What were your parents like growing up

I grew up in the 80s. My parents were super strict and very religious. It was too much. As a parent I'm a lot more easy going. I haven't stepped foot in a church either. I've been kind of turned off from organized religion.
 
Born in mid 60's and grew up in a suburb. I am the youngest of 3 with two older brothers who got in a bit of trouble in their teen years. Seeing that made my parents tighten up the reigns with me and I also saw their mistakes and had no interest in repeating them. My parents were clear about the rules and consequences and while I did my share of eye-rolling and talking back under my breath, I never rebelled or questioned that they were only interested in what was best for me. My parents were interested in my activities and my house was the hang out with my friends. I had a few friends whose parents were totally lackadaisical in their parenting approach and we didn't think it was cool. To us, it was as if they just weren't very important to their parents. Everybody loved my mom. My dh and I are very similarly strict with our boys. He was raised basically with the same type of strict and involved parents. So far so good. Our sons are 18, 22, and 25 and no real issues have occurred. The older two are very close to us and even express gratitude for us and our support/involvement. The youngest one is still on the fence and causing us the most gray hairs, lol.
 
I grew up in the 70s and 80's, my Father played sports (then was an accountant after injury), so as a young child, I almost NEVER remember him home, and when he was, he drank a LOT.....I went to a ton of Hockey games, because that was all I knew of my Dad.. My Mom was the strictest stay at home Mother I ever knew... Both my parents made sure my sister and I excelled at everything from schoolwork to sports.. A's were not good enough, it has to be A+... I had to be the captain of all sport teams... .. I could not go anywhere, even at 16.. I left home at 18..

I think I took quite a different approach with my children.. I still expect the best of them always, but only to be the best that they can be... And I am not that strict.. Firm, but not strict.. I still struggle with a relationship with my Mother, but have made giant strides with my Father.
 

I was born in 63, - my mom was a housewife which when I was little was cool but by Jr High I sure wished she would go get a job and give me some alone time in the house! My dad was the coach of my softball team. Neither was strict my brother was older than me and the "good kid" so they really had no clue about raising a rebellious, angry type teenager- got in my share of trouble but never anything like arrested. Really never had a curfew, used to go out at 16/17 ( I graduated high school at 16) to local club to watch my favorite local band play until 3am and was never an issue as long as I told them in advance that I was going and would be home late, they didn't want to sit up waiting for me if I wasn't coming home until 3.

I am a pretty laid back parent to a 15 year old daughter at this point- she is a good kid, never any trouble, always lets me know where she is who she is with and when she will be home. She doesn't have a curfew- if they are going to a midnight movie I just ask that she let me know if they are coming straight home or stopping at a diner or whatever. Its just me and my daughter so its not unusual to be watching tv and at 11pm say - hey lets go out to the diner or out to get ice cream. We really just take life as it comes. This summer we are heading out on a 2 month road trip- pretty much just going with what strikes us along the roads. I am more of a huggy type parent than mine were---or maybe it was me back then that would not let them hug me. I was so angry my whole childhood that someone didn't want me and gave me up for adoption that I didn't want anyone else getting close to me I think.
 
This is a fascinating thread. As a social worker, I complete home studies for families wanting to foster or adopt and the vast majority of families I meet report that they share very similar values and parenting styles with their parents, yet most replies here indicate that they do NOT parent as they were parented. I'm not sure what that says about the posters here (maybe nothing at all, lol) but I find it interesting.
 
