What's your overall philosophy on gift giving and receiving?

[Ember]

It's a gift giving time of year, so there are a lot of threads about gifts. It always seems to me to break down into two camps when it comes to gifts:

1. The people who feel if a gift is going to be given, the intention is to please the receiver. So steps should be taken to determine what the receiver would like (such as asking them). Gifts given without this forethought can be considered wasteful or unthoughtful. In situations where gifts are going to be given, such as a wedding, it is acceptable to tell people what is desired. The responsibility is on the giver to ensure the gift is something that is wanted.

2. People who feel that a gift, any gift, should be appreciated for the thought behind it. This should apply even if the gift is not what was desired, or even something the receiver would like or want. This recognizes that a gift is not an obligation, so no instruction is required on the part of the receiver. The responsibility is on the receiver to appreciate the gift, even if it's not something they like.

There are slight variations on these themes, but that's mostly what I get out of reading a lot of the threads where gifts are mentioned, whether it's about Christmas, birthdays, or weddings.

I believe a little of both. With the people in my life I am closest to, such as my husband, I feel comfortable actually talking about what I would and wouldn't like. I have even pointed out a particular item and actually said things like, "I would really love that." He will do the same with me. However, with most other people I would never presume to direct what they should get me and I am truly grateful that someone took the time and effort to get me a gift.

If the gift truly isn't something I would use I may exchange it, or pass it on to someone else, or donate it.

Edited to add: When I give a gift, I really do try to put thought and effort into it. But there may well be times I've "messed up" according to the standards of other people. (To riff on another gift thread, I have bought clothes for my nephew for his birthday, for example.) I would hope my efforts were appreciated, even if the gift wasn't the perfect meeting of the receivers most wanted list.

So what's your gift philosophy?

 

[sam_gordon]

When I'm picking out gifts, I try to pick something the recipient would like. Especially at Christmas, I don't generally ask what they'd like (except for immediate family).

When I'm receiving a gift, I think "it's the thought that counts".

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Something is better than nothing.

I have a relative who decided since my oldest is getting too old and old kids only like expensive things, that she would get NONE of the kids in any family anything.

I did let my oldest know (but not the other ones) and she was a bit heartbroken. I didn't tell her why though.

I also prefer truth. If you just don't feel like doing something, just say so. Whatever the reason, please don't insult my intelligence.


Yes it is evil...but I just can't help it. I really feel sad. I should also mention that *I* got a gift. I would have preferred to have been sacrificed so that my kidlets were remembered.

(BTW, my kids love the dollar spot at Target. They are easily pleased.)

Didn't post a thread about it--but hey--since you asked....


As for what you post, I do believe a little bit of both as well. That is probably why it upset me to be told the above. It just told me that the giver was just not really into looking around anymore or being creative.

And even if umm...that upsets me, I still make sure that I go through a valiant effort to get them things they enjoy. Our budget was less this year, but I still looked with people in mind that they might enjoy. I don't really like "lists" or "asking" unless I am truly stumped. But even then, I have a tried and true fall back item that is well received.

I have always hated making lists. I feel like I am asking someone to pick me up that celery I need to make dinner or something. These lists were demanded and for YEARS, nothing was ever bought on the list. So that is my other evil rule--if you DEMAND me to tell you what I want year after year and then ignore my requests, please stop demanding it of me as I hate doing it. (no more gift exchanges, so no lists for about 3 years now.)

 

[Luv Bunnies]

It's a gift giving time of year, so there are a lot of threads about gifts. It always seems to me to break down into two camps when it comes to gifts:

1. The people who feel if a gift is going to be given, the intention is to please the receiver. So steps should be taken to determine what the receiver would like (such as asking them). Gifts given without this forethought can be considered wasteful. The responsibility is on the giver to ensure the gift is something that is wanted.

2. People who feel that a gift, any gift, should be appreciated for the thought behind it. This should apply even if the gift is not what was desired, or even something the receiver would like or want. The responsibility is on the receiver to appreciate the gift, even if it's not something they like.

There are slight variations on these themes, but that's mostly what I get out of reading a lot of the threads where gifts are mentioned, whether it's about Christmas, birthdays, or weddings.

