when daddy's mistress has a baby

[FoundMyPrince]

Before they begin dating...especially if they are at the same school.

 

[Serena]

Since the wife knows about it, I'd say sooner than later. For the children's sake. All the children.
Even if I haven't forgiven the husband yet, it's not the child's fault.

 

[Luv'sTink]

My DS is in this situation with his biological father. He has two half brothers from a relationship he had before we got together, and they got back together after. DS has met his half brothers, but has no idea he has, because he was only a few months old. I know they know about him and he knows about them but they have no relationship, his oldest half sibling is 15 and the other one is 12. I don't think it is the meeting part as much they knowing part, they should at least know there is a baby/sibling.

DS has been legally adopted by DH, but honestly it doesn't make a difference in that some day a kid/man could show up and say "Hey, we are related." He may be taken aback but not blind sided. I have a huge family and it will be easier for them to find DS than it would be for DS to find them, but that is always a possibility since I was never able to carry any more children he could want to know them.

 

[Nancyg56]

my thought is that the 3 will find out eventually - either through their mom or through someone who doesn't have their best interests at heart.

i just thought someone here may have been through this.

They will and it won't be pretty. My DH has a cousin who was never told that the man her Mom was married to was not her father. Everyone in town knew and I'm sure she heard innuendo in school. Her step brother finally told her a few months ago, and she was floored. Two months later she finds out that Mom has had a child that she gave up for adoption. Once again the floor drops out from under her. She has handled all of the "news" with grace but has been supported by her two aunts and grandmother. If she had been younger and was taunted by peers in school I think she may not have been able to handle the information. Better that parents prepare their children if there is a chance that they will pay the price of indiscretions that were not theirs.

 

[mommiepoppins]

At her husbands funeral.

how about at the Trial???... me bad

 

[GoofieRuthie]

I can actually relate to this one......


My childhood best friend became pregnant by my boyfriend just after we graduated. I was young, scared and immature, and stayed with him. I also ended up pregnant. Our children are exactly 2 months apart. Her son was born first then I had a girl. (I later had another daughter with him too) I wanted nothing to do with her or her son for years. Then after meeting my now husband and becoming pregnant I really missed her. I had held that anger in for so long that it was only destroying me. Not her. It turns out that she married exactly one week before me and she was also pregnant. I wrote her a letter telling her that I forgive her and that I want to move on with my life. I left her my phone number and address. She contacted me and we rekindled our friendship. Although, it was never the same. We decided that it was time to tell the kids that they were brother and sisters. They were young(7 and 5) and didn't ask many questions at the time. They are all older now and know most of the story. I babysat the boy for a summer and also arrange with his dad for a meeting. He had never had anything to do with him and I felt it was time that he did, as did his mom.

So, to answer your question, now is the time to introduce them. They don't have to give every detail now. Those can come in time.

 

[Hound 109]

I noticed a couple of posters referred to "cheater man" as the BIOLOGICAL FATHER & a couple other posters called him CHEATER MAN or something similar.

Thank you for that.

Most other posters have called him the FATHER, when in fact he is merely a sperm donor &/or cheater husband &/or (at best) the biological father.

He is NOT the FATHER...nor is he the REAL FATHER. (unless he is part of the child's daily life.) This is a confusing semantical difference but is an important difference for children. Thanks.

hound - <---- is the father of two children but has never been a biological father.

 

[Lanshark]

At her husbands funeral.

Yep

 

[oxfordcircus]

I noticed a couple of posters referred to "cheater man" as the BIOLOGICAL FATHER & a couple other posters called him CHEATER MAN or something similar.

Thank you for that.

Most other posters have called him the FATHER, when in fact he is merely a sperm donor &/or cheater husband &/or (at best) the biological father.

He is NOT the FATHER...nor is he the REAL FATHER. (unless he is part of the child's daily life.) This is a confusing semantical difference but is an important difference for children. Thanks.

hound - <---- is the father of two children but has never been a biological father.

i see your point, but legally the father is the father. i don't think anyone meant to give the guy any credit.

 

[disneyfan67]

i see your point, but legally the father is the father. i don't think anyone meant to give the guy any credit.

Any fool or idiot can give his sperm to a woman and create a child.

It takes a true man to be a real father and you don't need to be the donor to be called one. There is a difference.

 

[MareQ]

I noticed a couple of posters referred to "cheater man" as the BIOLOGICAL FATHER & a couple other posters called him CHEATER MAN or something similar.

