When were you last victim of a mommy driveby

[Liberty Belle]

It was funnny. We were on a cruise last week and not once did we accompany her from the table to the bathroom. People at the table were so complimentary of how we are raising our child. She always made it back just fine. It was in a local place of all things where this mommy driveby occurred.

DD knows what to do if grabbed to get people to pay attention. I am sure we would tell others to go pound sand if they commented on this or how we let our DD play out in our front yard by herself and ride her bike around the block by herself.

If we didn't live off the bottom of a hill, she would be riding her bike to swim practice without us as of last year, but people do drive way too fast down the hill and there are no sidewalks.

But a restroom visit, no big deal to us at all.

I am just curious as when was the last time others were victims of a mommy drive-by and how did you respond?

If at first you don't succeed...

 

[JessicaR]

I've never been a victim but I have been a drive-by Mommy once. If thats what you would call it. My husband and I were driving in a 40 mph zone when a convertible passed us with a 4 year old in the passenger seat. The car was doing 70 easily. They pulled into McDonald's and so did I. After I freaked on the driver I called the police.

 

[Ember]

There have been a lot of comments about how dangerous our world is, how many weirdos are out there, etc. Just because I was curious, I looked some things up:

In 1999, only 115 children were abducted by strangers with the intent to keep, kill or hold them for ransom. Though horrifying for those 115 and for society as a whole, the number does seem small, especially considering that there are 40 million children in the US. This would place the odds of a child being kidnapped and held or killed by a stranger at 1 in 347,000.

But statistics show that lots more children are taken by acquaintances or people they know, primarily for the purpose of sexually assaulting them, so the parental fear may not be as overblown as it seems.

A study conducted in 1999 by the National Incidence Studies of Missing, Abducted, Runaway and Throwaway Children or NISMART, found that in over 70% of stranger kidnapping victims were taken from outdoor areas like parks and playgrounds, and 7% were taken from public buildings like shopping malls.

Of these cases, approximately 90% are committed by males who are between 20-40 years old. In these cases, the child is returned alive less than 60% of the time. 4% are never found.

Most child abductions are perpetrated by family members. While the chances of a stranger abducting one’s child are slim, those who do get abducted by strangers are often sexually abused and killed.

Read more at Suite101: Statistics on Child Abduction: Parents Fear Kidnapping More Than Car Accidents - What are the Odds? http://child-abuse.suite101.com/article.cfm/statistics_on_child_abduction#ixzz0gb2G7MJF

Nearly 75% of the parents in U.S fear that their children might become victims of abduction.

http://www.ygoy.com/index.php/child-abduction-statistics/

Just to put this in perspective:

According to the National Center for Statistics and Analysis (NCSA), nearly 250,000 children are injured every year in car accidents.

This means that on any given day nearly 700 children are harmed due to accidents on our roadways. Of the 250,000 kids injured each year, approximately 2,000 die from their injuries. Children make up about 5% of total fatalities due to car accidents. In fact, for children between the ages of 2 and 14, motor vehicle accidents are the leading cause of death.

http://www.articlesbase.com/law-articles/children-car-accidents-the-alarming-statistics-695796.html

I have to say, looking at the actual statistics, the parents who allow their children to go pee on their own don't sound like they're terrible parents ricking their child's life and limbs every time they go into a bathroom...

 

[wenrob]

I wasn't there...SIL took my kids and her kids to the frog pond in Boston to skate. From what I was told, DD9 and her cousin were skating side by side while DD12 and younger cousin were nearby. Some guy comes up from behind and between DD9 and her cousin and started to pick DD up. DD12 and younger cousin yelled out her name and the guy put her down and skated away. SIL did not see it happen. DD12 tells me that a similar incident happened to her friend at the same place a few weeks ago so we are working with Boston police on it.

You know I had this happen a couple of times at the skating rink when I was a kid. In my case, the person was going way too fast and scooped me up rather then mow me down. I was back on my "feet" just as quick as I had been picked up. I do remember being scared to death the first time but then it not bothering me after that. Of course I was not there but this easily could have been the case. I'm glad your DD is okay and hope she wasn't frightened too badly.

On the bathroom I wasn't comfortable with it until eldest DD was about nine. I have to admit seeing very young ones alone in the rest room makes me very nervous for them (Jeremy Stroghmeigher anyone?) but I mind my own business. I do go into mama bear mode and keep an eye out for them until I see them with their parents. I'll also say a lot of them are not as confident as their parents think they are. I see more that look petrified to be in there alone then those who look confident.

 

[luvmy3]

I don't let my kids go alone, but its to make sure they remember to use their foot to flush.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

There have been a lot of comments about how dangerous our world is, how many weirdos are out there, etc. Just because I was curious, I looked some things up:...

