What would you do ? Advise needed ! long! UPDATE !!!!

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

I agree with all of you. She started off as a really nice person. I felt really bad because she had 3 prior IVF that were not successful & I understood because I had several miscarriages & it was really hard to get pregnant with my DS & he was preemie & I felt we had bonded. But then she went from being very nice & supportive to trying to monopolize my life. I just felt bad because she has no close family or real friends outside of work. Now I see why. & when she asked me to be a godparent I was a little surprised because she does have cousins & people she's known longer but I felt bad for her & didn't mind the responsibility. But I just thought I would be a mentor, gifts during the holiday etc. I had no idea she would be so demanding. When she calls me on Monday morning at work I am going to ask her what did she mean about the godparent's contributing to the Baptism's cost ? & that financially this isn't in my family's best interest, that we have different views of what a godparent is. Initially she had said that she just wanted someone that had good morals & finances had nothing to do with it but her tune has definitely changed. Maybe because she kept dropping hints about how expensive the shower she was throwing & I kept quiet thinking she was hinting at me contributing. But I do think she has a screw loose. When I asked her what she was having for food (mind you after I gave her different suggestions) she told me the food would be a surprise & couldn't tell me ????

Wish me luck !

Remember when you call her how she makes you feel. Is that ok with you to feel that bad?

Good luck talking to her, but I think asking her questions is inviting her to trample you more and take further advantage of you.

I think you might want to consider calling her and TELLING her how things are going to be from now on. Make notes on a pad before you call her, find a quiet time in the day, and state clearly your new boundaries.

Don't make excuses, don't ask for her opinion, and don't give in, because the next thing she'll do is cry and "patch things up" because she will realize she's losing her favorite whipping boy.

Otherwise, all you're doing is continuing the drama and the bad feelings. The first thing you need to ask yourself is if you're really ready for that to be done-and a lot of people don't *really* want to give up the drama associated with those kinds of relationships, deep down.

Again, be strong, move forward, and put yourself and your family first...

 

[Mono~rail]

I agree with all of you. She started off as a really nice person. I felt really bad because she had 3 prior IVF that were not successful & I understood because I had several miscarriages & it was really hard to get pregnant with my DS & he was preemie & I felt we had bonded. But then she went from being very nice & supportive to trying to monopolize my life. I just felt bad because she has no close family or real friends outside of work. Now I see why. & when she asked me to be a godparent I was a little surprised because she does have cousins & people she's known longer but I felt bad for her & didn't mind the responsibility. But I just thought I would be a mentor, gifts during the holiday etc. I had no idea she would be so demanding. When she calls me on Monday morning at work I am going to ask her what did she mean about the godparent's contributing to the Baptism's cost ? & that financially this isn't in my family's best interest, that we have different views of what a godparent is. Initially she had said that she just wanted someone that had good morals & finances had nothing to do with it but her tune has definitely changed. Maybe because she kept dropping hints about how expensive the shower she was throwing & I kept quiet thinking she was hinting at me contributing. But I do think she has a screw loose. When I asked her what she was having for food (mind you after I gave her different suggestions) she told me the food would be a surprise & couldn't tell me ????

Wish me luck !

Oh, dear. I can so relate to what you are experiencing right now. I have a person in my life that I'm in the process of "getting rid of." I got sucked in with this person for reasons that sound alot like yours. My "friend" is just a spoiled brat bully, and I don't like her. She tries to monopoloze my time, tell me what to do, and tries to spend my money. She calls me 10-20 times a day and just won't give up. I've stopped answering her calls.

When I met her I thought she was nice then I felt sorry for her because I realized that she didn't have any friends. Now I see why.

If I were you, I wouldn't ask her those questions. That will give her an "in" to formulate arguments for why you should do what she wants. Just tell her that you and your dh discussed it, and you can't be a godparent to her kid. Leave it at that and hope she gets mad and ignores you.

The thing about getting sucked in by these people that have no friends is that you end up just like them - without any friends. They monopolize your time to the point that you don't have time, energy, or money to do things with anyone else. They are emotional black holes and there is a reason other people avoid them.


Good luck! Stay strong! Do what you know you have to do!

 

[pigletlover1120]

I think all of the previous posters are totally right - this "friend" has to go!

I am also like you- it is really hard for me to confront people that are not being fair with me- I usually roll over and let them walk all over me. I am getting better about speakin gup for myself, but just a little bit.

