What would you do- dining?

[Ctsplaysinrain]

Hi- I just want some perspectives and advice. We are planning a trip for Dec. I have 2 children- my 12 yr old son has Asperger's, my 10 yr old son has adhhhhhhhhhd but the biggest concern right now is that he is having some serious eating issues- to the point of he may be diagnosed with Anorexia.
We will be traveling with my MIL who unfortunately is extremely rigid in her ideas and honestly believes that the "kid's problems" are really because of my parenting skills. I have learned with my kids at a place like Disney- I let the kids lead and things work very well. MIL expects "regular meals at regular times" etc, she is also an extreme tightwad although she will be paying forportion of this trip. I cannot decided what to do about dining. I'm trying to weigh all the options. This trip is in 2 parts- the first part will be 4 days at GF- I booked concierge. This party will be w/o MIL. This will work well since we can do some meals and snacks here. We tend to be a "snacking" type family in real life- long waits and long meals do not work that well. Also, during this time, DS 12 is aprticiapting in a National Chess tournament. This will be a nice place to take him away from the crowds etc at CSR between rounds. The next part of the trip, I have rented points for a DVC villa at AKL. Again, we can do a quick breakfast here and snacks /and or meals at night. BUT, as we all know, the restaurants are a big part of the experience. There are several faves that the kids do want to go to . Also, hubby and I may want to take advantage of a babysitter and have a "date" or two.
I can't decided what to do about dining plans especially since both kids are now "adults" although they do not eat like adults at all. I am considering getting an annual pass so I could get the DDE- may work.. BUT, because of MIL, it may be easier ( but more expensive to get one of the dining plans) or actually use the DDE in combo with the dining plan. For instance, as I said, I am having serious issues with getting 10 yr old to eat. His food choices are very,very limited- primarily chicken strips, nuggets, baked beans , yougurt and chocolate milk in various forms- he will drink milkshakes and the child does have a serious sweet tooth for things chocolate. He hardly ever finishes a kid meal forget about anything adult. Now, I will fortify him at breakfast the best I can. And, if we are at a restaurant, I would have no problems if he just wanted a milkshake or a kids meal with chicken nuggets. BUT, MIL demands that they clean their plates, She would have fit if I let him have a milkshake and he didnt eat all his meal if we are apying OOP.. BUT, if we are on DDP and she knows a milkshake comes with the meal, she wouldn't have that much of a problem.. Also, if DH and I do decided to go on a date, she would have a fit to pay OOP for room service for pizza and/or chicekn strips delievered to room but on DDP she wouldnt care. I just want to make this as stress free as possible.. Any insights? Sorry, this is so long.

 

[mazz1]

i so feel for you as i have a very similar mil

i am very lucky as i also have a very strong husband who makes it very clear to his mother that the children and myself come first

i think you may have to spell it out in advance to the mil that you are their parents and it's your decision if your child has milkshake or not and you must get your husband to back you up every step of the way

my mil also has similar opinions to yours in that our children have autism because of how i parent them and as she puts it "my inability to say no or to make them behave normally"

i would urge you to make it clear in advance that it's the childrens vacation too and that means she may not like what they choose to eat or drink but you will be the one that makes the parenting decisions and if your children are happy with milkshake then that's what they will be having, the money or expense is really none of her business

as a family you may not want to eat regular meals at regular mealtimes like she wants too but you will try to accomodate her to make her happy so you should be asking if you can do this then why can she not be expected to bend a little in her views to make you and your children happy

it's taken almost 15 years for me to stand up to my mil and even now she's intimidating but explaining expectations up front will make it easier especially if you get your husband to stand united beside you and back you up every step of the way

she's had her turn at parenting and now it's yours, be confident and tell yourself you are a good mum who knows what your children need and you are the best person to make decisions for them

please don't allow her to bully you with her ways and views, it's a family vacation and you should be able to look forward to it without this anxiety

 

[scojos]

to to have mil like that, you re very brave taking her with you
i agree with mazz (its an english girl thing), make your hubbie explain to her, god, this is hard enough for you to do, she is either part of the problem, or part of the solution.
relax, thats what holidays are for, we are doing DDP this year for the same reason as you (oh it was free too!!) but the idea of room service after long day is brill.
get it sorted, ground rules etc. now before you go, so everyone knows where they stand. if you can get off site there are some wonderful (cheaper) restaurants you might all enjoy v close.
tracy

 

[DevilDuckie]

MIL does not get to demand that they do anything. She does not get to over rule you and should be firmly told to mind ehr own business if she tries to interfere in your parenting- especially if she does so in front of the kids.

