When were you last victim of a mommy driveby

[testifyoncruises]

You can have your own beliefs, but telling me them in a public place (or private for that matter) is not welcome.

It would be like be waiting on the street outside your house to tell you that you are more likely to have a car accident and have your child injured than my child is to meet a "what if" at a restaurant.

 

[smschex]

I have never met a pediatrician or any doctor or medical professional that advocates spanking any child. never. those of us in the medical profession don't teach parents how to spank.

Allow me to introduce myself. No, I have never given lessons to a parent, but all of my children have, on rare occasions, had spankings.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

...a slap may be legal where you live but in this state it could constitute abuse, and it should,

I posted statutes, so unless you prove your case, you are just wrong and unwilling/unable to admit it.

if I saw you in the market and you said something I didn't like and I slapped your face, you could send me to jail for assault
why is it any different for a child, it isn't, it shouldn't be. slapping a child across the face is abusive. period..

It is, under the law. Again, unless you can refute the statutes that I posted, you are putting your opinions above the law. That is not the way that it works in America.

I consider it to be abusive, too - but that is my opinion, and my opinion carries no weight in court.

 

[npmommie]

I posted statutes, so unless you prove your case, you are just wrong and unwilling/unable to admit it.

It is, under the law. Again, unless you can refute the statutes that I posted, you are putting your opinions above the law. That is not the way that it works in America.

I consider it to be abusive, too - but that is my opinion, and my opinion carries no weight in court.

ok, you want to make me work eh?


In Massachusetts, there is no specific list of actions that constitute abuse. Moreover, a parent doesn't have to injure a child to be reported - as long "as the substantial risk of harm" is there. "The legislature has balanced opposing societal viewpoints," says Juliana Rice, an assistant attorney general representing the commissioner of the DSS. Recognizing that "what may be harmful for one child may not be harmful for another," the law does not define abuse in terms of parental conduct, but rather on the degree of harm to the child.

"Abuse" is defined as, the willful infliction of injury, unreasonable confinement, intimidation, including verbal or mental abuse, or punishment with resulting physical harm, pain or mental anguish or assault and battery; provided, however, that verbal or mental abuse shall require a knowing and willful act directed at a specific person.

so a slap in the child's face can be determined to be abuse here.

I can tell you that if I had a patient that was being slapped/hit by a parent in the face, I would have to report that since I am a mandated reporter.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

ok, you want to make me work eh?


In Massachusetts, there is no specific list of actions that constitute abuse. Moreover, a parent doesn't have to injure a child to be reported - as long "as the substantial risk of harm" is there. "The legislature has balanced opposing societal viewpoints," says Juliana Rice, an assistant attorney general representing the commissioner of the DSS. Recognizing that "what may be harmful for one child may not be harmful for another," the law does not define abuse in terms of parental conduct, but rather on the degree of harm to the child.

"Abuse" is defined as, the willful infliction of injury, unreasonable confinement, intimidation, including verbal or mental abuse, or punishment with resulting physical harm, pain or mental anguish or assault and battery; provided, however, that verbal or mental abuse shall require a knowing and willful act directed at a specific person.

so a slap in the child's face can be determined to be abuse here.

I actually looked up MA, as it is the most extreme state in the country - it even tried to make spanking illegal two years ago. But it failed. The people want to be able to continue to spank. So, in court, you would still have to prove that the child was placed in danger from the slap. Would not happen unless the parent tried to take the kid's head off.

No, a slap is not illegal - even in MA. Can it be? It would have to be one heavy handed slap that leaves bruises to even have a shot...

 

[npmommie]

I actually looked up MA, as it is the most extreme state in the country - it even tried to make spanking illegal two years ago. But it failed. The people want to be able to continue to spank. So, in court, you would still have to prove that the child was placed in danger from the slap. Would not happen unless the parent tried to take the kid's head off.

No, a slap is not illegal - even in MA. Can it be? It would have to be one heavy handed slap that leaves bruises to even have a shot...

Its not that we want to spank, we just don't like anyone, government especially to tell us what we can and can't do here

I happen to agree with her ( the woman who introduced the anti spanking bill) position though, why is it ok to hit a child but if I hit another adult I have committed a crime?

