?? When the parents of the Groom can't afford the...

[Loverly]

Rehearsal Supper????

My good friend's son is engaged. He is a schoolteacher-special ed. He is marrying a young lady from a wealthy family in another state.

Friend was told she could invite 250 to wedding (estimated $50,000 wedding)..........she jokingly said she might know 50 or so to invite and majority probably won;t go.

There are 12 Bridesmaids and 12 groomsmen.
Do these usually bring a date to rehearsal supper?

Right now the engaged couple is choosing the venue they want for rehearsal supper & told my friend it would probably be 100 with an open bar!

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

My sister paid for her son's rehersal dinner. There were 9 bridesmaids and groomsmen along my myself and DH, future in-laws and all of the wedding party brought dates. My sister paid for the dinner and $250 toward the bar bill and then it was pay as you go. Your friend just needs to set limits and do it early on.

 

[clgwli]

I don't see the problem. If your friend cannot afford it, she needs to tell her son. Weddings shouldn't be unlimited budgets unless the parents paying for them tells them this. She needs to speak up now.

For our wedding my DH's family paid for nothing. We knew that going in. Not a big deal as we figured it out and made it work. No one is ever *required* to pay for anything when it comes to a wedding.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

She isn't paying for it is she?

The groom's parents plan the venue. If someone else is planning it then I would be up front about finances with the future IL's of her son.

Communication up front is key. I would not rely on emails either. Call the future IL's directly and speak about it.

 

[waltsgirl]

They should speak with their son and tell him how much they will pay. Anything above that the bride and groom can pay or the bride's family-whoever wants to.

 

[My2Cinderellas]

Your friend needs to sit down with the couple and give them 2 options. If they want her to pick up the tab and she is willing, then your friend picks the location and the menu. Option 2 is to say this $$ amount is what I am willing to contribute. The couple would then be responsible for anything above $$ amount.

Hosting a dinner can be done tastefully and on a budget. It doesn't have to be a "keep up with the Jones'" competition.

 

[claudia]

they need to speak with their son and tell them what they can and cannot afford. My son knew the approximate price range we could afford to pay and then checked out a few places that he thought would be nice and gave us the option of picking the one we wanted.

 

[Chuck S]

I had some friends that got married a couple of years ago. His family could not afford a big rehersal dinner. They had a BBQ at their home for the rehersal dinner, and it was just fine.

Personally, I'm a big fan of the "Elope to Vegas" type weddings, save the price of the big fancy wedding and use it for a down payment on a house, furniture, etc. Especially in the current economy.

 

[Loverly]

I agree with telling her son what her budget is. (He's in his 30's)
I think she's overwhelmed with the whole thing, being modest in her income.
She has only been married to her DH for 5 years and the Father of son is pretty much not involved.

 

[Loverly]

I had some friends that got married a couple of years ago. His family could not afford a big rehersal dinner. They had a BBQ at their home for the rehersal dinner, and it was just fine.

.

She really wants to do something like this-two semi Gourmet cooks in her family-but wedding location is 8 hours away , so the venue is a challenge

 

[TLSnell1981]

Rehearsal Supper????

My good friend's son is engaged. He is a schoolteacher-special ed. He is marrying a young lady from a wealthy family in another state.

Friend was told she could invite 250 to wedding (estimated $50,000 wedding)..........she jokingly said she might know 50 or so to invite and majority probably won;t go.

There are 12 Bridesmaids and 12 groomsmen.
Do these usually bring a date to rehearsal supper?

Right now the engaged couple is choosing the venue they want for rehearsal supper & told my friend it would probably be 100 with an open bar!

There was a recent thread..discussing the cost of weddings today. Sadly, $50,000 is considered "average" in many areas. I don't know how they are going to have a wedding of that size for "only" $50,000.

That being said... your friend needs to let her son know what she can afford...plain and simple. There's no reason to go into debt for something she can't afford.

 

[golfgal]

If he is in his 30's then WHY would he even expect his mom to pay ANYTHING. Sorry but the days of parents paying for weddings is LONG past in my book.

 

[clh2]

OK - not everyone may agree with my opinion here. And, really, it is my opinion, everyone else it entitled to their own.


There is no firm, hard fast rule that the groom's parents HAVE to pay for the rehearsal dinner. Those are simply guidelines from years, and years ago.

FWIW - my FIL gave my DH and I $50 for a wedding gift. He simply did not have $$ for a rehearsal dinner. My DH and I paid for that. And most of the wedding too.

