I am so sorry about this. That is just horrible. As someone with an autoimmune disease I sure understand how you feel...thankfully I haven't had anyone make comments like that though. Maybe you should send her info on your condition.
What was the meanest thing a family member ever said or did to you?
- Thread starter MeanLaureen
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minniepumpernickel
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I didn't realize that you had an autoimmune disorder, so sorry to hear that.
I had an injury and had to work my way back up to the shape that I am now. I was always used to being an athlete. Now I can swim a mile with ease, run three miles, and bike 20 twice a week.
My sister tells me that I'm obsessed with exercise, and I look too thin. She's so way off. I'm not too thin, and this is my lifestyle and I'm not changing it for anything. It makes me so mad when she says that!
I had an injury and had to work my way back up to the shape that I am now. I was always used to being an athlete. Now I can swim a mile with ease, run three miles, and bike 20 twice a week.
My sister tells me that I'm obsessed with exercise, and I look too thin. She's so way off. I'm not too thin, and this is my lifestyle and I'm not changing it for anything. It makes me so mad when she says that!
mom2rb
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I have no contact with my mother. I am close to my dad, step-mom, ex-step-dad, and his girlfriend. So I am not hurting for parents.
When I was 14 I moved in with my dad and step-mom. After two months my mom called to tell me it was time to come home and she needed the child support. When I told her that I wanted to stay with my dad she said " I will never forgive you for this, I do not love you, I will never love you, I will only act like I do at family gatherings to keep up appearances but always remember it is only an act."
Even after she told me she didn't mean it, everytime she was nice to me in public her words would be in my head.
When I was 14 I moved in with my dad and step-mom. After two months my mom called to tell me it was time to come home and she needed the child support. When I told her that I wanted to stay with my dad she said " I will never forgive you for this, I do not love you, I will never love you, I will only act like I do at family gatherings to keep up appearances but always remember it is only an act."
Even after she told me she didn't mean it, everytime she was nice to me in public her words would be in my head.
Octoberbeauty
Always in our hearts and in our prayers
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My mom has said those things like "she wishes I were never born. Also that she's done raising me and I shouldn't bother her for anymore help. (I was only 18!)" and my now ex-dh once told me he had to drink at the church to be able to go through with marrying me. (It wasn't true and he just wanted to hurt me. Well, it worked because my wedding never held any sentimental value to me after that!) But here's my worst story.....
In the hospital after having an emergency C-section to deliver my preemie twins - the next day everyone was visiting and I was on morphine and barely able to stay awake as it was. MIL brought in a baby blanket that was my dh when he was a baby. She asked me if I would like to take my new ds home in it. I said yes, I would love to and asked her if was a family heirloom. She said no, it was bought at Dillard's.
Later, after she left. Dh comes into my room angry with me and asks what I did to his mother. I had no clue what he was talking about, but he went on to say that she was VERY upset because I didn't want to use the baby blanket because it wasn't homemade (this from the woman who just a few weeks before told him I was stuck up because I ONLY liked store bought stuff. Neither is true I'd love either) So, she had taken it home with her. I started crying hysterically and had to have two nurses come to calm me down because they were afraid I was going to hurt myself. Oh, and I'd had to have the emergency C-section due to high blood pressure. This incident sent it sky high again. Luckily though my mom and a nurse had been in the room when the earlier conversation had taken place and told dh I'd never said those things to her. However, he never should have assumed I had!! (There's a reason why he's an ex!)
