When do you stop paying for your child to go on vacation with you?

[maslex]

I was over my SIL's this past weekend for her son's high school graduation party on Saturday and then again yesterday to chow down on some leftovers.

During the graduation party they had "island music" playing and this got us in the mood to book another cruise together for next summer. So while we were there yesterday she and my husband starting talking about which cruiseline, which month to go, which islands to see, etc. We've cruised with them twice already and wouldn't mind doing another one with them.

Anyhow, my BIL makes a comment similar to, "at least it'll be cheaper next year since "Bobby" (thier son) will be paying for himself this time" I was like I guess they feel that since he's out of school and will be working now (granted it's just at a grocery store and he's probably going to be enrolling in the community college this fall) that he can pay his own way from now on. He's only 17 now but at the time of the cruise he'll be 18. This just took me by surprise. I mean I know the whole "you're 18, you're an adult now stuff" but this just seems odd.

I know everyone is different but I feel if you're child still lives with you, you would pay for them to vacation with you, no? And I'm not talking about the 30 something year olds that still live at home either. LOL And I'm not talking about the full grown adult children that no longer live at home and have families of their own that you might pay for their vacation as a gift to them (we've had that done for us) But I'm talking about teenaged kids who still live with you. I could never imagine telling my kid that he would have to come up with $1000 or more (depending on what the cruise costs) or he couldn't come on vacation with us. I would definitely buy his way and tell him that if he wanted to bring his own spending money, that would be fine with me. But to come up with the whole cost of your cruise ticket?

 

[mom2rtk]

It really is interesting to see the differences in how everyone approaches this. It certainly wasn't an issue in my family growing up because they never really took vacations. But I'm sure they wouldn't have paid. They stopped even giving us birthday gifts when we turned 18.

Our boys are full time college students ages 18 and 20. One lives at home as a commuter student and the other is leaving for college in the fall. I don't know when we'll stop paying, but I know it won't be at least until they graduate college.

Even with us paying, they don't always even want to go. Our oldest chose to stay home while we all went to the beach a couple weeks ago. It seems an empty house was more tempting than a condo in Florida. A couple years ago, they both stayed home when we drove to the Rocky Mountains then on to South Dakota.

My friend's daughter is 24, works part-time and lives at home. They still pretty much pay her way for everything. Heck, I'd probably still live at home if I had that deal.

 

[fhtpdw20]

We are treating "vacations" as gifts. A trip to Disneyland was for DS high school graduation. For his 21st birthday, DH is taking him to Universal for Harry Potter and Epcot for Food and Wine Festival. We will have to see what the future holds for next trip. No one on the special now, but next trip may include a DDIL?

 

[skatalite]

My parents stopped paying for such things when I graduated college. I've no idea what my wife and I will do. I guess it depends if we like the kid or not

 

[Wendy31]

I don't know when one stops paying for their child to go on vacation w/ them.

I got married in April when was I was 21 (I turned 22 in July), &, the summer before when I was 20, my parents still paid for me to go on vacation w/ them.

W/ my sister it was the same way; they paid for her to go on vacation w/ until she was married. She was 22 when she got married.

Now, if we go on vacation w/ them, we pay our own way. In the early years of our marriage, they paid for a condo a couple of times & invited us to join them. However, we paid for our food (or shared food expenses), any entertainment, & always drove ourselves to our destination.

My brother-in-law & his wife still pay for their adult children to go on vacation w/ them & pay all expenses while on vacation. My niece is 24, & my nephew is 22.

However, I know a couple that stopped paying for everything when their children (boy-girl twins) turned 18. If they went on vacation w/ their parents, they paid their own way. One year, they went to the beach, & their daughter paid for herself & went w/ them. Their son, however, didn't have enough money to join them, so he stayed home. They started paying rent when they turned 18 as well.

Once, when they were about 11, their mother found folded, clean clothes in the laundry & decided, from then on, they were responsible for their own laundry. So, from the time, they were about 11, they did their own laundry.

For me, I think it depends on how old my adult child is & what kind of job he/she has.

