when daddy's mistress has a baby

[ZPT1022]

I wasn't referring to you at all or even thinking about that. Sorry if you misunderstood me. I have seen a lot of stories like the one you posted and always cringe when I read them. I was just saying that just because a person gives his sperm to woman it doesn't make him a father. Legally I guess he has rights, but morally it doesn't make him a true father. That title is reserved for the man who sticks around and loves, cares for, and raises the child in a decent and morally correct way. Far too many foolish or idiotic guys think that all it takes to be a father is the having or getting the sex part and seem to do nothing else. I was just trying to say, unsuccessfully I might add, that real fathers don't have to be the biological ones. I hope it clears it up. Sorry about the confusion

As a child in a similar situation, I think that any man can be a father but it takes a real man to be a DAD. I have two fathers, one bio and one real, but only one Dad.

 

[PghLybrt]

I don't think this makes you self-centered. I think it makes you human. What a horrible thing to have to go through and then to lose all the money on top of it is just rubbing salt into the wound.

:

Thank you.

Wow. I understand your pain and anger, but how the helllllllllo is any of that the child's fault? You said the child is 10 now. Do you really think HE/SHE is behind any of it? She has JUST AS MUCH RIGHT to be at your father's funeral as you do, by the way. He's her father, too. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news!

Then call me selfish because it will never happen. She can do her own thing have her own memorial but she will not be anywhere ever again on my dime. If she wants to know why than she can ask her mother. If you truly knew everything that was involved (as it was not a simple affair out of sight) than I am sure you would change your tune. Even the child Step aunt agrees with me . We just recently met and she had thought I was the evil child who withheld everything from the other child and mother. When she heard the real story of what went down and what this woman did to torment two teenagers see sang a completely different tune.

And No he is not her father. He was merely a meal ticket for her mother. Her sister did the exact same thing except she had 2 children both with married men. Its what they do.

Truly, just because we might share DNA with someone puts us under no obligation to have or want to have an emotional relationship with them.

I think in some cases such as mine, the healthiest thing I can do is totally disconnect. I do not know the child’s name, where she lives or what school she goes to. I have never even been shown a picture (not that I want to see one.)

 

[Kimickey]

no time is a good time...but now is a great time

 

[goofygirl]

I agree. I have a half-sibling I've never met, and probably never will meet. I wish we could have grown up knowing each other. This was not the result of any cheating, but it WAS a huge family "secret" for other reasons. It isn't her fault or ours (myself and my other siblings), so it's crappy that we have to be punished by not knowing our sister.

I can relate. My so called "father" aka spermdonor fathered children with other women besides my mother.


I met one half brother. We didn't get really close as a full brother and sister would be, but it was still good to learn more about my background and family history details, etc.

Some "lovechildren" grow up and want to learn more about their relatives. It is a natural curiousity. It's kind of sad that they are met with bitterness. It's not the lovechild's fault that their biological parents had affairs and didn't use birth control.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I didn't read through the whole thread so forgive me if I am being redundant. I have been fortunate to have a wonderful Dad and parents who have a great marriage. BUT- if one day my Dad told us that he had some other family somewhere, well to be honest I would have no desire to even meet them. They are not my family nor would I ever want them to be. I agree with the poster who said that sharing DNA doesn't make you a family. Trust me- I have plenty of family that I will never ever talk to again. JMHO.

 

[kangareaux]

Yes, they should meet. The 1/2 brother shouldn't be punished b/c his father has no control of his other brain.

I was thinking "Wow...that's original!" Then thought maybe I should re-read it. What do ya know! It didn't actually read "...his father has no control over his train"!

...mumbling to self..."need to get that eye exam done..."

 

[PaulaSB12]

Thank you.



Then call me selfish because it will never happen. She can do her own thing have her own memorial but she will not be anywhere ever again on my dime. If she wants to know why than she can ask her mother. If you truly knew everything that was involved (as it was not a simple affair out of sight) than I am sure you would change your tune. Even the child Step aunt agrees with me . We just recently met and she had thought I was the evil child who withheld everything from the other child and mother. When she heard the real story of what went down and what this woman did to torment two teenagers see sang a completely different tune.