I am a godparent to a good friend's/former co-worker's DD2. Some thought it was strange that she asked me (and not her sister who is not a GP for any of her 3 children), but we had become great friends through her first pregnancy (twin boys who have other family friends as Godparents). I was honored to be asked, as she knows I do not have any siblings and unless I marry someone who does, I may never have nieces and nephews to love. She and her husband don't have alot of money but they make up for it with love for their children.

Anyway, she asked me if I wanted to go with her to help pick out the christening dress and I WANTED (stress the word WANTED) to pay for it. She protested, but I still paid. I don't feel pressured to do anything else but do what I feel is approprate. All they want from me is my love, friendship and caring for their family, not my money. If this woman was really your friend, she would want the same from you and not put a monitary value on your friendship. I feel sorry for her that she feels like she has to guilt people into staying close to her.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

bump!

Op, what did you decide to do?

 

[momof3littlelilos]

I would very politely tell her that you want what is best for her and for the baby and you don't think you will be able to fullfill you "duties" as godparent due to you financial situation.

I'm not a confrontational person either, but do you really want to be connected to this person for the REST OF YOUR LIFE?

I agree and this seems like a very nice way to back out. But, yes, walk away.
I was raised Catholic, and as far as I know being a Godparent doesn't carry the financial obligations she's putting on you.
In our family there was a tradition that Godparents bought gifts for their godchildren (as opposed to every every neice and nephew, because that would be CRAZY) and if anything happened to the parents I suppose the godparents would step in, but that second part was never tested in my family.

 

[pandora174]

Sucker me didn't have the talk yet. Tonight was the shower. I ended spending about $130 but got lot of things that weren't on her registry but managed to get more stuff from the babiesrus clearance section. Well the party was fun, everything was fine. I helped clean up tables with 1 of the other godmothers (the 3rd did nothing), I served the cake, I put trash away & too€k pix for a snapfish album. Well toward the end I asked how she liked my gifts (they were the first ones she opened) & she said she didn't remember what I got her Then she insinuated I didn't do enough to help. I set her straight nicely but didn't ley her get away with it. But then she remembered this other godfather & gushed that he gave her a crib, a playpen, cash & something else & how many expensive items she got from the registry & thankfully she didn't get too many clothes. Mind you I got her in her goodie bag a beautiful outfit, set of onesies & a carter welcome home kit + tons of other stuff (just not from the sacred registry) Then her & the godmother who did nothing start talking about the baptist/b-day party with a Carnival/Circus theme & ponies, hot dog machines & jokingly tells me I better start saving now !:scared1


That was it. I went home & sent her a healtfelt letter. That we have different views on being a godparent & I will in no way contribute to an expensive baptism party or anything else. To me it's more spiritual & I would only be able to give gifts that are within my budget. No hard feelings but I think that she should pick another godmother. S€he hurt my feelings & hormones are not an excuse. She was plain mean. Also I will not have her lie & say I got this or that just because she THINKS I would be embarrased not to keep up with the other godparents. I could care less !

 

[Tink561]

Oh, that is ridiculous! I hope things work out for you. I can't imagine anyone expecting that sort of thing, especially times 3!

Get out of it while you can!

 

[kaysmommie]

She sounds like such a selfish witch to me. I have had friends like this that suck the life out of you. Run while you can !! You have your own family to think about. I can't believe how unappreciative she was to you at the baby shower for your gift and all your help at the party. You spent way more than enough time, money and energy on this person. With friends like this who needs enemies. Good luck .

 

[mdsouth]

That was it. I went home & sent her a healtfelt letter. That we have different views on being a godparent & I will in no way contribute to an expensive baptism party or anything else. To me it's more spiritual & I would only be able to give gifts that are within my budget. No hard feelings but I think that she should pick another godmother. S€he hurt my feelings & hormones are not an excuse. She was plain mean. Also I will not have her lie & say I got this or that just because she THINKS I would be embarrased not to keep up with the other godparents. I could care less !

GOOD for YOU!

I hope you actually gave the letter to her or sent it! If you haven't sent it --- SEND IT TODAY!!!

It sounds like you went all out for the shower! The gifts you described as well as your contributions to the party itself and duties at the party were wonderful!

Now that the letter has been written and I assume SENT, -- go on and move on! Don't give her another thought. When she calls you at work. Tell her immediately that you are working and cannot talk. Then HANG UP! Don't worry about being rude to her. Her opinion of you does not matter! I will bet that you will have LOTS of encouragement and congratulations from your fellow co-workers for not associating with her!

I am sending you a little Pixie Dust to help you move on!

