when daddy's mistress has a baby

[oxfordcircus]

over a year ago, my neighbor had a baby by a man married to another woman. last summer my told us who the father was. turns out we knew the father since he's married to a friend of my wife and his daughter was close friends with my daughter. now the cheating man has 3 kids (in elementary school) with his wife plus the one with my old neighbor. the marriage is still alive, albeit on life support.

today, the wife of the cheater posed this question to my wife: "when would be a good time to introduce the 3 to the 1?"

what do y'all think?

 

[java]

At her husbands funeral.

 

[ducklite]

At her husbands funeral.

Anne

 

[SwedishMeatball]

At her husbands funeral.

 

[Camicar]

When she is prepared to explain why she is staying with a cheating scumbucket and why their income as a family may go down when both her dh's wages and her own are garnished for child support. (That is the law in this state -- the wife's wages are considered joint income and therefore garnishable for child support for any child conceived before or during their marriage.)

 

[oxfordcircus]

At her husbands funeral.

let's assume she killed him and was acquitted of the crime (justification) - just so he's no longer a complicator. the 3 still have a 1/2 brother. as painful as it would be, shouldn't they meet?

 

[flipflop]

Wow - I'm at a loss.

The wife is a bigger person than I to want to include the stepchild concieved through an affair in her family. I understand that the child had nothing to do with what happened but I still can't help but be impressed. Better question - when is she going to leave the cheating jerk?

 

[flipflop]

let's assume she killed him and was acquitted of the crime (justification) - just so he's no longer a complicator. the 3 still have a 1/2 brother. as painful as it would be, shouldn't they meet?

Yes, they should meet. The 1/2 brother shouldn't be punished b/c his father has no control of his other brain.

 

[mickeyboat]

If the kids are still in elementary school, I think now would be a good time to introduce them - before they really understand the implications of the affair. That way they just grow up with a half sibling, like lots and lots of their friends do.

I am not naive enough to think they will never find out the implications, but it might be better on their relationship with their half sibling to be introduced while the they are young.

Denae

 

[momof1princess]

At her husbands funeral.

i think that pretty much hits the nail on the head!

 

[oxfordcircus]

I am not naive enough to think they will never find out the implications, but it might be better on their relationship with their half sibling to be introduced while the they are young.

Denae

my thought is that the 3 will find out eventually - either through their mom or through someone who doesn't have their best interests at heart.

i just thought someone here may have been through this.

 

[Darcy03231]

I think the younger the children the better. Mom & Dad don't have to go into all of the specifics and I would keep the conversation age appropriate. I think it would be much more difficult as the children get older.

 

[java]

Ok, in all seriousness, my sil has a step-brother that she didn't know about until she was 20. The boy was 16. His mother passed away. Her father brought him home one day and said
"Meet your new brother" and that was it. He lived with them until he turned 18 and then he joined the military. My SIL refers to him as her brother.

Does her DH have visitation? Is he paying support? If the kids are going to see this child every weekend then they could get it all started now. And yeah are they going to be in the same school when they grow up? What a mess. I feel for those kids.

 

[SplshMtn99]

This is that game where we try to figure out what movie this is, right?

 

[oxfordcircus]

This is that game where we try to figure out what movie this is, right?

don't get this thread moved to the games board!

 

[RitaZ.]

At her husbands funeral.

I think your wife should read this reply.

 

[Camicar]

Oh, somebody just reminded me that we know a family in which the children actually did find out that they had a 1/2 sister at the father's funeral.

1/2 sister was very eager to have a relationship. Other kids had no interest and years later, still have had no contact with her.

 

[oxfordcircus]

Does her DH have visitation? Is he paying support? If the kids are going to see this child every weekend then they could get it all started now. And yeah are they going to be in the same school when they grow up? What a mess. I feel for those kids.

He's paying support, but visitation is unsettled. It appears that school will not be an issue since the mistress recently moved away with the baby. However, this town is a gossipy den of vipers. The deed will not be forgotten whether the child is here or not.

 

[flipflop]

My Great-Aunt and Great-Uncle found out last year that Uncle has a child who is now 12 by a mistress (uncle and aunt are younger than my grandmother and their kids are the same age as me - 30's). My cousins have never met their half-sibling and my aunt complains about having to pay child-support (which annoys me but that's another story). The cousins don't want to deal with the whole thing (plus the kid lives out of state). Having said that, if the child/mistress lived closeby it would have been hard to keep the secret under wraps and I am sure they all would have found out sooner and probably have had more involvement.

As a child of divorce, who's father left her mother for another woman, I didn't understand at 7 what had happened but I did when I got to be 13/14.

I agree with the posters above - best to introduce them now while they are young and don't "get it". They are going to understand eventually and the cheater will have to deal with that. I think they would bear a lot of resentment if they found out 20 years from now that their parents knew they had a half-sibling and never told them. They are already going to have to deal with their father's misdeed and that will be enough.

 

[flipflop]

He's paying support, but visitation is unsettled. It appears that school will not be an issue since the mistress recently moved away with the baby. However, this town is a gossipy den of vipers. The deed will not be forgotten whether the child is here or not.

Even if the town were not a den of vipers, the kids would eventually find out. This is not the sort of thing one can keep a secret forever.

I feel terrible for the kids in this situation.