What would you do? This is awkward!

[myfamilyluvs2cruise]

I have seen on here a few times where people want to keep in touch with the staff. I know that some people really bond with the staff but I like to keep a level of professionalism there.

I think to each their own but I personally would not meet them.

I agree with your comment about the professionalism. However, I think if circumstances were different, sometimes staying in touch can make more sense. We have a timeshare that we have gone to in Hawaii for years- and we stay in contact with several of the people that work there. But, after getting to know them after repeat visits- there is a comfort level. We took a Carnival Cruise this summer- and our whole group (60 people) hung out and watched a really fun singer every night. At the end of the 8 day cruise, we exchanged emails with him- so we could send him some really fun pictures we had taken. That didnt seem weird either. But, this definitely seemed strange.

 

[TDC Nala]

I would probably meet up too. Although, I probably would suggest a nearby restaurant. I know people that have exchanged email addressed with their servers and have kept in contact with them for many years. I guess I'm a more trusting person.

They have exchanged email with a server they knew for a full cruise - not one they met at a breakfast for a few minutes. This is too weird to get involved with the guy. Maybe he's just legitimately overly friendly, but it's still weird. In addition, it appears he violated DCL policy for its employees by asking for passengers' personal information - they did not volunteer the phone number to him, he asked for it. They thought it was odd enough to give him false last names.

I'd say, continue to state you are busy when he calls, or just don't answer the phone. He is probably not a killer, but he is pushing too hard.

 

[cruisinwithmaandpa]

Don't answer the phone, let it go to voicemail. That way you don't have to make up excuses or feel awkward.

 

[myfamilyluvs2cruise]

They have exchanged email with a server they knew for a full cruise - not one they met at a breakfast for a few minutes. This is too weird to get involved with the guy. Maybe he's just legitimately overly friendly, but it's still weird. In addition, it appears he violated DCL policy for its employees by asking for passengers' personal information - they did not volunteer the phone number to him, he asked for it. They thought it was odd enough to give him false last names.

I'd say, continue to state you are busy when he calls, or just don't answer the phone. He is probably not a killer, but he is pushing too hard.

Good points- And, I didn't clarify earlier that he started by immediately saying "I should get your number and call you when I am there". Neither my husband or I responded, we just kind of laughed. He mentioned it again, and we just changed the subject. After we were done eating, about 30 minutes later- he came back and said "I need your number" and then came running back with paper and pen in hand. We didn't bite the first or second time at all, or act open to it. But then he handed us the paper- and I felt bad but was put on the spot. After we walked out, we were in atrium regrouping for our day, and my DH and I were discussing what we should have done - and we turned around and he had followed us out of the Royal Court. He shook my husband's hand and said he came out to make sure we would remember his name. We said goodbye- and I said "I am sure he will not call"- that would be weird. Oh, well- so much for that!

 

[baleeve]

We just returned from an amazing Disney Fantasy sailing. At one breakfast, a very nice assistant waiter came over, and entertained our family with magic tricks, jokes, and made hats for the kids- as our order came out wrong and was taking longer than usual. He asked us where we were from, and when we told him- he lit up and mentioned he would be there in the next two weeks to visit his girlfriend. He asked us for our phone number and put us on the spot, which startled us a bit- and we gave him just my husband's work number.

My question is, what would you do? He has already called and wants to get together. We only met over one very short breakfast, and I am uncomfortable as he is basically a total stranger. I know Disney is fabulous, and their cast members are probably screened- but I can't help worrying that he might be a killer. I know, it is a leap . . . LOL.

Has anyone else experienced this? Advice?

I can't believe how many people here are telling you to just say you're busy! How about just say the truth!

When asked for the phone number you should have politely said you were not comfortable with that! But now that you have, simply tell him very politely that you are not interested.

Why do people have such a hard time being upfront. If you were you could simply avoid all this drama and stress.

We are adults after all!

 

[justmestace]

Maybe he's trying to get people to support him so that he can move to the U.S. I don't know exactly how that works, other than having a "sponsor" and costing a lot of money. But that's a thought.

