When is it time for kids to move out?

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

The minute the kids go to college we're selling the house and buying a 1 bedroom condo.

In Belize!

Seriously, I think part of becoming an adult is setting up and caring for your own household.

We'll be helping DD's to do that, of course, but coming back to crash at the folks house after college won't be an option.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Living in a crappy apartment in an unsafe area with a roommate that you may or may not be able to trust isn't an essential rite of passage in life.

....ohhhh, but it SO is!

Along with driving a car that is SO crappy that you've duct taped the seats back together, it squeaks constantly, and the check engine light has been on so long you think it needs to start blinking before anything REALLY bad happens.

Adversity builds character.

 

[bluesaturn]

....ohhhh, but it SO is!

Along with driving a car that is SO crappy that you've duct taped the seats back together, it squeaks constantly, and the check engine light has been on so long you think it needs to start blinking before anything REALLY bad happens.

Adversity builds character.

That's your opinion, certainly no requirement for character.

Around here the cheap areas are really bad. Some of the highest crime in the country bad. Most parents would rather not have their young adult children living there even they do "build character".

 

[disykat]

I think people are missing the point if they think people are suggesting they live in an unsafe place.

The point is that it used to be the norm to work your way up to the standard of living your parents have. Now many people expect to live in nice, furnished, places with amenities right off the bat or it's just easier to stay home with mom and dad.

 

[Colleen27]

....ohhhh, but it SO is!

Along with driving a car that is SO crappy that you've duct taped the seats back together, it squeaks constantly, and the check engine light has been on so long you think it needs to start blinking before anything REALLY bad happens.

Adversity builds character.

Yeah, that's another of those "character building" experiences my kids won't have if I can help it... Not only will I allow them to live at home while saving for a decent residence, I'll subsidize their first car to make sure they are in something safe. It won't be flashy or new, but it'll be reliable and modern enough to have some safety features. Putting a brand new driver in a crappy, unreliable car that predates things like back seat shoulder belts and airbags isn't a rite of passage IMO. It is a pointless risk that I'm not willing to take with my kids.

 

[DMickey28]

Who knew this would be such a heated topic!

The world in general is just so much different now then it was 10/20/30 years ago. Now it is very difficult to move out and buy a house as a young couple. Income and housing prices have not been growing hand in hand. In some areas, that is correcting itself but in others it is still very very difficult for a first time home buyer to get enough money down to buy a house.

We are moving home to be able to do that. The situation is perfect for us. My parents both work out of the house in the summer, my DH is going to be working away from us Monday through Thursday and only visiting on the weekend so DS and I will have the place to ourselves mostly. I am blessed that my parents can and will do this for us. I plan on being there for my kids as they grow up.

 

[KandD]

I think that there are different ways of still living at home. I have a friend who lives in her parents' basement, pays rent, buys her own food, cooks, cleans, etc. (and she has a pretty hefty savings account for a down payment on a house).

I have another friend who lives with mom, does not pay any bills except for her car (which her mom put the down payment on), expects her mom to cook dinner, and fully admits that she relies on her mom to do most of the housework (she has no savings but has very LARGE student loans).

Both girls are about the same age but I think that they are living two very different experiences. I'm not saying that either one is "right" or "wrong" but it certainly is different.

 

[flying_babyb]

I lived at home till 20. Then I only moved out because I was going to college in another City. I paid mom rent when I lived there but it wasnt much. Now I cant really move back cause mom moved into a tiny house with my aunt and two kids. Too bad, I moved out way too soon and ended up in a ton of debt.
My best freind who is 24 is living at home now because she cant afford her bills. My moms best freind (45) lives at home with her mom.

 

[Colleen27]

I think people are missing the point if they think people are suggesting they live in an unsafe place.

The point is that it used to be the norm to work your way up to the standard of living your parents have. Now many people expect to live in nice, furnished, places with amenities right off the bat or it's just easier to stay home with mom and dad.