I watched a news special about this a few years ago. They were doing investigative reporting about the dangers that face parents in the modern world. They were surprised to find that, statistically, our children are safer today than they have ever been. There are fewer abductions (per capita), and fewer sexual crimes against children. This in an era in which much more is discovered and reported.

Their conclusion - we feel less safe because the crimes are sensationalized. We used to only hear about local crime and we now hear about this kind of crime anywhere in the world - in real time. In other worlds, we are safer, but we don't feel that way...

 

[luvmy3]

I watched a news special about this a few years ago. They were doing investigative reporting about the dangers that face parents in the modern world. They were surprised to find that, statistically, our children are safer today than they have ever been. There are fewer abductions (per capita), and fewer sexual crimes against children. This in an era in which much more is discovered and reported.

Their conclusion - we feel less safe because the crimes are sensationalized. We used to only hear about local crime and we now hear about this kind of crime anywhere in the world - in real time. In other worlds, we are safer, but we don't feel that way...

Perhaps its because kids do not have the freedoms they did 'way back when'. I know when I was a kid, I wasn't home from morning until the street lights came on. There was no cell phone for my parents to call and ask me where I was. Nowadays there are parents who don't let their kids out in their own yard alone. I just wonder if things like that atre why the statistics say we are safer?

 

[momx2]

Yeah, my dad was one of those 6 mile kids back in 1919 -- he would have been 7 at the time, and actually his range was probably more like 20 miles. In 1921 he saved another boy's life when they were swimming as a group several miles from the middle of nowhere; the boy he saved was 6. (They had all been digging peat for cooking fuel, and it got hot so they went to swim to cool off.) My aunt tells me that all 8 of her siblings used to routinely hitch rides on fishing boats (with strangers !!) to get wherever they wanted to go. BTW, when my Dad was 10, a classmate of his brought a gun to school and threatened to shoot the teacher with it. Just goes to show that all the dangers we think are new really are not.

IMO, the word crowded makes all the difference in the OP's scenario. That story about the 12 yo and the lurking pervert actually happened at the restrooms at a beach park campground, and the guy walked in and out right past the aunt. Homeless people have been known to sleep in park restrooms, and there is usually almost no light and VERY little traffic in them, so yeah, I'd be careful there. However, in a crowded restaurant, as at WDW, the constant traffic in and out of the restrooms is a strong deterrent for your average perv -- too many witnesses. DS is 12, and I'm not sure when we first started letting him use public restrooms alone, but I'm thinking that he was probably around 5. If there is a lot of traffic he's good to go, if you'll pardon the pun.

If it is a restroom in any kind of quiet park or highway rest area, that's another story. I'll scope the ladies room and wait until it's empty, then send him in and wait at the door until he's finished. If it is night-time, then we're going to go find a restaurant or hotel lobby restroom to use in those circumstances, because then I don't think that it's safe for ME to walk into that deserted outdoor restroom.

As to the Mommy drive-by, no one has ever had the nerve to do that to me. However, in my case I don't think that anyone ever would. As a child I learned to wear a defensive posture in public, and strangers NEVER approach me -- I've been told that I have a very intimidating public demeanor.

I agree that it depends on the situation and/or place. My DD 12 has been going to bathroom by herself for many years. She has been taking her lil sis 8 for several year, but just a few nights ago we had to use a reststop on the interstate. I pulled up in front and could see the building, but couldn't see inside and there weren't any people around so I went with her. Sometimes I or her dad go in a store with her if we have to stop for just her sometimes we don't. If the store looks okay and we can see most of it from the car she goes in by herself. It's just a matter of parenting and knowing what you feel comfortable with.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Perhaps its because kids do not have the freedoms they did 'way back when'. I know when I was a kid, I wasn't home from morning until the street lights came on. There was no cell phone for my parents to call and ask me where I was. Nowadays there are parents who don't let their kids out in their own yard alone. I just wonder if things like that atre why the statistics say we are safer?

I guess my point is that parents always say things like, "You have to really watch your children, these days" and, "There are so many creeps out there, now" even though statistics show that there are fewer creeps out there and our children are safer than ever before. Maybe it is time to stop treating our children like there is a sexual predator checking them out every moment that they are out in public...

 

[testifyoncruises]

I guess my point is that parents always say things like, "You have to really watch your children, these days" and, "There are so many creeps out there, now" even though statistics show that there are fewer creeps out there and our children are safer than ever before. Maybe it is time to stop treating our children like there is a sexual predator checking them out every moment that they are out in public...

And there are not. Are children are in fact safer now in any time in the past. The incidents that make the news are in fact rare events.

