When to Fess Up about Santa Claus?

[cyndibelle]

mine are 8 and 5 right now and they totally believe..my 8 year old daughter asks me questions from time to time..but nothing i cant answer honestly and still keep it under wraps...there is just this great excitement wondering what santa is going to bring....

 

[bigbabyblues]

I have a friend who doesn't let their kids believe in Santa. They told my 4-yo that Santa wasn't real when we were looking at my friend's Christmas pictures. DS said if she didn't believe in Santa, that must be why she only got 3 things.

 

[binny]

We have never "fessed up"

When ds 10 asked this year we said " Well, you can believe or not believe, that is up to you. What you may NEVER do though is spoil it for someone who deos" he said " Ok mom" and he's been true to his word. He thinks he's " in on something"

He wasnt angry or felt betrayed.

 

[AnaheimGirl]

A little OT, but we're considering buying dd8 a trampoline. She asks constantly and we keep telling her no, they're too dangerous, we don't have enough space for one, etc, mostly because we are still mulling it over and don't to get her hopes up (she thinks maybe means yes). Anyway, if we decide to get her one, we'll keep saying no, then have Santa bring it. That'll keep her believing for a while longer, I think.

 

[Sthronds]

My parents had to tell me the truth to keep me calm. When I was a child I had pretty severe asthma and was in the hospital for treatments a couple times a month. When I was in 3rd grade, I had a bad attack and my parents took me to the emergency room. When we got home, the sun was just coming up and I saw that Santa hadn't arrived yet. I panicked! I cried and was convinced that since we were not home, Santa had skipped our house. My parents had to tell me the truth in order to keep me from ending up back in the hospital. I still rememer seeing those empty stockings. It was one of the saddest moments of my life.

 

[AMcaptured]

I will never understand why a parent feels "compelled" to tell a child about Santa, EVER! They figure it out soon enough on their own from friends. Why sit them down and talk to them about it? They are babies for such a short time,what is the rush?

AM

 

[MinnieM3]

>>>>>

There is so much wisdom in that post, I can hardly begin to describe it.

Yes Virginia, I still (and will always) believe.

bingo! I've never told my kids there is no Santa. I still believe and I still get a present from Santa! It's just part of the fun! DD is 20, DS is 17 and DS is 6. Also, gifts from mom and dad are wrapped. Santa does not wrap presents... they are just *there* on Christmas morning! WOW! How does he do that!!??

 

[FranP]

We told DD and DS that when they were little, Santa brought all their presents - but as they got older, Santa brought fewer and fewer and Mommy and Daddy picked up the slack until eventually Mommy and Daddy got all the presents - this worked for quite a while and satisfied their curiosity for a long time - when they finally realized the truth, they were OK with it and I think appreciated the fact that we let them "believe" for as long as they did. DD still talks about the fantasy, and she'll be 30 this year!!!!! We also covered the problem of many different Santas in many different places (malls, parties, parades) by telling the kids that the Santa at Macy's in New York City was the "real" Santa and all the others were clones - Oh, thank heavens for science and technology LOL!!!!!

 

[LaLa]

Seeing their eyes light up with excitement and wonder warms my heart more than all the "thanks, moms" I get on other gift occasions

That's the thing, isn't it? There is nothing like seeing those sleepy faces with smiles from ear to ear on Christmas morning. I cherish those moments and will be heartbroken once they are gone. Somehow the idea of just exchanging gifts with them just won't be the same. I will hold onto the magic as long as I can for them and for me.

One of my favorite memories as a child is the Christmas when I was five years old. My brother (2 yrs older) came running into mine and my sister's room before the crack of dawn. Everything was still pitch black, but I felt him nudge my shoulder and whisper. "Come see. He came!"

We shot out of bed like a light, wiping the sleep from our eyes. I can still feel the cold hardwood flooors under my feet as we ran into the living room and there in all its illuminated glory was CHRISTMAS. There were no lights on except the lights on our tree and it shone on all of the toys that Santa left...the dolls, a little piano, a guitar for my brother that year.... I remember straining my eyes the night before looking out the front window, trying my hardest to spot Santa's sleigh.

Those are the priceless memories I want my kids to have. DH and I have so much fun each year on Christmas Eve. I swear, I think time turns back each year at Christmas and there we are, 5 years old again, living it all over through their eyes.

To spoil that, well, I can't even imagine.

 

[WIcruizer]

I still can't believe you all let this go on indefinitely. You would let your son or daughter argue to the end with kids in middle school that there really IS a Santa!?!? I never realized this was so common. I can't say there's an exact age, but probably 5th grade is about the time they need to know, if they haven't completely figured it out. And there's something just feels wrong to mislead an 11 or 12 year old when they ask the question.

It's selfish to try to hold on to the dream at the expense of the children. I can just picture a 12 year old boy arguing with his peers about Santa. Talk about social suicide! I would never put my kids in that position, and it's not worth it. Christmas is about so many things bigger than Santa anyhow.

 

[binny]

Selfish?

I dont think you saw anyone say that they encourage it, they just say that they dont ruin it.

Has my 10 year old figured it out? Sure. Have I left some of the magic in Christmas by just telling him that he isnt allowed to ruin it for anyone else? You bet.



I dont think any 11 or 12 or 13 year old kid is going to defend that there is a Santa. None of us would let our child commit "social suicide" Im sure if someone thought their child wasnt just playing along they would step in.


I think just knowing that there is the magic there is all that matters.

 

[LaLa]

Christmas is about so many things bigger than Santa anyhow.