Thank you for that.

Most other posters have called him the FATHER, when in fact he is merely a sperm donor &/or cheater husband &/or (at best) the biological father.

He is NOT the FATHER...nor is he the REAL FATHER. (unless he is part of the child's daily life.) This is a confusing semantical difference but is an important difference for children. Thanks.

hound - <---- is the father of two children but has never been a biological father.

Any idiot can be a father - but not every man can be a DAD. That's my take on it - don't be offended at him being referred to as the father - he is the father - he may or may not be a Dad though.

 

[PghLybrt]

My dad decides to do this very thing. He wound up getting his girlfriend pregnant while I was in college. My mom finally left him. I see my dad all the time. I have never and hope to never see the child that was created. He did not stay with the mother. She and I do not in anyway get along. She is 5 years older than me and this is how her and her sister make a living. When she got pregnant she told 5 other men they were the father. There has never been a paternity test

When child support became an issue the courts seized any account with his name in it. I had a retirement account and had stupidly still had his name on it .This child I have never meet now has drained me personally of over $25,000. The courts have reversed the decision saying that the mother was over paid by some $95,000. Think I will ever see a dime? Not in my life. I am 32 , the child was born 10 years ago . I still have no desire.

If that makes me self centered than so be it.


I do not even want to see the child at my fathers funeral.

 

[oxfordcircus]

Any fool or idiot can give his sperm to a woman and create a child.

It takes a true man to be a real father and you don't need to be the donor to be called one. There is a difference.

i can't tell if i've just been called a fool, an idiot or a sperm donor, or all three.

 

[disneyfan67]

i can't tell if i've just been called a fool, an idiot or a sperm donor, or all three.

I wasn't referring to you at all or even thinking about that. Sorry if you misunderstood me. I have seen a lot of stories like the one you posted and always cringe when I read them. I was just saying that just because a person gives his sperm to woman it doesn't make him a father. Legally I guess he has rights, but morally it doesn't make him a true father. That title is reserved for the man who sticks around and loves, cares for, and raises the child in a decent and morally correct way. Far too many foolish or idiotic guys think that all it takes to be a father is the having or getting the sex part and seem to do nothing else. I was just trying to say, unsuccessfully I might add, that real fathers don't have to be the biological ones. I hope it clears it up. Sorry about the confusion

 

[TinkerbellMama]

If the kids are still in elementary school, I think now would be a good time to introduce them - before they really understand the implications of the affair. That way they just grow up with a half sibling, like lots and lots of their friends do.

I am not naive enough to think they will never find out the implications, but it might be better on their relationship with their half sibling to be introduced while the they are young.

Denae

I agree. I have a half-sibling I've never met, and probably never will meet. I wish we could have grown up knowing each other. This was not the result of any cheating, but it WAS a huge family "secret" for other reasons. It isn't her fault or ours (myself and my other siblings), so it's crappy that we have to be punished by not knowing our sister.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

My dad decides to do this very thing. He wound up getting his girlfriend pregnant while I was in college. My mom finally left him. I see my dad all the time. I have never and hope to never see the child that was created. He did not stay with the mother. She and I do not in anyway get along. She is 5 years older than me and this is how her and her sister make a living. When she got pregnant she told 5 other men they were the father. There has never been a paternity test

When child support became an issue the courts seized any account with his name in it. I had a retirement account and had stupidly still had his name on it .This child I have never meet now has drained me personally of over $25,000. The courts have reversed the decision saying that the mother was over paid by some $95,000. Think I will ever see a dime? Not in my life. I am 32 , the child was born 10 years ago . I still have no desire.

If that makes me self centered than so be it.


I do not even want to see the child at my fathers funeral.

I don't think this makes you self-centered. I think it makes you human. What a horrible thing to have to go through and then to lose all the money on top of it is just rubbing salt into the wound.

My ex-BIL got his girlfriend pregnant about 2 months after he moved out on my DSis. He was still contemplating getting back together with Dsis but thank goodness she wouldn't let him move back in. Anyway, he kept wanting to introduce the new girlfriend to my 11 yo DNiece. DSis insisted that he had to wait until divorce was final. Anyway, fast forward to Thanksgiving and the ex drops on DSis that ex-girlfriend (yes she had already dumped him) is pregnant and due beginning of January. He's going to tell their DD at Thanksgiving dinner. I've got to tell you that DNiece had a very hard time accepting it. She didn't even meet her half brother until Father's Day weekend. My DSis did not push my DN and let her decide when she wanted to meet him. DN finally gave in and decided the kid is ok and not too bad. Of course he is only 6 months old. DN also knows that she will see him about twice a year, Father's Day and maybe Christmas Eve. She has no plans on getting attached to him. She honestly sees her cousins on both sides more then she sees her half brother. It has really been nothing but a painful experience for DN.

