What would you do ? Advise needed ! long! UPDATE !!!!

[snomofinn]

I agree with all these other posts...run....as fast as you can and don't look back! Cut her off now. In all my years I've never hear of godparents "chipping" in for anything. When our DDs were baptised we ask people that we were close to, we picked family members for both girls' godparents. We had a big party for both baptisms but we paid for it ourselves. The godmothers however did buy the christening gowns for both my DDs. But I would never have the guts enough to tell someone what they have to buy or do, that's crazy. Do you really feel that close to her to accept the position of godmother? I wouldnt, but that's just me. Good luck!

 

[agtlmm]

I agree with everyone else here. If she was truly a friend then she would not be demanding what you purchase or do. Most gifts that are meaninful are gifts that come from the heart not the wallet. She is just using you. I would just let her know that you will be there for support and advice, but nothing more.

 

[mdsouth]

I agree to get out of this situation immediately! Do not be pulled in.

Your job is on the line. Your supervisor and others in the office must notice how much time you are on the phone chatting. They do not care if she is the one who called you. They just see you shooting the breeze with her on company time. SO, it is extremely important for your own family's security to end this relationship with her!

If she doesn't call you TODAY, then you MUST call her and immediately tell her you cannot take on the role of a godparent for her child.

Don't wait for her to call -- DO IT NOW!

 

[barkley]

i think this is a great example of how when asked to be a godparent, wedding party member or the like it is best before accepting to ask 'what are your expectations of what a ___________ is/does/is responsible for?'. that way you know up front if you are dealing with an unreasonable whack job

i had a friend who accepted being a god parent only to get snide remarks when she 'failed' to do the financial stuff that the parents/family apparantly took for granted as obligatory (always providing the 'big gift'-i.e. whatever the parent or child most desired for all holidays-including christmas and birthdays), establishing an educational fund that was to provide for the majority of the anticpated private school and college tuition for the child...it went on and on. i've had friends who were similarly burned by being members of wedding parties-either the bride or a m.o.h. would decide that the attendants were responsible for funding some insane shower or purchasing some grossly expensive item, 'HAD' to do the wedding invitations AND the thank you notes for the bride . it taught me to ask questions before so i knew fully what i was accepting.

i'de tell the person that apparantly you have different perceptions of what a godparent is-and that you don't feel that you can successfully fullfill hers.

 

[hinodis]

The key to the word "Godparent" is the GOD part of it. It is all about religion and nothing about money. In my family a Godparent is resposible to help see that the child is brought up in the faith.

 

[lmflem]

If I were you I would not be the Godparent to your co-worker's child. If she thinks you are to pay for a crib she is crazy and has really lost what a GodParent is. A GodParent is not for financial but to be their for the child spirtually and to help lead the child. Not to buy and spend for the child. People are so unbelievable!

 

[dimimi]

I am the godmother for 3 kids and my kids have godmothers. None of the mentioned people have purchased a crib, chipped in for showers for the baby or paid for any part of the baptism!

I agree with the others, just tell her you'll have to decline.

 

[Aunt Michelle]

I agree with the other posters, politely excuse yourself from the situation and don't feel one ounce of guilt about doing so.

I come from a Catholic family and am Godmother to three of my nieces. We share a Christening gown (all my nieces and nephew - 8 have worn it) so I did buy each of the girls a cross for their rooms. One of them has now made her 1st Communion and I bought her a cross to wear. My sisters expect me to be a part of their lives but never asked for anything or implied that as Godmother I was expected to do anything. I do buy each of them a "goddaughter gift" at Christmas, and as I am single with no children of my own, they share as beneficiaries of my estate. These are choices I have made on my own! It was very unfair of your co-worker to make these demands of you.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Wow, oh, honey, I wish you were my friend.

Because then I'd help you kick that "friend" to the curb.

Friends don't treat each other like that in my world.

In fact, my friends would HELP me kick your "friend" to the curb, and then we'd take you out for drinks and we'd all chip in to pay.

Life's too short to deal with people like this "friend"!


Let me also add now that I've read all four pages, OP, the choice is yours to make now-you have four pages of good advice, the hardest part will be to take it and make the change. It's sometimes easier to put up with bad treatment rather than confront it and stop it. I would suggest you don't avoid her calls, because she'll escalate (oh, how well I know the type). You have to be absolutely clear with her that you have other demands on your life, that you are moving on with your life, that you won't be calling her and that you wish her well with her life but your life has taken a different path. It's way hard to do this, I was at least in my early 30's before I had the gumption to start standing up to people who did not respect my boundaries. And that's what she's doing.

Once you are able to do this for the first time you will find you attract friends who respect your boundaries, who you are as a person, and are honest with you. Life will become way more fun!

 

[LanaJae]

Wow, oh, honey, I wish you were my friend.

Because then I'd help you kick that "friend" to the curb.

Friends don't treat each other like that in my world.

In fact, my friends would HELP me kick your "friend" to the curb, and then we'd take you out for drinks and we'd all chip in to pay.

Life's too short to deal with people like this "friend"!

HUGE ditto! I feel exactly the same way.

 

[kaytieeldr]

So, what do you all say? Can we arrange to meet at or near the OP's house next weekend, and deal with the "problem" for her?

 

[mmfan53226]

I also agree don't accept that role! The only thing I ask the godparents of my children to do is be there for them if they need advice and don't feel comfortable talking to me.

Never in a million years would I even think of asking them to buy or pay for things like that.

Hope it all goes well for you!

Krystine

 

[tinkarooni]

Wow, oh, honey, I wish you were my friend.

Because then I'd help you kick that "friend" to the curb.

Friends don't treat each other like that in my world.