I believe a little of both. With the people in my life I am closest to, such as my husband, I feel comfortable actually talking about what I would and wouldn't like. I have even pointed out a particular item and actually said things like, "I would really love that." He will do the same with me. However, with most other people I would never presume to direct what they should get me and I am truly grateful that someone took the time and effort to get me a gift.

If the gift truly isn't something I would use I may exchange it, or pass it on to someone else, or donate it.

So what's your gift philosophy?

When I choose gifts for people, I try to think of things they would really like and would be able to use and enjoy. I don't mind when family members give me ideas about what they'd like, and I will gladly tell them what I would like if they ask.

When I receive gifts, I am always grateful to the giver. The fact that someone took the time and spent their money to buy something for me makes me feel loved and appreciated. People say that I'm easy to buy for, and I usually love whatever I receive. If, however, it's something I can't use, I will gladly give it to someone else. For example, I lost a bunch of weight last year and try to stay away from candy. My dad likes to keep a chocolate stash in the freezer, so any candy I receive goes to him. It's fun to share!

 

[worm761]

I believe both. You should be thankful for any gift you receive (there are exceptions!). And if you are going to give a gift to someone then you should give them something they like or can use.

My future MIL likes to buy my daughter clothes. Not clothes that she can wear. When we tried to nicely let her know that DD can't wear the clothes, in this case she had bought the wrong sizes, her response was she didn't care and that she would buy her what she wanted. Ok, your money do what you want. So every year we get an outfit or two from his mother that she will never wear. I don't understand wasting your money like that.

Future MIL has also started to use gifts as weapons. She is, lets say extremely upset about us getting married next year. So for his Christmas gift she sent a dig at us. It was rude and uncalled for. He opened the gift early and while normally I don't support that, I am VERY glad that he will not be opening this gift on Christmas morning. It really upset him. Gifts like this, I am not thankful for and can do without for my family.

 

[charming23]

I try and get things for people that I know they will enjoy, and normally would not buy themselves.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Future MIL has also started to use gifts as weapons. She is, lets say extremely upset about us getting married next year. So for his Christmas gift she sent a dig at us. It was rude and uncalled for. He opened the gift early and while normally I don't support that, I am VERY glad that he will not be opening this gift on Christmas morning. It really upset him. Gifts like this, I am not thankful for and can do without for my family.

Okie dokey I'm nosey...what was it?

 

[PigletsPal2]

I take a great deal of pride in finding just the "right" gift for people. My favorite (and DD#2's favorite) was arranging for her to meet her favorite actor in London. And I'm not talking about a quick "meet and greet." He invited DD (and DH and I) up to his dressing room, gave DD a box of chocolates and a card, had several photos taken with her, and spent his whole break between the matinee and evening performances helping her celebrate her 15th birthday. Two months later he called her at home to tell her the date of his last performance and express his hope to see her that night!

More than 20 years later, she still talks about that birthday and she still has the photos (I made her pitch the chocolates!). Unfortunately, I haven't been able to to that one.

Queen Colleen

 

[Robinrs]

I love giving gifts, HATE receiving them. I love watching the receiver get the gift, I try to give them what they like. I listen to people and find out what they want and need and try to fill the request.

 

[ChiCat]

I hate the phrase "it's the thought that counts" it doesn't count if you put no thought into it. Let me give you an example of what I'm talking about, my inlaws who are very aware that I'm agnostic (it was a source of conflict for them when DH and I were dating) gave us a deeply religious book for our only wedding gift. I mean every single page in it had a bible verse. Then they claimed they just picked a random book in the marriage section at the book store. Really?? Your only son gets married and you decide a book will be the gift you give but you don't even look at it?

I *really* try to think of things people would love or could use. However there are people I don't know well, like my DH's aunt who I unfortunately just got a gift card to a movie theater. I *hate* doing that but I've only met the woman once and DH was no help either.

 

[Ember]

I hate the phrase "it's the thought that counts" it doesn't count if you put no thought into it. Let me give you an example of what I'm talking about, my inlaws who are very aware that I'm agnostic (it was a source of conflict for them when DH and I were dating) gave us a deeply religious book for our only wedding gift. I mean every single page in it had a bible verse. Then they claimed they just picked a random book in the marriage section at the book store. Really?? Your only son gets married and you decide a book will be the gift you give but you don't even look at it?