I do agree with you on this. Our kids are taught the real meaning of Christmas, believe me. Santa is a very distant second.

As far as Santa, I think by middle school, they have probably all pretty much figured it out on their own anyway, even if they keep it to themselves.
But I'm talking 7 years old here. There's no way I'm telling my 7 YO there's no Santa just for the sake of telling him.
Childhood is fleeting. They will grow up soon enough. I am not rushing it. If you choose to do it differently, that's your perogative.

 

[georgina]

I was relieved to tell my youngest that we were the ones buying the presents. I think she was 9. The whole pretense was getting to me. We still talk about Santa as an idea, but she knows there is a price limit on Santa, and why we buy gifts for kids who might not otherwise get any.

I have a friend who doesn't let their kids believe in Santa. They told my 4-yo that Santa wasn't real when we were looking at my friend's Christmas pictures. DS said if she didn't believe in Santa, that must be why she only got 3 things.

That is one of my problems with the whole santa thing - that you get tons of gifts. Perhaps some parents can only afford 3 things per child, and the kids wonder why their friends got 10 things. Or maybe some parents only want to buy 3 gifts per child; unfortunately Santa is mixed up in the overcommercialization of Christmas.

However, I am running around the house putting candy in shoes left out for St Nicholas tonight!

 

[cheerful chickadee]

DS is 9 and has asked a few questions over the years that I've dodged pretty successfully. I've tried to prepare him for the truth. I told him that the older you get the less Santa brings and that mom & dad will be the ones that get him most of his gifts. I've also started using the same wrapping paper for all the gifts and the same tags so the ones from us look the same as the ones from Santa.

He's come home from school saying so and so has said Santa isn't real and I just tell him that if he believes in Santa then he's real, it's all about the spirit of the season. I actually think he knows the truth but keeps the spirit alive by not verbalizing his suspicions. This year he didn't feel the need to go see Santa at the mall, he must think he's too old or too cool to go see him. He also made a Christmas list and handed it to me saying "here's some Christmas suggestions mom". Up until now he's always made a list and gave it to Santa when we went to see him. If he doesn't know by now then this will probably be the last year that he believes.

 

[worm761]

i was in second grade when my teacher told the whole class. i never told my parents. my mother was so disappointed when she realized i didn't believe. but i let her believe that i believed.

my DS is 9. and this year asked me if i believed in santa. i told him yes. in this house, i am santa. and since i believe i am real. technically i didn't lie. LOL and he didn't ask if he was real only if i believed. but i know that he is really trying to believe. he emailed santa but doesnt want to go see him at the mall. i think he wants to believe because if you don't then santa doesn't bring you presents anymore. but that he is too logical and is figuring it out.

 

[Mariposa]

DD came home from school one day this year (she was 7) and told me that a bunch of kids in her class were making fun of her for believing that her dad could do 'magic' (you know, pull a quarter out of her ear, make it disappear, etc).. Even her teacher had told her it was just a trick (which I think just made her more upset, and fueled the fire with the kids doing the picking).. Well, we had to tell her he wasn't really doing magic and showed her how the tricks work. She was VERY angry at us for lying to her about the whole thing and asked if we lied to her about anything else. Well, as angry as she'd been about the whole thing we decided to come clean about Santa (there'd already been some questions about that as well, so the truth wasn't far off anyway, I don't think)... Oooooooh boy, she was irate that we hadn't told her the truth about Santa before.

So, in summary, I think it depends on the kid.

 

[Marseeya]

I will never understand why a parent feels "compelled" to tell a child about Santa, EVER! They figure it out soon enough on their own from friends. Why sit them down and talk to them about it? They are babies for such a short time,what is the rush?

AM

Maybe because every child is different!

I never thought I'd have to sit down and have the talk with my kids and it was something I never really wanted to do. I didn't with my son -- he figured it out on his own and was fine with it. My DD wanted my confirmation and she asked me flat out, begging me to be honest and serious with her, so I was. She'd asked in the past, but she'd never been so sincere before. I wasn't about to sit there and prevaricate when she was so dead serious.

That, IMO, would have been completely wrong.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Originally Posted by AMcaptured
I will never understand why a parent feels "compelled" to tell a child about Santa, EVER! They figure it out soon enough on their own from friends. Why sit them down and talk to them about it? They are babies for such a short time,what is the rush?

AM


My 9yodd started suspecting things in second grade. She would give us the 20 doubting questions and think we were crazy with our answers, she is very logical.

Over the summer she sat me down and wanted to know the truth and I told her. Of course 14yodd tells me she still believes in Santa and DH & I all agree with her.

My 9yo....nope, she thinks we are bananas. Some kids just are not into "Santa fun". In fact she said we could do away with all the "Christmas stuff"!!!! AAACK, who is this kid?

That is how my younger dd is. Logical and would prefer her vacation time off of school to be put to better use. Gotta love her!!!

 

[damo]

My son really believe in Santa, Easter Bunny, etc. until he was about 4. Then he was sceptical. My daughter believed until she was about 11. I didn't tell either any different and both believed as long as they could. Kids will figure it out when the time is right. There are enough clues.

 

[Tiffann4k]

My kids have always known there was no santa. I dont find it nice to lie and decieve my kids into thinking there is a Santa only to have them feel hurt and betrayed later in life when they find out there is no santa. I have seen 7-8 year old kids get horrendously picked on because they still believed in Santa.

I am sure I will probably get flamed for this for one reason or another but frankly I dont care, its my opinion and its also your opinion/decision on what you want to tell your children.