What would you do in this situation?

[Auntof2]

...

 

[Angel Ariel]

No, it's not an unlimited offering, IMO. Especially considering your sister's response of how she'd "never accept anything from you.". After saying something like that, it's incredibly rude to come back 4 years later and insist that same person then pay for your trip.

If they want to go, they're welcome to - when they can pay for it themselves. JMHO

 

[smitch425]

Several years ago I posted about how my husband and I were trying to plan a big family trip to Disney World with my parents plus my sisters family. We were going to pay for the entire thing, but people (mainly my sister) kept making insane demands, trying to move dates from value season to high demand peak season, etc. I eventually dropped it, especially as my sister dictated that we buy an $80 birthday cake for her child, when we refused she sent me a very nasty email about how she would never accept anything from us. So I gave up on trying to plan anything with extended family, though I didn't officially say we were backing out of the trip. It hasn't been mentioned in over a year, and I've since gone with my immediate family for the Magic Kingdom and Epcot's Food and Wine Festival.

I've just heard from my mother that my sister has decided the trip we offered before is "back on" and that we'll be taking everyone the week of Thanksgiving. My mother feels obligated to go regardless of if my husband and I go, and if we won't stick to what we originally planned and offered then she feels obligated to "scrounge up" the money to take my sisters family. I'm livid over all of this as 1) my sister hasn't spoken to me in months, 2) it is inappropriate (in my opinion) to dictate a vacation location, dates, and payment terms to anyone.

Personally I feel this is inappropriate and that we will not be taking anyone that week, regardless of what we offered 4 years ago that never came to fruition. Park prices have gone up, room prices have gone up, one of my nephews is now older so there is an extra child to pay for (was under 2 before), it's just not the same, even ignoring the fact that my sister and I have no relationship at this point.

So, what would you do? Is offering a trip years ago that didn't happen an unlimited offering?

Absolutely not! Tell them to have a great trip. That's insane!

 

[sle1977]

Wow! Just wow! I think handling your sister would be the easy part; I'm wondering about your mom. Would she really feel obligated to take them? You shouldn't and she shouldn't. This is messed up. Sorry.

 

[glassslippergirl]

You're in no way obligated, and you should not cater to these whims. A Thanksgiving vacation is an expensive one. However, you need to talk to your sister. Explain why you are no longer willing to provide this trip, and explain how your mother feels. Let your sister know that you think it not right for her to hold your mother accountble for paying now. If she wants to go, she should pay herself.

 

[Mousemom234]

I'd offer to put her family up at the second culvert along, and tell her to hope the water doesn't rise

She refused your more than generous offer then, and that offer has long since expired, IMO. She wants to go now, she pays. End of file.

I'd also try my best to firmly discourage your mother from paying any part of it. It's not fair to her to have to 'scrounge up' anything, especially for somebody who insists on having things their way, whether it's okay with the hosts or not.

 

[Zeebs]

You're in no way obligated, and you should not cater to these whims. A Thanksgiving vacation is an expensive one. However, you need to talk to your sister. Explain why you are no longer willing to provide this trip, and explain how your mother feels. Let your sister know that you think it not right for her to hold your mother accountble for paying now. If she wants to go, she should pay herself.

I disagree, I am sorry, well not with all of what you said.

You are not obligated in any way, I also don't think you should have to talk to your sister. I would just stay out of it. Your mother is a big girl and should tell your sister that she doesn't want to go, or does want to go but isn't paying for everyone.

Kirsten

 

[BellsFam]

Why don't you offer to cover moms portion, and hers alone... That way mom can say to sister "well my portion is covered so you'll have to pay your own way..." I don't know if that's a financial option for you but I would probably do it that way...

 

[Auntof2]

...

 

[cleverclovers]

Send a message to all involved.
"The offer for the Disney trip proposed four years ago has expired. Therefore, any proposed trips are at your own expense."
May ruffle a few feathers, but it's better than being bullied.

 

[Allison]

Why don't you offer to cover moms portion, and hers alone... That way mom can say to sister "well my portion is covered so you'll have to pay your own way..." I don't know if that's a financial option for you but I would probably do it that way...

Except it sure doesn't sound like mom would say that.

 

[ShayBells]

I would personally go and say the only way is for everyone to pay for themselves as it's only fair.

I do want to say that I see your point and feel like your sister is being ungrateful but your not gonna change her. So you can pay and get over it. Have your mother pay for her and you pay for yourself. Or just not go and have them do what they want.

I'm sorry your in this situation. It sounds frustrating.

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[cleverclovers]

I'm fairly certain if I offered to pay my mom's way it would just subsidize a portion of the trip, she would still pay for my sisters family. The reason she can't afford it is because my sisters and her family are draining my mothers resources (gets worse every year), because they refuse to work, and my mother is too afraid of losing contact with her grandkids to cut her off. It's really sad to watch, and a large reason of why my sister and I don't speak anymore.

I'm glad to hear I'm not a horrible person for not wanting to finance this trip any longer, I've been feeling guilty about it!

Beginning to sound like potential elder abuse. Emotional manipulation is just the start of it. Keep a close eye on you mother! Can you speak to her about handling her finances?

 

[AshleeH]

You're not responsible for your mom. I would privately talk to her and try to make her see reason.

As for the sister - I would tell her that I heard she was planning a trip and tell her you hope she has fun. If questioned further, I would point out that the family trip was canceled after her behavior made it clear she no longer wanted to go. Leave it at that.

 

[minmate]

I hope, for your sake that you do NOT go on a trip with your sister. At this point, it would do much more harm than any good.

Your offer clearly expired long ago. I encourage you to stand your ground and NOT renew that. I'd stay way far away from these vacation plans.