This is a fascinating thread. As a social worker, I complete home studies for families wanting to foster or adopt and the vast majority of families I meet report that they share very similar values and parenting styles with their parents, yet most replies here indicate that they do NOT parent as they were parented. I'm not sure what that says about the posters here (maybe nothing at all, lol) but I find it interesting.
We aim to please! :p
 
I was born in the late 70's. I am the youngest of two. My brother is 5 years older than me. My mom was 16 when she got pregnant with him. They have been married for 43 years and counting and very happily. My mom was home until I was in middle school. We lived on the same block as my grandparents and we were all very close. My parents were laid back ,but for the most part firm. If I had to critique them it would be they spoiled us too much. They both grew up relatively poor and my dad even though he never went to college, became very successful. We didn't really want for much. I also think they allowed us to talk back to them a lot in hindsight. My brother was a little more wild and I was a straight arrow. I hope to be as good of parents as they are. They were very loving/affectionate and are always there to support us. I talk to them every day. They are very involved grandparents and my kids have the same relationship with them I had with my dad's parents. Family is important to me on mine and my dh's side. I feel very blessed to have involved grandparents on both sides and my kids really enjoy it. My dad reminds me of Steve Martin from father of the bride. My mom is nicknamed Martha by all my friends (as in Stewart ). She is very talented, but sadly I didn't inherit her many of her talents. Parenting is stressful and I feel like my parents made it look easy even though I know that isn't the reality. Hopefully my kids will look back with the same happy memories when they are adults :)
 
Reading through these it would also be interesting to see what your siblings thought about growing up. I can pretty much bet that my older siblings had a much different view of things, maybe even worse than mine. I know there are a lot of things I didn't notice being younger by as much as 7 years.
 
My brother and I were adopted (we're not blood related though). I’m older by 2 years (we were born 9/60 and 1/63). We have always lived in NJ. Our dad was rarely home; he owned his own business (and was terrible at running it so we never really had much money) and would go drink at the VFW after dinner. I remember my mom being both Mom and Dad to us.
My brother was ALWAYS in trouble…which forced me to be “the good one.” That was ok, because I really was. Honor student, involved in many school activities, worked summers, dated a 3-letterman throughout HS. My mom was a GS leader for years and took us camping, both with GS and with other moms and kids. We vacationed in Wildwood (ok, it was the VFW convention lol). We really did have a fun childhood, despite my brother getting beat often. He has no resentment towards our mom these days; in fact, he does not leave her alone!
My mom was pretty lenient with me because I was a good kid. (Little did she know! Lol) Neither parent was hands-on affectionate.
I am also lenient with my kids (probably too much, 3 kids with less than 4 yrs between oldest and youngest...) but always have been physically affectionate with them. They have learned some tough life lessons, but we have always been there to pick them up, dust them off, review what they learned from it, and send them on their way again.
 
Reading through these it would also be interesting to see what your siblings thought about growing up. I can pretty much bet that my older siblings had a much different view of things, maybe even worse than mine. I know there are a lot of things I didn't notice being younger by as much as 7 years.
True. My siblings were a lot older and their childhood was different than mine because times in the household were different then (better). By the time I came along, and later, things had gone south. They realized what was happening but had both left the house by the time things got pretty bad, and I was left, essentially alone, to deal with it. Thankfully I had lots of good friends and of course, my dogs, who helped me just by being there.
 
Born in 66, in rural WI, felt that I have "pre divorce" and "post divorce" parenting going on. Pre:SAHM and caring teacher dad, "perfect" life, extended family, lots of activities, etc. Post:two parents reliving their "dating years" at the same time as I was :(. Neither was mean or cruel, but both were trying to recapture their own youth, while ignoring their children. Thank GOD for extended family who took up the slack.

When our DS was born 20 years ago, I saw a concerted effort by both of my parents to "make up for" what they failed to give my brother and I by what they've done for and given DS. Good for them, I say.

I swore to be a *parent* to DS, and a wife to DH, so that we could be a complete family. It wasn't always easy, but we made it through.

Nah, divorce didn't affect me much ;)....