Sounds like it is time for a serious talk between your husband and his mother about whose kids these are.

 

[DannysMom]

For instance, as I said, I am having serious issues with getting 10 yr old to eat. His food choices are very,very limited- primarily chicken strips, nuggets, baked beans , yougurt and chocolate milk in various forms- he will drink milkshakes and the child does have a serious sweet tooth for things chocolate. He hardly ever finishes a kid meal forget about anything adult. .

I don't have any real good input about your problem / question, but I also have a picky eater, limited diet kind of child. Have you tried Carnation Instant Breakfast -- known to my son as "chocolate milk." He gets his chocolate milk w/ pretty much every meal, some days/weeks I think it's the only thinkg keeping him from losing weight. It also doesn't have the yucky vitamin-y aftertaste of products like Pediasure.

We're going to WDW in April & I plan to pack a box of Carnation Instant Breakfast packets as well as a few lidded cups, so anywhere I can buy a milk carton, I can get him his "chocolate milk." Good luck sorting out the MIL / dining issues.

 

[SueM in MN]

Have you tried Carnation Instant Breakfast -- known to my son as "chocolate milk." He gets his chocolate milk w/ pretty much every meal, some days/weeks I think it's the only thinkg keeping him from losing weight. It also doesn't have the yucky vitamin-y aftertaste of products like Pediasure.

We've had that kind of "chocolate milk" too. I keep some of it on hand for when she is not eating well.
Works well for us.

 

[Ctsplaysinrain]

I don't have any real good input about your problem / question, but I also have a picky eater, limited diet kind of child. Have you tried Carnation Instant Breakfast --

Yes, that is pretty much what he is surviving on.. at least he really likes that.. He drinks this for breakfast- he likes to add 2-3 packs for big glass of milk, he is now going to nurse at school twice a day to drink a ready to go one, and if I can't get him to eat dinner- he will drink one of these..

WE have seemed to have stabilized right now with the weight since we have started this and that's a good thing. Last fall, he lost 8 lbs in a few months.. That's a lot when you are only 68 lbs to start with..He has been about the same since beginning of Jan when he made a contract with our psych about drinking the Carnation.
His other main food is Bush's baked beans...

 

[ireland_nicole]

Wow! I think we must have the same MIL! Seriously, figure from the outset that no matter what you do she will not be happy. Hopefully your husband will be supportive. What generally works for me is doing what I need to do for my kids, and when she critisizes, I just say mmhmm. and nod my head. For some reason, that seems to make her think I'm listening. Anyway, I admit it is a lot more difficult when she is helping to foot the bill. Could you make an agreement before hand that the food is to be kept seperate? As far as food goes, I would go buffet whenever possible. That way, no one has to wait for service, and there is always a kids buffet available with the ever popular chicken nuggets. And try to remember-you're at Disney-so have fun despite her. (At least you know you'll enjoy the first 4 days.) Hang in There. LOL Nicole

 

[mechurchlady]

How about Ensure and other supplements? My 82 year old mother came home and would not eat. Eventually I learned to put a lot of food on her plate and use large plates. With the big plate there seems to be less food than there really is. I give her extra veggies and stuff she likes then let her choose what she wants and let her leave behind a small portion.

Since he is eating sweets so much I think his sugar levels need checking. When I am saturated with sugar then I cannot taste sugar. Recently I had eaten a lot of carbs and then drank a fruit punch, yuk, sour and not sweet. Actually the drink had as much sugar as soda pop but with saturation I could not taste the sweetness. Also look into allergies because some people with an allergy will actually crave the food they cannot eat. Been there and am hearing the call of a chocolate bar in my car, sigh.

Since he likes sweets try really sweet things like fruit. Sweet potatos with some brown sugar are really sweet.

 

[BeckyScott]

We did chocolate Boosts for a while, they taste pretty good.

As far as the MIL situation, to begin with I personally wouldn't go to Disney with mine good heavens that would be a nightmare. But it sounds like the main issue isn't with your kid's diet or diagnosis, it's with the MIL. You shouldn't be making accomodations to placate her or having to worry about her overbearingness (if that's even a word).