I hope some day you and your sister can repair your relationship but at this point, she sounds toxic and you don't need that kind of negativity weighing down your immediate family.

Work to keep communication an respect with your mom. It sounds like she is being manipulated a lot in this situation by your sister. Your mom is capable of making her own choices but the manipulation has got to be stressful for her. She probably really needs to see and feel your love more than ever since it doesn't come with all the strings attached.

Good luck!

 

[NotUrsula]

No way and no how. A sibling wh, as a choice made in anger, hasn't spoken to you in two years expects to share a vacation with you? ... At your expense?

If she is trying to guilt your mother into it, carefully explain to your mother that AT NO TIME did you offer to finance a vacation at high season, which is what Thanksgiving is. There is no such thing as "scrounging" at Thanksgiving; that is a full-on splurge. (I find that the VAST majority of people who have never been to WDW assume that Thanksgiving is not a crowded time.) Explain to her that if she feels that she has to indulge them, OK, but not at Thanksgiving, when it will cost 3X as much.

Personally, I'd be watching my bank/cc accounts. Someone who would pull this sort of stunt probably wouldn't be above pretending to be you. (Having been the victim of identity theft, I have to warn you that according to the police detectives I spoke to, 2 out of 3 cases they encounter are perpetrated by relatives. It is AMAZINGLY common.)

 

[Kristina4109]

Why didn't your sister pick up the phone and tell you that she changed her mind and wanted to go on the trip? Instead of reaching out to you, she told your mother and somehow it wound up your mother's responsibility to tell you? That is just plain wrong on your sister's part.

I would tell your mother, "Please have (sister's name) call me so we can talk about it." End of the story. And when (or if!) your sister grows the backbone to call you herself, I'd tell her that you're so sorry, but financial situations have changed in four years and you're no longer able to pay her way.

If she has a problem with that it's HER problem and not yours. I do feel bad for your mother, though. Your sister put her in a terrible position by asking her to be the go between!

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. We've got your back!

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Wow! Your sister has a lot of gall to tell you she won't ever accept anything from you, stop speaking to you, and then decide you're taking her family on a trip. And rather than approaching you directly about it, she tells your mom and puts her in the middle? Ugh.

If she wants to revisit the idea of you paying for a trip, she needs to discuss it with you directly. You mom needs to tell her that. Next time she brings it up, mom needs to say, "You'll have to discuss that with your sister." If sis decides her first contact with you after all that time is to tell you you're paying for her trip, you can take it from there. That takes mom out of the middle. She shouldn't have to communicate between you and your sister. If sis wants to discuss it, she can call you. Or not. And no, you're not obligated to pay for an aborted trip from four years ago. She had her chance to be gracious and she blew it.

 

[luvmy2babies]

Wow, I had to go back and read that a few times. That is nuts I'm sorry.

I took my children that week in 2010 because my daughter got the whole week off from school. Everything is price pretty much at its highest. It's not just high season it's holiday season.

There is no way someone who isn't planning on footing the bill should be deciding on the dates and making those kinds of demands.

And if they aren't working they can't pay no matter when the trip takes place so how can they even think of planning a trip.

And draining your parents on a consistent basis? Sad for a married daughter to do without extrenuating circumstances like a sick or disabled child making it tough or impossible for them to work. But you said they refuse to work. That's mean and using the children is immature.

And I say that as a woman who went back to work after a 2 month unpaid maternity leave and a week later came home and with that baby and his 6 year-old sister and found her husband had died during an afternoon nap. Went back to work 17 days later (not paid when not at work) to cover expenses until the life insurance came only to find out all he left me was teh policy to pay for the funeral. He'd left the other $250K in insurance to his mother and my adult stepchildren. A mortgage and babies, so once I went back to work, I worked all but 2 weeks of that first year after his death, while other family members upgraded their homes and took relaxing trips to deal with their grief. Sometimes you have to put the big girl panties on when things are the hardest. Your sister and brother-in-law appear to still be in princess panties and underoos. None of you, your parents, you or your husband should have to suffer for those poor decisions.

I'm sorry.

 

[scrapquitler]

Several years ago I posted about how my husband and I were trying to plan a big family trip to Disney World with my parents plus my sisters family. We were going to pay for the entire thing, but people (mainly my sister) kept making insane demands, trying to move dates from value season to high demand peak season, etc. I eventually dropped it, especially as my sister dictated that we buy an $80 birthday cake for her child, when we refused she sent me a very nasty email about how she would never accept anything from us. So I gave up on trying to plan anything with extended family, though I didn't officially say we were backing out of the trip. It hasn't been mentioned in over a year, and I've since gone with my immediate family for the Magic Kingdom and Epcot's Food and Wine Festival.

I've just heard from my mother that my sister has decided the trip we offered before is "back on" and that we'll be taking everyone the week of Thanksgiving. My mother feels obligated to go regardless of if my husband and I go, and if we won't stick to what we originally planned and offered then she feels obligated to "scrounge up" the money to take my sisters family. I'm livid over all of this as 1) my sister hasn't spoken to me in months, 2) it is inappropriate (in my opinion) to dictate a vacation location, dates, and payment terms to anyone.

Personally I feel this is inappropriate and that we will not be taking anyone that week, regardless of what we offered 4 years ago that never came to fruition. Park prices have gone up, room prices have gone up, one of my nephews is now older so there is an extra child to pay for (was under 2 before), it's just not the same, even ignoring the fact that my sister and I have no relationship at this point.

So, what would you do? Is offering a trip years ago that didn't happen an unlimited offering?

I would call my sister and tell her in no uncertain terms that I am not planning on going to Disneyworld AT ALL this year, let alone taking her and paying for it.

She has a lot of nerve!