Terri
 
For me......I was born in the early 70's.
My mom divorced when I was 1 and remarried when I was 3.
My step-dad was my daddy - I loved him very much (he just passed away 3/17/15)

I love my parents very much!!!
My parents were/are conservative, religious and strict.
We had a total Leave it to Beaver house (I'm not saying that negatively)
There were many things that I wanted to do, but wasn't able to do them.
I don't know why - maybe it was finances - I've never asked

I spent alot of time with my grandma, who I was very close with.
She was a VERY strict and strong woman - the type that would say "don't cry or I'll give you somthing to cry about." When she would be combing my long hair if I started to complain she would say, "don't complain or I'll pull harder." This may sound like pure evil, but I thank God every day for how she was, because I'm a strong person today because of her. I miss her so much!! She was my rock - someone I could talk to about something and get a total no BS answer. I can't even bring myself to take her phone number off my phone and she's been gone for 9 years.

How does my upbringing reflect how I parent?
Well, because I wasn't able to do certain things, I made sure my girls have been able to do things.
DD#1 played soccer at the rec, travel and HS level. She has a beautiful voice, so she takes voice lessons and is in a traveling HS choir along with being in the HS theater company. She enjoys taking photos, so she took a photography class and is in the HS publications dept. She loves weather so she took a weather class and is certified weather spotter and is now doing weather reports for the HS paper and website. She's pretty crazy busy!!! (all by her choice - I/we follow her lead)
DD#2 plays softball. She was rec and is now travel. She's a pitcher, so she takes lessons, participates in softball camps and practices all the time. She's also a Girl Scout.

Because my mom was conservative I wasn't able to wear makeup until I was a Freshman and my style of clothes had to be a certain way. I'm not real conservative, so DD#1 was wearing makeup by the time she was in 7th grade and DD#2 is dabbling with makeup now. I have certain lines I don't want DD#1 to cross with her clothes, but I can say she wears mountains of stuff I was never allowed to wear. DD#2 is no issue with clothes, because she's my little athlete that just wears yoga pants and different softball shirts.

My mom didn't allow me to watch rated R movies until I was older, and that is one thing where we are the same. IMO, kids are so desensitized to violence and foul language because of the all garbage they watch and hear. DD#2 has never seen a rated R movie, and nor does she want to. I told her that now that she's almost 12 I will allow her to watch The Hunger Games and she has no desire. Now that DD#1 is older I'm ok with her seeing some rated R movies, but I don't want her watching Fifty Shades of Grey.

My upbringing with my Grandma made me pretty firm with my kids, but not nearly as firm as she was (this is the 2000's afterall). I would be considered strict for today's standards.

My Dad is the only person that would say "I love you" to me, and it's not because my mom and grandma didn't love me, it's just something that wasn't said. They were never cuddlers and big huggers either - not a lot of touching (I'm not condemning them for that - I knew I was loved). Because of this, I tell my kids all the time they are loved. Every morning before school, every time we say goodbye on the phone, every night and just random times during the day. Lots of physical interaction between my kids and I. I love to hug them, kiss them, cuddle during a movie with them, have them crawl into bed with me etc. They are my babies now and always!!!

My parents weren't perfect, but neither am I.
I hope my kids love me and much as I love them.
 
Born in '66, the baby of the family. Mom and dad were a bit older than the average- mom was 30 and dad was 34 when I was born.

We had the very cliché traditional family upbringing my first 8 years- mom was a homemaker, dad worked all the time with his business partner- they owned an architecture firm in the Midwest. We weren't by any stretch well-off, but my parents owned their own home and we didn't want for any of the necessities.

My dad left the business and went to work for a big company when I was in 1st grade, and that was when the big changes in our life started. We moved out of the US for his job. The recession of the mid 70's hit his company hard, and he was laid off. We ended up moving several times in the next 4 years, dad always trying unsuccessfully to get a decent position. He never really held a job again for longer than a year- he started his own landscape architecture business, but it never really supported us at all. Dad was always short-tempered, but he became much worse after losing his career. I believe he is clinically depressed, but he wouldn't ever dream of admitting that he has a problem- everyone else just irritates him.

