When a nervous test taker can't pass the driver's test...

[marcyinPA]

I am at a loss, and don't know what I can do, if anything, for my son.

He got his permit one year and 3 months ago. He has been driving since- all over the place. At first, he was reluctant, but we went at his pace and now he is really able to drive anywhere. He has been on several major highways in the area, and has done all types of parking. We only have on-street parking at our house, so he knows how to parallel park by necessity.

He took his license test (on the road test) for the 3rd time today and failed it again. When we got to the DMV, he was nearly hyperventilating and his palms were so sweaty that they were dripping. He is fine driving with us, but when that tester gets into the car, he just flakes out. He failed on the parallel parking today, but he passed that part last time. I just don't know what I can do for him. He is 18, and heading off to college in the fall. We will schedule one more test (the waiting here is torture- it takes 6 weeks to get an appointment around here!)

Today I tried everything to try to get him to relax. We prayed (because it is what we do....), we talked about how he knows what he is doing, I had him take some deep breaths. But the tester came to car, started barking out orders (she was rough around the edges, like many of them are), and I think he just got worked up. He made his first mistake parallel parking, and he just couldn't recover.

I told him it isn't the end of the world, because it isn't. But he is so frustrated that something most people take for granted is so difficult for him. Plus, I think he KNOWS he can drive- but his nerves just take over during the test.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

Bless his heart! that test is very nerve wracking!! I'm not sure what to do to clam his nerves except to have him drive the same route, doing the same thing over and over until he feels more confident. Maybe driving the same way the DMV goes will help him.

It made my oldest DD nervous too. She failed it the first time because she did a 3 point turn backwards. Like your son, she couldn't recover after that. We took her on the same roads and had her practice everything. She passed the next time.


I wish him luck!!

 

[Becky2005]

I don't know what to tell you other than hang in there! Eventually he will get it but yes the tester personality has a big part of it.

Is there another testing facility you can go to? I have no idea how it works in your state.

I know my DD came back from her test bawling (and she almost never cries in public!), we thought she had failed. She actually did pass "barely" according to the tester but even as we were leaving -- the tester called out her name and said "I will be watching you" very nastily!!!! I never in my life had met an actual stereotypical DMV person until her! I wanted to retort back "doubt you'll be watching her because we don't even live in this area!" -- we had gone there because that is where my parents had gone before and it is less crowded, less waiting time. Big mistake on our part so I'm wondering if there is another location you can to?

Good Luck!

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I am at a loss, and don't know what I can do, if anything, for my son.

He got his permit one year and 3 months ago. He has been driving since- all over the place. At first, he was reluctant, but we went at his pace and now he is really able to drive anywhere. He has been on several major highways in the area, and has done all types of parking. We only have on-street parking at our house, so he knows how to parallel park by necessity.

He took his license test (on the road test) for the 3rd time today and failed it again. When we got to the DMV, he was nearly hyperventilating and his palms were so sweaty that they were dripping. He is fine driving with us, but when that tester gets into the car, he just flakes out. He failed on the parallel parking today, but he passed that part last time. I just don't know what I can do for him. He is 18, and heading off to college in the fall. We will schedule one more test (the waiting here is torture- it takes 6 weeks to get an appointment around here!)

Today I tried everything to try to get him to relax. We prayed (because it is what we do....), we talked about how he knows what he is doing, I had him take some deep breaths. But the tester came to car, started barking out orders (she was rough around the edges, like many of them are), and I think he just got worked up. He made his first mistake parallel parking, and he just couldn't recover.

I told him it isn't the end of the world, because it isn't. But he is so frustrated that something most people take for granted is so difficult for him. Plus, I think he KNOWS he can drive- but his nerves just take over during the test.

Forgot the rule.

 

[daisymomof4]

Poor kid My now 19yo was a sort of reluctant driver. He wasn't down at the DMV like all his friends were getting his license when he turned 16. He got his permit but was in no hurry to get his license at first. When his senior year was lurking he finally though he was ready. He failed his test twice. It left him feeling SO down after the second test.

