What would you do ? Advise needed ! long! UPDATE !!!!

[tinkerbellmagic]

I did send the letter last night. & so far she has left me 3 voicemails at home sounding teary & 2 on my cell. Jeez !

Should I return her call ? Advice? My DH says ignore her calls but I think we should have a talk just not today. I need a mental health break from all this drama.

My advice? DON'T RETURN HER CALLS. Don't accept her calls. Like your husband says, ignore her. Get out of this fast.

She won't go away easily... troublemakers never do. It could get ugly. Tears, pleading, desperation. Just remember, no more contact is the only way to get out of this and you do need to get out of this. It is disrupting your family life.
Good luck!!!

 

[RachaelRol]

I think you should talk to her. Mentally, set a limit ahead of time and know what you want to say.

Be firm and stick to your decision. leave it up to her to continue the firendship. She probably won't want to, but that's okay and you'll have a clear conscience!

Good luck!

 

[tinkarooni]

I think if you talk to her or not is up to how you will handle it. Since you wrote a letter instead of talking to her in the first place I think that you already know that you can not stand up to her in a conversation. If that is the case, and only you know, I would not call her back.

Don't worry about being nice and doing the right thing...do what's right for you. She has not been nice to you or worried about doing the right thing by you. And I'm sorry hormones, shmormones....I too have been married and pregnant twice.....why do people think that being in the midst of those things give you the right to be a **stinker** you know what I mean.

You definitely did the right thing....my only suggestion would be your letter could have been firmer. It appears to me that you should be past the point of caring what she wants....I think that you need to be firmer by stating this is what I want and I'm sorry I can not be godparent. Just by saying I think you should find someone else implies you're leaving the door open. If she finds someone else or not is her concern not yours. Bottom line is you aren't going to do it.

Good Luck....and don't worry soon this will be over and she'll be on to something or somebody else. Don't loose sleep over it.

 

[Lisa_M]

I think if you talk to her or not is up to how you will handle it. Since you wrote a letter instead of talking to her in the first place I think that you already know that you can not stand up to her in a conversation. If that is the case, and only you know, I would not call her back.

Don't worry about being nice and doing the right thing...do what's right for you. She has not been nice to you or worried about doing the right thing by you. And I'm sorry hormones, shmormones....I too have been married and pregnant twice.....why do people think that being in the midst of those things give you the right to be a **stinker** you know what I mean.

You definitely did the right thing....my only suggestion would be your letter could have been firmer. It appears to me that you should be past the point of caring what she wants....I think that you need to be firmer by stating this is what I want and I'm sorry I can not be godparent. Just by saying I think you should find someone else implies you're leaving the door open. If she finds someone else or not is her concern not yours. Bottom line is you aren't going to do it.

Good Luck....and don't worry soon this will be over and she'll be on to something or somebody else. Don't loose sleep over it.

I completely agree. Also, I'm sorry to say that there is no friendship here. Any true friend would NEVER act like this. If she was ready to bring three babies into the world, she needs to take responsiblity for the costs associated with that, not look for people to take over her financial responsibility to her children. I feel very badly for the kids though. Hopefully, her husband is level headed enough to straighten her out and raise the kids right, but he should have nipped this crap in the bud from the start.

 

[Cruise]

I did send the letter last night. & so far she has left me 3 voicemails at home sounding teary & 2 on my cell. Jeez ! My husband says I have a personality that attracts weirdos or emotionally needy people. That I'm too nice & sympathetic, but my mom was like that too. He says I have NICE tatooed to my forehead. Should I return her call ? Advice? My DH says ignore her calls but I think we should have a talk just not today. I need a mental health break from all this drama.

If you decide to return her call, be prepared for what you'll have to do. Which is basically repeat what you said in the letter. The only reason she wants to talk to you is to cry, plead, and make (false) promises of "changing." She will try to guilt you back into taking on this roll again and it might be better for a week or two, but then it will be right back to the way it's been before.

