What would you do if...

[MidgeD79]

no "What if" from me. I am adopted and my birth mother was 16 years old. My parents had tried for 9 years before they adopted me. I am VERY grateful for my birth mother for releasing me into a wonderful family. My oldest dd was 16 when she told me she was pregnant. I was very disappointed in the pregnancy but fully supported her decision to keep the baby. She attended a high school for teen moms and graduated from high school. My dd died in 2006 from a brain aneurysm at the age of 26 and I am raising her dd who is 16. We have had very explicit conversations about birth control and when she feels it's time, I will make sure she gets whatever she needs.

 

[Nancy for Disney]

After getting over the initial shock I would support my daughter no matter what. I would give her all of her options...abortion, adoption and keeping the baby. I would encourage her not to keep the baby as she is still a baby. Being a parent is rewarding but very hard even in the best circumstances. If she did choose to keep the baby I would support the decision. It would have to be her decision. I am a firm believer in "It's my body. It's my choice". No matter what she would know I would love her.

 

[Geodesic]

no "What if" from me. I am adopted and my birth mother was 16 years old. My parents had tried for 9 years before they adopted me. I am VERY grateful for my birth mother for releasing me into a wonderful family. My oldest dd was 16 when she told me she was pregnant. I was very disappointed in the pregnancy but fully supported her decision to keep the baby. She attended a high school for teen moms and graduated from high school. My dd died in 2006 from a brain aneurysm at the age of 26 and I am raising her dd who is 16. We have had very explicit conversations about birth control and when she feels it's time, I will make sure she gets whatever she needs.

to you, Midge.

 

[Disney Doll]

Cry. I would like to think after that I would help her keep the baby and raise him/her together. And then I'd hunt the father down. Dateline NBC needs new subjects.

Why would you be hunting the father down? It takes two to tango.

My friend got pregnant at 16. She amrried the guy. Mistake. Divorced uickly. Lived with her parents. They told her they would watch the baby while she went to school and/or worked, but they would not be watching the baby for socilaization. She went to xchool AND worked, bettered herself, got a goo job and was able to support the baby on her own. Bio dad was a deadbeat.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I would offer all the help I could in raising the child so she could finish school.

 

[minkydog]

I don't know how old you are but there was lot of pressure with unwed mothers to give up their babies. I don't think that you were unwanted but I am sure your birth mother wanted something better for you.

I just wanted to second this. In my generation, getting pregnant before marriage was just about the worst thing that could happen to a girl. I had friends who were ostracized, eliminated from cheerleading squads and marching band, and kicked out of public school for being pregnant! Most of them lost friends because their parents didn't want their daughters to be "tainted" by association. And there was very little community support for her whether she kept the baby or not.

In my generation abortion wasn't legal in my state, so if a girl wanted to make that choice she had to go elsewhere, assuming her parents would take her AND sign for it. Cuz back then a girl under 18 couldn't sign for herself to have an abortion. If your parents didn't want the baby, a girl didn't have much choice but to go along with what they wanted.Lots of my friends "had to get married" because that was the only way to rectify the situation. and in many cases, that girl's reputation was utterly ruined in the town anyway.

In my generation, girls were likely to be shipped off to an Home for Unwed Mothers, where most of them were pressured heavily to give their babies up for adoption. I used to work in the local hospital's labor & delivery unit. These young girls, some as young as 12, were sent to the hospital alone in a taxi. They would labor without benefit of pain meds so they would "learn their lesson". After delivery their supervising agent would swoop in and do everything they could to separate mother from baby, and that included a rule that the mother could not breastfeed her baby. At some of these homes, the owners received a bonus for getting girls to make that decision. Adoption was closed and the records were sealed. It didn't matter what the reason was.

I hope you will rethink your stance on your adoption. Having a baby in your teens is incredibly difficult and many girls back in the day didn't have the options we have today. I have several friends who made that difficult decision to give their baby up for adoption. None of them did it lightly and all of them have grieved deeply for their lost child. It is quite possible that your parents just couldnt take care of you. They did the best they could at the time with the resources they had. I hope you can forgive them and I wish you the best.

 

[Robindianne]

You know...People never seem to take the other set of grandparents into consideration.

So, as a question to you, if your son came home and said he got a girl pregnant how would YOU handle it?

I think he should have every bit as much of a say as the girl.

Mother of a son here. I think I'd also cry, and listen, and try to listen to both parents. Ask what they need in the way of support and try to provided it. I'd see if there was anything I could do to help him stay in school. Invite her and the baby to live with us if they wanted to keep it; support them if they want to put it up for adoption; support them if they choose not to continue the pregnancy.

