What would Dissers do - Teens & drugs

[Tink888]

A good friend of mine recently found out that her daughter (junior in hs) has been smoking pot with two of her best friends. I guess pretty frequently which is what really has my friend worried. The girls have been friends since elementary school.

She's basically taken away all of the girl's freedoms and is considering putting an end to the friendship. She asked what I thought and honestly, I wasn't sure what to tell her.

On the one hand, kids are going to experiment and there's no way to know the girl won't find other friends to smoke with if she wants to.

On the other, if the girls are obviously making bad and possibly dangerous decisions when they're together it makes sense to keep them apart as much as possible, at least for awhile and encourage other friendships. But how do you break your kid's heart?

The girl has always seemed like a really good kid to me, so I guess she's just gotten off track. I really don't know the friends. I feel so bad for my friend. Understandably she's worried and upset. Just a tough situation I hope I never have to be in.

How would you handle it if it were your child?

 

[happygirl]

I would try to end the friendship, until the girls help

 

[Acklander]

It's hard to give advice with so little information. Does the teen have other issues, and may be "self medicating"? If it's regular use and has been going on since elementary school, this probably is the case. So, I guess I would start out handling it from a medical/emotional point of view first and see what issues are going on there.
If it was just casual use or used socially, it wouldn't bother me so much.

Either way, I don't think I'd break up a friendship over it - that never works, it only causes resentment.

 

[nmmom95]

It would be martial law here. Freedom and trust need to be earned, period. Without knowing details, this may be a really good kid who made some bad choices, but actions have consequences.

 

[Tink888]

It's hard to give advice with so little information. Does the teen have other issues, and may be "self medicating"? If it's regular use and has been going on since elementary school, this probably is the case. So, I guess I would start out handling it from a medical/emotional point of view first and see what issues are going on there.
If it was just casual use or used socially, it wouldn't bother me so much.

Either way, I don't think I'd break up a friendship over it - that never works, it only causes resentment.

No other issues that I know but that was my first thought....figure out what's in her head. To carify, the girls haven't been getting high since elementary school, they've know eachother since elementary school. I'll edit. Friend said the girl admitted to using a few times a week. I don't know, for me, it's more than socially.

 

[luvsJack]

I would want to find out why. And then work from there.

In everything your friend is going to want to do, the main thing to remember is that she has to keep the lines of communication open. Her dd has to be able to feel that she can always talk to her. If the things your friend chooses to do makes the dd resentful and rebellious, that is going to shut down.

 

[Acklander]

No other issues that I know but that was my first thought....figure out what's in her head. To carify, the girls haven't been getting high since elementary school, they've know eachother since elementary school. I'll edit. Friend said the girl admitted to using a few times a week. I don't know, for me, it's more than socially.

Oh, OK, I get it now So, it sounds like it may be a social thing, but maybe not. OK, if it were me, if there weren't any other issues (i.e. signs of depression, anti social tendencies, anger issues etc...) that might lean towards self medicating, I'd consider it just teenagers getting a buzz and probably age appropriate behavior. Yes, I realize that many kids manage to get through high school without ever smoking pot but also there are many kids who occasionally smoke pot and it's not a big deal. I'm not saying I'd condone the behavior, but I wouldn't get all upset about it either - it's not the end of the world. If it were my teen, and there were no problems otherwise, I'd probably just ground him for the week and let it go but keep my eyes open for escalating problems. (socially or with schoolwork) that might indicate that it's more than just casual use. I wouldn't end friendships, or take away everything or go all militant on them, but would equate it with getting caught sneaking a beer.

 

[auntie]

To me, same thing as drinking. If you find out they're drinking and you object to this behavior, then it should be dealt with in the same manner.
For one thing...they best know that they better not be driving or getting in a car with someone that's been smokin' weed. Another thing they may want to consider sharing with their teen is that almost all employers drug test these days..and smoking pot regulary is gonna have consequences in that regard.
If she's concerned..she can always drug test. They are readily available in any CVS or Walgreens.

 

[mjkacmom]

Oh, OK, I get it now So, it sounds like it may be a social thing, but maybe not. OK, if it were me, if there weren't any other issues (i.e. signs of depression, anti social tendencies, anger issues etc...) that might lean towards self medicating, I'd consider it just teenagers getting a buzz and probably age appropriate behavior. Yes, I realize that many kids manage to get through high school without ever smoking pot but also there are many kids who occasionally smoke pot and it's not a big deal. I'm not saying I'd condone the behavior, but I wouldn't get all upset about it either - it's not the end of the world. If it were my teen, and there were no problems otherwise, I'd probably just ground him for the week and let it go but keep my eyes open for escalating problems. (socially or with schoolwork) that might indicate that it's more than just casual use. I wouldn't end friendships, or take away everything or go all militant on them, but would equate it with getting caught sneaking a beer.

This is how I feel. Heck, both DH and I smoked pot in HS, on a somewhat regular basis. It never lead to other drugs. I have told my kids that if I find out they used drugs, I will drug test them on a regular basis (and they will be paying for the tests). However, I'm always telling them that oxicodeine and heroin are HUGE no-no's! We have a big problem here with kids getting addicted to prescription drugs, not being able to afford to buy it, and switching to heroin ($10 a bag). We now have a big crime problem, with daily break-ins, kids stealing jewelry to sell for cash. It's scary - most of these kids are from really good homes.