We got him some additional private lessons so he'd get used to having someone else in the car judging him that wasn't a parent He thought it was great, calmed his nerves and he passed no problem that 3rd time. Maybe that would work for your son too. Best of luck, and tell him to hang in there!

 

[Katy Belle]

My DS15 took Drivers Ed with a private business, not affiliated with the school. I think that they told us that THEY are certified to give the test, at their facility. The way I understand it, he would be with the same instructor and the same car that he practiced with. You might look into Driving Schools around you and see if he can take his test through them.

Good luck!

DS15 is giving me WAY more gray hair with driving than DS18 ever did!

 

[marcyinPA]

This is our second testing site. He has driven all over the routes where they go, and practiced parallel parking in the spot at the DMV. The way it works here is that you do the parallel parking first. If you don't pass that, you don't go any further. They have a 3 strikes and your done rule.

This testing site today was supposedly the easier of all the local sites. It is rural, and we actually chose it because he is a counselor at a camp about a mile away from it. So I had to drive up to get him- about 40 miles from home, and then drive back. Anyway, I am confident that if he hadn't screwed up the parking, he would have been fine. He had just driven in the area on Sunday on his way to camp and my DH said he did wonderfully.

We have actually considered doing the driver's training thing (our school does not offer any at all), but it is almost $500 here! YIKES! I would pay it, but our other hurdle is that he is working at this overnight camp all summer, and then leaves for college on 8/24. I just don't know when we could fit it in?! I need to see what else I can possibly do. Maybe lessons on Saturdays or something?

Darn nerves...

 

[fortwildernessishome]

I really don't have any advice, but just want to say how sorry I feel for your son. (and you!)

My son failed the drivers part of the test back in Feb. He was DEVASTATED and nothing seems to phase him, so I was surprised at the depth of his disappointment. He is actually a very good driver, but on his test, he almost hit someone on a crosswalk and almost hit a car when he went to merge.....it was a disaster. I chalk it up to nerves. He had to wait 10 days to go back and take it again and he was worried the whole time that he would fail it again. It was not a pleasant time for anybody in our house. Luckily he did pass on his second attempt, but barely.

I think my only advice would be can you go to a different DMV? That was my plan had he failed a second time, because I felt that he should start fresh in a new location.

Instructors should realize how nervous some kids can get and maybe try to diffuse the nerves.....but I guess, they figure that's not a part of their job. My sons instructor (same both times) would have made me nervous and nor much makes me nervous.

Sending good thoughts your way.

 

[Becky2005]

We got him some additional private lessons so he'd get used to having someone else in the car judging him that wasn't a parent He thought it was great, calmed his nerves and he passed no problem that 3rd time. Maybe that would work for your son too. Best of luck, and tell him to hang in there!

That's a great idea!!!

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Agree with PP, have him take a practice test over and over, either with an instructor or other adult.

Might also consider seeing how he feels about taking the test at another test station if he doesn't want to face the same troopers who have tested him before.

 

[marcyinPA]

Agree with PP, have him take a practice test over and over, either with an instructor or other adult.

Might also consider seeing how he feels about taking the test at another test station if he doesn't want to face the same troopers who have tested him before.

This was our second testing site but third try. Who knew that the state of PA rotates it's testers? They go to all of the local testing sites, so his chances of getting the same person again are pretty good.

 

[Schmeck]

If they are failing because of "nerves" then that means they aren't really good drivers yet - sure, they can drive in normal circumstances, but they can't handle the stressful ones. That's why they are not passing their tests.

They need to take the more aggressive driving lessons that are not offered by the standard driver's ed places. Can't remember what they are called, something to do with defensive driving? Anyways, they will get a lot more experience driving under stress if they take that course.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

This was our second testing site but third try. Who knew that the state of PA rotates it's testers? They go to all of the local testing sites, so his chances of getting the same person again are pretty good.

