What would you do

gmar1210

Mouseketeer
Joined
Oct 18, 2017
So my daughter met another girl at the park the other day. They are both the same age and most likely will be going to kindergarten together next year. They played great and the mother seemed really nice. Well this morning my wife was going for a walk with my daughter. My daughter noticed the little girl from the other day and yelled for her. My wife walked her over to the home so they can play. Their garage was open and the mother was gardening. Inside the garage was a confederate flag, a storm front flag and a big poster that said 14/88. My wife pulled my daughter immediately out of there (she knew was the confederate flag was about but no idea what those other 2 things meant). Thankfully she snapped a pic with her phone to show me.

we really don’t want my daughter associating with them any more. We are Hispanic and this stuff really scares us but the girls really like each other. Should I just not bring my daughter around anymore or allow them to play. I never met the husband but the wife seems really nice.
 
  • china mom

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 15, 2010
    While the confederate flag alone might not be enough for me to pull my daughter out of such a friendship, combined with the other two hate symbols would give me pause. Your daughter has just met this girl and is not attached yet. She won't even notice that the friendship is gone. Hopefully, they won't click when they go to kindergarten together.

    My concern would be that children are often indoctrinated into their parent's belief systems and one day this sweet innocent little girl might eventually begin to think like her parents (maybe the father only, we do't really know). And then , your daughter will be hurt by the end of the friendship.

    Either way, I would not let my daughter play over there out of fear that something could be said to her or about her, within earshot.

    Right now, my daughter is beautifully oblivious to racism and I am often torn between educating her about the bad things that might happen to her so she can be prepared or leaving it be so she can still think the world is perfect.

    (my daughter is Asian in a predominately white area)
     

    fly girl

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jan 20, 2012
    So my daughter met another girl at the park the other day. They are both the same age and most likely will be going to kindergarten together next year. They played great and the mother seemed really nice. Well this morning my wife was going for a walk with my daughter. My daughter noticed the little girl from the other day and yelled for her. My wife walked her over to the home so they can play. Their garage was open and the mother was gardening. Inside the garage was a confederate flag, a storm front flag and a big poster that said 14/88. My wife pulled my daughter immediately out of there (she knew was the confederate flag was about but no idea what those other 2 things meant). Thankfully she snapped a pic with her phone to show me.

    we really don’t want my daughter associating with them any more. We are Hispanic and this stuff really scares us but the girls really like each other. Should I just not bring my daughter around anymore or allow them to play. I never met the husband but the wife seems really nice.
    The rule people!! ;)

    I’ll admit, I had to look up the other 2 things as I had no idea.

    Umm ... yeah. I’m out! If you’re uncomfortable that’s enough of a warning sign. Be done.

    Your daughter will meet other kids.
     

    easyas123

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    May 4, 2018
    I Yikes ! I didn't know what 14/88 means so I googled it.

    Dang, I think that is scarier than the confederate flag, and I'm no fan of that either! It's a hard one, because you have the opportunity to make an impression on this young girl who is, in my opinion, being exposed to views that are horrid. On the other hand, you are also opening up your child and your family to someones bigotry and hatred.

    My children are adults, but I think if they were kids I'd probably try to figure out a way to avoid this child except at school, because encouraging a friendship will possibly lead to play dates and sleep overs and invites over to that house, and there is no way I'd allow those people to watch over my child... I'm ashamed to say we do have a family member with these tendencies, but we cut all contact with him.

    Good luck to you -
     
  • easyas123

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    May 4, 2018
    My concern would be that children are often indoctrinated into their parent's belief systems and one day this sweet innocent little girl might eventually begin to think like her parents (maybe the father only, we do't really know). And then , your daughter will be hurt by the end of the friendship.

    Either way, I would not let my daughter play over there out of fear that something could be said to her or about her, within earshot.
    Good points.
     

    gmar1210

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Oct 18, 2017
    I Yikes ! I didn't know what 14/88 means so I googled it.

    Dang, I think that is scarier than the confederate flag, and I'm no fan of that either! It's a hard one, because you have the opportunity to make an impression on this young girl who is, in my opinion, being exposed to views that are horrid. On the other hand, you are also opening up your child and your family to someones bigotry and hatred.

    My children are adults, but I think if they were kids I'd probably try to figure out a way to avoid this child except at school, because encouraging a friendship will possibly lead to play dates and sleep overs and invites over to that house, and there is no way I'd allow those people to watch over my child... I'm ashamed to say we do have a family member with these tendencies, but we cut all contact with him.

    Good luck to you -
    I heard of 1488 but I also had to google the meaning. Very scary, especially in our neighborhood where there are many families that are mixed race.
     
  • ZZBane

    Earning My Ears
    Joined
    Oct 8, 2019
    I’m white and so is my son and I would not let him play there. I have horrible anxiety and can already picture myself giving parents applications to see if I would allow my son to play at their house. Luckily he’s 2 and don’t have to worry about play dates yet. I would not be ok with him at a house that has a blatant display of racism. Actually, I don’t associate myself with people like that, therefor it would be a no go for him.
    I may be an extreme case of crazy, but you don’t know what kind of venom those people are spewing.

    And unfortunately in this day and age, you have every right to be scared. It’s awful and sad and disgusting
     

    Southernmiss

    I am hazed everyday
    Joined
    Aug 27, 2011
    On the one hand, if your child attends public school she will be exposed to children from many backgrounds and family beliefs. And you may never know what goes on at home at all or until it leaks out.

    On the other, now you know about this family and your daughter is very young.

    Since you are aware, I would deter her from seeing the child outside of school.

    Even after 4 kids, and the youngest a senior in high school, I am still surprised at the family backgrounds of some of those in school. Crazy what's out there sometimes.
     

    ZZBane

    Earning My Ears
    Joined
    Oct 8, 2019
    Just looked up 14/88... EFF THAT! They should just add in a swastika for good measure. Maybe a decorative one on the front door...like a wreath. Sarcasm aside, I would nope right on out of there. I’m sorry that people like that exist.
     

    sam_gordon

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jun 26, 2010
    Does the rule mean we are to be skeptical of the validity of the op?
    "The rule" is someone is supposed to quote the first post just in case the OP comes back and makes material changes. It comes in handy sometimes, especially with controversial topics.

    Regarding the actual substance, aside from the confederate flag, I wouldn't know what the other flags are regarding. That being said, I totally get not letting your child play over there. However, what about having the other girl meet at a playground or come to your house? Before everyone gets all up in arms, these kids are pre-K. Wouldn't it be good for the other girl to learn that those different than them aren't that different after all (ok, that sentence makes sense in my head)?
     

    Hikergirl

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 28, 2016
    That is quite the trifecta of controversial objects in that garage.

    My question is bring your dd around where? To their house? To the park?
    I wouldn't be setting up any play dates with them, but if you happen to be at the park and the other girl is there then I'd have no issues with them playing together.
     



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