What would you do

[Pea-n-Me]

And what aout the child's right of self-determination?

 

[Hikergirl]

She is still an innocent child who is being discriminated against and prejudged. Some here have said that is always wrong.

I don't think that is the case at all, it's her parents that people have an issue with.
I have no problem prejudging those parents, and yes unfortunately that means that their child would miss out on maybe a close friendship. That is all on her parents though.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I don't think that is the case at all, it's her parents that people have an issue with.
I have no problem prejudging those parents, and yes unfortunately that means that their child would miss out on maybe a close friendship. That is all on her parents though.

Posters here have said essentially that she'll be parroting what her parents say. That means they are discriminating against her and prejudging her.

 

[Hikergirl]

Posters here have said essentially that she'll be parroting what her parents say. That means they are discriminating against her and prejudging her.

I don't see it that way, it is still about the parents, about the kind of household she is being raised in.
I get that you see it a different way, but truth is she is a child, what she may or not be in the future isn't relevant when deciding whether or not you let your child have a relationship with her now. What matters is how she is being raised, and in this case she is being raised by a parent who is either a white supremacist, or someone who has no problem displaying items that support it. I have no idea if they shield that child from those kinds of beliefs, but it isn't a chance I would take with letting my own child be around that.

I did state before that I would have no issues with my kid paying with their kid at the park, or even at school. But no way would I encourage a real relationship outside of that.

 

[Colleen27]

I had to look up 14/88. I’m just curious why the mother let her daughter play with your daughter especially if your dd is Hispanic , doesn’t that go against their belief? I’m Mexican so just asking.

I've encountered a few people in my life who consider themselves non-violent/non-hateful white supremacists. Which is to say that they don't advocate violence against other races or even refuse to interact with them; they "merely" think of those races as inferior and white people as the beacon of human progress/development, believe minorities should "know their place" in society or advocate for "go back where you came from" sorting, and don't believe in intermarriage or having children with someone outside of the "white" race. I suppose it is possible, with that mindset, to consider a casual friendship between little kids okay.

I would have a huge problem with anyone who thinks that they do not have to respect another human being just because they might believe differently.
Freedom of beliefs, and basic human rights and respect for ALL is what this country is supposed to be all about.
Sadly, that does not seem to be the case.

Personally, for me, I do not judge anyone based on any difference in beliefs.
I judge people on whether they treat others with respect.
I judge people on whether they think it is okay to expect everyone else to feel and believe exactly as they do.

I think there is a difference between not respecting a belief and not respecting a person. There are many people in my life who hold specific beliefs I don't respect - I don't buy the false equivalence argument that hateful or discriminatory or just plain wrong (scientifically speaking) beliefs should be granted the same respect as fact-based, tolerant or innocuous beliefs - but that doesn't mean I disrespect or mistreat them as human beings. I can believe they're misguided on certain matters and still consider them decent people.

I also think that when a person's individual beliefs cross over into advocacy, it is the action - whether that action is proudly displaying neo-nazi symbols or agitating for legal rights to be stripped from certain groups or committing acts of hate speech or violence - that merits judgment. No one here is judging the family in the OP's post solely on a belief. If that belief wasn't translated into the action of displaying hate symbols in a space that is visible to visitors to their home (and passers-by on the street), the OP never would have known about it to bring the subject here for discussion.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I don't see it that way, it is still about the parents, about the kind of household she is being raised in.
I get that you see it a different way, but truth is she is a child, what she may or not be in the future isn't relevant when deciding whether or not you let your child have a relationship with her now. What matters is how she is being raised, and in this case she is being raised by a parent who is either a white supremacist, or someone who has no problem displaying items that support it. I have no idea if they shield that child from those kinds of beliefs, but it isn't a chance I would take with letting my own child be around that.

I did state before that I would have no issues with my kid paying with their kid at the park, or even at school. But no way would I encourage a real relationship outside of that.

