What would you do if...

[reindeer]

Your 15 year old daughter told you she was pregnant and she wants to keep the baby? After the shock paasses what would you say or do? How do you think you would handle it?

First you get angry, then you cry, then you worry, then you pray. When it's all said and done you look at that baby and realize humans make mistakes but God never does. I have been thanking God everyday for 21 years for my precious grandbaby. Yes it was very difficult and there were times I doubted the decision to keep the baby. It took time for it to all work out but it did and our lives have been blessed in ways I can not describe.

 

[TomorrowlandFamily]

Yes, this is how I would handle it too. No grandchild of mine would be given away.

I agree 100%. Flesh and blood stays with us.

 

[plutotek]

Having been through the different permutations of the situation, and after threatening to kill everyone involved, I would make sure she was aware of her options and insist that she talk to a disinterested third party to help her figure out what she was going to do. We would then support her in ANY decision.

 

[DVCLiz]

I'd do my best to persuade a 15 year old to have an abortion.

If she insisted on keeping the baby, I would then support that decision. She would be welcome to live with me until she was able to establish herself independently as an educated self-supporting single mother. I would support her financially until that time came.

We would work out child care based on her educational needs and my willingness to be tied down with child care at this stage of my life. Her education would come first, though. The more I could do to help her achieve her high school and college education as quickly as possible, the better.

I would also accelerate the process by which I taught her some real life skills - helping her learn to budget, choose a job with the benefits she would need to support a family, etc. She would have a far shorter learning curve than someone her age who graduated from college, took an entry level job and learned to eat ramen noodles before payday. Her priorities would be far different so I would try to work with her to make sure she knew what other responsibilities she would have as a mother.

I would always love her and any children she might have.

 

[superdiz]

Cry. I would like to think after that I would help her keep the baby and raise him/her together. And then I'd hunt the father down. Dateline NBC needs new subjects.

 

[DVCLiz]

Cry. I would like to think after that I would help her keep the baby and raise him/her together. And then I'd hunt the father down. Dateline NBC needs new subjects.

Why all the underage dad bashing on this thread? The 15 year old girl is underage, too. Why does she get the loving family support and he gets hunted down? Do you consider him a sexual predator because he had sex with an underage girl?

I'm assuming, of course, that a 15 year old girl is pregnant by a 15 year old boy. If the dad to be is in his 20s or 30s of course I would feel differently.

 

[Andtototoo]

I would do what i could to help but I would not be babysitting every day, nor would I be up all night with a fretful baby. I *would* do everything I could to see that my daughter finished high school and I would encourage her to go to community college. The fact is, when you become a mother your choices are much more limited, especially at 15. But I wouldn't think of turning my back on my child when she needs me most.

Serious question -- What if your dd just left the house to socialize and left the baby behind or refused to get up and deal with a fretful baby? What if she refused to do the duties of parenthood or did them haphazardly or badly? What would you do do then? Would you let the fretful baby just cry? Would you leave the kid in the crib and refuse to feed/diaper them while she's out partying?

I ask these questions because that's exactly what happened to a woman I know-- her dd agreed to the rules and then went out partying the day she came home from the hospital and so it went.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Your 15 year old daughter told you she was pregnant and she wants to keep the baby? After the shock passes what would you say or do? How do you think you would handle it?

That is a tough one. Do you know who the father is?

 

[JessicaR]

Interesting responses. Not the same you may have received 20 years ago. I have boys so I guess it wouldn't matter a lick what I say.

 

[okeydokey]

Yes, this is how I would handle it too. No grandchild of mine would be given away.

What if your child wanted to place the baby for adoption? I would support this decision.

I'm not sure how much babysitting I could do so she could continue her education. I have a full time job I need to keep.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Serious question -- What if your dd just left the house to socialize and left the baby behind or refused to get up and deal with a fretful baby? What if she refused to do the duties of parenthood or did them haphazardly or badly? What would you do do then? Would you let the fretful baby just cry? Would you leave the kid in the crib and refuse to feed/diaper them while she's out partying?

I ask these questions because that's exactly what happened to a woman I know-- her dd agreed to the rules and then went out partying the day she came home from the hospital and so it went.

That's a very legitamate concern.

You would have to(general you) use your personal judgement. You know your child and can probably make an educated guess as to how she will handle the responsiblity.

SOOOO many variables in these situations. It is very tough to have a solid answer.

ETA- Obviously I would never neglect a baby, even if it was not my responsibility. But I would use said judgement to decide how to handle the decision of keeping the baby/adoption/seeking rights as a grandparent.

 

[minkydog]

Serious question -- What if your dd just left the house to socialize and left the baby behind or refused to get up and deal with a fretful baby? What if she refused to do the duties of parenthood or did them haphazardly or badly? What would you do do then? Would you let the fretful baby just cry? Would you leave the kid in the crib and refuse to feed/diaper them while she's out partying?

I ask these questions because that's exactly what happened to a woman I know-- her dd agreed to the rules and then went out partying the day she came home from the hospital and so it went.