By the way, I'm not endorsing doing this.....just adding a thought as to "why".

 

[MERMAIDLOVING]

N/a

 

[ColonFamilia]

No offense intended to the OP, but no matter how hard he pressed you for your number you should not have given it to him if you were so alarmed by the danger signs you picked up on.

You have listed a myriad of alarms that went off in your head with this guys demeanor that you ignored.

That is how people become victims: by ignoring that inner voice or, as I like to call it "Spidey Sense", that thousands of years of human evolution has produced. Fear (not irrational fear) should NOT be ignored for the sake of trying to be overly reasonable or to avoid hurting someone else's feelings.

Predators often use social engineering and prey on others desire to be polite.

Bottom line is that though you were not assertive when you were uncomfortable with his request for your phone number it is not too late to be assertive now. When he calls tell him you're not comfortable with it and ask him to stop calling.

In the end, what's more important: his feelings or your personal well being?

 

[debg]

I live in the D.R so I can tell you that most people here are very friendly. I suspect this boy probably is from a small town. people from town will talk to anyone and welcome people into their homes even if they have nothing to serve them. that being said, of course there are people who steal and are up to no good but this sounds to me like he just got overly friendly and has not learned that americans are far away from what people are like here. just brush him off and don't worry so much!

Absolutely agree. Dominicans are wonderfully welcoming and most have never met a stranger. It would be very common, were the situation reversed and it was you happening to be in his hometown, that you'd be invited to dine with his entire family, as guests of honor.

And it's not just Dominicans. A Hungarian Palo server once heard that we might be visiting his home and next thing we knew he was giving us his parents' name/address/phone and insisting we call. And if we had, I've absolutely no doubt that we would have been welcomed with open arms.

It's totally cultural.

debg

 

[bumbershoot]

I live in the D.R so I can tell you that most people here are very friendly. I suspect this boy probably is from a small town. people from town will talk to anyone and welcome people into their homes even if they have nothing to serve them. that being said, of course there are people who steal and are up to no good but this sounds to me like he just got overly friendly and has not learned that americans are far away from what people are like here. just brush him off and don't worry so much!

On the other hand, your country isn't immune to violence. Just today I read that "Former Major League Baseball pitcher Pascual Perez" was killed at his home in the D.R. during a home invasion robbery.

 

[ludari]

Okay, that is just weird. I would have made up a number or like others have mentioned just stated you where busy during the time they want to meet.

 

[Raspberry Beret]

We just returned from an amazing Disney Fantasy sailing. At one breakfast, a very nice assistant waiter came over, and entertained our family with magic tricks, jokes, and made hats for the kids- as our order came out wrong and was taking longer than usual. He asked us where we were from, and when we told him- he lit up and mentioned he would be there in the next two weeks to visit his girlfriend. He asked us for our phone number and put us on the spot, which startled us a bit- and we gave him just my husband's work number.

My question is, what would you do? He has already called and wants to get together. We only met over one very short breakfast, and I am uncomfortable as he is basically a total stranger. I know Disney is fabulous, and their cast members are probably screened- but I can't help worrying that he might be a killer. I know, it is a leap . . . LOL.

Has anyone else experienced this? Advice?

I wouldn't avoid his calls. I would be very frank and tell him essentially what you stated above. The bottom line is you don't know him and back ground checks only filters out those who have been convicted of a crime so Disney screening him means nothing. It might not be him you need to worry about, you don't know who or what he is connected to. In this case, I think you should trust your gut.

 

[Ikaikalani]

I think you should meet him for dinner or drinks or whatever. THEN, if you find he has an ulterior motive for wanting to get together with you, just pull out some AMWAY products and start a hard sales pitch. I bet you'll never hear from him again!!

 

[myfamilyluvs2cruise]

I think you should meet him for dinner or drinks or whatever. THEN, if you find he has an ulterior motive for wanting to get together with you, just pull out some AMWAY products and start a hard sales pitch. I bet you'll never hear from him again!!

LOL! That is hysterical . . . I like it!

 

[kcashner]

One point to consider....if I'm reading correctly, this wasn't OP's server for the week. This was an individual who served them for one meal only. That's a whole different animal.