I'd get this totally straightened out before you go, or else it's going to be a reeeeeally long vacation.

 

[winniethepoohsmom]

It does'nt sound to me like the dining plan would be good for you because you said you were a snacking family. Your boys would count as adults on the plan yet your DS10 would be eating something off the childs menu, and everyone on the room ressie would have to be on the plan. It sounds like you would'nt get your moneys worth unless you paid for his meal oop and over the course of the trip that accumulated to an extra sit down for everyone. I would also recommend having res. for the restaurans if you do the ddp to make sure you get in. I agree with what some of the previous posters said about speaking with MIL before you go. This is your vacation too and you deserve to have a good time and not have to stress out over every meal you eat with her. My DS16 with autism was a very picky eater when he was young now he eats us out of house and home, but there has been times due to medication that he lost his appetite and we started giving him the instant breakfast again, he likes vanilla. Your sons eating habits may improve as he gets older. As far as the annual pass goes I would look at the menus as to where you would like to eat to see if the extra expense for the pass and dde card would be worth it and also to see if they have on the menu the things your son likes to eat. Good Luck with your trip I hope it works out for you and MIL does'nt give you a hard time. Linda

 

[Ctsplaysinrain]

Thanks everyone... Yes, I know the problem is MIL.. I will need to get a backbone. Unfortunately, when we are around her, DH becomes very unsupportive- I think his Aspieness comes into play. Also, he has been very stressed at work lately and his hours are very, very long so the boys and I are on our own alot. I have figured out "what kind of works for us ( as well as I can with 2 special needs kiddies) and well I do what I can . I'm sure all of you understand. DH tends to get overwhelmed by the boys very easily. So, maybe he is thinking "another way" would be better.
There is a chance, I'm actually willing to push for this, that we can invile SIL and her new husband. We did get a 2BDR VILLA. IF we do this, MIL will have someone else to focus on and perhaps we can do some of the "touring" alone.
BTW, I have put my foot down about some of the time with MIL.. The boys and I do a "cross-country" road trip every summer. We spend 6 weeks driving to/from AZ to VA/NC and wherever we feel like going in between. We end up for our 2 week beach house stay in the Outerbanks. Even though MIL lives just a few hours from there, I have told DH she is not allowed to come to beach with us anymore ( I put my foot down on this about 5 yrs ago).. This now once a year trip with her is kind of a compromise....

 

[mazz1]

if you can get a villa then go for it

we stay in a villa and it's fantastic, you will have loads more space than a hotel room, save a fortune on food as you are not having to eat out on/ off site all the time and having your own pool at the end of a busy day to sit by with a drink in hand whilst the kids play is magic

if the sis and new husband comes along too then i think it would help distract the mil

we took my mil to disneyland paris and i insisted she have her own sleeps 6 log cabin, i wasn't bothered one iota of the cost, i was thinking of my sanity and that is priceless, my husband spelt out very clearly the groundrules and she was as good as gold for the majority of the trip, she's allready invited herself along for the next trip but she's not coming, i'm afraid that's another battle for dh to explain when he tells her we're taking my mum instead

good luck with it all and try not to let the worry overshadow your holiday

marie

 

[dclfun]

I think the suggestion to choose buffet meals is an excellent one. Also choosing something with entertainment factor, like a character meal or HDD would help focus your MIL on how much the children are enjoying the "fun" vs. the meal itself. This way she can perceive that everyone is getting something for the money. While you're at AK, Boma has an excellent buffet with kid's options. It's quite noisy and I'm not sure if your boys like the sensory stimulation vs. something more quiet. While at the GF, just choosing snacks at concierge or hopping on the monorail to another resort or the MK/Epcot will be easy. Ohana's at the Poly is a pretty quick-paced, family style meal. Since everyone serves themselves from large platters, your MIL will be able to percieve that food's being eaten vs. who ate it!. Chef Mickeys' is a buffet with character interaction at the Contemporary and there's the Crystal Palace character meals at MK. There's also some entertainment there for the kids- coconut races, hula, etc. if they're interested in participating or just watching. Coral Reef at Epcot has the view of the aquarium, the Garden Grill at Epcot has the rotating theater....so there's lots of places for a TS meal where there's something to do other than sitting for long periods. You've made excellent resort choices and hopefully the meals/food issues will work themselves out. Anywhere you do dine, they should be happy to accomodate fixing something your son will eat whether or not it's on the menu. After all, you can point out to MIL all the kids ( and adults!) eating a Mickey bar and hopefully she'll realize that everyone is on vacation and worries about what food you're consuming should be the last thing on her mind- making some memories with the kids and your family should be what it's all about.---Kathy

 

[Ctsplaysinrain]

Anywhere you do dine, they should be happy to accomodate fixing something your son will eat whether or not it's on the menu.