I am not talking about the future, I am talking about her now. Even children can be very aware and discriminating themselves, we've all seen news stories about such children and likely know some ourselves, too. So she may well see the world from a different lens than her parents do. I am sad for her that most people would shun her. Poor kid (if this is real).

What ever happened to, "It takes a village"?

 

[Colleen27]

I am not talking about the future, I am talking about her now. Even children can be very aware and discriminating themselves, we've all seen news stories about such children and likely know some ourselves, too. So she may well see the world from a different lens than her parents do. I am sad for her that most people would shun her. Poor kid (if this is real).

What ever happened to, "It takes a village"?

I think when most people use "it takes a village", it is in a cooperative sense - the community coming together to support parents in the acknowledgement that they can't be everywhere and everything at all times. Not in the sense of trying to undermine parental beliefs for the sake of the child's long-term well-being.

 

[LSUmiss]

She is still an innocent child who is being discriminated against and prejudged. Some here have said that is always wrong.

She is not being discriminated against. Her parents are & rightfully so. Again THEY took her innocence.

 

[Searc]

I am not talking about the future, I am talking about her now. Even children can be very aware and discriminating themselves, we've all seen news stories about such children and likely know some ourselves, too. So she may well see the world from a different lens than her parents do. I am sad for her that most people would shun her. Poor kid (if this is real).

What ever happened to, "It takes a village"?

It's interesting you are chastising people for theoretically wanting to protect their children from Neo-Nazis.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I think when most people use "it takes a village", it is in a cooperative sense - the community coming together to support parents in the acknowledgement that they can't be everywhere and everything at all times. Not in the sense of trying to undermine parental beliefs for the sake of the child's long-term well-being.

I think "It takes a village" has a lot of meanings, not just to us here and now, but universally. Not all children are fortunate enough to have an ideal home situation for whatever reason, and so others "in the village" act as supporters and mentors to that child so that they can survive and thrive despite their problematic circumstances. How many adults have we heard stories from saying they wouldn't be where they are were it not for x, y and z? I think this girl needs the village, but the village won't be there for her, apparently. Except for hopefully a few who can see past whatever deficiencies or evils her parents have.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

It's interesting you are chastising people for theoretically wanting to protect their children from Neo-Nazis.

Um, ok

 

[VandVsmama]

I'd allow the kids to play together. Since they live in the same neighborhood as you, the girls will probably end up becoming friendly with each other at school and on the school bus and stuff like that. Sometimes, life has a way of putting kids together in situations like this to show the parents that friendship doesn't care about stuff like religion, skin color, etc. These 2 girls will likely not end up to be BFFs. Odds are that, over time, they will develop new friendships with other kids and they won't be like peas & carrots all the time.

I'd also probably not have the girls play together at the Confederate flag parents' home unless I asked them about those other 2 flags (I didn't even know what those meant, had to look them up)...but you can avoid that by making play dates at the park, have the girl over to your house, etc.

I wouldn't overtly make this a big deal in front of my kid unless it was necessary. Maybe the flags are the dad's. Maybe the wife wants nothing to do with the flags, but has told the husband that he has to keep that stuff in the garage. Maybe the wife is not racist and might be a lovely person. You just don't know yet.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I am not talking about the future, I am talking about her now. Even children can be very aware and discriminating themselves, we've all seen news stories about such children and likely know some ourselves, too. So she may well see the world from a different lens than her parents do. I am sad for her that most people would shun her. Poor kid (if this is real).

What ever happened to, "It takes a village"?

I wouldn't shun the kid out in the village (i.e. - I'd let my kid play with her at the park or school.) I just wouldn't want the parents supervising my kid (so no playing at their house.)

I do agree with you, though, that other adults need to be a good influence on this little girl. Hopefully, she will observe many adults - and children - in her community expressing a different viewpoint than those flags represent, so she can make her own conclusions as she gets older.

