?? When the parents of the Groom can't afford the...

[Nancy]

If he is in his 30's then WHY would he even expect his mom to pay ANYTHING. Sorry but the days of parents paying for weddings is LONG past in my book.

If they are both working I do hope they are paying for part of the wedding.

For my rehearsal dinner my in laws did pay for it, they picked the place and they picked the menu. I don't remember if they even asked me if that was ok. I just went along with whatever I was told.

I know it was bridal party and my family, dates and spouses were invited but I know none of the guys brought theirs and I don't remember anyone but my soon to be SIL bringing her boyfriend.

When my SIL got married her in laws couldn't afford to do a rehearsal dinner, we just wen akc to the inlaws after and hot pizza/wings/ and drinks. Same with one of my girlfriends for the same reason..couldn't afford the big shibang

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I don't understand why when two people decide to get married they think that everyone else has to pay for their party. If you want to get married then save up and have what you want. If it turns out that your family wants to give you money towards it then consider it a bonus. It is not anyone's responsibility to pay for your wedding but your own. Sorry but I cannot stand the whole demanding couple nonsense.

 

[Anewman]

Parents are not required to pay for anything... Some choose to, but there is no requirement.

I paid for my wedding, and I might choose to give my kids a nice gift when they choose to marry. No way I will pay for a wedding or rehersal dinner.

 

[Nancy]

I don't understand why when two people decide to get married they think that everyone else has to pay for their party. If you want to get married then save up and have what you want. If it turns out that your family wants to give you money towards it then consider it a bonus. It is not anyone's responsibility to pay for your wedding but your own. Sorry but I cannot stand the whole demanding couple nonsense.

When I got married my parents did pay for some of it, but I never expected them to. I actually told my dad that I was worried about the cost and didn't want him paying so much. His comment was that "any cost is worth it if I get to walk you down the aisle" to this day I don't know if that meant he was sad to get rid of me or if he was happy to be getting rid of me.

That said, I did try to keep costs down. DH and I paid for the music, the bar bill, the cake, the invitations, and of course I bought my own dress and veil. We really had a pretty basic wedding, no special table decor, no huge amounts of flowers (my inlaws paid for flowers so I kept those costs down as much as I could too). I had silk flowers so the flowers that were on the alter went to the reception for the decoration for the head table.


Now my SIL was the "I'm entitled to it" bride. Her wedding was expensive, she paid for nothing. Her comment was "my parents have been saving all their lives for my wedding so I can spend whatever I want". Unfortunately no they weren't saving all their lives but they never opened their mouths and told her that, instead they took out a home equity loan to pay for it.

 

[MushyMushy]

I don't understand why when two people decide to get married they think that everyone else has to pay for their party. If you want to get married then save up and have what you want. If it turns out that your family wants to give you money towards it then consider it a bonus. It is not anyone's responsibility to pay for your wedding but your own. Sorry but I cannot stand the whole demanding couple nonsense.

That's the way it was for us. When DH and I got married, we were going to do what we could afford -- which was low-key and cheap. Meaning I was going to wear a summer dress and we'd have an outdoor wedding with just a few of our closest friends. My parents really wanted us to do it "right" (in their eyes), so they paid for it. I had a traditional wedding after that, and in no way did I ever demand anything for it.

We've discussed it before in other threads, but I will never get these outrageously expensive weddings. If I had to choose between a $50,000+ wedding or going to a justice of the peace, I'd be at the JoP in a heartbeat. I think these wedding industries should go out of business!

 

[bimshire]

We've discussed it before in other threads, but I will never get these outrageously expensive weddings. If I had to choose between a $50,000+ wedding or going to a justice of the peace, I'd be at the JoP in a heartbeat. I think these wedding industries should go out of business!

And wouldn't that $50K be a nice down payment on a first home?

 

[Loverly]

Just curious, but does the son have any siblings? What have they done for the others? !

He has a slightly older sister who has a long term boyfriend (he is close to the mom's age )....so this is a "first" for my friend-a retired schoolteacher.

Remember-the young man is a teacher (to me , that means kinda "poor") and possibly he is being railroaded by this rich "Princess" who has to have her "Dream wedding"

 

[audrabolster]

I had some friends that got married a couple of years ago. His family could not afford a big rehersal dinner. They had a BBQ at their home for the rehersal dinner, and it was just fine.

Personally, I'm a big fan of the "Elope to Vegas" type weddings, save the price of the big fancy wedding and use it for a down payment on a house, furniture, etc. Especially in the current economy.

We had a BBQ at a local redwood forest and it was FUN!

