When do you stop paying for your child to go on vacation with you?

[Mary Anne]

My DD was 27 last year when we took her on her first Disney cruise. As long as I can afford to pay for her to go with us, I love being able to enjoy her company. We all had a fantastic time! Time goes by too quickly, and soon she will have her own family and we won't be able to do this.

This! only I have two boys. Granted one is off on his own, works for Disney and I do get wonderful disney discounts when I take him on his stay vacation LOL On the other hand I do pay his airfare at least once a year to come home. The other boy is still in school and living at home. I would never think to ask him for any money and yes I still do his laundry. Yes he CAN DO IT, but I enjoy doing it.

Also I have to wonder if those parents who by their own personal want/need make their kids an adult in every way at 18 what will happen when they, the parents, are in their 60/70/and 80's have aging issues and their kids tell them to deal with their issues themselves.

 

[lurkernj]

I figure that when I make my sons pay for their own vacations, they will not choose to pay to spend them with us. I mean, we all like each other and everything, but I'm not stupid. When I tell my 20 year old that he has to pay for his vacations, he will say "fine with me, I'm going to Cancun with my girlfriend!"

Exactly this. If I expect them to come with me, I will pay. We too all get along and have a great time together, but once I start handing them a bill, I'm sure they will find it more fun to go with their friends.

Older DS is 18 and going off to college this year (4.5 hrs away), and I"m sure in the next couple of years he won't be coming home for summers (internships etc). We consider every vacation precious and wouldn't want to discourage them from coming.

 

[Chikabowa]

My parents never formalized any system with us. But if they asked me to go somewhere with them when I was in college, they paid my way. We never discussed it, I guess I just assumed they would, and they just assumed the cost.

They went on vacations without us though and I never felt bad that they left me behind. And whenever I travelled during college (spring break, football games, concerts, road trips) I never expected them to pay. That was all on me and my poor-student budget.

I got married about a year after college and after that point they didn't pay for travel... Unless they specifically wanted me with them on a trip. But that was only once (family reunion and we just had our first child and no money to travel).

My mom takes each of my girls separately on vacation for their birthdays. She picks up the cost as part of their birthday present. My oldest has been to Disneyland 3 times with grandma alone. This year they are going to sea world instead; and my youngest is old enough to start the tradition and they are going to Disneyland together.

 

[goofyintoronto]

Wow, I definitely feel sorry for your kids.

I kinda do too. I mean, its smart to teach your kids a lesson on what its like in the real world. But wow!

 

[Hrhpd]

I was over my SIL's this past weekend for her son's high school graduation party on Saturday and then again yesterday to chow down on some leftovers.

During the graduation party they had "island music" playing and this got us in the mood to book another cruise together for next summer. So while we were there yesterday she and my husband starting talking about which cruiseline, which month to go, which islands to see, etc. We've cruised with them twice already and wouldn't mind doing another one with them.

Anyhow, my BIL makes a comment similar to, "at least it'll be cheaper next year since "Bobby" (thier son) will be paying for himself this time" I was like I guess they feel that since he's out of school and will be working now (granted it's just at a grocery store and he's probably going to be enrolling in the community college this fall) that he can pay his own way from now on. He's only 17 now but at the time of the cruise he'll be 18. This just took me by surprise. I mean I know the whole "you're 18, you're an adult now stuff" but this just seems odd.

I know everyone is different but I feel if you're child still lives with you, you would pay for them to vacation with you, no? And I'm not talking about the 30 something year olds that still live at home either. LOL And I'm not talking about the full grown adult children that no longer live at home and have families of their own that you might pay for their vacation as a gift to them (we've had that done for us) But I'm talking about teenaged kids who still live with you. I could never imagine telling my kid that he would have to come up with $1000 or more (depending on what the cruise costs) or he couldn't come on vacation with us. I would definitely buy his way and tell him that if he wanted to bring his own spending money, that would be fine with me. But to come up with the whole cost of your cruise ticket?

My kid is 23 and just graduated college. He is a responsible young adult and has an excellent job making just under 6 figures. He is living at home temporarily, saving up for a down payment for a house.