I have had a server give me a parent's address "back home," but that was only after multiple cruises where we requested this person.

 

[myfamilyluvs2cruise]

One point to consider....if I'm reading correctly, this wasn't OP's server for the week. This was an individual who served them for one meal only. That's a whole different animal.

I have had a server give me a parent's address "back home," but that was only after multiple cruises where we requested this person.

No, you are reading it correctly! He only waited on us for one breakfast- which is why it was so odd. And, it wasn't even as if we chatted about anything at all- just smiled at his tricks and napkin hats.

 

[Namsupak]

I can't believe how many people here are telling you to just say you're busy! How about just say the truth!

When asked for the phone number you should have politely said you were not comfortable with that! But now that you have, simply tell him very politely that you are not interested.

Why do people have such a hard time being upfront. If you were you could simply avoid all this drama and stress.

We are adults after all!

This is just what I was thinking. Just be honest. And he might even say that he just understands. Evasion would just give me some unnecessary stress. Think of this as lesson learned and the next time if someone asks for your info you know what to do.

Also as an aside if you are from small town or rural USA people have this kind of comfort level as well. We come from a small town where this inviting people you just met over for dinner wouldn't be so out of place

Also the posts have ranged from extreme "murder", "looking for citizenship sponsors", thievery. Well maybe the other extreme is he is a rich philanthropist waiting to meet up and give you loads of cash for being so nice to him. I mean all jokes aside, the server is likely some sort of middle ground, really just wants to meet up because he thought you were nice people. Whatever the case just be honest.

 

[briarrose1]

I know, I am so mad at ourselves that we gave him anything legit. I did give him fake last names- so he could not look up our house. He is actually from the Dominican Republic- but girlfriend is US. The number he called us from is indeed from our state- so he is definitely here. Good advice!!! I always think that when someone tries to become to familiar, too fast- it is not a good sign.

Not sure giving fake last names would work. All our information is available to them. Not sure if MDR staff can access, but they may or know someone who can.

I think if this happened to me, maybe an e-mail address would be ok to give someone I connected with all week. I also have not had servers switch at the last day. They saw us through the whole cruise on all the cruises.

What you might be able to say is that you are just not available, and are very busy right now.

I always feel just because someone asks a question or for something from me, doesn't me I'm obligated in any way to them.

This seems like very strange behavior indeed. He was much much too eager. Good luck

 

[justmestace]

I am sitting here and wondering how exactly do people here make friends? I left PR 18 years ago and have limited amount of friends for this same reason. People find it OK to speak to complete strangers on the internet, give them the date and time of their cruising, what they have, what they do.... But find it completely weird that some one they actually saw a REAL person wants to connect. It is very hard in the US to make friends. I have never seen something like this. People are really messed up in the heads.

Jesus, just tell him you are uncomfortable and that you don't want to meet up. He will understand!

And keep chatting with strangers on the net, those are safe friends!

When we talk to other people here on the Cruise Meets thread, it's because we have something in common, we're going to be on the same cruise, and it helps build the excitement and is also a chance to exchange tips and info about cruising. If we don't want to give out personal information here, we don't have to.

With your sarcastic tone and the use of Jesus' name in vain, I can almost see why you'd have a problem meeting people.

Some of the people that I've met onboard a cruise have become life-long friends, but those aren't the employees onboard. Most of us would have nothing in common at all with a cruise ship employee from another country. It's a matter of difference in culture, and demographics.

If you want real friends, you need to meet on common ground....work, church, sports, etc. If you're still not meeting people, then broaden your horizons.

As for the OP, my line of thinking is that once you become an adult, you don't have to "play" with anyone you don't want to. It's not like we're in a pre-school playgroup. This man (the server) is trying to force himself onto people who aren't interested. It has nothing to do with whether or not they are nice, decent, friendly people. They didn't INVITE him, so they don't have to "play" with him.

 

[SleepyDeb]

You also don't owe him the "real" reason, if you are uncomfortable giving it. I'd go with "thanks, but that's just not convenient".