I don't understand why there would be that many people at the rehearsal dinner? We just invited the people who were in the wedding and their dates, and immediate family.

 

[Loverly]

We had a BBQ at a local redwood forest and it was FUN!

I don't understand why there would be that many people at the rehearsal dinner? We just invited the people who were in the wedding and their dates, and immediate family.

Bride and groom= 2
There are 12 bridesmaids and 12 groomsmen + dates= 48
Parents, divoreced , remairried= 6

Siblings and dates= 6 to 8 (??)
Grandparents = 4-8 possibly
so now we are in the 70 range

I'm guessing flowergirls and parents, ringbeared, the priest, an Aunt or Uncle

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Bride and groom= 2
There are 12 bridesmaids and 12 groomsmen + dates= 48
Parents, divoreced , remairried= 6

Siblings and dates= 6 to 8 (??)
Grandparents = 4-8 possibly
so now we are in the 70 range

I'm guessing flowergirls and parents, ringbeared, the priest, an Aunt or Uncle

Yep, you are looking at a "wedding" for the rehearsal dinner.

There is nothing wrong with it if you can afford it. However, sounds like your friend needs to talk with the IL's directly and the son/DIL to be.

The sooner the better. I would not want any misunderstandings and if the parents are wealthy they can pay for it.

Let's be honest, 12 bridesmaids/groomsmen and the other people included are going to cost a fortune.

 

[Alex2kMommy]

I don't think rehearsal dinners always need to be completely covered by the groom's family, although I guess that has been my experience: Our rehearsal dinner was held at the hotel my MIL managed. It was lovely, great food and a little more formal. My brother's rehearsal dinner was at a Chinese restaurant. A friend's rehearsal dinner was at a pizza restaurant her family had enjoyed for years. Very casual, relaxed, and a lot of fun! Rehearsal dinners don't have to be really formal or really expensive, and certainly don't have to have an open bar.

I'm a bit surprised that this couple is expecting a retired schoolteacher to fund dinner with open bar for 70 - 100 people! If my child were to expect something like that, I'd let him know how much money I was willing to put toward that, and let him and his future spouse figure out how to pull it off. I don't think this woman should go into debt over a rehearsal dinner!

Also, the fact that the couple (or at least the groom) is in his 30s makes me more inclined to think they should fund a lot of their own wedding festivities. I just think they put unreasonable expectations on his mother. DH and I were just out of college when we married, but we paid for at least half of our wedding costs. We cut costs however we could, and WE went into debt to pay for what we wanted, not my parents!

 

[ntsammy5]

We've had two daughters get married - the first one we paid for everything - rehearsal dinner, bar, everything. The groom's family didn't have the money. It was the right thing to do as far as we were concerned. Daughter number 2 it was not an issue.

With the middle child, when he gets married, hopefully to his current GF, we'll end up paying for everything again. Oh well - at least it won't be $50,000.

 

[kidzmom3]

its a fairly common practice now to invite the wedding party, both families and any out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner. That said, they should be upfront about their financial circumstances to their son. He can take it from there.

 

[TLSnell1981]

its a fairly common practice now to invite the wedding party, both families and any out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner.

That's what we did when DS was married. Oh, and of course they all brought spouses or significant others.

 

[ksjayhawks]

Personally, I think rehearsal dinners have gotten a bit out there anyway. It is supposed to be for the wedding party and spouses only--including both sets of parents and grandparents and the wedding official and spouse. Not friends, other family, dates, etc. It is supposed to be an intimate time for the wedding couple to spend with their family and closest friends.

I have to agree with this! If all siblings, spouses, children, aunts, uncles, out of town guests are invited, it is almost like a second reception!


I agree with the suggestions that the mog meet with her son and future dil and tell them the amount she can spend for the rehearsal dinner.

Is she expected to kick in money for any other expenses? She should find out now, so she knows the total that is expected and then she can tell them this is what I can afford to give you towards the rehearsal dinner/wedding.

 

[castleview]

I had some friends that got married a couple of years ago. His family could not afford a big rehersal dinner. They had a BBQ at their home for the rehersal dinner, and it was just fine.

Personally, I'm a big fan of the "Elope to Vegas" type weddings, save the price of the big fancy wedding and use it for a down payment on a house, furniture, etc. Especially in the current economy.

We did a rehearsal barbecue and it was great. Even if DH's family did have the money for something big, we didn't want two straight days of formal eating. I can't imagine asking anyone to do an open bar for the rehearsal dinner.

I also agree about eloping. If we were to do it again, we would take a dream trip to Australia and get married while there.