I don't know about the others who have said they'd allow their kids to live at home to get a start, but we don't live a lavish lifestyle to begin with and we don't intend to let the kids live at home until they can afford everything we can. They'll still have to work their way up to our lifestyle. But they won't be in the position of having to make poor decisions like living in an unsafe place or relying on credit to buy groceries out of necessity.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

....ohhhh, but it SO is!

Along with driving a car that is SO crappy that you've duct taped the seats back together, it squeaks constantly, and the check engine light has been on so long you think it needs to start blinking before anything REALLY bad happens.

Adversity builds character.

OMG this brought back memories. My roommate (yes roommate I moved out after college) had a VW bug (metallic raspberry thank you very much) that didn't have a defroster. We would blow on our hands and press them up against the windshield to defrost the window. And of course the heater didn't work so the passengers used blankets to keep warm. The gas gauge never worked so she kept track of her mileage on a sheet of paper in the glove box. I was considered rich because my car was only 8 years old at the time. Good times!

And yes, I had 2 roommates and had no issues. When it was time for my own place it was a basement studio underneath a Mexican restaurant. Let's just say that my landlord kept the exterminator on speed dial. I can survive anything now without flinching. Good times, yep. Good times!!

 

[NeverlandClub23]

I think that there are different ways of still living at home. I have a friend who lives in her parents' basement, pays rent, buys her own food, cooks, cleans, etc. (and she has a pretty hefty savings account for a down payment on a house).

I have another friend who lives with mom, does not pay any bills except for her car (which her mom put the down payment on), expects her mom to cook dinner, and fully admits that she relies on her mom to do most of the housework (she has no savings but has very LARGE student loans).

Both girls are about the same age but I think that they are living two very different experiences. I'm not saying that either one is "right" or "wrong" but it certainly is different.

I agree.

I also don't think just because you live with your parents past 18 that means you'll live a sheltered life or never be able to handle anything on your own. I don't expect to have what my parents have at 27, I think it's wonderful that they allow me to be able to have the opportunity to have a financially sound beginning at life when I do move out. I love the memories, experiences, and the growth as a person I've been able to have because I live with my parents. IMHO, I don't think moving out at 18 is any more admirable than living with your parents, granted that you are a working full time, and I'm certainly not embarrassed by it. My feeling is that if the parents are happy with their decision to allow or not allow the child to live in their house then that's all that matters. If a child isn't able to handle adversity or struggle in life it's usually developed before they reach 18 by being constantly protected from every negative feeling or getting everything they might want.

 

[Stacerita]

Sometimes the reasons for not moving out, or for moving back home are for the good of the parents. I personally know a few who have moved back home to take care of ill family memeber, or to help take care of the family home. Not everyone who lives at home does so because they aren't ready or don't want to make their own way in the world. Sometimes it just comes down to family helping each other out.

 

[disykat]

But they won't be in the position of having to make poor decisions like living in an unsafe place or relying on credit to buy groceries out of necessity.

I don't think anyone has said they would want their kids to live in an unsafe place or use credit for groceries.

I never did either of those things. I lived with roommates in a basic apartment and did without luxury. Others have talked about the same things. I'm not sure how you're getting unsafe and unable to eat from that.

 

[HugsForEeyore]

I think people are missing the point if they think people are suggesting they live in an unsafe place.

The point is that it used to be the norm to work your way up to the standard of living your parents have. Now many people expect to live in nice, furnished, places with amenities right off the bat or it's just easier to stay home with mom and dad.

I admit I am guilty. I don't want to live in a slum.

Maybe this is very regional, but that's exactly what the choices come down to in my area. If I want an affordable apartment, I have to look in the "bad' areas - no if ands or buts. There aren't really basic no-frills small apartments in good areas - just doesn't work that way (the good areas don't want the type of people who can only afford small rents!! lol). Location is everything.

Another poster said if there is nothing affordable, then move. Around here, to find rents under $1000 a month, I would be looking at over an hour and half commute to work in traffic. The gas alone would kill any savings.