And No he is not her father. He was merely a meal ticket for her mother. Her sister did the exact same thing except she had 2 children both with married men. Its what they do.





I think in some cases such as mine, the healthiest thing I can do is totally disconnect. I do not know the child’s name, where she lives or what school she goes to. I have never even been shown a picture (not that I want to see one.)

I know how you feel, when my father died I destroyed all of his "sexy" pictures, there was one picture of a woman and child (the only picture where the partipents had clothes on!) I don't know if any of the sluts he sleapt with did get pregnant but if they did then I don't want to know, as far as I am conserned I have one sister and thats it. Anyone else he may have conceived is nothing to me.

 

[LisaNJ25]

The sooner the better.. I had a friend with the same issue.. she was the other woman. I think they may have been seperate at the time but I am not 100% of the details. Her child and his youngest went to school together and had no idea they were siblings. I actually went to school with the the other sibling who was older.

Well they finally let it out of the bag.. I think they were pre-teens.. early teens.
Tragically my friend and her daughter both died last summer in a house fire. Her daughter was 17.

Her father or siblings did not show up at the funeral

 

[Hound 109]

i see your point, but legally the father is the father. i don't think anyone meant to give the guy any credit.

I don't have an opinion on the legality, oxfordcircus. I only shared my opinion because it can be confusing (humiliating) when a child is asked about his "father" or "real father" in situations like this. (When often in his mind there is no question who his "real father" is....and it's not the biological father.)

Many situations are unique....but i think in this situation (and in most situations) it would be best to use the term "biological father". It's not easy (or natural) to insert an extra word, but if a child is involved it could be an important word (& less confusing word) to insert.

Thanks for letting me state my opinions.

hound -

 

[Hound 109]

Any idiot can be a father - but not every man can be a DAD. That's my take on it - don't be offended at him being referred to as the father - he is the father - he may or may not be a Dad though.

Several folks posted nice comments like this.

I want to be clear that i am in no way offended. The opinions that i stated were for the child's sake.

I like people (at least in my family's sphere of reality) to get used to using the term "biological father" so it's not confusing to my child (or any child). It's only a word.

Thanks.

hound -

 

[ZPT1022]

I don't have an opinion on the legality, oxfordcircus. I only shared my opinion because it can be confusing (humiliating) when a child is asked about his "father" or "real father" in situations like this. (When often in his mind there is no question who his "real father" is....and it's not the biological father.)

Many situations are unique....but i think in this situation (and in most situations) it would be best to use the term "biological father". It's not easy (or natural) to insert an extra word, but if a child is involved it could be an important word (& less confusing word) to insert.

Thanks for letting me state my opinions.

hound -

I totally agree. People will say to me "your real father" meaning the bio father and there is less than a snowball's chance in hell that I will ever think of him as my "real" father. My real father is the one who took me to the hospital when I needed stitches, and stayed up helping me make school projects, and tragically, the one who died when I was still a child. It is hard because people do say "real father" meaning bio father and that's not a title he's earned at all.

 

[Hound 109]

I totally agree. People will say to me "your real father" meaning the bio father and there is less than a snowball's chance in hell that I will ever think of him as my "real" father. My real father is the one who took me to the hospital when I needed stitches, and stayed up helping me make school projects, and tragically, the one who died when I was still a child. It is hard because people do say "real father" meaning bio father and that's not a title he's earned at all.

ZPT, I want you to know that your feelings (thoughts) really touched me.

I also want you to know that your Dad is proud of you & is looking down & smiling.

 

[ZPT1022]

ZPT, I want you to know that your feelings (thoughts) really touched me.

I also want you to know that your Dad is proud of you & is looking down & smiling.

awwwww.......thanks Hound I'm guessing that you find yourself involved in a similar situation, so that really means a lot to me

 

[kbkids]

I have a friend who is living a similar situation. Her husband had an affair while she was pregnant with their first child. Mistress got pregnant, and the two kids are only a few months apart. Anyway, they stayed together (it wasn't easy at first), but they now have two more children and a great marriage. Anyway, the step child has been apart of their lives from the beginning. They pretty much have her every other weekend, during the summers, etc.