If everyone treats her badly, she probably will start to believe her parents. But if they treat her kindly, she may break the cycle.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

This woman, whose home includied children, risked their all being killed by Nazis to harbor a Jewish family during the Holocaust. That family survived, and thrived, and recently reunited with the 92 yr old to give thanks.

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/11/05/world/europe/holocaust-survivors-greece.html
So no, not exactly the same. And yes, of course we must protect our own children, but there are things we can and must still do to BALANCE good with evil.

 

[PollyannaMom]

That story is amazing! (I didn't have access to the NYT article, but I found it in another paper by Googling the woman's name - Melpomeni Dina.) It's so cool that she got to meet all those descendants of the people she helped!

 

[Hikergirl]

I am not talking about the future, I am talking about her now. Even children can be very aware and discriminating themselves, we've all seen news stories about such children and likely know some ourselves, too. So she may well see the world from a different lens than her parents do. I am sad for her that most people would shun her. Poor kid (if this is real).

What ever happened to, "It takes a village"?

I misread what you said about what other posters said, I was thinking about when the girl is older.
That still doesn’t change what I said though, that girl is being raised in a home where the idea of white supremacy is put on display, literally. She may not understand that, or parrot those ideas now or ever, but there is definitely a higher chance that she may than may not. That’s just a fact, you can call it discrimination if you want.

As far as taking a village, I don’t subscribe to that unless there is immediate danger or need of help in some way.
I already said I would allow my child to play with her, that’s about as “village” as I’d get with that family.

 

[ronandannette]

I just went back and re-read the OP and all his other posts in this thread because, admittedly, much of the discussion has gone in a different direction. Many are making a valid point of (somewhat) wanting to separate this little girl from her family's apparent appalling ideology and giving her a chance but would it ever really come to that? Just trying to think logically, if these people are who these flags indicate they are, why on earth would they allow their child to play with a little latina girl? If their ugliness and hate is truly that entrenched, it's impossible to believe they would welcome the OP's daughter or glibly send their own to the OP's house. That part just doesn't add up and I think it may have been mentioned somewhere upthread and glossed over.

And the interaction between the OP's wife and daughter and the woman from the "hater home" is pretty light on detail. Do white supremacists just happily and politely welcome people of other races to wander onto their property without missing a beat? Does anybody here actually know any white supremacists IRL that could lend credibility to this scenario?

 

[LSUmiss]

I think "It takes a village" has a lot of meanings, not just to us here and now, but universally. Not all children are fortunate enough to have an ideal home situation for whatever reason, and so others "in the village" act as supporters and mentors to that child so that they can survive and thrive despite their problematic circumstances. How many adults have we heard stories from saying they wouldn't be where they are were it not for x, y and z? I think this girl needs the village, but the village won't be there for her, apparently. Except for hopefully a few who can see past whatever deficiencies or evils her parents have.

Ok, but I have a duty to protect my child first. I don’t believe that it is my duty to help raise other ppl’s children.

 

[LSUmiss]

And what aout the child's right of self-determination?

If there were a way for OP to allow his child to play with this child without exposing his child to the “sins” of this girl’s parents then ok, but there really isn’t. And as a member of a “protected class”, as you called it, OP has an even greater reason for caution.

 

[Wishing on a star]

About the child...
C'mon people, at that age you simply cannot separate the child from the parents, This are a pre-schooler.
What would one suggest, that they go to each others housses on playdates and sleep-overs, birthday parties, activities and functions, and spend any real amount of time with those parents who show that kind of hatred for your background and culture.
Not me. No way.
I do think, clearly, that I think there comes a time when an older child/teen, who does have some autonomy and separation from their parents, to be able to be given that consideration. But, when, by nature, association with that child means association with that kind of hate. Then I think this family, or another family in that situation, has every justification for concern and keeping some distance.
I do not, in any way, buy the argument that that amounts to any prejudice or discrimination.

That is protecting my child, and Freedom of Association.