After our children are grown, I'm sure DH & I will take some "couples trips," but I'm also sure we will still be taking family vacations & inviting our children to go w/ us. At 18, I'd expect that we'll still be paying their way. While they're in college, I'm sure we'll continue to pay their expenses. After they've graduated & are older and/or married and/or have some kind of regular employment, we'll probably handle family vacations like my parents did w/ us.

 

[Meriweather]

When they got a good paying job and could fully support themselves.
So.....still paying for DD. She doesn't go on them often with us, but she did go to WDW and a Disney cruise in March.
DS it has been quite a few years. He is married and they both have good jobs. We did pay for them to join us on a cruise before she graduated and they were struggling to make ends meet.
Hopefully they will pay for us to join them on a trip sometime

 

[disney1990]

My DD was 27 last year when we took her on her first Disney cruise. As long as I can afford to pay for her to go with us, I love being able to enjoy her company. We all had a fantastic time! Time goes by too quickly, and soon she will have her own family and we won't be able to do this.

 

[carrie1626]

My adult kids (23/20) are still at home. I don't belive in the 18 yrs old......
Last summer we camped for 5 days and paid for everything. I wouldn't have thought of asking them for any $$. I was thrilled they wanted to spend time with us. If I want to go to MLB games, I pay for all tickets. College hockey ,too! I like planning outings and I don't ask $$ for tickets.

Recently, we had two trips involving Hotel stays and my stepson(26) was on both trips. Neither was for a vacation ( college grad trip and a funeral out of town) I never thought of asking him for $$ either.
.

BUT, this DEC if my DD23 wants to go with to WDW with my sister and me, I'll ask her to pay either her Base ticket, Airline ticket or a portion of the room charge. I paid her entire way 3 yrs ago but she had her own spending $$. I think a college grad can pay some now! ( even with debt LOL!)

 

[MrsPete]

Our oldest is in college, so we're just entering this process.

Right now we're offering her the chance to come with us on trips, and sometimes she accepts, others times she says no. We've made it clear to her that we want her to come . . . But we aren't insulted if she says no because she needs to work, needs to study, whatever. At ths point, taking her costs us little because she stays in our room. When we invite her, we pay everything.

In the future, after the kids are married, when it would mean an extra room, and when they're planning their own family trips, this'll stop. Or maybe slow down. At that point we will never invite our child if we cannot invite her husband -- I had a friend years ago whose parents, after she was married, continued to invite her on big, expensive family trips to Mexico or Hawaii, but they made a point of NOT inviting her husband, whom they disliked. She went with her family, knowing it hurt him. I don't ever want to create that type of family dynamic.

I think we'll plan a big family vacation every couple years, and we'll rent a big house for everyone.

And I will take my grandchildren on trips too.

At any age, if one of my children expressed an interest in going, I'd see what I could do to include her -- and, depending upon circumstances, that might mean she could share our car but would need her own room, or whatever seems appropriate. But realistically, at some point we're going to be retired and thus free to travel off-season, while my kids are still working, so the offer might just be a courtesy.

And I'll never invite one of my children without opening the choice to the other child as well -- even if I feel pretty sure the answer'd be no. I think one of the reasons they get along so well is that I treat them equally.

I think the bottom line here is that we'll do whatever seems appropriate for each particular vacation. I don't know that it's possible to generalize, especially in advance.

 

[Christine]

I will pay as long as I'm able to and as long as I want my kids going on vacation with me.

My mother paid my way for a long time, even after I was married. But only on vacations that she wanted me to go on. For instance, she went a lot of places that I couldn't or didn't want to go. But when she went to Disney, and she invited my husband and me, she offered to pay. I was fine with that. I could have afforded it but I didn't have as much cash flow as she did at the time. It was never an expectation. But she wanted us there, wanted us to have a good time and enjoy ourselves without worrying about money.

My kids are 18 and 21 now and I pay for them to go. Both are college students and can't afford much more themselves than a day or two at a local beach.

I can forsee paying for my kids for awhile because I think I'm going to a have a lot more money than them, at least for the next 10 years.