I *really* try to think of things people would love or could use. However there are people I don't know well, like my DH's aunt who I unfortunately just got a gift card to a movie theater. I *hate* doing that but I've only met the woman once and DH was no help either.

I think most of the time, people do put thought into a gift. Clearly, your in laws put some thought into trying to convert you. But in most cases, I think the intention is thoughtful - such as you getting a movie gift card. You hope that it's something she will like and use.

However, if DH's aunt actually thought you were out of line for not getting her something different, who's is in the wrong (for lack of a better term)? That's where you get a lot of argument, it seems, and what prompted me thinking about it.

 

[nathalee81]

It's a gift giving time of year, so there are a lot of threads about gifts. It always seems to me to break down into two camps when it comes to gifts:

1. The people who feel if a gift is going to be given, the intention is to please the receiver. So steps should be taken to determine what the receiver would like (such as asking them). Gifts given without this forethought can be considered wasteful or unthoughtful. In situations where gifts are going to be given, such as a wedding, it is acceptable to tell people what is desired. The responsibility is on the giver to ensure the gift is something that is wanted.

2. People who feel that a gift, any gift, should be appreciated for the thought behind it. This should apply even if the gift is not what was desired, or even something the receiver would like or want. This recognizes that a gift is not an obligation, so no instruction is required on the part of the receiver. The responsibility is on the receiver to appreciate the gift, even if it's not something they like.

There are slight variations on these themes, but that's mostly what I get out of reading a lot of the threads where gifts are mentioned, whether it's about Christmas, birthdays, or weddings.

I believe a little of both. With the people in my life I am closest to, such as my husband, I feel comfortable actually talking about what I would and wouldn't like. I have even pointed out a particular item and actually said things like, "I would really love that." He will do the same with me. However, with most other people I would never presume to direct what they should get me and I am truly grateful that someone took the time and effort to get me a gift.

If the gift truly isn't something I would use I may exchange it, or pass it on to someone else, or donate it.

Edited to add: When I give a gift, I really do try to put thought and effort into it. But there may well be times I've "messed up" according to the standards of other people. (To riff on another gift thread, I have bought clothes for my nephew for his birthday, for example.) I would hope my efforts were appreciated, even if the gift wasn't the perfect meeting of the receivers most wanted list.

So what's your gift philosophy?

I try, very hard, to give gifts that the recipient will be able to enjoy. I know I probably miss the mark sometimes, but it isn't for lack of trying.

My husband and I appreciate everything that is given to us-with one exception. A couple of years ago we were given a gift by his father and stepmother and it was awful. It was awful because there was absolutely no thought behind it-none. It was tacky and thoughtless, and something I would expect at a white elephant party.

However, I thanked his father/stepmother after opening the gift. I wrote a thank you note, thanking them for the gift...and promptly threw the gifts in the goodwill pile.

I admit it-I got a little petty after that. I had been sending them a very expensive basket of goodies every year-one of those baskets with wine/cheese/chocolates from a catalog. After that gift, I stopped with the baskets. I now spend the same amount on a donation to a charity. And, no, it isn't like the Human Fund or anything (Seinfeld fans will get that one). I really do donate the money to a charity-and I make it in their honor so they receive some type of certificate/letter from the charitable organization.

I don't think my stepmother-in-law is amused, however. She used to send us a thank you note for the basket, but I have NEVER received a thank you note for the donation .

I know, I am horrible. Please don't flame me too much...

 

[mjantz]

If I know of a specific item a person wants I will try & get it. If I don't know I will use my best judgement & hope for the best.
When my kids were little & grandparents would ask for lists I would put not only specific items but their interests. So, not only would you know that my DS wanted the Space Shuttle LEGO set but also that he liked Spongebob and Veggie Tales. That way, even if they didn't buy from the list they had an idea of likes. This became important because my nephews are very close in age to my son but they have very different interests.

 

[QVCshopper]

I like it when people tell me exactly what they want so I can go out and get it. If they don't tell me, I do my best trying to get something I know they want. But, I definitely prefer just being told. And it doesn't bother me if it's not something I personally like.