One week later mil comes to stay with us to help take care of the babies. I still wasn't getting around really well and had already been put back into the hospital once for the high blood pressure. I was on medication for it and it was drying up my milk (which the doctors never told me, so I was trying to pump because I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.) So, first day she's there she made a scene which i let go, but after everyone went to bed. I had the babies in their bouncy seats next to me and I was pumping. Kind of an embarrassing thing for a new mother to be doing anyway, but here comes mil. (She waited till her ds went to sleep so he wouldn't see her do this) She started verbally attacking me, while I'm trying to cover myself - telling me that I'd won! I'd won!! That I had been trying to compete with her since she got there (ummm, one day?!), that I was a b**** that had stolen her son from her, and now I didn't want her involved with her new grandchildren (ummm, I invited her even after the hospital scene- to which I'd never even brought up with her), and on and on and on, but you get the picture. She went on for a good ten minutes attacking my character right in front of the babies and me partially nude. It was awful! I just kept asking her to calm down and that I didn't know what she was talking about, but she kept saying, "Yes you do. You know Exactly what you're doing and what kind of a person you are!" Then she goes back to her bedroom packs up her stuff and leaves in the middle of the night while I'm bawling waking up my dh to tell him what just happened. To this day she has never apologized for either of those things!
Now, tell me how many women one week out of Ceaserean delivery, with high blood pressure, And brand new twins are thinking about "competing and being a b**** to others???" Ugh!
I'm so glad I'm not a member of that family anymore. And I am learning how to not get involved with abusive people!
Sherry
In the hospital after having an emergency C-section to deliver my preemie twins - the next day everyone was visiting and I was on morphine and barely able to stay awake as it was. MIL brought in a baby blanket that was my dh when he was a baby. She asked me if I would like to take my new ds home in it. I said yes, I would love to and asked her if was a family heirloom. She said no, it was bought at Dillard's.
Later, after she left. Dh comes into my room angry with me and asks what I did to his mother. I had no clue what he was talking about, but he went on to say that she was VERY upset because I didn't want to use the baby blanket because it wasn't homemade (this from the woman who just a few weeks before told him I was stuck up because I ONLY liked store bought stuff. Neither is true I'd love either) So, she had taken it home with her. I started crying hysterically and had to have two nurses come to calm me down because they were afraid I was going to hurt myself. Oh, and I'd had to have the emergency C-section due to high blood pressure. This incident sent it sky high again. Luckily though my mom and a nurse had been in the room when the earlier conversation had taken place and told dh I'd never said those things to her. However, he never should have assumed I had!! (There's a reason why he's an ex!)
One week later mil comes to stay with us to help take care of the babies. I still wasn't getting around really well and had already been put back into the hospital once for the high blood pressure. I was on medication for it and it was drying up my milk (which the doctors never told me, so I was trying to pump because I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.) So, first day she's there she made a scene which i let go, but after everyone went to bed. I had the babies in their bouncy seats next to me and I was pumping. Kind of an embarrassing thing for a new mother to be doing anyway, but here comes mil. (She waited till her ds went to sleep so he wouldn't see her do this) She started verbally attacking me, while I'm trying to cover myself - telling me that I'd won! I'd won!! That I had been trying to compete with her since she got there (ummm, one day?!), that I was a b**** that had stolen her son from her, and now I didn't want her involved with her new grandchildren (ummm, I invited her even after the hospital scene- to which I'd never even brought up with her), and on and on and on, but you get the picture. She went on for a good ten minutes attacking my character right in front of the babies and me partially nude. It was awful! I just kept asking her to calm down and that I didn't know what she was talking about, but she kept saying, "Yes you do. You know Exactly what you're doing and what kind of a person you are!" Then she goes back to her bedroom packs up her stuff and leaves in the middle of the night while I'm bawling waking up my dh to tell him what just happened. To this day she has never apologized for either of those things!
Now, tell me how many women one week out of Ceaserean delivery, with high blood pressure, And brand new twins are thinking about "competing and being a b**** to others???" Ugh!
I'm so glad I'm not a member of that family anymore. And I am learning how to not get involved with abusive people! Sherry
ksjayhawks
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My inlaws attacked me in front of DH and moreimportantly, DS. Told me I was evil, mean, jealous, controlled my husband, never let them have contact with DH, etc. The hate that spewed out of their mouths and their eyes is something I will never forget.
