What types of funerals are you used to attending?

[hereyago]

Here is how it usually went in my family: visitation the day before the funeral. Day of funeral: Have service at church, followed by walking outside yo where the cemetary is. After funeral, go to home of the deceased, bring food, no drinking usually.

My parents thankfully didn't go that route and donated their bodies to science. About a month after my dad passed, his friends had a celebrate his life party, it was wonderful.

Funerals and cemetery visits are for the living.

 

[Cubbiecakes]

I've been to many funerals and I find them usually distasteful. I think it's ghoulish and wasteful to bury corpses in tarted-up boxes only meant to extract money from grieving families.

Personally, when I turned 35 I put my affairs in order and made sure that everyone in my family knows about my death plans (cremation and scattering at sea). They are also in my will and even mentioned in my healthcare directives, so no one can claim ignorance.

 

[ronandannette]

I've been to many funerals and I find them usually distasteful. I think it's ghoulish and wasteful to bury corpses in tarted-up boxes only meant to extract money from grieving families.

Personally, when I turned 35 I put my affairs in order and made sure that everyone in my family knows about my death plans (cremation and scattering at sea). They are also in my will and even mentioned in my healthcare directives, so no one can claim ignorance.

You may think so, but that doesn't make the last part of your statement true. Funerary rites have vital religious and social significance for many people and in our culture can be an act of finality and closure that is an important part (emotionally) of the grieving process. The amount of money spent is variable and almost 100% optional, subject to local regulations. And of course funeral service (or death-care as they call themselves) is a business and some providers are more hard-sell than others; same as car dealers, furniture salesmen or whatever. Interestingly, the market prevails and the cost of direct-disposition cremations has skyrocketed due to demand and some urns cost as much as some caskets.

Also, JSYK, unless a person's stated wishes for their own disposition are tied as a condition to some other provision in a will, they are a moral imperative on the heirs only, not a legal one. You could still end up being the "star" of a big, gaudy production if that's what your next-of-kin choose and IMO, that's how it should be (whatever the survivors need to do for their own peace of mind and heart).

 

[Julie's Haircut]

I actually enjoy attending funerals, it doesn't matter what kind. You get to see some people you haven't seen in years.

I consider them a celebration of the deceased life, not something to mourn.

 

[DisneyNutMary]

I grew up in Brooklyn, NY. Irish-Italian and very Catholic.
Funerals were one to two days of viewing in a funeral home. Typical visiting hours of 2-4pm and 7-9pm. With the afternoons quieter and more somber, usually because everyone got drunk during the dinner hours and more people showed up for the evening viewing after work.
The last day was an early morning service at the funeral home and then onto church for a funeral mass. Due to how Catholic the neighborhood was, the church was always packed with family, friends and neighbors. Those who couldn't make a viewing made a point to get to the church. This was followed by a graveside ceremony and then all were invited to repast- a meal either at someone's home or a restaurant.
In the culture I grew up in, no one missed a funeral because there were a few things guaranteed to happen...a fight will break out, a mother or widow will throw herself onto or into the coffin, an uncle or cousin will express his grief with cash, paying for dinner between viewing for anyone who showed up in the restaurant, and if you were under ten, the uncle or cousin probably slipped you a twenty dollar bill to go buy some candy and get away from the old ladies crying and carrying on.
Viewings then, and even now in my family, were about the living. When you have dozens of cousins and aunts and uncles, funerals and wedding are often the only time all are together in the same place. So a lot of catching up happens, a lot of hugs and kisses and love goes around. Promises are made to "get together for more happy occassions" And eventually life goes on as it did before.

My moms funeral was almost exactly to what I described...she would have hated it. The family loved it and said we paid proper respect to her and her wishes. it's funny, knowing my mother would hate it, we did it anyway, we knew that she knew that this was what we needed. My mom was an amazing woman, selfless and caring. We are even convinced she held on as long as she did so that my sons high school graduation and prom would not have the cloud of sadness over it...she went peacefully shortly after his celebrations.
Recognizing that funerals are about the living, my wishes for when I go are that those who survive me are to do what makes them feel closure and wholeness. I don't care, I'll be dead. And then I joke that anything will be fine, as long as I am placed in a glass coffin in the woods where a shaft of light can shine on my face eternally and all my forest friends can visit and adore me forever. And maybe, just maybe, true loves kiss can revive me.

 

[clori]

I've primarily been to family Jewish funerals. Immediate family which traditionally implies parent, child, spouse and sibling go to the funeral home or perhaps temple an hour to 2 hours early. We included grandchildren in my father's funeral. They are offered the opportunity to have the coffin open for a personal look if they wish but otherwise the coffin is closed. The immediate family is also given a black ribbon to wear as a symbolic item and the rabbi leads a prayer as family make a tear in the ribbon. (we didn't include grandchildren in this part). As people come to the funeral before it starts they come into a side room to greet the immediate family before going to take a seat. The closed coffin is near the front of the room where the funeral service is held. There is a person sitting quietly near the coffin saying prayers before the funeral since at least in my family it is a custom that the body isn't left alone before burial.

