when daddy's mistress has a baby

[SplshMtn99]

don't get this thread moved to the games board!

 

[1Prince2Princesses]

This is that game where we try to figure out what movie this is, right?

I saw this one on Lifetime once. If I recall correctly, the parents chose not to introduce the children until a medical emergency made it neccesary, and someone needed a transplant. I personally felt like that was a bad decision.

 

[MAKmom]

I saw this one on Lifetime once. If I recall correctly, the parents chose not to introduce the children until a medical emergency made it neccesary, and someone needed a transplant. I personally felt like that was a bad decision.

 

[arminnie]

I saw this one on Lifetime once.

I saw it in real life a couple of decades ago (at least). Husband of a college friend had an affair, baby, etc. My friend all but adopted the baby - she already had about 3 children.

She's the one who really did not want the pregnancy terminated. The child (adult by now) was considered part of the family and they had visitation from the very beginning.

None of us will ever forget it because we think she is a saint. She has treated that child just like her own forever.

 

[Lyn5]

DH had a very good friend that he grew up with, the youngest of 3 children. One day a young man in his early 20s showed up at their doorstep, look for his father and looking EXACTLY like his father. Turns out his father had a child from a relationship prior to being with their mom (dad and mom were married...dad didn't know ex-girlfriend was ever pregnant) and this boy traveled thousands of miles to find his dad. It seemed like everyone was okay with it, mainly since the dad wasn't unfaithful to their mom.

 

[terri01p]

At her husbands funeral.

Best response of the day !

 

[KikiFan]

Well on General Hospital the Q's accepted Jason and look how well that turned out!

Seriously though I'd like to think that if I'm big enough to forgive my husband I'd be big enough to accept the child. And I'm with those that say the sooner the better.

 

[Vivianne]

My father has a daughter by a mistress. This happened years ago. I never met her. At one point, my mother took the girl in and took care of her willingly, however, her mother who neglected her came and took her back (this is before I was born and I'm 50). My oldest sister met her but I haven't. I think they wanted their privacy and I'm okay with it. So, I don't think it's a requirement that siblings be involved.

My Dh has a half-brother he never met. His mother gave him away to be adopted. If he ever knocked on my door he would be welcome.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Is the cheater husband paying child support? Is there set visitation?

In other words, does the cheater DH have a relationship with the child?
That makes a difference. If there is no relationship then pushing the kids to meet could have bad repercussions.

I have learned, forcing things usually ends up bad. Esp. if the marriage is on "life support". This could be a means to an end of the marriage or not.

If I were the wife I would let things happen natural for now. Not be pushy and see where the marriage goes first.

 

[IwasatWDWforamonth]

This is kinda not funny to me as, my dad had a "secret life" , my parents are still married, but my dad has a girl friend, and possibly kids, my mom and I are not allowed in "his" house. My cousins, aunts, grandma all are allowed in his house. but he has to hide from us.

my dad inherited a HUGE amount of money and does not tell my mom were it is.


its really kind of sad,

 

[ZPT1022]

At her husbands funeral.

While from the wife's POV I get this, not so much for the kids

If the kids are still in elementary school, I think now would be a good time to introduce them - before they really understand the implications of the affair. That way they just grow up with a half sibling, like lots and lots of their friends do.

I am not naive enough to think they will never find out the implications, but it might be better on their relationship with their half sibling to be introduced while the they are young.

Denae

I agree with this. Sooner or later they will find out but it's better that they know their sibling before they understand the circumstances, and potentially miss out on what could be a nice sibling relationship, and only because they think they are punishing the father.

As a child of divorce, who's father left her mother for another woman, I didn't understand at 7 what had happened but I did when I got to be 13/14.

Agreed. And the feelings will be harder at 13 or later when it is a completely new thing than they will be in elementary school when kids are more accepting.

I think they would bear a lot of resentment if they found out 20 years from now that their parents knew they had a half-sibling and never told them. They are already going to have to deal with their father's misdeed and that will be enough.

I agree with this too. I am the product of my mother's first marriage. The marriage was over by the time I was born. He cheated on my mom with a woman who he went on to marry. I never knew my father, I'm 27 and I've still never met him. His daughter/my sister did recently contact me though and it's quite the thing to find out at my age that I have FOUR!!!!! siblings and one step sibling. It is something that is such a huge shock to find out later in life, whereas if you grew up with this person the behaviour of the father would still be shocking to discover but the sibling themselves would have an easier time of it. I also tend to think that keeping them apart punishes only the kids, who are the ones who really lose out on this situation. None of those kids asked to have a jerk for a father.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

He's paying support, but visitation is unsettled. It appears that school will not be an issue since the mistress recently moved away with the baby. However, this town is a gossipy den of vipers. The deed will not be forgotten whether the child is here or not.

Missed that.....

Wait until visitation is settled LEGALLY.

The kids, don't need the added drama of meeting the kid, then the kid is "taken away", then they have to fight for the kid again....yadda, yadda, yadda.
This will be bad for the other kid as well.

As we all know that is one hell of a rollercoaster ride that kids don't need to be on.

 

[oxfordcircus]

This is kinda not funny to me as, my dad had a "secret life" , my parents are still married, but my dad has a girl friend, and possibly kids, my mom and I are not allowed in "his" house. My cousins, aunts, grandma all are allowed in his house. but he has to hide from us.

my dad inherited a HUGE amount of money and does not tell my mom were it is.


its really kind of sad,

i don't think it's funny either - neither my friend's life nor what you just described. i hope you didn't take this thread as belittling infidelity. that's not possible in my view.

 

[IwasatWDWforamonth]

i don't think it's funny either - neither my friend's life nor what you just described. i hope you didn't take this thread as belittling infidelity. that's not possible in my view.

I know, ox

 

[disneygal2007]

I wouldn't know what to say. Kids are smart and will figure it out sooner or later. Mommy and Daddy will fight about it and the kids will catch on.

And people asked me why I didn't give my ex husband a second chance HA!!! I wouldn't be surprised if my son has a sibling out there somewhere.

 

[oxfordcircus]

I know, ox

i thought so. just making sure.

 

[mickeyfan2]

At her husbands funeral.

 

[Cool-Beans]

If the kids are going to be introduced, I say the sooner the better. Get it over with. If they are young, it won't be painful - maybe confusing, but not painful - for them.

The grown-ups have to find some way to live with this. Whatever works for them.

 

[minnieandme]

For the kids sake, they should meet as soon as possible. Now as for the wife, she's a bigger woman than I am because for one, I would've left his butt as soon as I found out. And two, everytime she sees that child, she's left with a constant reminder of the affair.

 

[wic0721]

At her husbands funeral.

My thoughts exactly!