But I have chosen to "let go". I will not let what they said control me or ruin my life. My Dh takes care of any contact that there is with them. DS and DD do not want anything to do with them. I surround myself and my family with people that make us happy and that are positive influences on our lives.
They have also estranged DH brother's family.
So sad . . .
For OP
I would talk to my two brothers and tell them that you understand how difficult mom can be as you dealt with her for so many years. Right now you cannot help as you are under doctor's orders for rest, etc. for your own health and that you know the two of them will do as good a job with mom as you did.
If they want to place her in a care center, that may be what needs to be done, but I would also not let them force you into paying towards this, as you paid for mom's expenses for many years. That seems harsh to say, but must be said. It is their turn to step up and help now.
Take care of yourself!!!!!!!!!
But I have chosen to "let go". I will not let what they said control me or ruin my life. My Dh takes care of any contact that there is with them. DS and DD do not want anything to do with them. I surround myself and my family with people that make us happy and that are positive influences on our lives.
They have also estranged DH brother's family.
So sad . . .
For OP
I would talk to my two brothers and tell them that you understand how difficult mom can be as you dealt with her for so many years. Right now you cannot help as you are under doctor's orders for rest, etc. for your own health and that you know the two of them will do as good a job with mom as you did.
If they want to place her in a care center, that may be what needs to be done, but I would also not let them force you into paying towards this, as you paid for mom's expenses for many years. That seems harsh to say, but must be said. It is their turn to step up and help now.
Take care of yourself!!!!!!!!!
LvsTnk
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I am so sorry to hear about your situation and my thoughts are with you. Hopefully your SIL will see the errors of her ways!
The last time I spoke to my mother she had gone into a tyrade in the car. She said in essence that she was tired of hearing about the problems of my son (he was three at the time with Down Syndrome) and that she hoped me and my sister's soul's burned in hell and on and on. My 5 year old daughter was in the car with us and that was something I was never going to let her see again.
Ending my relationship with her was the best thing that ever happened to me, it was like this huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. The sad thing is you don't realize how one person can effect your relationships with others until you seperate yourself from all of that negativity. She had been like this my whole life and I have no desire to see or hear from her..
The last time I spoke to my mother she had gone into a tyrade in the car. She said in essence that she was tired of hearing about the problems of my son (he was three at the time with Down Syndrome) and that she hoped me and my sister's soul's burned in hell and on and on. My 5 year old daughter was in the car with us and that was something I was never going to let her see again.
Ending my relationship with her was the best thing that ever happened to me, it was like this huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. The sad thing is you don't realize how one person can effect your relationships with others until you seperate yourself from all of that negativity. She had been like this my whole life and I have no desire to see or hear from her..
Disney1fan2002
<font color=red>Like OMG the TF is SOO psyched to
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I was going to post the meanest thing my brother said to me, but after reading many of these posts, I am not. I now realize how fortunate I am to have the family I have. I cannot IMAGINE having to hear what one's own mother can say to her own child so cruely.
Some of these post have made me cry. really, I am so sorry for all of you who have family like this.
Some of these post have made me cry. really, I am so sorry for all of you who have family like this.
Wow. As the Bible says, people sin more with their tongues than with any other part of their body. As we raise our children we need to remember that something we say in anger or sarcasm can stay with the child for a lifetime.
I'm proud of everyone who has overcome an abusive childhood.
To the OP: It sounds as if your actual diagnosis is fairly recent. Although it sounds like your SIL is just a self centred witch, I would take the high ground this once and assume that it's genuine ignorance and send her a nice note along with some materials on your condition. Since she's an in-law, you probably didn't grow up with her. She may have had some lazy relative with a fake disability claim, or something similar, that made her distrustful when people speak of chronic conditions. If this is the case and she reads the materials, she will apologize to you. If she doesn't, then she IS a self cented witch and you need to ignore her as much as you can forever.