 

[letsgoreds]

My mom recently took myself, DS7, my sister, DN4, and my adult brother to WDW. She paid for the room (2br Kidani), a good portion of the park tickets, and several meals. We covered our flights and remaining food (that she would allow us to).

I struggle with this (as a 38 year old woman), and am more than willling to pay my share, but she says that it is her money, and this is how she likes to spend it.

We are traveling with my inlaws in December, and everything is split down the middle. We pay for our portion of the room (sharing a 2br at BLT), tickets, and food, and they cover theirs.

Works for me! What is interesting is that my inlaws have considerably more money than my mom (who does just fine), but they just have different ideas of who pays for what.

There is no rule on this.

 

[K and K's Mommy]

Well, I'm almost 42 and my parents paid for my entire family to go on a Wyoming trip last summer. My dad says he would rather spend his money on us now than when he is gone!

 

[joviroxx]

I guess you stop paying when you no longer want to. Right now, as kids, the family vacations get paid by us. Once they are out on their own, I guess they would become invitations and I will continue to invite as long as I can.

We are a large family and there are still times when our parents want to pay for at least their grandchildren. As we've grown older its become an each family pays their own way, but it just happened organically and really, not until we were married. My parents were always into family vacations. When were single, they understood it wasn't always financially feasible for us to go so they did a lot of inviting. I plan to do the same.

Currently, we siblings like to pay it back and split the cost of our parents between ourselves. Of course they always try to say no, but we like paying it back.

 

[Adipoo]

Our daughter is 29 and when we ask her to go on vacation with us, we pay for everything. We don't get to see her as often as I'd like, being on opposite coasts. I'm happy that we are able to do it; if it was something we couldn't easily afford, it would be a different story, I'm sure. She's great company.

 

[goofyintoronto]

This! Totally agree.

My DD was 27 last year when we took her on her first Disney cruise. As long as I can afford to pay for her to go with us, I love being able to enjoy her company. We all had a fantastic time! Time goes by too quickly, and soon she will have her own family and we won't be able to do this.

Then again I only have one child, maybe its different. But I would totally pay for my kid to join me on vacation until he gets a fulltime stable career. Even then, I still might continue to pay, as a treat, if it means i get to spend time with him for a week or however long the vacation might be. Its definitely worth the money!

 

[minkydog]

We are treating "vacations" as gifts. A trip to Disneyland was for DS high school graduation. For his 21st birthday, DH is taking him to Universal for Harry Potter and Epcot for Food and Wine Festival. We will have to see what the future holds for next trip. No one on the special now, but next trip may include a DDIL?

We do too. My older kids are 20 and 26. They work and therefore rarely vacation with us, but when they do we pay for lodging and meals. They don't ask for this; it's my pleasure to provide it.

 

[Southernmiss]

When they got a good paying job and could fully support themselves.

This. Ds19 is in college. We are 7 hours away now and would have loved for him to join us, but he's working his summer job and didn't want to jeopardize it by taking time off. There's something to be said about the whole family getting away together, for us it's like a reconnecting retreat.

 

[Granny square]

If we want them to go with us we will pay for the vacation.

EtA: none are married with kids. We would probably still pay though. Those early parent years were expensive.

 

[disney1990]

This! Totally agree.

Then again I only have one child, maybe its different. But I would totally pay for my kid to join me on vacation until he gets a fulltime stable career. Even then, I still might continue to pay, as a treat, if it means i get to spend time with him for a week or however long the vacation might be. Its definitely worth the money!

And, we take our 2 granddaughters (13 & 15) with us to Disney World, even though their parents could afford to do it. Not all teens want to hang out with their grandparents, but they do - so I want to take advantage of that.

 

[goofyintoronto]

Awwww youre so sweet! And so are your granddaughters. you guys will have a great time! And youre right, not many teens would hang out with their parents or grandparents. Gotta take advantage of it while you can!

And, we take our 2 granddaughters (13 & 15) with us to Disney World, even though their parents could afford to do it. Not all teens want to hang out with their grandparents, but they do - so I want to take advantage of that.