 

[hentob]

I have been following your story That woman is a real {insert word I can't say on The DIS}!

Glad you wrote the letter! Best to distance yourself NOW!!!!

Keep us posted on her reaction.

 

[Sandy321]

EXCELLENT LETTER!! Now just keep practicing - I will pray for you and your babies, I will keep them in my thoughts and prayers -

maybe she will be relieved you backed out!!

You did an AWESOME job at the shower, this is HER loss - not yours!!! I too would be honored to have a friend like you!!

 

[Goobergal99]

I agree that this woman is clearly using you and you have enough of your family issues to deal with without adding extra responsibilities..

On a personal note, I have been told I have "doormat syndrome" as well, I adopted it from my mom who does everything for everybody too.... A close co-worker of mine recently told me that I need to use the 3 minute rule. When I am asked for a favor or whatever... I need to take 3 minutes to think about it and then answer. Maybe it will work for you in the future.

I can honestly say that my inability to say No, Has really caused friction between my husband and I as well. Ultimately it is the time I spend with my husband and child that is important in the end and I have been learning to keep that in mind when I make decisions.

 

[shellybelly72]

Sucker me didn't have the talk yet. Tonight was the shower. I ended spending about $130 but got lot of things that weren't on her registry but managed to get more stuff from the babiesrus clearance section. Well the party was fun, everything was fine. I helped clean up tables with 1 of the other godmothers (the 3rd did nothing), I served the cake, I put trash away & too€k pix for a snapfish album. Well toward the end I asked how she liked my gifts (they were the first ones she opened) & she said she didn't remember what I got her Then she insinuated I didn't do enough to help. I set her straight nicely but didn't ley her get away with it. But then she remembered this other godfather & gushed that he gave her a crib, a playpen, cash & something else & how many expensive items she got from the registry & thankfully she didn't get too many clothes. Mind you I got her in her goodie bag a beautiful outfit, set of onesies & a carter welcome home kit + tons of other stuff (just not from the sacred registry) Then her & the godmother who did nothing start talking about the baptist/b-day party with a Carnival/Circus theme & ponies, hot dog machines & jokingly tells me I better start saving now !:scared1


That was it. I went home & sent her a healtfelt letter. That we have different views on being a godparent & I will in no way contribute to an expensive baptism party or anything else. To me it's more spiritual & I would only be able to give gifts that are within my budget. No hard feelings but I think that she should pick another godmother. S€he hurt my feelings & hormones are not an excuse. She was plain mean. Also I will not have her lie & say I got this or that just because she THINKS I would be embarrased not to keep up with the other godparents. I could care less !

Good for you! That comment to you was wayyy out of line!

I have 4 kids with 4 different sets of godparents and never expected any $$ from them..ever!

 

[dimimi]

Good for you! That comment to you was wayyy out of line!

I have 4 kids with 4 different sets of godparents and never expected any $$ from them..ever!

I am glad you did this, remember if you didn't take care of this, this is going to be an issue for MANY years!

 

[ceecee]

Personally, I think you should have told her before this shower. What are you waiting for? Before you know it the babies will be born. Writing the letter is a great first step, just make sure you send it. It doesn't even seem like she considers you a friend.

 

[Muushka]

The really sad part of this story:

That poor baby could really use a spiritual god mother.

You are a good person and I would choose someone like you over anyone who place stuff ahead of relationships.

 

[RachaelRol]

Subscribing...

OP, this person really is a witch. I can't believe her. I hope you sent the letter.

Me, I would have told her at the shower after her comment. So incredible rude and just plain me.


DH says I love confrontation. I don't... just have a low threshold for bull....

 

[FSUDisneyGirl]

way to send the letter!

i hope everything goes well! i think you definitely made the better choice for you and your family. : )

 

[pandora174]

I did send the letter last night. & so far she has left me 3 voicemails at home sounding teary & 2 on my cell. Jeez ! My husband says I have a personality that attracts weirdos or emotionally needy people. That I'm too nice & sympathetic, but my mom was like that too. He says I have NICE tatooed to my forehead. Should I return her call ? Advice? My DH says ignore her calls but I think we should have a talk just not today. I need a mental health break from all this drama.

 

[momofdbsdc]

I am sorry that you have had to go through this! I have 6 children and would never expect anyone to do any of those things for me!!!! It is sooo sad when people are sooo rude and selfish.

A flower for you for being such a nice person. If she doesn't understand what a true friend is, I feel sorry for her, but you have in noooo way done anything wrong!!!