Because of my father's problems with keeping a job, my stay at home mom went to work full time as a bookkeeper when I was in the third grade. She also decided about a year later to go to college to get an accounting degree. It took her about 7 years, but she did it while raising 2 kids, doing all the housework, and working full time. She eventually owned her own CPA practice, and the retirement she and my dad enjoy is solely because of her resolve to make something of herself and see to it that her kids didn't have to be deprived as they grew up. Both of us went to college and had no loans to pay back because mom made sure our educations were paid for.

Growing up, my dad was a real loud guy- lots of yelling and arguing with us. Mom was loving, but expected a lot from us. We didn't really rebel at all- both of us were pretty good kids overall. Good students, no troublemaking, and we respected our parents. We didn't go to church- it wasn't a priority in our lives. My brother goes to church occasionally now, but I am an atheist.

My parents are still together, but they aren't really a shining example of togetherness. They really don't even like each other much, but both are too set in their ways to think about divorce (they are both around 80). My brother is divorced, but I am married for life to a wonderful man. I think when I was younger, they were a pretty good example to us of a good marriage and partnership. As a parent, I am very similar to my mom- loving and huggy, pretty permissive, but I expect my DD to always do her best and be a good student and person. So far, she has surpassed all of my expectations.
 
I graduated high school in 1984, so that is the time frame.

Grew up most of my years overseas, attending boarding schools as there were no local schools to attend where we lived. My best friends to this day are from my boarding school. Since it was an American boarding school, many of us now live in the US.

At boarding school, even though there were some strict rules, there was a lot of free range. We went off exploring caves, climbing rock areas, chasing animals, building forts, swimming at the water fall area, and much of it completely unsupervised.

Home was much stricter. My parents are very conservative. No dancing, no alcohol, no rock music, etc.... My father was a very hard worker and often worked extremely long hours. He is very likable and kind about many things and people like him a lot.

But he was strict and had high expectations. He expected me to go to college and even to graduate school and pushed me to go and finish. He also made a lot of comments about not marrying young, or at least not until I had finished college.

He needn't have worried. I didn't marry until age 29.

My parents have been married 55 years this summer.

How has this influenced my parenting? Well, I went to boarding school. I now homeschool my own kids! hahahaha! I am not nearly as strict and yet my kids don't want to disobey the rules.....really they are making it too easy.
 
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my parents were awesome growing up, I am number three of five, I was born in the 80's raised in the 90's early 00's. yes they had rules but they were not strict at all they were fun they always took us to Disney world and to any boyband concert that came to upstate ny. I am not a mean mom at all
 
Born in 1968, a child of the 70s and a teen of the 80s. My Mom was the disciplinarian. When I was a teenager and moaned to her about how cool my friends' moms were, she would say, "someday I'll be your best friend. Right now I'm your mother." God, I hated that, but she was right. We (I have a sister almost three years younger than me) were raised strictly but fairly by her. Now, my Dad was something of a pushover, meaning that he would say 'yes' to stuff my Mom would say 'no' to. I'm sad to say it now, but sometimes I used to use this to my advantage. I never rebelled, I didn't have to. I was not a rebel by nature anyway, I was pretty square and nerdy. My parents really had it easy with us.

I can't really think of anything I would have done differently had I had children of my own, but I just don't know.
 
I was adopted in 1980. My parents were very strict. It seemed normal to me, but compared to my friends I lived under lock and key. My dad was a bit of a pushover on certain things, like getting fast food on weekends, but he and my mom were very committed to raising my sister and I as upstanding Christian women. Now if you ask my sister I was the "favorite" child who could do no wrong. What happened was I saw her screw ups and didn't repeat them. I also had a tendency to excel in pretty much everything I did as a child. I was very athletic, I was a good singer, and I did really good in school. My mom was a good singer and student, so I wanted to be like her. My dad liked sports, so I played sports with him. Looking back my childhood was pretty ideal. My mom was a homemaker, still is, and my dad was career Navy. After he retired, he got a job with a computer company. We were never rich, but we got everything we need and a lot of our wants. If my parents said no to something, grandma was only a mile away! :teeth:

As a parent I am way more lenient. We go to coffee shops regularly, and I do buy them way more toys then I got growing up. Like my parents I expect my kids to be respectful and kind individuals.
 