I've dealt with people like this before and, unfortunately, that kind of leopard doesn't change its spots.

 

[canwegosoon]

Your DH is so smart it astounds me ...you have gotten very good advice from him from the beginning. I would not talk to her. If she calls at work I would hang up. I wish you the best-it is obvious that you do not want to hurt someone, you wanted to do the right thing from the beginning. Are you aware that most mothers of triplets end up in the hospital on bed rest, and their babies are many times premees? I think you have more than enough on your plate.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Personally, I think you should have told her before this shower. What are you waiting for? Before you know it the babies will be born. Writing the letter is a great first step, just make sure you send it. It doesn't even seem like she considers you a friend.

I agree, but you also have to remember the OP's learning how to behave in a manner completely different than she's been operating, and that sometimes takes a few more bricks to the head (aka the shower) than what a person who's watching from the outside would rationally think is necessary.

It looks like the "friend" is making it easier for her, though, man, that woman's got some cojones on her!

Send that letter, Pandora.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

I did send the letter last night. & so far she has left me 3 voicemails at home sounding teary & 2 on my cell. Jeez ! My husband says I have a personality that attracts weirdos or emotionally needy people. That I'm too nice & sympathetic, but my mom was like that too. He says I have NICE tatooed to my forehead. Should I return her call ? Advice? My DH says ignore her calls but I think we should have a talk just not today. I need a mental health break from all this drama.

Should you return the call? My favorite Jiminy Cricket question that I always ask myself in questionable situations: "What good can come of it?"

If I don't have an answer, then I don't do it.

Seriously, do you think she's going to change now that she's gotten the letter, or do you think she's freaking out that she's losing her favorite doormat/whipping boy and that she needs to wheedle you back into her life?

Let me guess, all of the messages were full of excuses, and not once does she say:

"You're right, my behavior is unforgivable, I have behaved badly towards you, and I am going to take a month or so to work on becoming a better person, and I'm going to show you that I've become a better friend by not DEMANDING anything from you, even friendship, and hopefully you will see that I've become the friend you would be glad to have."

I'm betting those weren't' the words coming out of her mouth, it was probably all, poor me, boo hoo. Well, duh, one can only behave badly for so long without repercussions....

 

[Sandy321]

She's a great manipulator

DONT let her manipulate you back into her web!

It will be easy because she can and will emotionally blackmail you with her babies, because youve been there done that!! Hold onto your dh. . . if need be, blame him, let him talk etc...

you're doing the right thing for your family!! PLEASE put your family first!! She has plenty of people to do her bidding, she will not be alone!!

 

[goin2disneyagain]

I would very politely tell her that you want what is best for her and for the baby and you don't think you will be able to fullfill you "duties" as godparent due to you financial situation.

I'm not a confrontational person either, but do you really want to be connected to this person for the REST OF YOUR LIFE?

I agree. Cut her off immediately. It's only going to get worse.

 

[goin2disneyagain]

I did send the letter last night. & so far she has left me 3 voicemails at home sounding teary & 2 on my cell. Jeez ! My husband says I have a personality that attracts weirdos or emotionally needy people. That I'm too nice & sympathetic, but my mom was like that too. He says I have NICE tatooed to my forehead. Should I return her call ? Advice? My DH says ignore her calls but I think we should have a talk just not today. I need a mental health break from all this drama.

Just read the update. I have the same problem with people taking advantage of me too. Don't return her calls.