Well, of course I wouldn't just let the baby tough it out. How silly! I realize that there is every possibility that DD would refuse. But if it became a frequent occurance and my DD wasn't steppping up, I would have to start proceedings to get custody. It wouldn't be easy to raise another child at my age(almost 56) but sometimes you do what you gotta do. Giving the baby up would be my last option.

 

[alex9179]

Serious question -- What if your dd just left the house to socialize and left the baby behind or refused to get up and deal with a fretful baby? What if she refused to do the duties of parenthood or did them haphazardly or badly? What would you do do then? Would you let the fretful baby just cry? Would you leave the kid in the crib and refuse to feed/diaper them while she's out partying?

I ask these questions because that's exactly what happened to a woman I know-- her dd agreed to the rules and then went out partying the day she came home from the hospital and so it went.

Grandparent adoptions are on the rise. Of course, it's more common when the birthparents don't live in the household and have other challenges, like mental health or substance abuse issues.

Co-parenting isn't easy with relatives. Relative adoption has a lot of pitfalls. Whichever way it goes, it's not an easy road.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Interesting responses. Not the same you may have received 20 years ago. I have boys so I guess it wouldn't matter a lick what I say.

You know...People never seem to take the other set of grandparents into consideration.

So, as a question to you, if your son came home and said he got a girl pregnant how would YOU handle it?

I think he should have every bit as much of a say as the girl.

 

[JessicaR]

You know...People never seem to take the other set of grandparents into consideration.

So, as a question to you, if your son came home and said he got a girl pregnant how would YOU handle it?

I think he should have every bit as much of a say as the girl.

Exactly. Especially at THAT age. Honestly if my son came home and told me he got a girl pregnant I would be supportive. I would offer help and support to both of them. Ultimately it is the girl and her family that decides the way it will be.

The boy has no say.

 

[AntePrincess]

Your 15 year old daughter told you she was pregnant and she wants to keep the baby? After the shock passes what would you say or do? How do you think you would handle it?

I would not be all that upset about it. I haven't been a teen mom, but I can 100% sympathize. Anyway, to err is human. I'd ask if the father is moving in with us and just go about setting up for a new baby and the rest of her future. Sounds like she'd be doing an online college degree though, fortunately they're more and more common, cheaper, and finally catching up in terms of legitimacy. Ahem.

I would be very much in favor of her keeping the child. I'd try to be there and support her in whatever way I could.

I would be so happy that she was keeping that baby. I would do everything I could to support her.

Yes, this is how I would handle it too. No grandchild of mine would be given away.

I agree 100%. Flesh and blood stays with us.

As someone whose grandparents stepped in and, in my opinion, saved my life, I am with you ladies.

Although, I understand where you are coming from, this statement misses the target in a big way. People who choose adoption are making the ultimate unselfish decision for their child. It's a dreadfully painful process and it's not done lightly in most cases. Those who choose this deserve respect, because a lot of people aren't strong enough to do this for their kids when they aren't equipped to care for them.

The PPs were clearly discussing their own daughters, not mothers who give their children up for adoption in general. I wouldn't see it as very generous if my daughters decided to give away a grandchild of mine in spite of my willingness to raise the child myself to keep them in the family. In fact, it would end my relationship with my child.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Exactly. Especially at THAT age. Honestly if my son came home and told me he got a girl pregnant I would be supportive. I would offer help and support to both of them. Ultimately it is the girl and her family that decides the way it will be.

The boy has no say.

I think is sad.

Hopefeully we never to have go through that!

 

[JessicaR]

I think is sad.

Hopefeully we never to have go through that!

I hope the same! So far so good - one is 19 and the other 15.

 

[okeydokey]

The PPs were clearly discussing their own daughters, not mothers who give their children up for adoption in general. I wouldn't see it as very generous if my daughters decided to give away a grandchild of mine in spite of my willingness to raise the child myself to keep them in the family. In fact, it would end my relationship with my child.

I find that so sad. You would throw away your daughter in spite because she made a decision about HER child that you disagreed with. Let me go on the record and say that I would never make that decision.

 

[cabanafrau]

You know...People never seem to take the other set of grandparents into consideration.

So, as a question to you, if your son came home and said he got a girl pregnant how would YOU handle it?

I think he should have every bit as much of a say as the girl.

I understand what you're saying and it should be correct, however from the teen parent situations I've seen over the years, I would caution my daughters to think long and hard about the father and his parents before they become legally affiliated with the baby. Based on the situations I've seen, none have resulted in fathers stepping up and growing into their parental role in any way, shape or form. In several of the cases the parental grandparents have interjected themselves into the situation in very inappropriate ways and condone and support the father's immature choices.

This is not to say the girl's and their parents always act like paragons, but from what I've seen if anybody steps up for the babies it's the mom and/or her parents. Like I said, if it were my girls, if they had concerns about the father or his parents, I'd tell them to take a pass on the few bucks in child support to allow their child to have a better shot at stability.