they going to feel about telling you stuff? Maybe it's the just the emotions talking here, and when you all handled this stuff you were completely rational. But kids don't want to see their parents upset, and if they think you are going to react like that, they will keep things from you in the future.

It sounds like most of the teachers handled the incidents in a proper way. Suspension would be most uncalled for in Kindergarten for this behavior...especially the first time. And, lets be honest, kids really like to make their teachers happy. If they handle it in a stern and appropriate manner, you are unlikely to see the problem again unless the child has some issues.

Totally agree.

My kids are 5 and just-turned-4. They have never bitten other children, but they've been known to bite each other once in a while. Of course, I'm always shocked and rather disgusted at this seemingly infantile behavior, but I also understand that they are still very young and are going to do infantile things sometimes. They always have a very good tongue-lashing as well as other age-appropriate consequences and it's sooooo rare for them to do it.

I think kicking a kid out based on biting is extreme and inappropriate. Do we kick out kids that do any kind of violence? Hitting, scratching, throwing things? Any of those things could do physical harm to another child, but these are children. We should be showing them the right way to act, not simply rejecting them.

OP, I totally feel for you! I would be very upset as well. I think your initial reaction is perfect. It's probably better than I would initially feel!

 

[cruellababy]

My kids have also been biters and bitees- to eachother-but my DS almost 4 just started pre-school;He's an older 3 and most in his class are younger 3's. I am sure that at some point in that class there will be biting- kids have to learn to socalize and how to deal with their frustrations. The only place that will happen is in school. But, it's a bite OP- and it will likely be forgotten over time and these kids will be friends. Biting does not mean that these kids will turn into serial killers or will be constant troublemakers- A stupider more ignorant remark in all these replies? Would I be upset if my kid got bit? A little-but kids will be kids and if the skin hasn't been broken; it's really not that big of a deal.

 

[eliza61]

Sorry, but biters should be kept at home until they are mature enough to handle their emotions. Why allow them to gnaw on other kids just because they are too immature to be in a social setting where things might not go their way?

That's why we call the kids SLK, because they are not mature. Sorry, babies don't get born out of the womb automatically knowing right from wrong or knowing how to socialize. What about the kid at disney that throws a tantrum, do we keep them locked up until they can handle disappointment? Heck, how many teenagers make stupid, bone headed mistakes in the heat of emotion and they supposedly are old enough to know better? What do you suggest that we keep all the kids at home? Children learn, some very quickly, some very slowly.
I sure the poor kid was punished but I think locking up all the 5 year olds in the world because their not well behaved, emotionally stable, mini adults is a bit drastic

 

[disfan07]

I work in a preschool childcare adn we have had more than one biting incident since june adn heck...I'VE been bitten by a kid.

Also, we are NOT alowed to give out names of the biter or the bitee......its confidentiality.....we were told at staff orientation that you just tell the bitees parent that "your child was biten by another child" ad what we did treatment wise to the bite adn than we tell the biters parents "your child bit another child " and we tell them anythign else that is relevant.....but under NO circumstance so we ever tell the childs name

for these parents who are saying that the child shoul dnot be allowed back to preschool or daycare, i have this feeling that if your child did this adn you were told that they couldnt come back, you would have a fit adn would be up in arms about it.......im just saying....