 

[pandora174]

Well, we spoke today & the proverbial you know what hit the fan. It was civilized but very weird. First she barely let me speak. She started that she had things that I had done to her that were building up. Examples of my horrible behavior you may ask ? I asked her what kind of cake she was having & what type of food (this was me being being nosy as I wasn't paying for the cake ) mind you she had shared every intimate detail of her IVF procedure & ex-marriage to me & every detail of the baby shower & her life until she recieved my note her life was an open book, now this was an issue ?? Oh & 2 co-workers sent gifts for her that I brought & showed them to me beforehand & I told her "oh so & so got you such cute things" & one of the gifts were hand knitted outfits that she knew about already & the other were diapers & wipes ???? So I runied her surprise by telling her what it was before the shower ?? & that I'm constantly telling her to rest & she feels that comes off as I'm talking to her like she doesn't know how to take care of herself ?? She never apologized for her remarks just said that she was so exhausted from the pregancy she barely knew what she got & the remark about not helping was a joke ?? then she said she was very hurt that I wouldn't call her back yesterday with her condition of being pregnant. I told her I wasn't ready to discuss this with her yet. She also told me to get an etiquette book because I obviously needed one b/c I ruined her surprise. At this point I decided to be the bigger person. I said the following. 1 - to me a friend that is concerned for my health & asks how I'm doing & reminds me to rest is just that a friend & I take that as kindness & concern 2 - normally we womenfolk love to talk about parties, cakes, decoration etc & it's part of being a friend not meddling. 3- that I told her about 2 of her presents I found not to be a big deal & if she didn't want to hear it all she had to say was "don't tell me, I want it to be a surprise" she never seemed upset when I told her. So SHE agreed that it would be best if I'm not a godmother. Oh, she mentioned that she's used to people being envious of her all her life ??? Then she proceeded to talk about the party like everything was fine ?? & that she'll always be there for me & I'll be invited to the baptism & b-day parties. She thinks that I am a very nervous person & it'll be too much for me .At this point I was speechless & told her I wished her the best & left it at that.

My DH was really upset about the remarks she made to me. & I must admit my feelings are really hurt but I do feel a sense of relief. But it's sad because before the pregnancy I helped her so much. Going through the IVF, hours on the phone offering support. At work I even did her work sometimes when she was too sick to work & now this ?? Well at least it looks like I won't see her at work anytime soon as she's staying at home until after the birth.

 

[nuke]

Good riddance to bad baggage. You're better off without her "friendship".

 

[Lisa_M]

Wow, what a nut! She is just unbelievable. I'm so sorry she said such hurtful things. You definitely deserve better than that.

 

[RachaelRol]

Double post

 

[RachaelRol]

Good for you.

I'd be happy to have a nosy friend like you!!!

 

[mermaidwannabe]

Good for you.

I'd be happy to have a nosy friend like you!!!

Ditto! I hope you're feeling light from having her good-energy-sucking-personality out of your life. If you don't yet, you will soon. I'm sorry this happened at all, but am so glad for you that you won't be a part of this ungrounded woman's life anymore!

 

[ksumn1]

Even though the call didn't go exactly as you envisioned, the end result is the same. Be glad. It sounds like she is a very selfish, self centered person and is only concerned with money, material posessions and how much YOU can help HER. I would still amintain some type of contact with her, since you said at one point you were very close. Maybe a card or call after the babies are born, and maybe an email once every couple of weeks to check in...but treat her as you would any other coworker, and don't get too involved. Otherwise, she'll try to suck you in again.

 

[pandora174]

Even though the call didn't go exactly as you envisioned, the end result is the same. Be glad. It sounds like she is a very selfish, self centered person and is only concerned with money, material posessions and how much YOU can help HER. I would still amintain some type of contact with her, since you said at one point you were very close. Maybe a card or call after the babies are born, and maybe an email once every couple of weeks to check in...but treat her as you would any other coworker, and don't get too involved. Otherwise, she'll try to suck you in again.

Good advice. Once the babies are born I'll send a little something & a card but will keep it impersonal. But I don't think I'll be going to the baptism party just in case, I don't want to get sucked in again. I'll keep those babies in my prayers though. My heart really goes out to them.

 

[cnj]

She will definitely be calling to use you again after those babies are born. Be strong. You were definitely in the right.