I don't agree with spanking, hitting, slapping a child, ever.
but thats just my opinion.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Its not that we want to spank, we just don't like anyone, government especially to tell us what we can and can't do here

I happen to agree with her ( the woman who introduced the anti spanking bill) position though, why is it ok to hit a child but if I hit another adult I have committed a crime?

I don't agree with spanking, hitting, slapping a child, ever.
but thats just my opinion.

I am cool with that. In fact, I am cool with a state making it illegal (though I wouldn't live in a state that passed a law like that)...

 

[Planogirl]

My son has been going to the restroom alone for quite a while. I waited just outside from the time he was about 5 and he went alone in restaurants since he was about 8. And if anyone had gotten in my face about it, they'd have gotten a pretty intense response. Trust me on that.

 

[npmommie]

Does anyone from new england or new hampshire remember the crazy guy that went in the bathroom in one of the state park areas in NH, up in the white mountains area? I think he got inside the toilet somehow, it was one of those out house log cabin type toilets, no flush or water, he was inside looking up!!!!

 

[NHdisneylover]

I agree with you. I've been letting my 13 y.o. be "independent for her age" all of her life. No doubt, many parents just are not comfortable with giving their kids that much freedom, but I really think the American media makes us much more scared of random abductions than we should be. My understanding is that a child is much more likely to be molested or hurt by someone he or she knows, perhaps quite well, than by a stranger.

Yep. I always think of it that I am taking a much bigger risk every time Isend them to school or to scouts or to ballet or to visit relatives than I am by letting them use a restroom.

I am not having my kids use restrooms alone so that they feel "proud" (I don't recall them ever acting that way after such a simple thing) nor so they could be more independnet (they are pretty independent beings probably reardless of that)--it is just one of those things people do so they do it too. I never analyzed it at the time; they just needed to go so they went. end of story.

This confuses me, so many here let their daughters go to the washroom by themselves. If that's the case how come when they grow up they go in pairs???

Maybe this is why I never have gotten the thing where we are supposed to want to go togetherI had no one to go with as a child

 

[FireDancer]

Interesting thread. It seems like a lot of people want to tell others how to raise and discipline their kids. I think short of criminal activity parents should be able to raise their children as they see fit. If they want to spank, spank. If they don't, don't. If they want to let their 6 year old go to the bathroom on their own in an environment they think is safe, let them. If they don't think it is safe, don't let them. If they have religious beliefs regarding medial attention, treatment, or vaccination, let them have them, even i they are different then yours.

I am not for nannying anyone and imposing what I think about anything on them. I don't have kids but the vast majority of my friends do. Some are very protective of them and hover, some just say be home before dark and don't kill yourself, and most are in the fat middle.

Growing up we lived in a safe neighborhood that had a lot of kids our age. In the summers we were gone practically the entire time the sun came up. We lived about a half mile from the school we went to from K through 8th grade and my grandma lived exactly half way in between. Some days my brothers and I would just walk home or to grandmas. Out little league field was about a half mile away and we rode our bikes to practice and games. All of us survived to adulthood. Perhaps we had a lot more freedom that some but just about every kid in our neighborhood had the same freedom. My mom was a get out there and do it person and she encouraged it in us. I know myself enough to know I will be the same. If this sounds like a way you want to allow your children to interact on their own independently it is fine with me. If it isn't that is fine also, just don't tell me which I should do.

When we misbehaved we were punished. Sometimes this included a spank, sometimes a slap across the face. Mom, Grandma, and Great Grandma were all Sicilian so sometimes it was a wooden spoon across some part of the body. We never felt abused and I can tell you that every single smack we fully deserved. A spanking or open hand slap is not a brass knuckle punch to the face. Feel free to slap or spank or don't. It isn't my business, and what I do isn't yours.

Almost all of the dangers that kids face today we faced as kids, it is just the medium that is different. I work in technology and this is a very discussed topic. The "stranger danger" approach is not the most important thing to worry about now and it wasn't then. More children are abused by people they know then those they don't. Some are family, some clergy, some teachers. Yes, there are some strangers, but we were too busy looking at the unlikely targets. Yes, the pervert that used to have to go to the park to try and abduct kids can sit at home now and do it on their computer. Yes, it is easier. It is also easier to click the "x" on the chat room as oppose to run away screaming hoping you are heard.