With an attitude like hers, it's almost as if she's daring God to give her a chronic health problem. I believe that everything comes around, and that some day she will understand what you're going through. You may not be there to witness it, but some day she'll understand.
I'm proud of everyone who has overcome an abusive childhood.
To the OP: It sounds as if your actual diagnosis is fairly recent. Although it sounds like your SIL is just a self centred witch, I would take the high ground this once and assume that it's genuine ignorance and send her a nice note along with some materials on your condition. Since she's an in-law, you probably didn't grow up with her. She may have had some lazy relative with a fake disability claim, or something similar, that made her distrustful when people speak of chronic conditions. If this is the case and she reads the materials, she will apologize to you. If she doesn't, then she IS a self cented witch and you need to ignore her as much as you can forever.
With an attitude like hers, it's almost as if she's daring God to give her a chronic health problem. I believe that everything comes around, and that some day she will understand what you're going through. You may not be there to witness it, but some day she'll understand.
My oldest brother who is 20 years my senior and despite this story love each other dearly. In May of 1992 our only child at the time (and my parents only grandchild) was going to be 2 in August. My parents loved for her to come spend the night. My dh won a sales contest and a trip to Cancun for 4 days/3 nights. My mom insisted that we go and she and dad would keep my daughter. My dad had not been feeling well. He hadn't told us to what extreme but we saw a definite difference in his patience and temperment for a couple of months prior to that. While dh and I were in Cancun my dad had a heart attack. It turns out he had 90% blockage in one artery and 75-80% in others and needed a triple bypass. They stabilized him in the hospital and scheduled surgery for Mon. This was on Sat. My mom called me and of course I was a mess being in a foreign country while my dad is having this happen to him. We couldn't get a flight out that day but came home the next and my dad had successful surgery on Monday. (Sad to say he lived to die of prostate cancer in 1995 that should have been detected but the dr. never performed a PSA test on him despite symptoms). One evening after my dad was out of the hospital my brother called to chastise me and tell me that I shouldn't leave Lauren with mom and dad anymore because it was too much for them. Finally I asked him, "Are you implying that Lauren caused dad's heart attack? Is that what you're saying? He said,"Yes I am." Well I let him have it because I am not nor ever have been the type of mom to unload my kids on anyone else. We have a little more freedom now but when the kids were little dh and usually only got a night out on our anniversary for Pete's sake. And really, my dad's condition was caused by blockage in his arteries, years of an unhealthy diet! I didn't speak to my brother for a while and I know he feels bad about it now but that was MEAN!
vettechick99
<font color=purple>Why do I open these threads?<br
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ITA. She sounds like she's had all she can handle. Instead of lashing out, I'd find out if she needs some help in other ways. Something you can handle, but takes some pressure of her. Caretaking is never acknowledged enough...you know, you did it for so long.
The worst thing a family member ever said to me was my ex-husband. After I left him, I went to our old house to grab the last bit of stuff that was mine. He said, "You'll never make it on your own. A year from now you'll be eating Ramen noodles because that's all you can afford."
I actually really like Ramen noodles
, but I never even came close to poverty like that. He was just hurt and so is she.
cabmom
DIS Cast Member<br><font color="blue">The Tag Fair
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I feel for you! I looked after my husbands grandmother for 5 yrs. She had dementia, I had 3 kids under 5! It's tough, but maybe she should be placed in a home???
My brother was really cruel and told me that I was the cause of my father getting pneumonia and being hospitalized. That was over 2 yrs ago, things will never be the same with us! To top it off, my dad never backed me up!!! Or at least that's the impression he gave me!
My MIL said that her retirement package did NOT include looking after her mother! Thanks, MIL. Instead you let your DIL do it for you!
My brother was really cruel and told me that I was the cause of my father getting pneumonia and being hospitalized. That was over 2 yrs ago, things will never be the same with us! To top it off, my dad never backed me up!!! Or at least that's the impression he gave me!