OP, I'd tell your friend to relax - seems like normal teen behavior. I can't imagine trying to end a long friendship over a little weed - coming down too hard will probably cause more harm than good. My neighbor and I were discussing kids and drugs, and we decided we should start a campaign, "Bring Back Pot!"

 

[tasha99]

It's just pot--not the smartest choice in the world, but pretty typical for teenagers. The kids I've seen who do the very worst are the ones with parents who freak out and get all controlling. I would not try to cut off the friendship. That is a recipe for disaster and puts all the blame and accountability on the other kid.

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

Since these girls are such close friends I think I would talk with the other parents as well. Kind of like make it a group effort. So they won't be the popular parent for a while, but they won't be able to keep these kids apart for long. This way they can all be "stopped" at the same time.

It's great to know that it's only pot, but I don't agree with the "well it's only pot" attitude. As of this moment pot is still illegal & most times it leads to other things.

I agree with the poster about not wanting to close down communication lines with my kid, but this is serious. I think I would do some "what could happen" things, like showing the kid how stupid they could look being high, show them episodes of COPS, maybe even have them talk to a cop.

Also I would suggest they come up with some kind of agreement that if the girl does do something like that again they come get her --no questions asked-- just so she'll be safe rather than driving high with other people.

Good luck to them.

 

[Trish Bessette]

If nothing else is happening (lying, stealing, bad attitude at home, etc) I would let this go. I would talk with my DD about it though and make sure she is comfortable saying "no". She may just enjoy the high

To remove her from her friends isn't the answer imo.

 

[worm761]

I would do a few things. First, they are teens and you cannot break up that friendship. The will continue being friends whether mom wants them to or not. Second, there would be consequences. Grounding, losing privileges, and maybe some labor. Then the real kicker, I would take her to a rehab facility and have her learn what drugs do to you and your body. Whether the teen realizes it or not, some of their actions have life long effects and maybe it is time for her to learn that.

 

[woodkins]

It would be martial law here. Freedom and trust need to be earned, period. Without knowing details, this may be a really good kid who made some bad choices, but actions have consequences.

Bottom line is that marijuana use is ILLEGAL and the kids could be arrested for this. This can destroy their opportunities for getting into college, scholarships etc, as well as employement opportunities.

 

[wvjules]

Since these girls are such close friends I think I would talk with the other parents as well. Kind of like make it a group effort. So they won't be the popular parent for a while, but they won't be able to keep these kids apart for long. This way they can all be "stopped" at the same time.

It's great to know that it's only pot, but I don't agree with the "well it's only pot" attitude. As of this moment pot is still illegal & most times it leads to other things.I agree with the poster about not wanting to close down communication lines with my kid, but this is serious. I think I would do some "what could happen" things, like showing the kid how stupid they could look being high, show them episodes of COPS, maybe even have them talk to a cop.

Also I would suggest they come up with some kind of agreement that if the girl does do something like that again they come get her --no questions asked-- just so she'll be safe rather than driving high with other people.

Good luck to them.

Such as? Becoming fond of chili dogs at midnight, tie-dyed t-shirts, Hendricks?

 

[Andtototoo]

friend said the girl admitted to using a few times a week. I don't know, for me, it's more than socially.

If my kid were getting drunk a few times a week, I'd be thinking she was on her way to alcoholism and respond accordingly.

For the record, I grew up in the 70s and was no homebody. Nonetheless, the only people I knew (or know) who get high via any means several times a week are people with addiction problems.

 

[Rora]

I don't want to poo-poo the situation, but I believe that many of us here have probably smoked pot once or twice (or more!) and turned out to be decent, successful adults.

Honestly, I experimented with pot in high school. Only twice. But, still, I did. It never led to other substances use or "bad behavior". I was curious, wanted to see what it was like, and that was it.

Yes, it's illegal and kids shouldn't do it. It should be dealt with the same way you would handle underage alcohol consumption. Also, you can't prevent kids from trying this stuff. The best thing, IMO, to do is make sure they're safe (don't drive, etc) about it if they're going to do it. And of course, make sure they know you disapprove and would rather they didn't try it.

 

[beck0321]

I don't want to poo-poo the situation, but I believe that many of us here have probably smoked pot once or twice (or more!) and turned out to be decent adults.

I wanted to say this too! I know a lot of people who have smoked pot in the past (or might still get high every now and then) and they are leading perfectly normal lives. So I wouldn't assume that pot leads to "other things" MOST of the time. I would think it's probably the opposite.

 

[Keira1387]

I would do a few things. First, they are teens and you cannot break up that friendship. The will continue being friends whether mom wants them to or not. Second, there would be consequences. Grounding, losing privileges, and maybe some labor. Then the real kicker, I would take her to a rehab facility and have her learn what drugs do to you and your body. Whether the teen realizes it or not, some of their actions have life long effects and maybe it is time for her to learn that.

 

[Acklander]

If my kid were getting drunk a few times a week, I'd be thinking she was on her way to alcoholism and respond accordingly.

For the record, I grew up in the 70s and was no homebody. Nonetheless, the only people I knew (or know) who get high via any means several times a week are people with addiction problems.

If someone was getting drunk a few times a week, I'd see it as a problem. If someone had a few beers a week, not so much of a problem. Like I said, I'm not condoning it, but I'm not seeing the need to panic either.