Sometimes this comes down to the lesser of two evils - live with parents (and be the lowest form of life possible ), or live on your own in a slum fearing your safety. Of course, I choose to live at home then, since that situation works for my family. There is so much more at play than "entitlement" syndrome. Each situation is different.

 

[HugsForEeyore]

It totally is. I'm not going to go live in an unsafe part of Boston just so that I can say that I live on my own. I'm also not going to find roommates on Craigslist for the same reasons. Common wisdom says that you should spend, what, 25-30% of your salary on rent, right? For me, that would be $600 a month. I couldn't even get a studio in the slums for that.

Yep, my numbers look as bad!!! If I want an apartment not in a slum, I am looking at spending 60% of my take-home pay, and I have a decent job, too! In my area, you really need to make over $50,000 a year to truly afford a one-bedroom where you don't worry about being mugged or your car stolen every night! Housing costs are insane.

I could do it, living on only 40% of my take-home pay after rent, but most apartments would never rent to anyone scrapping the barrel that badly!

For many of us, it truly is a choice between safety vs. "living on your own".

 

[Colleen27]

I don't think anyone has said they would want their kids to live in an unsafe place or use credit for groceries.

I never did either of those things. I lived with roommates in a basic apartment and did without luxury. Others have talked about the same things. I'm not sure how you're getting unsafe and unable to eat from that.

Because quite a few people have posted about those being the realistic conditions of moving out at a young age, given the local job markets and housing costs. In my area, a lot of young adults are living at home because even with college degrees they cannot find work and even the fast food joints aren't hiring. Moving out with only a part time McJob does mean living in a poor area, with roommates, and still having too much month at the end of the money.

I've seen it first hand with so many of my friends/peers and even with DH when we first met - roommates that don't keep up their share of expenses, charging food & utilities because your paycheck just doesn't go far enough, falling behind on student loan payments because keeping the lights on and gas in the car is more important. And when they do get that first "career" job, they're so far in the hole that a time that should be enjoyable is instead a head start on living with nose to the grindstone to get caught up.

 

[disykat]

I know in my first post I acknowledged that many people have to stay home for financial reasons. Others have as well.

That is totally different IMO than a new generation of people who are simply unwilling to move out because they would have sacrifice the luxuries that their parents have to offer - and whose parents wouldn't want them to. It no longer seems to be the accepted norm that young adults have to live "lean" for a while. THAT is the issue some of us are trying to address.

 

[bluesaturn]

I know in my first post I acknowledged that many people have to stay home for financial reasons. Others have as well.

That is totally different IMO than a new generation of people who are simply unwilling to move out because they would have sacrifice the luxuries that their parents have to offer - and whose parents wouldn't want them to. It no longer seems to be the accepted norm that young adults have to live "lean" for a while. THAT is the issue some of us are trying to address.

My problem is that you address it as "a new generation". It is NOT a generation of people that think they are entitled to the luxuries of life. It is some individuals, that happen to be part of the generations that are younger right now, that think this.

 

[disykat]

My problem is that you address it as "a new generation". It is NOT a generation of people that think they are entitled to the luxuries of life. It is some individuals, that happen to be part of the generations that are younger right now, that think this.

I can see that, maybe my wording would have been more accurate with something like "there seems to be a larger number of people with the mindset that..."

Sorry if you thought I was implying that ALL young people or ALL current parents (I talked about parents too in my past posts) now think that.

I'm a parent and obviously don't think that way!

 

[Pin Wizard]

I remember my mom saying she couldn't wait until it was just her and my dad again. Gee, thanks. Dad didn't feel that way. Does that say anything about being a SAH mom and having three kids home/back home for about 35 years? LOL!

I'm in no hurry for DS to ever leave. But he's never been a problem, and he has it drilled into his head that he needs to get his 35 degrees from college/graduate school. He's always been responsible for his age. I can't imagine having a 20 something who doesn't do their own laundry. He's been doing his own since middle school...thanks to the movie Home Alone! Just like his cousin.