All the baby turtles don't make it to the sea. It is a sad fact of life. There will always be the kid buried in the neighbors back yard or the kid molested by the family friend that "no one saw coming". How a parent prepares their children for this and how much freedom they allow them and when is the prerogative of that child's parents provided they are not breaking the law.

I think everyone should do what they feel is right and stop telling their neighbors, both in the real world and the virtual, how to raise their children.

 

[babytrees]

I'm finally obviously pregnant, and had someone walk by at a restraunt and tell me I was horrible for drinking soda while pregnant and for eating a fish sandwich. I told her I appreciated her advice and that I would take it under consideration.

I've only spoken up to people with kids when it's obviously dangerous, like a child standing up in a shopping cart, or an infant not in a car seat (I did call the cops on that woman). Generally it's well recieved, except when they get arrested.

I always wondered why perfect strangers felt that they could tell me what I could or couldn't do while pregnant....that's the only time I've been mommy drive by'ed....but right now I am getting tired of getting constantly asked about my ankle. What is with nosy people?

 

[shortbun]

I would have been watching your daughter for you since you couldn't or didn't want to. I would never have said a word to you but since you asked, 6yo in a 'crowded restaurant' is too young to go alone. I drive a school bus and K-2nd are not allowed to board or deboard alone. Based on their maturity levels, they do not always make good choices when faced with trouble. I don't think you are a bad parent, just too trusting of others.

 

[DeniseinNS]

The only time I will let my 8 year old go to the washhroom by herself is if we are at a restaurant that is not too busy and I have a very good view of the bathroom door, if she is not back fairly quickly then I will go in and check on her. I usually wait in the bathroom for her. There are too many bad things that could happen so I'd rather not take any chances.

 

[monkeybug]

LOL, you can keep your ideas, thanks anyway

a slap may be legal where you live but in this state it could constitute abuse, and it should,
if I saw you in the market and you said something I didn't like and I slapped your face, you could send me to jail for assault
why is it any different for a child, it isn't, it shouldn't be. slapping a child across the face is abusive. period.



I have never met a pediatrician or any doctor or medical professional that advocates spanking any child. never. those of us in the medical profession don't teach parents how to spank.

You are absolutely right! The American Academy of Pediatrics is against spanking, and most childrens hospitals and pediatricians are as well, but because parents spank any ways, they do have guidelines in place for how to do it as safely as possible.
You can find these on many pediatric websites, and some hospital websites. I just grabbed the first one I saw after I googled it and it's from this website http://www.cpnonline.org
I also want to say very clearly, that I am NOT saying you are a bad parent if you spank, or that I am against spanking (it doesn't work for my family, doesn't mean it won't work for yours) I see lots of great kids come out of families on both sides of the fence. I do however have a problem with slapping a small child across the face, and that's where I was coming from originally.

From the website-
It is preferred that you not use spanking to discipline your child. Less than 50% of American parents still use some physical punishment in child rearing. It's gradually becoming less socially acceptable to spank. So if you have not changed your mind after reading these facts, please follow these safety guidelines:

* Always use other techniques (such as time-out) first. Only use spanking for behaviors that are dangerous or deliberately defiant of your instructions.
* Hit only with an open hand. It is difficult to judge how hard you are hitting your child if you hit him or her with an object other than your hand. Paddles and belts may cause bruises. Spanking should never leave more than temporary redness of the skin.
* Hit only on the buttocks, legs, or hands. Hitting a child on the face is demeaning as well as dangerous. In fact, slapping the face is inappropriate at any age. Your child could suddenly turn his head and the slap could damage his vision or hearing.
* Give only one swat. That's enough to change behavior. Spanking your child more than once may relieve your anger but will probably not teach your child anything else.
* Don't spank children less than 18 months old. Spanking is absolutely inappropriate before your child has learned to walk. Spanking should be unnecessary after the age of 6 years. After that you should be able to discuss problems with your child.
* Because of the serious risk of causing blood clots on the brain, never shake any young child.
* Use spanking no more than once a day. The more your child is spanked, the less effect it will have.
* Learn alternatives to spanking. Isolating a child in a corner or bedroom for a time-out can be very effective. Learn how to use other forms of discipline. Spanking should never be the main form of discipline a child receives.
* Never spank your child when you are out of control, scared, or drinking. A few parents can't stop hitting their child once they start. They can't control their rage. They must learn to walk away from their children and never use physical punishment. They should seek help for themselves from Parents Anonymous or other self-help groups.
* Do not spank your child for aggressive misbehavior, such as biting, hitting, or kicking. This teaches a child that it is all right for a bigger person to hit a smaller person. Aggressive children need to be taught restraint and self-control. They respond best to time-outs, which give them an opportunity to think about the pain they have caused. If you are not using time-outs, read more on how to make them work for you.
* Do not allow babysitters, child care staff, and teachers to spank your children.