My MIL said that her retirement package did NOT include looking after her mother! Thanks, MIL. Instead you let your DIL do it for you!
decker96
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Lauri -- I'm so sorry you have to deal with this on top of everything else you have been going through! 
To everyone else that has posted -- alot of your posts had me in tears! No one in my family has ever done anything "mean" to me, irritating, annoying and somewhat hurtful yes, but nothing close to most of these posts, although I know my mom suffered many of the same abuses from her parents that some of you have.
s to everyone!
To everyone else that has posted -- alot of your posts had me in tears! No one in my family has ever done anything "mean" to me, irritating, annoying and somewhat hurtful yes, but nothing close to most of these posts, although I know my mom suffered many of the same abuses from her parents that some of you have.
s to everyone!
grinningghost
<font color=green>Has a thing for the Swiss Family
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There sure are alot of mean relatives out there, aren't there? My MIL said something really mean to me many years ago, I'll never forget it, although I've forgiven her for it.
When I was first diagnosed with MS, I was in really bad shape and had a baby. I really needed help during that time and spent alot of time at MIL's house with my DD. One day, MIL just lost it and told me I should "spend a little more time at home and keep out of mine". Up until then, she never even hinted that she didn't want to help out, in fact, she was often calling me to come over with the baby.
It was a shock and we didn't talk for months after that.
My MIL said something really mean to me many years ago, I'll never forget it, although I've forgiven her for it.When I was first diagnosed with MS, I was in really bad shape and had a baby. I really needed help during that time and spent alot of time at MIL's house with my DD. One day, MIL just lost it and told me I should "spend a little more time at home and keep out of mine". Up until then, she never even hinted that she didn't want to help out, in fact, she was often calling me to come over with the baby.
It was a shock and we didn't talk for months after that.
MeanLaureen
<font color=purple>Slam Dancer Extraordinaire<br><
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Thanks for the replies everyone. Sounds like we all need a hug 
Several people have mentioned that maybe we should look into a nursing home. Actually my mom's state of mind has improved so much over the past 3 months that she is actually doing better than she was 2 yrs ago. She had been misdiagnosed with Parkinsons Disease and was being treated for that - well most Parkinsons meds cause hallucinations and dementia like behavior.
My SIL admitted that my mom needs minimal care right now - that she can go to the bathroom on her own, walk with a walker, etc. She also says she enjoys having her around. Then she blasts into me.
My disease isn't something new. I was diagnosed with it over 4 yrs ago. It's just getting progressively worse and the past year has been a living hell.
She has seen me at my really bad moments and has basically blown it off. At the hospital after my mom's hip operation, I was having a tremendous amount of pain with my left knee. My Rhuematologist went ahead and gave me a cortisone shot (he tries to only do that as a last resort because you can only have but a few in each joint). If you have ever had a cortisone shot in your knee.. as if the needle going in isn't bad enough, for about 10 hours afterwards, it throbs like a swarm of bees is in there. Whenever we were walking somewhere in the hospital and I would stop to rest my knee for a couple of seconds she would roll her eyes at me. I finally told her to knock it off.
Funny thing is, she and I were really good friends. We used to love spending time together. She also thinks of my mom as her own because she went through an abusive relationship with her own parents. And my mom treats her like one of her own too.
Oh, and my brother isn't helping out because he is coaching little league and my nephew is playing for a few different teams. Even when we tried to work something out to see mom or to split the trip to bring her down to my house (she loves my dogs - they were like her grandkids, so I knew she would want to come here) they would always claim "baseball" as to why they couldn't. She even spends my mother's money on a "babysitter" - $25.00 an hr - because my mom didn't want to sit outside for 3 little league games in a row in 95 degree heat.
Oh well.... actually this was by far not the meanest thing ever said to my by a relative. This just hurt so much because it was from someone I considered a friend.
Several people have mentioned that maybe we should look into a nursing home. Actually my mom's state of mind has improved so much over the past 3 months that she is actually doing better than she was 2 yrs ago. She had been misdiagnosed with Parkinsons Disease and was being treated for that - well most Parkinsons meds cause hallucinations and dementia like behavior.