As for me, I buy my own gifts from my DH to me. I also wrap them up, and have been doing things this way for years. I have a list of things I'd like if someone asks, as well as lists for my kids. I have also been known to buy things for my kids and have people (such as my bachelor brother-in-law) pay me back, mostly to help them out. I'm a better shopper than most of the family and can make my dollars stretch--but I do put effort into finding the sales and deals.

 

[bellebud]

I believe both. You should be thankful for any gift you receive (there are exceptions!). And if you are going to give a gift to someone then you should give them something they like or can use.

My future MIL likes to buy my daughter clothes. Not clothes that she can wear. When we tried to nicely let her know that DD can't wear the clothes, in this case she had bought the wrong sizes, her response was she didn't care and that she would buy her what she wanted. Ok, your money do what you want. So every year we get an outfit or two from his mother that she will never wear. I don't understand wasting your money like that.

Future MIL has also started to use gifts as weapons. She is, lets say extremely upset about us getting married next year. So for his Christmas gift she sent a dig at us. It was rude and uncalled for. He opened the gift early and while normally I don't support that, I am VERY glad that he will not be opening this gift on Christmas morning. It really upset him. Gifts like this, I am not thankful for and can do without for my family.

Not fair - you have to say what it was...

 

[Art 1]

i love giving gifts, hate receiving them. I love watching the receiver get the gift, i try to give them what they like. I listen to people and find out what they want and need and try to fill the request.

+1.

 

[crazyme5kids]

I love giving gifts, HATE receiving them. I love watching the receiver get the gift, I try to give them what they like. I listen to people and find out what they want and need and try to fill the request.

This is me. In fact, I dread getting gifts. The best gift I could receive would be no gift. I keep telling my family not to get me anything, but they don't listen.

 

[worm761]

Okie dokey I'm nosey...what was it?

You have to know her to know that it is a dig. I mean, when she found out that we were getting married she called up and screamed at him ( I could hear her across the room!) and then hung up on him. Then we got this gift. It was a picture of her and his step father, a picture of him and his two siblings from her. They were pulled off of her living room wall and they are the old 1980's shellacked onto a feax wood cut "frame". And there was the book Wherever You Are My Love Will Find You with an inscription by her that says that she knows that it is a children's book but she hopes that if he reads it then he will "get it" and she used the quotation marks, not me. The dig is that she thinks that it is disloyal of him to marry me and put our family before her and his siblings. She should come before me and the kids. You have to understand that she completely controls her other two kids. We don't live in the tiny town they all live in in New York, we live in Florida. She feels that he should leave me and take our daughter and move to New York. The fact that he has a GREAT job down here working for the Navy doesn't really matter. And no, he should not take me and my son with him and my daughter to New York. She calls me she or her, never my name. She actually doesn't acknowledge that my daughter is mine, only his.

 

[wenrob]

The thought doesn't count if it's thoughtless. That's my view on it. My mother used to get me crappy .30 things from Pick and Save for Christmas. Literally crap. Like a plastic plate or 2x2 plastic frame from a multi pack. The "theme" not anything near what I'd be interested in. Pretty much something to wrap and hand to me when we'd get together at my Grandmother's house on Christmas Eve. That's not a gift IMHO that's telling herself she got me something. It would hurt my feelings pretty badly. I don't expect gifts from anyone and certainly not expensive ones but when the intent is clearly just something to make the giver feel better then the thought isn't there at all.

We stopped exchanging gifts among the adults in our family when we all started having kids and have an agreed upon limit. I go out of my way, shop the sales and make the most of that limit for my nieces and nephews. I usually get a pretty good reaction. (trust me there's a few that would flat say they didn't like it, lol)

 

[cari12]

I put a lot of thought into gifts I give and really hope the person receiving loves it.
And like others, I generally think that it is the thought that counts. However, when the gift is thoughtless, then the thought doesn't count. For example, when I was pregnant with DD8 and due in January, MIL asked if I would like a robe for Christmas. I said, no I do not use one. She said, well for the hospital when you have the baby. I said no thanks, for the 2 days I would be there, I could use hospital issue. Well, to my surprise on Christmas morning she had given me a robe! When I clearly said I did not want one, then she got offended that I asked to exchange it for something else! To me that was a complete waste of money to give something the person did not want and you knew they did not want it.