 

[ZachnElli]

I have a 17 year old son and have worried about him making me a grandma way too soon! I did realize with his last girlfriend that if she did get pregnant, my son would have no say and we'd never get to see it. I'm very glad they broke up! As for hunting down theses minor fathers and their parents, I actually know one young man who got a girl pregnant in high school and her parents did kick her out and his parents took her in! The boy's parents totally took care of her up to and after the birth of their grandchild. The couple did end up married at around 20 or 21 and had another child and it was her father in law who walked her down the aisle as her dad still wasn't speaking to her!
I do have a 13 year old DD but she has serious health issues and she could not handle a pregnancy, I don't know how I'd handle that.

 

[luvmy3]

I would do whatever I could to convince her to have an abortion.

 

[PaulaSB12]

Although, I understand where you are coming from, this statement misses the target in a big way. People who choose adoption are making the ultimate unselfish decision for their child. It's a dreadfully painful process and it's not done lightly in most cases. Those who choose this deserve respect, because a lot of people aren't strong enough to do this for their kids when they aren't equipped to care for them.

After I thought about it and got over the initial shock, I would support my daughter's decision, whatever she chooses. However, I would not allow her to think that her responsibility is over after the birth. I would help her so that she could finish her education, but she had better be prepared to give up most of her social life in order to parent. I have

I would only suppport adoption if BOTH parents where in agreement, what would you do if your relative chose to adopt and the father took custody of the baby as would be his right? Father's count as well as mothers.

 

[Robindianne]

After getting over the initial shock I would support my daughter no matter what. I would give her all of her options...abortion, adoption and keeping the baby. I would encourage her not to keep the baby as she is still a baby. Being a parent is rewarding but very hard even in the best circumstances. If she did choose to keep the baby I would support the decision. It would have to be her decision. I am a firm believer in "It's my body. It's my choice". No matter what she would know I would love her.

This.

 

[PaulaSB12]

As I said before what would you do if after you persuaded your child to put the baby up for adoption the father went for custody of the child?

 

[cornflake]

That would probably be the reaction of most parents, but could you really throw out your child & have your grandchild out on the streets & sit back & watch them struggle?


What if she has her mind set on keeping the baby no matter what?


I posted this question because this is an issue in my family going on right now. It's a very close relative of mine who's DD just told her a few days ago that she is pregnant.

In a hot second. First, we'd discuss the utter, unbelievable stupidity of getting pregnant when you've been WELL advised of how that happens, how to not let that happen and you know there are birth control options like a half a block from you in every direction, pretty much no matter where you are here.

Then we'd discus where to get an abortion and how I'd be paid back if I was lending money for one. And how we'd spend the next year discussing the above stupidity some more.

If there was insistance on keeping the kid? There's the door, send along a forwarding address for your mail. Hopefully, a strong stand on that would convince someone that they should reconsider.

At age 15, she needs as much loving support as I could give. I don't know why she wouldn't continue living with us, her parents. A pregnancy at age 15 doesn't mean she automatically has to move out.

It does in my house, perhaps not in yours and that's fine. Those of us saying that were speaking personally.

As to the father having a say, I think people were talking about during pregnancy. If there ends up a child involved, of course he has a say and rights (should he petition for them in the theoretical case here).

Before, or in a discussion of if, any child is born however, he has no say whatsoever, no.

 

[Kat77]

Ouch to some of these replies. No good would come from shaming a girl in a tough situation.

I'd help her find her way. There are highschool programs for teen parents. We'd work out childcare. For me there are much worse things in life than an unexpected baby...

Not saying that I would not be disappointed. I'd grieve for my daughter's (or son's) loss of a normal teenhood.

 

[clm10308]

I can't imagine what I would have done if my DD had gotten pregnant at 15. At 15 she was more interested in Pokemon and Harry Potter than dating.

Even now I guess I would help her work through her options, and discuss what kind of support I could provide.

 

[mellowmood]

At 15 she would not be having a baby, we would be going to the clinic. When she got home she would get a job and focus on school. That child would have no free time.

 

[cornflake]

At 15 she would not be having a baby, we would be going to the clinic. When she got home she would get a job and focus on school. That child would have no free time.

 

[PaulaSB12]

At 15 she would not be having a baby, we would be going to the clinic. When she got home she would get a job and focus on school. That child would have no free time.

You as the parent don't have any legal right to force an abortion ano I dom't see a doctor being willing to risk their medical license breaking the law like that.

 

[cornflake]

You as the parent don't have any legal right to force an abortion ano I dom't see a doctor being willing to risk their medical license breaking the law like that.

Not to speak for the poster you're quoting, but I don't think they meant it like that. As I agree with them - I'll clarify that I didn't mean forcing, except by circumstance.

Like as in you can have an abortion or find a new place to live. Entirely the pregnant person's choice, but those are the choices she'd have.

 

[Aliceacc]

I would hug her tight, and tell her I loved her. And that as a family we would get through this, not to stress. Then we would call the OB-GYN and get her some pre natal care.

My oldest is adopted, and I marvel at a daily basis at the courage of his birth mom in giving him up. It's the greatest gift anyone has ever given me.