Since we are family and still like to vacation as a family, we will be paying for the family. The whole family, including DS and his girlfriend. I am just glad he and his girlfriend enjoy doing things with us.

Even when all the kids are moved out and on their own, if we want a family vacation we will pay for the family if they choose to go with us.

 

[Kitty 34]

MY DH and I have no problem paying for our sons when and if they can go on a trip with us. The last couple of trips we took to Las Vegas, we got their plane tickets and rooms. They did each paid for a dinner while there. Our sons are all in their twenties and beyond.

 

[mom2rtk]

I find this thread to be a fascinating contrast to all the other threads I have seen on the DIS where it appears at age 18 they all magically transform into fully functioning adults.

 

[PatsGirl]

After you paying for their meals, lodging, park tickets, and transportation, there isn't much left to pay for, is there? Other than souvenirs and that sort of thing.

Exactly and that is what I meant by "spending money for vacations". They paid for their own souveniers, arcade, face painting or tatoos, that sort of thing...this started once they had the opportunity to make $$ prior to a trip so around 13 or 14 years old. Before that I would treat them to the occasional "extra" while on vacation but I was never the parent who bought alot of useless souveniers and trashy toys while on vacation.

 

[kamik86]

I don't have children yet and my parents never really took me on vacation... I subsidized them going to disney world the first time they went.

However my answer would be "At whatever point the parents feel ok with the child saying 'Sorry I can't afford to go' and staying home."

So if your ok with your 18 year old not coming on vacation with you then sure don't pay. But if you really want it to still be a full family vacation and expect them to go then you should pay.

 

[PatsGirl]

Wow, I definitely feel sorry for your kids.

Don't feel too bad for them I was a single parent with both children with minimal child support for the first 10 years and managed to take them on at least two vacations every year. Of course, at that age I paid for everything But they did learn not to spend $ without thinking and are both pretty frugal with their spending to this day, opting to save for the things they really want (which often translates into contributing to vacations we take together).

And, honestly, if I had to pay for my grown childrens' (out of high school or college if they go) vacations in order for them to choose to spend that time with me, I'd rather not do that. It "feels" like a bribe to me to get them to spend time as a family. I'd settle for cookouts and smaller-scale get togethers

 

[PatsGirl]

I find this thread to be a fascinating contrast to all the other threads I have seen on the DIS where it appears at age 18 they all magically transform into fully functioning adults.

Well, hey, at least I"m consistent.

 

[Hrhpd]

I find this thread to be a fascinating contrast to all the other threads I have seen on the DIS where it appears at age 18 they all magically transform into fully functioning adults.

I am not seeing the disparity.

You can still expect your child to be a responsible adult, trusting them with making adult decisions while also making your own adult decision whether or not you want to treat/pay for your adult children's vacation.

I treat my children as adults at 18 with all the privileges, responsibilities and trust that comes with being an adult.

I also enjoy their company and they enjoy ours, so I enjoy paying for their vacations. It is for my enjoyment that I choose to pay.

 

[chiefmickeymouse]

We never really took vacations when I was growing up. My dad was in the military so vacation was always visiting grandparents. My sister and I are both married and have children and my parents paid for lodging for two trips in the last 15 years. One was to the beach for a week and once they rented a cabin in the mountains. They did this because they wanted up all to be together and they knew paying for the lodging would be a hardship for us. Also, I haven't lived near my family for twenty years and they wanted to take full advantage of us all being in the same state!

My kids are 13 and 16 and I think we will pay for them to vacation with us as long as we have the money and we are all enjoying it.

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

My parents didn't travel at all but once we graduated High School there were no more birthday gifts/birthday cakes and I certainly wouldn't have traveled with them.

My husbands parents did take vacations and once the kids graduated High School they didn't take vacations with their parents at all anymore.

I don't know know what it's going to be like at my house. I get the impression that when our oldest graduates High School in 2014 that my husband wants things to be like it was at his house - no graduates take vacations with parents.
Should be interesting when the time comes.

 

[eliza61]

I am not seeing the disparity.