People have been jumping to baseball parks and rest-stops. This was in a crowded restaurant on a Wednesday night. Big difference. But yes the mommy drive-bys I am sure would happen from those who cannot believe our DD rides her bicycle around the block out of eyesight. Now that she is starting soccer, I am sure we are going to hear it because we won't stay for the entire hour long practice and the same thing when swim team starts.

DP and I love it when DD shows those little flashes of independence.

 

[allison443]

I have never been the victim of "mommy drive-by" nor have I ever been a "drive-by mommy." I don't recall ever witnessing a "mommy drive-by" confrontation either.

Same here!

 

[Tinijocaro]

This confuses me, so many here let their daughters go to the washroom by themselves. If that's the case how come when they grow up they go in pairs???

It's called "Poly-fem-a-gab-a-toilet-ation", you know, women going to the bathroom in groups to gab! I coined this term while waiting for the bathroom at a college party.

 

[Mommy2cody]

I think as a parent everyone strives to do the best they can. Parenting is all subjective. Everyone has their own style. You do what you think is best for your child. I don't think that anyone has all the right answers.....I certainly don't and I don’t know anyone that does. We are all just doing the best we can. And every child is different. What one child can handle might be totally different then what another child can handle.

As for myself, personally, I don’t care what the statistics are. That 1 child out of how ever many was SOMEONES child. I am 100% sure if that parent knew their child was going to be that 1 that something happened to, they would have acted different. I am going to do what I feel is best for my child. I am the one that has to live with myself if he got hurt/kidnapped/rapped or anything else. I can't honestly say that letting my 9 year old in the restroom alone to feel "independent" is worth the risk, HOW EVER SMALL THAT RISK IS, that something is going to happen to him. There are other ways he can feel and be independent. I let him make his own choice on the clothes he wears, the food he eats, the activities he wants to participate in, but when it comes to certain situations, his safety out ways his "independence".

But that is MY child. Those are MY feelings. I am not saying that it is right for YOUR child. You do what YOU think is right for your child. But please don't tell me what you think is right for MINE because I am not telling you what to do with YOURS! There really is no reason to fight and argue about it.

 

[testifyoncruises]

Yes of course. It is when the royal you impose your beliefs unsolicited on me and my DP that a line is crossed and the royal you effectively get told to go pound sand!

 

[SnowWhite607]

I think as a parent everyone strives to do the best they can. Parenting is all subjective. Everyone has their own style. You do what you think is best for your child. I don't think that anyone has all the right answers.....I certainly don't and I don’t know anyone that does. We are all just doing the best we can. And every child is different. What one child can handle might be totally different then what another child can handle.

As for myself, personally, I don’t care what the statistics are. That 1 child out of how ever many was SOMEONES child. I am 100% sure if that parent knew their child was going to be that 1 that something happened to, they would have acted different. I am going to do what I feel is best for my child. I am the one that has to live with myself if he got hurt/kidnapped/rapped or anything else. I can't honestly say that letting my 9 year old in the restroom alone to feel "independent" is worth the risk, HOW EVER SMALL THAT RISK IS, that something is going to happen to him. There are other ways he can feel and be independent. I let him make his own choice on the clothes he wears, the food he eats, the activities he wants to participate in, but when it comes to certain situations, his safety out ways his "independence".

But that is MY child. Those are MY feelings. I am not saying that it is right for YOUR child. You do what YOU think is right for your child. But please don't tell me what you think is right for MINE because I am not telling you what to do with YOURS! There really is no reason to fight and argue about it.

Good point! I live in a small town in Louisiana. There have been 2 girls here that were kidnapped, one was raped and killed and one got away after she had been raped. One was kidnapped from her front yard while she played and one was kidnapped when a van drove up in front of her house and asked directions.

I have let my DD go when I could see the door and she just went in to blow her nose so I knew she would be out soon. I would have gone in to check on her if she was in there too long. But that is just about the first time she has gone by herself. Conversely, I will not let her wait outside when I have to go. She has to come in the restroom (not the actual stall) and stay outside the door and talk to me so I know she's there.

 

[fairestoneofall]

As for myself, personally, I don’t care what the statistics are. That 1 child out of how ever many was SOMEONES child. I am 100% sure if that parent knew their child was going to be that 1 that something happened to, they would have acted different. I am going to do what I feel is best for my child. I am the one that has to live with myself if he got hurt/kidnapped/rapped or anything else.

this right here is exactly how i feel. it just isn't worth it, to me, to take the chance.

that being said, DD8 doesn't really want me to leave her. when we are in public, she is pretty much attached to me, to the point where it can be annoying at times. but i'd rather her be attached to me than be permanently separated from me. DS5 would love to be allowed to go into the restroom by himself. but he is a little guy and i just don't trust him to be able to handle himself. nor do i want to have him potentially in that type of situation. the only place he goes in where i stand outside is at his preschool. and they keep the restroom doors open before preschool, so i can see in the entire time he's in there.

however, i would not tell someone how to raise their children. i might comment to my DH, but i wouldn't go up to anyone. the only exception would be if a child is in immediate danger and the parent is distracted (like the PP who posted about the infant with the plastic bag).