My SIL admitted that my mom needs minimal care right now - that she can go to the bathroom on her own, walk with a walker, etc. She also says she enjoys having her around. Then she blasts into me.
My disease isn't something new. I was diagnosed with it over 4 yrs ago. It's just getting progressively worse and the past year has been a living hell.
She has seen me at my really bad moments and has basically blown it off. At the hospital after my mom's hip operation, I was having a tremendous amount of pain with my left knee. My Rhuematologist went ahead and gave me a cortisone shot (he tries to only do that as a last resort because you can only have but a few in each joint). If you have ever had a cortisone shot in your knee.. as if the needle going in isn't bad enough, for about 10 hours afterwards, it throbs like a swarm of bees is in there. Whenever we were walking somewhere in the hospital and I would stop to rest my knee for a couple of seconds she would roll her eyes at me. I finally told her to knock it off.
Funny thing is, she and I were really good friends. We used to love spending time together. She also thinks of my mom as her own because she went through an abusive relationship with her own parents. And my mom treats her like one of her own too.
Oh, and my brother isn't helping out because he is coaching little league and my nephew is playing for a few different teams. Even when we tried to work something out to see mom or to split the trip to bring her down to my house (she loves my dogs - they were like her grandkids, so I knew she would want to come here) they would always claim "baseball" as to why they couldn't. She even spends my mother's money on a "babysitter" - $25.00 an hr - because my mom didn't want to sit outside for 3 little league games in a row in 95 degree heat.
Oh well.... actually this was by far not the meanest thing ever said to my by a relative. This just hurt so much because it was from someone I considered a friend.
Kendra17
"Kendra17" is a consortium of political analysts a
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Originally posted by Crankyshank
I'm really sorry you have to deal with this ML, on top of everything else
As far as meanest things someone has said to me. My Mother was incredibly emotionally abusive to me growing up. Fortunately she has seen the error of her ways and has stopped since I moved out of the house. However, there's not enough bandwidth on this site to write down all of the nasty and hurtful things she has said to me- including that she wished abortion was more available when she was pregnant with me
My grandmother said the same thing to my mother. And, when my sister died, she blamed my mother.
When my sister died, also, 2 of my relatives called my mom's house. I answered the phone and the first thing they said was, 'how's your grandmother?" Not, how's your mom, how are you, oh, I'm sorry, etc.
By the way, my mother had nothing to do with my sister's death.
chrissie123
<font color=deeppink>Admits to being guilty<br><fo
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Going back 15yrs now...I will never ever forget my sister in law standing at my Mum & Dads front door literally screaming at all of us that we would never see her, & her (pointing at my 5yr old niece...5yrs old a true angel,, as i remember,was clutching a balloon....)...My sil was 5 mths pregnant at the time...She pointed to her bump & said to my mum "you will never see this baby ever"" .... Eventually 15yrs down the line who is looking out for this boy ????Mmmmm.... I certainly think Nanna & Grandad have done more than thier fair share...Where is Mum???...You tell me....Do you want to know what all this was about??? I was getting married that year, & she said that THEY were NOT invited????For goodness sake my 5yr old niece was supposed to be one of the bridesmaids...I just took it for granted that they knew they would be coming to the wedding.....
Lisa F
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Lauri,
If you were good friends before, maybe she is really having a tough time dealing with how sick you are and doesn't want to face up to it. Maybe she is hoping that just because she says that your cure is as simple as exercise and cutting out tea, that it will be so. I know my mom gets like that (not nearly so mean) about my grandmother (her mother) and sometimes expects more of her than is reasonable because she doesn't want to face how much grandma has gone downhill in the last couple of years. She keeps telling her that she needs to walk more and stop sitting around and being depressed and sometimes I wonder if that isn't the answer, though undoubtedly when grandma is actually doing something and not thinking about how miserable she is, she feels better... at the same time I just want to tell my mom sometimes to just let her be, she's 87 years old, you can't make her 20 years younger by demanding she act that way. It's a tough situaton and I've always been REALLY close to my grandmother. Maybe you should try to talk to her about it... she may not open up to you but then again she might.