I assume you must give an advance notice though???? Last summer, we tried this at Coral Reef- a must do !! AS child loves all things realted to sealife and aquariums and we must go there.. When we got in and realized that there were no chicken strips for younger one, I did ask waiter and he said NO.. We almost left because he was upset but then AS child just go so upset so we stayed. Younger son didnt eat. We found him some chicken later...

 

[Ctsplaysinrain]

Buffets.....
Sounds like many of you use these sucessfully... I have always been afraid to try them. I don't think they will work as usually by the time we eat - AS child needs a calming, soothing quieter place away from the crowds. From the descriptions on other boards etc, the character places seem rather chaotic to me- with lots of screaming little children all over the place, people trying their darndest to get pictures, lines for food etc.. Is this not true? Are they not as bad as I imagine? What I imagine is enough to give ME hives..LOL ( yeah, I think I have a few sensory overload tendencies as well)..
Our favorites places so far are Coral Reef- must do.. Fish and the atmosphere seems cool and calm in there... Sci-fi diner- the Kids LOVED that place last year.. In fact, my younger one loved it so much he actually ate 2 entrees... I think he was so busy looking at screen that he was distracted.. You all saw pic in other thread. We did Whispering Canyon last summer as well and they liked that as well.. Loved the Ketchup..
I was thinking of trying the Japanese restaurant this year since well, we MUST go to Japan everytime and spend about 2 hours looking at the Yugioh cards...LOL ( major, major obsession here). Also, their fave park is AKL so I was thinking of trying the Yak and Yeti and/or the Tusker house Lunch.
I am hoping the T-rex restaurant is open by then- that will probably be a must do as well.

 

[MarieS]

When we do a buffet, I book the first time at opening. For example we do the 11:30 lunch at Crystal Palace. We are able to get right up to the buffet and then the characters come around. We are in and out fairly quickly before the restaurant gets too busy. You can also ask for a booth/table in a corner or near the wall, etc. This is easiet to do right at opening. I found this helps cut down on the noise and busyness.

 

[winniethepoohsmom]

We also try to stay away from the chaotic places but so we avoided Ohanas until someone told me to request a table by the window and that worked out well for us. We also eat early dinners before the crowds. We enjoy the buffet at Cape May Cafe, we go early get seated and ds does'nt have to wait for the food to be served we just go up and get his food and then get more of whatever he likes, DH and I love the clams, and then we stroll around the resort afterwards by the beach area. We also enjoyed Bomas, but again I would go early its not chaotic at all and no wait for food and then we go out and see the animals. We went to Chef Mickeys for dinner and did'nt like the food at all, but I've heard the breakfast is very good. Linda

 

[ireland_nicole]

IMO, last breakfast seating or first lunch or dinner seating tend to be the least crowded. Also, by being early, you can ask for a table in the corner (much less noise and stim). Another thing, I have heard good things about WL Whispering Pines?. Lots of fun and distraction-I've heard that you're supposed to ask for Catsup? As far as the DH and his mom, I completely understand. (Although my husband is Irish, perhaps its a European thing.) I know that my husband is loyal to me and our kids, but standing up to his mom is an impossibility. Of course, now that I have a son, I understand a little better. I mean, I wouldn't want him "attacking" me when he grows up either (and even constructively setting bounderies could be perceived that way.) As much as I hate it, my DH and I spend many hours trying to figure out how to get around the mountain that is MIL rather than the more direct route. Hopefully, it is helpful to know that someone else has the same struggle. Anyway, have a great time no matter what. You can't control her, but you can do some things to protect yourself emotionally. My DH and I now have an agreement that when she gets to be too much, I just excuse myself and walk away. At least it avoids an argument with no possible winner.

 

[dclfun]

It's always best to ask in advance if special food accommodations can be made, however once we were at Flying Fish and the family next to us had a little one who only wanted chicken strips and it wasn't on the menu. Their waiter got some for him from ESPN which was fairly close and saved the day.---Kathy