I was born in 72. I always lived in the midwest, my dad worked and my mom was a homemaker for a lot of my childhood. I am an only child. Probably on the surface it would appear (it might actually be the case) as if I was pretty spoiled. They pretty much got me everything I ever wanted.

Things were pretty strict as far as what I could do and what I could not. I wasn't allowed to watch R rated movies, or listen to music that had bad words in it. I was expected to act respectful. I guess like the biggest trouble I ever would get into was the typical eye rolling stuff that teenagers do. I was also not allowed to hang out with a lot of people because of them being a "bad influence". My mom did teach, and knew a lot of teachers and would perform amateur background checks on people I mentioned. This made things especially difficult for me when I became old enough to date. :rotfl:

I never really excelled at anything. I wasn't athletic, and didn't do a lot with clubs in high school. My parents did make me do at least one extra-curricular activity in school. So I did FHA (I believe it is called FCCLA now). They also made me maintain good grades. Which I was able to do that... except for math. I was pretty slow in that area (as in happy to get a C). I guess I was kind of introverted and nerdy. I spent a lot of time sitting in my room at home. It got to the point to where my parents were like "you really need to get out and do stuff". The whole sitting in my room all the time stuff changed a lot once I finally found a boyfriend.

My grandparents (on one side) also played a big role in my upbringing. I spent a lot of time with them. Even in high school, I would regularly spend weekends with them. Their style of keeping me on the straight and narrow was entirely different but very effective. While my parents' style was laying out strict rules of what I could and could not do. My grandparents' were more about don't disappoint them.
 
I was born in 1969. My parents were very passive/aggressive regarding rules. I could cut school/party with my friends/sneak out at night, and they wouldn't be paying attention or care, but if I left a piece of food on the dishes after washing them, I would be grounded for a month (yes, a month!). One year I was grounded 8 out of the 12 months not because of cutting school/partying etc, but because the dishes were dirty or the laundry wasn't folded properly. We also were beat for these things because we were "lazy".

They weren't religious, but would send me to church with the neighbors, then rummage through my room while I was out. It was a weekly routine where I would come home from church and all of my drawers were dumped on my bed so I could refold the clothes and put them away properly. I never felt comfortable in my own house. I always had a pit in my stomach when I got off the bus wondering what mood my mother was going to be in today. She would often be on the front steps waiting to yell at me for something, often in front of my friends or the neighbors, or she would be in bed for days in a fit of depression (sadly I preferred those days).

I didn't have a good relationship with either of my parents. They had a lot of their own issues (separated several times til they finally divorced when I was 15). My mother was all about control and issuing ultimatums (if I didn't live with her after the divorce, she didn't want anything to do with me). I believe she is bipolar and has depression, but she won't get any help. She and I have spent more years not speaking than speaking, it's been 11 yrs since I last spoke to her(and there were several times before that). My father got remarried and his wife didn't want us in the picture and did everything in her power to make it difficult until I finally bowed out 14 yrs ago. I feel sad for both of them as they missed out on their grandkids lives.

I think I have managed to rise above it, though my brother didn't fare as well (took his own life when he was 20). All of these things have greatly affected the way I parent and the spouse I chose. We have very little drama, DH and I hardly ever fight, there is barely ever a raised voice. I never want my kids to feel the way I felt growing up. I always want them to feel comfortable and loved, no matter what they have done. My house is a bit messy and so are my kids, but we are all happy. They might complain because I stalk them like no one's business to make sure they aren't getting into the kid of trouble I was getting into, but it's just because I care. Instead of flipping out on them, we talk about things. They are 17 and 20 now and we have a pretty great relationship.
 







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