 

[bellebud]

I've got one that hasn't been brought up yet - in our local, small-town mcdonalds, a couple of young ladies were doing drugs in the women's restroom, and were so high they were behaving so oddly in the restroom someone told the manager, who called the police. I certainly wouldn't have wanted my child alone in that restroom.

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

I think as a parent everyone strives to do the best they can. Parenting is all subjective. Everyone has their own style. You do what you think is best for your child. I don't think that anyone has all the right answers.....I certainly don't and I don’t know anyone that does. We are all just doing the best we can. And every child is different. What one child can handle might be totally different then what another child can handle.

As for myself, personally, I don’t care what the statistics are. That 1 child out of how ever many was SOMEONES child. I am 100% sure if that parent knew their child was going to be that 1 that something happened to, they would have acted different. I am going to do what I feel is best for my child. I am the one that has to live with myself if he got hurt/kidnapped/rapped or anything else. I can't honestly say that letting my 9 year old in the restroom alone to feel "independent" is worth the risk, HOW EVER SMALL THAT RISK IS, that something is going to happen to him. There are other ways he can feel and be independent. I let him make his own choice on the clothes he wears, the food he eats, the activities he wants to participate in, but when it comes to certain situations, his safety out ways his "independence".

But that is MY child. Those are MY feelings. I am not saying that it is right for YOUR child. You do what YOU think is right for your child. But please don't tell me what you think is right for MINE because I am not telling you what to do with YOURS! There really is no reason to fight and argue about it.

Not a mom, so take my opinion with a grain of salt, but the bolded sentences are exactly what I was thinking. Statistics mean nothing to the individual.

 

[MIGrandma]

I don't care what the statistics are either. I wouldn't let my 6 year old child go into a public restroom alone. Even if they are taught what to do if someone grabs them, what if that person has a gun? And that person tells the child they will kill them if they scream? Do you think they are going to remember what their parents told them to do, or are they going to listen to the person who has the gun to their head? Yes, it doesn't happen very often but if it happens once that is once too many. I love my child too much to take that chance, especially in a crowded restaurant. I would go in with them, but let them go into the stall alone (I would stand outside in front of it), then watch as they washed their hands and we would go back to the table together. That way the child has some independence in being able to be in the stall alone, but yet I would be there making sure she was perfectly safe.

 

[npmommie]

Do you want me telling you how to raise your children? I've got some great ideas...

LOL, you can keep your ideas, thanks anyway

Neither can I, but I also can't imagine using a belt to whip my children. I didn't say that I agreed with the action - just that it is legal, and being so, it is none of my business.

If the parent were to begin beating the child, I would have done everything in my power to stop the beating. But a slap is legal - just as letting a small child go into a restroom on their own is legal...

a slap may be legal where you live but in this state it could constitute abuse, and it should,
if I saw you in the market and you said something I didn't like and I slapped your face, you could send me to jail for assault
why is it any different for a child, it isn't, it shouldn't be. slapping a child across the face is abusive. period.

Nope not taking what if's to far. Childrens hospitals and pediatricians (some) actually have "guidelines" for safely hitting/spanking children. They don't recommend ever hitting a child in the face for those reasons.

I have never met a pediatrician or any doctor or medical professional that advocates spanking any child. never. those of us in the medical profession don't teach parents how to spank.

I can't remember at what age I started letting my kis go to the BR by themselves. they are 13 11 and 9. There are some places that I won't let my 11 year old daughter or 9 year old son( He is physically tiny) go to the bathroom by themselves. Contrary to some beliefs here on the board, it won't keep them from being independent, in fact it may allow them to become that way by living and not being kidnapped or molested.

I do let them go b themselves if I am in a place that I know very well and feel comfortable, also, I would never do a mommy drive by.

I have to wonder, why so many people say their kids are so proud when they go to a public restroom by themselves, it is just like going at home, but with more toilets. I guess for some kids it doesn't take much. My kids could care less if they go alone or not, they know in their minds that they can actually use the BR by themselves. If they can go at home alone, they are physically capable of going alone in a public place.

Also you can instruct a five or 6 year old on what to do, but in a moment of terror if someone is trying to take them or do God knows what to them, do you really think that they have the maturity to cam down and think through what you have taught them. I wasn't willing to take that chance with my little ones. If you want to go ahead. By the way, my kids are very independent, even though I did accmpany them to the public bathroom. I hardly thinks that constitutes helicoptor parenting.