Rats - I do like the idea of the more aggressive lessons.

 

[Scrappy_Tink]

I would check into some driving schools. My son went to one, that was also able to give the driving test for the state. It doesn't sound like your son needs to take a class, but if they do something like that there, maybe he can take the class and get familiar with them, and pass the test through their agency.

 

[marcyinPA]

If they are failing because of "nerves" then that means they aren't really good drivers yet - sure, they can drive in normal circumstances, but they can't handle the stressful ones. That's why they are not passing their tests.

They need to take the more aggressive driving lessons that are not offered by the standard driver's ed places. Can't remember what they are called, something to do with defensive driving? Anyways, they will get a lot more experience driving under stress if they take that course.

I might agree with you if we didn't live in a high traffic area. But we do live in an area where driving is not easy, where traffic is heavy, and where interstates are known for major accidents. He has driven in all of it (with either my DH or myself) and has done fine.

Today was the first time I took him for the test. My DH took him the other 2 times. I have never seen him THIS worked up before. He didn't even get that worked up when we merged onto I-78 in our area- which is a really crappy drive!

Not making excuses for him- but I really feel like the anxiety is over the test, not the actual driving.

 

[NAB]

This is our second testing site. He has driven all over the routes where they go, and practiced parallel parking in the spot at the DMV. The way it works here is that you do the parallel parking first. If you don't pass that, you don't go any further. They have a 3 strikes and your done rule.

This testing site today was supposedly the easier of all the local sites. It is rural, and we actually chose it because he is a counselor at a camp about a mile away from it. So I had to drive up to get him- about 40 miles from home, and then drive back. Anyway, I am confident that if he hadn't screwed up the parking, he would have been fine. He had just driven in the area on Sunday on his way to camp and my DH said he did wonderfully.

We have actually considered doing the driver's training thing (our school does not offer any at all), but it is almost $500 here! YIKES! I would pay it, but our other hurdle is that he is working at this overnight camp all summer, and then leaves for college on 8/24. I just don't know when we could fit it in?! I need to see what else I can possibly do. Maybe lessons on Saturdays or something?

Darn nerves...

I would get him lessons as well so he gets used to another person. Maybe they can also catch what you don't. Our son will be taking lessons as he just turned 16 and has his beginers. We want him to get them soon so he doesn't pick up bad habits driving with us. I would take the $500. lessons. Here they are well over $1000.00 now. When I took my 20 some years ago they were $350. then.

 

[tink20]

My DD took drivers education in high school, if you passed the class you were issued a form and we took it to the DMV and they gave her, her license. She didn't have to take the drivers test at the DMV.

About 6 yrs before DD got her license (I don't think they were letting the high school issue them at that time) my friend's daughter was nervous and the our DMV where we live is super busy, so they went to a more rural area, hardly no traffic, and the testers were nicer. You can take the test anywhere in your state. (can't you?)

 

[Pre]

I failed my first drivers test and was pretty nervous the second time. I scheduled my retest for the first appointment of the morning. There was zero time to be nervous and I passed the second time. Maybe choosing a time of day he is comfortable with will help.

 

[Imzadi]

I would say find as may adults (especially strangers to him) as you can who will drive around with him for an hour, barking out orders. The more people who do this, the more he will get used to that kind of situation, until it becomes a normal situation for him.

 

[SmallWorld71]

Wasn't it Marcia Brady who got the advice to picture the driving instructor in his underwear when she was trying to pass her driver's test?

I say this not to jest, but maybe he needs to learn some type of relaxation technique/ coping skill to deal with stressful situations like this.

If you try all the possible external changes - changing locale, trying out different drivers etc.... and that doesn't work, maybe the change needs to be internal?

Good luck!
I failed the first time. The second time, I was much more in control of my nerves. I was able to keep them underwraps during the test. But, when it was all over I was shaking so badly I made my grandmother drive home.