You can still expect your child to be a responsible adult, trusting them with making adult decisions while also making your own adult decision whether or not you want to treat/pay for your adult children's vacation.

I treat my children as adults at 18 with all the privileges, responsibilities and trust that comes with being an adult.

I also enjoy their company and they enjoy ours, so I enjoy paying for their vacations. It is for my enjoyment that I choose to pay.

The disparity comes from folks here saying at some magical number usually 18they are now some how magically adults making all these fabulous, never wrong decisions.

I always keep in mind and always say, the dis boards are like the emerald city. Any relation to real life is purely accidental.

18 does not come with a vaccination that some how magical transport humands into doing the right thing. It does not make them financially able to stand on their own. If it did the term "keg party" would not exist. I trust my 19 year. trust that at some point he will do some thing royally stupid, (and cause me to question whether one night of great whoopie was worth it ) I love him but sorry he did not graduate h.s. and automatically have his life figured out like every dis child seems to have.
So yep, he does not get to do exactly as he pleases, yep I kick him out of bed before noon, yep at 19 living under my house he has rules and he has obligations.

He will be an adult when he can stand on his own 2 feet and contribute to society financially and emotionally. That ain't him right now. I also have a brother who refused to grow up and wasn't an adult imo until darn near his 40's

That's the disparity, hitting 18 means nothing except you've been on the planet 18 years.
IMO at least.

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

Like I said, even if you're in your 30s and can afford to contribute doesn't mean your parents can't treat you. Nor does it mean it's wrong to accept a free vacation.

 

[kamik86]

Don't feel too bad for them I was a single parent with both children with minimal child support for the first 10 years and managed to take them on at least two vacations every year. Of course, at that age I paid for everything But they did learn not to spend $ without thinking and are both pretty frugal with their spending to this day, opting to save for the things they really want (which often translates into contributing to vacations we take together).

And, honestly, if I had to pay for my grown childrens' (out of high school or college if they go) vacations in order for them to choose to spend that time with me, I'd rather not do that. It "feels" like a bribe to me to get them to spend time as a family. I'd settle for cookouts and smaller-scale get togethers

I bolded the above. IN my case it wouldn't be that us kids don't want to spend time as a family. But we don't want to take off a week and spend alot of money on something we might not want to do. My family has never been on a full family vacation. A few were close but someone always didn't want to go camping for a week and someone else didn't go to Disney when we did the big trip, I had school obligations a few times and didn't make things etc.

I have a sister that is a beach somewhere to relax type of vacationer. My husband hates water and I don't like vacations that feel like I could have just done them at home (so I don't want to just lie around with a good book, I can do that in my backyard and the fact that there is an ocean nearby really doesn't matter to the book reading). So we aren't really going to agree to the same vacation and since we have limited time off don't want to suck it up for a big family trip.

However a fathers day brunch, a cookout at moms house, a concert for those that want to go, etc we will all show up for if we can. Because they dont involve vacation time and giving up another vacation to afford it.

Then again by the time I was 18 there were my parents, us four kids, 2 husbands, and 3 grandkids in the mix so for a family where we are only talking two parents and a 21 and 18 year old this might not be as hard.

 

[eliza61]

Like I said, even if you're in your 30s and can afford to contribute doesn't mean your parents can't treat you. Nor does it mean it's wrong to accept a free vacation.

Hey room, I'm about twice that age and my uncle just took my entire family to Paris and London and I consider myself an adult. LOL better believe it, I had my tooshie on that plane.

He wants us to go to Italy in 2015. guess who's already packed

 

[jen1977]

Our boys are both in middle school, so we haven't discussed this yet. I'm guessing that if we invite them, and want them to go with us, then we will offer to pay.

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

Hey room, I'm about twice that age and my uncle just took my entire family to Paris and London and I consider myself an adult. LOL better believe it, I had my tooshie on that plane.

He wants us to go to Italy in 2015. guess who's already packed

LOL, seriously, this. I dont know why people get so up in arms about when I was 20 I was supporting myself and 2 children, etc. Nobody asked you to do that. Parents are there to help. Supporting yourself does not make you a better person.