My grandmother also can go to the bathroom by herself and get around with a walker, but she is still not so easy to deal with. All I'm saying is that even if your mother is getting better, it may also be your distance from the situation that makes it seem like it should be easier than it is. It has been VERY tough on my parents these last few years with my grandmother but whenever my dad gets edgy about things my mom reminds him that they promised to take care of her, and they would.
It's not unreasonable to expect your mom to spend her money on some of her care either. If she is bad enough that she needs an aide to watch her when no one is around (my grandmother has these people full time 5 days a week plus one weekend day if she needs them because my parents have plans) then as I said, even though she is getting better, it's probably still quite a strain to take care of her. My parents ALWAYS invite grandma to come to any event that is going on and more times than not she will decline to go.
I'm not saying that any of this justifies her saying mean things to you but personally, when I care about someone and they behave in a way that is not really in character for them, I want to know why and I want to get to the bottom of it so that I can have my old friend/relative back. It's not always that simple but personally I would talk to your SIL about how you are feeling and try to get a handle on how she is feeling too.
If you were good friends before, maybe she is really having a tough time dealing with how sick you are and doesn't want to face up to it. Maybe she is hoping that just because she says that your cure is as simple as exercise and cutting out tea, that it will be so. I know my mom gets like that (not nearly so mean) about my grandmother (her mother) and sometimes expects more of her than is reasonable because she doesn't want to face how much grandma has gone downhill in the last couple of years. She keeps telling her that she needs to walk more and stop sitting around and being depressed and sometimes I wonder if that isn't the answer, though undoubtedly when grandma is actually doing something and not thinking about how miserable she is, she feels better... at the same time I just want to tell my mom sometimes to just let her be, she's 87 years old, you can't make her 20 years younger by demanding she act that way. It's a tough situaton and I've always been REALLY close to my grandmother. Maybe you should try to talk to her about it... she may not open up to you but then again she might.
My grandmother also can go to the bathroom by herself and get around with a walker, but she is still not so easy to deal with. All I'm saying is that even if your mother is getting better, it may also be your distance from the situation that makes it seem like it should be easier than it is. It has been VERY tough on my parents these last few years with my grandmother but whenever my dad gets edgy about things my mom reminds him that they promised to take care of her, and they would.
It's not unreasonable to expect your mom to spend her money on some of her care either. If she is bad enough that she needs an aide to watch her when no one is around (my grandmother has these people full time 5 days a week plus one weekend day if she needs them because my parents have plans) then as I said, even though she is getting better, it's probably still quite a strain to take care of her. My parents ALWAYS invite grandma to come to any event that is going on and more times than not she will decline to go.
I'm not saying that any of this justifies her saying mean things to you but personally, when I care about someone and they behave in a way that is not really in character for them, I want to know why and I want to get to the bottom of it so that I can have my old friend/relative back. It's not always that simple but personally I would talk to your SIL about how you are feeling and try to get a handle on how she is feeling too.
OMG! I am just CRYING reading some of these! 
After some of these stories, I'll just say that I have a witch for a MIL & her main purpose when DH & I first married was to ALWAYS put me & my family down when she got a chance. After her heart attack a few years ago, she has mellowed out some since DH & I were the ones who stayed with her & FIL. She still finds room for zingers now and then but now I can brush it off with a
After some of these stories, I'll just say that I have a witch for a MIL & her main purpose when DH & I first married was to ALWAYS put me & my family down when she got a chance. After her heart attack a few years ago, she has mellowed out some since DH & I were the ones who stayed with her & FIL. She still finds room for zingers now and then but now I can brush it off with a -
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