In fact, my friends would HELP me kick your "friend" to the curb, and then we'd take you out for drinks and we'd all chip in to pay.

Life's too short to deal with people like this "friend"!


Let me also add now that I've read all four pages, OP, the choice is yours to make now-you have four pages of good advice, the hardest part will be to take it and make the change. It's sometimes easier to put up with bad treatment rather than confront it and stop it. I would suggest you don't avoid her calls, because she'll escalate (oh, how well I know the type). You have to be absolutely clear with her that you have other demands on your life, that you are moving on with your life, that you won't be calling her and that you wish her well with her life but your life has taken a different path. It's way hard to do this, I was at least in my early 30's before I had the gumption to start standing up to people who did not respect my boundaries. And that's what she's doing.

Once you are able to do this for the first time you will find you attract friends who respect your boundaries, who you are as a person, and are honest with you. Life will become way more fun!

You sound like my kind of friend.....sign me up....I too will chip in for drinks when it's over...margaritas anyone?

 

[bumbershoot]

I don't know if I can say this right, so know that I'm saying it with kindness and concern for this woman's situation.

You have limited resources especially b/c of your premie child. She is in a position where the likelihood of having one or more children in this SAME position is high. I think it's very very sad that she hasn't thought of this, and realized that she might very well be in your position, but maybe, sadly, hopefully not, multiplied by two or even three, depending on what happens.

When I was pregnant my empathy-meter went even higher than normal. With 3 times the hormones I would think she would be all over you, asking you questions and seeing how you have dealt with everything emotionally and financially.

Not ask you to buy a crib.


Also, I'm not Catholic, or any sort of Christian at all, but even I know that "godparent" actually has the word "god" in it, and my heathen self can figure out that it's supposed to be something spiritual.

I like what someone said about "fairy godmother". Maybe she knows you're on the Dis and thinks that makes you the fairy godmother?

 

[LanaJae]

I don't know if I can say this right, so know that I'm saying it with kindness and concern for this woman's situation.

You have limited resources especially b/c of your premie child. She is in a position where the likelihood of having one or more children in this SAME position is high. I think it's very very sad that she hasn't thought of this, and realized that she might very well be in your position, but maybe, sadly, hopefully not, multiplied by two or even three, depending on what happens.

When I was pregnant my empathy-meter went even higher than normal. With 3 times the hormones I would think she would be all over you, asking you questions and seeing how you have dealt with everything emotionally and financially.

Not ask you to buy a crib.


Also, I'm not Catholic, or any sort of Christian at all, but even I know that "godparent" actually has the word "god" in it, and my heathen self can figure out that it's supposed to be something spiritual.

I like what someone said about "fairy godmother". Maybe she knows you're on the Dis and thinks that makes you the fairy godmother?

Well said! I thought the same too but couldn't put it in words.

I'm sort of assuming that she had trouble conceiving and did fertility treatment - everyone I've known who's been in that situation was only concerned about getting their baby or babies safely into the world. They didn't even worry about cribs until they had someone to put in one, and they spent their medical leave taking care of themselves and resting, not meddling with people.

I think I'm feeling more sorry for those babies than the OP now, they are stuck with her for life!

 

[roadtripper]

...
OP, I can relate to your preemie situation because my twins were preemies with one of them spending over 4 months in the NICU. After their birth, I had to quit my job to stay home because one of them has special needs. So I can totally relate to one parent needing to be available to take the special needs child to therapies and doctor appts.

This speaks to my concern, too. If your godchild has health issues, she may expect even more from you, or make you feel guilty for not being there in the NICU, etc. I say back out, send a casserole after the babies are born, and wish them well. You have gotten some great advice here; please let us know how it goes.

 

[drakethib]

Cut ties.

I don't think you will be losing a "friend" at all.

 

[Tosie]

Cut and RUN!!!!!!


As a Catholic, I can tell you we never expected anything but the presence of our children's godparents at their baptisms. My sister was kind enough to buy my son's christening outfit and a beautiful cross, but that was her choice. And my daughter's godparents gave her a beautiful cross as well ( my mom made her dress).

This woman is off her rocker - but you need to grow some brass ones (a small pair) and stop letting people take advantage of you!!!! (And I mean that with kindness - so hard to get across on a message board).

 

[pandora174]

I agree with all of you. She started off as a really nice person. I felt really bad because she had 3 prior IVF that were not successful & I understood because I had several miscarriages & it was really hard to get pregnant with my DS & he was preemie & I felt we had bonded. But then she went from being very nice & supportive to trying to monopolize my life. I just felt bad because she has no close family or real friends outside of work. Now I see why. & when she asked me to be a godparent I was a little surprised because she does have cousins & people she's known longer but I felt bad for her & didn't mind the responsibility. But I just thought I would be a mentor, gifts during the holiday etc. I had no idea she would be so demanding. When she calls me on Monday morning at work I am going to ask her what did she mean about the godparent's contributing to the Baptism's cost ? & that financially this isn't in my family's best interest, that we have different views of what a godparent is. Initially she had said that she just wanted someone that had good morals & finances had nothing to do with it but her tune has definitely changed. Maybe because she kept dropping hints about how expensive the shower she was throwing & I kept quiet thinking she was hinting at me contributing. But I do think she has a screw loose. When I asked her what she was having for food (mind you after I gave her different suggestions) she told me the food would be a surprise & couldn't tell me ????

Wish me luck !

 

[Stacerita]

If I were you I would not be the Godparent to your co-worker's child. If she thinks you are to pay for a crib she is crazy and has really lost what a GodParent is. A GodParent is not for financial but to be their for the child spirtually and to help lead the child. Not to buy and spend for the child. People are so unbelievable!

This was my understanding of Godparent as well.