I know alot of people keep saying to introduce the kids but it really hasn't helped my DN at all. In her eyes, her father dumped her and her mom to start a new family that he's already screwed up. She has no respect for him. Its really sad.

 

[TinkerbellMama]

My dad decides to do this very thing. He wound up getting his girlfriend pregnant while I was in college. My mom finally left him. I see my dad all the time. I have never and hope to never see the child that was created. He did not stay with the mother. She and I do not in anyway get along. She is 5 years older than me and this is how her and her sister make a living. When she got pregnant she told 5 other men they were the father. There has never been a paternity test

When child support became an issue the courts seized any account with his name in it. I had a retirement account and had stupidly still had his name on it .This child I have never meet now has drained me personally of over $25,000. The courts have reversed the decision saying that the mother was over paid by some $95,000. Think I will ever see a dime? Not in my life. I am 32 , the child was born 10 years ago . I still have no desire.

If that makes me self centered than so be it.


I do not even want to see the child at my fathers funeral.

Wow. I understand your pain and anger, but how the helllllllllo is any of that the child's fault? You said the child is 10 now. Do you really think HE/SHE is behind any of it? She has JUST AS MUCH RIGHT to be at your father's funeral as you do, by the way. He's her father, too. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news!

 

[Camicar]

My dad decides to do this very thing. He wound up getting his girlfriend pregnant while I was in college. My mom finally left him. I see my dad all the time. I have never and hope to never see the child that was created. He did not stay with the mother. She and I do not in anyway get along. She is 5 years older than me and this is how her and her sister make a living. When she got pregnant she told 5 other men they were the father. There has never been a paternity test

When child support became an issue the courts seized any account with his name in it. I had a retirement account and had stupidly still had his name on it .This child I have never meet now has drained me personally of over $25,000. The courts have reversed the decision saying that the mother was over paid by some $95,000. Think I will ever see a dime? Not in my life. I am 32 , the child was born 10 years ago . I still have no desire.

If that makes me self centered than so be it.


I do not even want to see the child at my fathers funeral.

I used to work in both a pastoral situation and in the bridal business. Your feelings are actually much more common than, "Oh great, a sibling, Can't wait to meet them!"

Truly, just because we might share DNA with someone puts us under no obligation to have or want to have an emotional relationship with them.

 

[TinkerbellMama]

I used to work in both a pastoral situation and in the bridal business. Your feelings are actually much more common than, "Oh great, a sibling, Can't wait to meet them!"

Truly, just because we might share DNA with someone puts us under no obligation to have or want to have an emotional relationship with them.

Oh, absolutely! But the funeral comment was pretty strong, IMO. And of course I think it would be INCREDIBLY wrong to deny a half-sibling admittance to his or her own parent's funeral. I truly can't even imagine being that selfish. Sorry, but I can't. And I AM in a very similar situation, so no one can say I don't know how it feels. It sucks. I couldn't see excluding my half-sister from my father's funeral, if she wanted to attend. Unless she child grows up to be a horrible person who is excluded for reasons other than being the product of an affair...then I can understand it. But what chance does a child with a mother like the one described in PP's post have in life, anyway? Sad.

 

[Buckalew11]

I dated a guy in HS that had a half sister in a different state because his dad had an affair and got the woman pregnant. He stayed with his wife (or should I say SHE stayed with him) and wasn't much a part of that other daughter's life but they all knew about it and had met etc. I never met her and dated him for 4 years. I think his mom held all of her feeling in about it because after she got her kids raised (2), she had an affair with a co-worker in her own house and her husband who had cheated on her 20 years ago and created this daughter, walked in and found her. The marriage broke up that time.
Sad thing is, they had a lot of issues that I had trouble getting past and I chose not to marry him. He was a great boyfriend and a wonderful friend to me during those 4 years. Before my dad died in Nov., he came over and visited dad and thanked him for being such a stable person in his young, unstable life. Several years ago he left his wife and family for another woman. He does take care of his kids and is active in their lives so that is good but the whole situation is just really sad.