Personally, I would invite the guests of the attendants to the rehearsal dinner. It is simply polite. There are other "special" guests that may warrant in invite too. We invited any sibs (DH was from a large family) that were not part of the wedding. We invited the parents, pastor and his wife, the musicians (all were friends of the family), and probably a few others too.

It is the responsibility of the grooms parents to simply discuss the budget with the bride and groom. An easy way to do this is: "We have a budget of $XXXX for the rehearsal dinner. If you would like us to pay for the entire dinner, our suggestion is "YYY". While EXPENSIVE PLACE is lovely, and their food is great, if you would like to contribute the balance over the budget, that would be fine with us."

Now granted, we've been married for almost 19 years, we have about 25 people at our rehearsal dinner. It was a very informal get together at a local Italitan/pizza place. We had our own room reserved. 2 or 3 people left the rehearsal a little bit early to get some pizza's ordered. We offered beer/soda for beverages. Someone wanted a salad in addition to the pizza, and someone didn't care for pizza, so they ordered an entree. We brought in a cake. Our servers did a great job with us. Our total cost for this was around $200, which included the tip, food, beverage and cake. This was a very relaxing evening, and we all had a really fun time!

Each of my sisters also had low cost, but very, very nice rehearsal dinners. The MIL of one sister booked the clubhouse room at her condo building, and they did the 6-foot subs along with a bunch of other food. I loved this, there game tables (i.e. pool and a foosball table) as well as a fireplace. My other sister's rehearsal dinner was also very nice - it was hosted by one of her friends, in a lovely restored Victorian style house.

There are many creative ways to have a rehearsal dinner, it should not break the bank.

 

[momrek06]

We are going through this right now.

As the groom's parents we are paying for the rehearsal dinner. For 30 people will run approx $3500.00.

The only ones attending are the bridal party and their dates, parents and grandparents of bride and groom.

We have also invited the 3 priests saying the wedding Mass as well as the 3 readers at the Mass.

No Open Bar at all. The rehearsal dinner (as told to me by the wedding planner) should be no more than 3 hours. It is a forum for the bride and groom to thank their bridal party. She suggested we not have allot of drinking as the wedding is the next day and you do not want any hangovers...you want everyone refreshed and ready for the big day.

I will be having carafes of wine, soda and water on all the tables.

DS has been engaged over a year and we have known about the rehearsal dinner for some time. We have been saving for this event. DS, DF and DF's parents and DH & I all went to this restaurant (May '08) and had dinner and it was lovely. We then agreed this would be the place.

***We are also paying for all the flowers for the bridal party as well as the videographer.

 

[ericamanda01]

That sounds like an engagement party, not a rehearsal dinner. I always thought the rehearsal dinner was only for the wedding party and parents, no dates. Every wedding I have been in has been this way. I can't believe how out of control weddings are these days.

 

[emma'smom]

Skipping the open bar would shave a lot off the cost. How about just wine with dinner and call it done. They'll probably be an open bar at the wedding....and no one should get too hammered anyway, they have a big day ahead of them!

 

[mom2rb]

My MIL insisted on paying for our rehearsal dinner, she has very little money. I had about 30 people at the dinner. To cut down on the cost, I had the dinner at a very nice Chinese restaurant. I had egg rolls, fried rice and two main course orders. I think I ordered 30 egg rolls, 6 fried rice, 6 General Tsos Chicken, and 6 Pepper Steak. We had tons of food and the price was very reasonable for my MIL.

 

[Stacerita]

Your friend needs to tell their son what the limit will be that they will pay. And they need to talk to him to make sure he understands that its not unlimited funds. The sooner the better.

 

[MushyMushy]

I agree with whoever asked why the parents are expected to pay if he's 30?? I would think if my kids hadn't married by then, they can afford to pay for it themselves.

 

[momrek06]

I agree with telling her son what her budget is. (He's in his 30's)
I think she's overwhelmed with the whole thing, being modest in her income.
She has only been married to her DH for 5 years and the Father of son is pretty much not involved.

Oh...I missed that when I posted. Yes, why can't he pay for a portion of the dinner?

Cut out the Open Bar. That would be a savings.

I asked the Wedding planner at the restaurant if we could have a buffet...nope, has to be a sit down meal. She said "to save some money you could select ONE meal for all"...which I did. No one will be ordering anything.

I asked if we could bring in the wine ourselves but she said no, state law does not allow for the liquor/alcohol to be brought into the restaurant. I understood.