When your mad at your kid

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

Do you yell at the S N L as if he had something to do with it

 

[phorsenuf]

Do you yell at the S N L as if he had something to do with it

SNL? What does Saturday Night Live have to do with it?

Honestly, I have no idea what you're talking about.

 

[jdb in AZ]

SNL? What does Saturday Night Live have to do with it?

Honestly, I have no idea what you're talking about.

Same here.

 

[ImDMous]

Same here.

Oh good. I thought it was just me and I had missed a new acronym.

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

Sorry son in law and no one is in trouble big misunderstanding

 

[worm761]

Sorry son in law and no one is in trouble big misunderstanding

For future reference: SIL= son in law.

And no. You shouldn't yell at grown children unless you are still supporting them. Though both of my kids know that IF I have to raise my voice, they are in BIG trouble. I do not yell often.

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

For future reference: SIL= son in law.

And no. You shouldn't yell at grown children unless you are still supporting them. Though both of my kids know that IF I have to raise my voice, they are in BIG trouble. I do not yell often.

Thanks

 

[Happy 2 B Me]

Why on Earth would you ever "Yell" at a grown child? Sounds like she is married to boot. Never ever bring the in-law in to a disagreement you may have with your child. Remember at the end of the day you raised her . One question though is calling your child a "kid" a regional thing? Thought baby goats were kids .

 

[hereyago]

Maybe SIL needs to tell MIL to shut her mouth, boundaries are wonderful things. And the adult"child" needs to also set boundaries with the mom.

 

[Robinrs]

Maybe SIL needs to tell MIL to shut her mouth, boundaries are wonderful things. And the adult"child" needs to also set boundaries with the mom.

So disrespect is the answer? Neither is appropriate, especially the latter.

 

[sugahjunior]

Do you yell at the S N L as if he had something to do with it

If as an adult, my mother yelled at either me or my spouse, she would be told she is not welcome in my home and that I will not speak to her unless she can do so in a respectful way. And then I would stick to it.

Why do you let her do these things to you? It seems like you are a magnet for toxic relationships. You would be much better off cutting these people out of your life completely.

Einstein said that insanity is "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." And yet, you seem to encounter the same problems over and over again. Please get away from people who treat you like a child and tell you how to live your life. It will be much healthier for you in the long run.

 

[hereyago]

So disrespect is the answer? Neither is appropriate, especially the latter.

So YOU would not say anything to someone in this scenario? Sorry, but my DF would never have yelled at me as adult, my mom is different case, but sometimes the people who are going off depending on the situation don't deserve respect.

OP's situation is an ongoing thing and her family dynamics may be different from yours. Your family may have mutual respect and boundaries, but just because one family is respectful doesn't mean all others are.

 

[tvguy]

Yelling didn't work when they were kids, I would think it would have even less impact on an adult.

With my kids, who were pretty darn well behaved, nothing much worked with them when they misbehaved. Since they only strayed a little off track, it really wasn't much of an issue. Neither inherited the trait DW and I grew up with, which was not wanting to do ANYTHING that might upset our parents.

 

[Robinrs]

So YOU would not say anything to someone in this scenario? Sorry, but my DF would never have yelled at me as adult, my mom is different case, but sometimes the people who are going off depending on the situation don't deserve respect.

OP's situation is an ongoing thing and her family dynamics may be different from yours. Your family may have mutual respect and boundaries, but just because one family is respectful doesn't mean all others are.

I never said that anyone's family dynamic should be like mine. She asked, a bunch of people responded with their ideas, NONE of them know the family or this person personally. I responded to the person who said to yell back at a parent. In my world that is inexcusable. Adults should be able to reason with each other as adults without "yelling". No one on this earth would survive disrespecting one of my parents... but as I've found out on this board for the past 16 years, that doesn't happen in most families and I find that sad. It does happen in mine and all the ones I personally know. I know certain people were raised to say whatever they want to their elders, I was not.

 

[Robinrs]

Neither inherited the trait DW and I grew up with, which was not wanting to do ANYTHING that might upset our parents.

That was and still is my mantra. It's my son's, also. It's taught from a VERY young age and if it can continue if it's consistent, on both ends. Expecting respect and deserving respect takes time and is something that is disappearing in some cultures.

 

[Caropooh]

Will you please give us a bit more details? Did your mother yell at your DH because she was mad at you?

 

[dimimi]

Will you please give us a bit more details? Did your mother yell at your DH because she was mad at you?

I think you are right. Tinkerbell should not have to worry about her mother or her aunt yelling at her or her husband.

 

[disneyhand]

OP, I'm fairly certain that if you go back to almost any of the threads you've started in the past, you will find advice that works in this situation too.

You need to take that advice, it is always the same. It will solve all your problems with your family. Please.

 

[Laura66]

I'm not ready to throw the parents under the bus just yet.

The OP has a disability and comes here to ask for advise on many things- which is a great thing and I'm glad she feels comfortable here and that people here are so caring.

But . . . If you recall many if her posts she does seem to be hypersensitive, not able to read people very well and when she asks for help sometimes thinks suggestions she gets are a little brusque.

Listen, if a parent is yelling at you for no good reason or not being respectful that is so not okay. But if they are genuinely trying to help you and you don't like what they are saying, or maybe getting frustrated because they are trying to help you and perhaps raising their voice that's another thing altogether.

 

[lizziepooh]

I agree with Laura66. We don't have enough details to determine what the "yelling" entailed. From her previous posts, it sounds like OP has some challenges so maybe Mom is more involved in her life by necessity than a normal parent/adult child relationship.

When my daughter was younger and I would calmly try to correct or reprimand her, she would often say that I "yelled" at her when I really did not raise my voice.

Do OP and her husband live with Mom? Maybe the OP's mom was trying to give advice or direction and the OP (or her husband) takes it as "yelling" especially if it is advice or something that they don't want to hear. We just don't really know what the situation is.