 

[luvsJack]

I'm finally obviously pregnant, and had someone walk by at a restraunt and tell me I was horrible for drinking soda while pregnant and for eating a fish sandwich. I told her I appreciated her advice and that I would take it under consideration.

I've only spoken up to people with kids when it's obviously dangerous, like a child standing up in a shopping cart, or an infant not in a car seat (I did call the cops on that woman). Generally it's well recieved, except when they get arrested.

Good for you! When I had the child care center, we would have a local police officer come and sit at the end of the driveway (the building was on a hill, so we had a long driveway down to the road) and watch for parents with their children out of car seats. A few got mad, but at least I knew all my kids had a larger chance of getting home safely that night. I guess I was doing a "caregiver drive by"??


And good for the poster's husband that caused a scene in WalMart. Children should NEVER be slapped in the face and I don't give a rat's behind what the law says. Its WRONG. If you want to spank a child, go ahead and spank them on the butt; but don't slap anyone in the face. It's degrading and breaks down their self-esteem. If I witnessed someone slapping their child I would certainly speak up. Maybe if more people did it would shame these idiots that think its ok to degrade their child that way.


As for kids going to the bathroom alone, I don't think we ever set an age. DD is 11 and if its just us, I go with her. If one of her friends is with her they go together without me. I know that she is more likely to be abducted or molested by someone she knows, but there is always that very small chance and I can prevent it so why allow that chance to be there?

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

oops...I got replying to this post and decided to make it a new one, but I forgot to copy and paste and don't know how to delete it...just ignore this, the tittle of it has NOTHING to do with this thread...LOL

 

[testifyoncruises]

I know that she is more likely to be abducted or molested by someone she knows, but there is always that very small chance and I can prevent it so why allow that chance to be there?

Then why take any chances at all? Why drive in a car? Why to out to restaurants. It is about risks and risk tolerance. Since my child is more likely to suffer from food poisoning or start choking in a crowded restaurant than be molested in a bathroom, I will take my chances. They are not chances YOU are willing to take, but if someone insists on doing a mommy driveby and comment on my parenting style they are going to get told to go pound sand, pure and simple.

 

[luvsJack]

Then why take any chances at all? Why drive in a car? Why to out to restaurants. It is about risks and risk tolerance. Since my child is more likely to suffer from food poisoning or start choking in a crowded restaurant than be molested in a bathroom, I will take my chances. They are not chances YOU are willing to take, but if someone insists on doing a mommy driveby and comment on my parenting style they are going to get told to go pound sand, pure and simple.

I can remove one small chance of her not being safe without going overboard. And I do that. I am not trying to make her live in a cocoon. We can go places, have fun and eliminate that small chance of being un-safe by me just walking with her. I would not have said anything to you about your dd unless you did one of the other things mentioned in my post.

You seem awfully defensive for someone who thinks they are right in their parenting choices.

 

[JerseyJanice]

That's because they are afraid. Don't want to mess with those Jersey girls...

So true! We Jersey girls have a tough reputation for a reason.

I don't let my kids go alone, but its to make sure they remember to use their foot to flush.

You know, I didn't let DS go to public restrooms alone at 6 years old, but not because I was thinking a stranger would bother him. I was mainly worried about unsanitary conditions. I was afraid of him touching things he shouldn't.

I never let him clean up dog-doo either--at 6 or now at 13. I'll admit it--I like to shield him from germs. And I think it's my right as a parent to feel that way.