There is a funeral service done by a Rabbi. If the person has a military or first responder connection the tribute/taps/flag presentation is done at the beginning then the rabbi leads the service. Following the service people who opt to come to the cemetery follow a procession to the cemetery. There are some graveside prayers and everyone is given an opportunity to use a shovel to put dirt over the grave though some people just use their hands. After leaving the cemetery usually someone's house has been picked for the shiva house. At the shiva house it is common to have food and the chance to sit around and talk about memories or just talk to people you haven't seen in a long time. In some cases, a short service may be held at the Shiva house (minyan service) which includes a mourner's prayer.

 

[powellrj]

Our family has started a new tradition. It wasn't on purpose, but because how things worked out. We now have the showing right before the funeral service. No more showing the night before. It started with my DFIL. He died the week of my DSs wedding. We were doing the food for the rehearsal dinner and the wedding reception and his brothers were not any help, one didn't even come to the funeral, so it all landed on me and it was the best I could do. It worked out really well.

My mom died in February in KY where my brother lives and she had planned on the service being up here almost 3 hours away. The weather was bad and my dad has dementia so we planned a one day for her too. We had the showing 2 hours before the service and then had the service followed by a meal.

My mom would have been so pleased. It wasn't the 3 day affair she wanted, but it was a celebration of her life. They had lots of friends come from all over the country. The minister had been our minister for almost 20 years and then had left and was my parents minister so he knew all of us. He said he had written a normal funeral service, but after spending time with our crazy bunch, he had to write a different one. He had never seen a true celebration of somones life like hers was. Everyone had a funny story about her told in love and everyone was so happy that she was no longer in the living hell she had been living in. She was a strong Christian and people knew she had that part of her life. He had never seen people so relaxed and laughing and just an upbeat mood. I was really afraid the funeral home was going to tell us to calm down at some points we had gotten so loud! Mom had Parkinson's and louie bodies dementia so she deserved a happy day.

 

[aprilgail]

Just want to add that if someone is uncomfortable viewing the deceased, they can skip the wake and just attend the funeral (church) service. Often this is the case for young children. I was 16 the first time I attended a wake (my grandfather's).

Wow- my daughters first wake she was 2 1/2- she s 17 now and must have been to at least 40 wakes. We had a lot of elderly relatives plus we are friends with many people who had children with cancer so we have been to wakes for people that were 2 years old to people that were 90 years old.
Typically a wake is held for one or two days- most of the time open casket and times are usually like 2-4 and 7-10 each night. The last viewing of the last night they usually have a service of some kind at the funeral home. They have many flowers around, big picture boards and a slideshow of photos running. The morning of burial/cremation they either have a service in the funeral home or they take the body to the persons church and have the service there. Then they either take the body away for cremation or everyone follows the hearse to the cemetery for burial. Typically an "after-party" is right after-typically in a restaurant or a catering hall type place (vfw-etc.) occasionally someone will have it in their home.

 

[tvguy]

Clearly it depends on the denomination, local custom and in some cases, as you say, personal preference. I can tell you I have never seen an open casket at any funeral in a Catholic Church, and I have been to many.

Part of the ceremony is placing a pall (white cloth) over the casket, which remains on during the mass. The casket is covered as soon as it enters the church, before the procession down the aisle to the altar, accompanied by the pallbearers and the family. The pall is symbolic of baptism garments. The priest also blesses the body with holy water and incense.

Bottom line, I guess, if it bothers you to view the body, try to find out the family's plans in advance, so you know what to expect.

I can only recall 2 funerals I attended that were at a Catholic Church, and they both had the full mass and both had open caskets.

 

[Queen of the WDW Scene]

I can only recall 2 funerals I attended that were at a Catholic Church, and they both had the full mass and both had open caskets.

I've been to many Catholic funerals and at the church mass itself I have never witnessed an open casket.
At the funeral home yes but at the church no.
Of course that does not mean that what you describe did not happen but it was definitely not the norm.

 

[tvguy]

I've been to many Catholic funerals and at the church mass itself I have never witnessed an open casket.
At the funeral home yes but at the church no.
Of course that does not mean that what you describe did not happen but it was definitely not the norm.

The full mass was almost as uncomfortable to me as the open casket.

 

[tvguy]

I've been to many Catholic funerals and at the church mass itself I have never witnessed an open casket.
At the funeral home yes but at the church no.
Of course that does not mean that what you describe did not happen but it was definitely not the norm.

Here is a little more information, I had no idea since I am not Catholic. https://www.osv.com/RSS/365DaysToMe.../21013/ArticleID/7297/Opencasket-viewing.aspx

 

[Southernmiss]

Here is a little more information, I had no idea since I am not Catholic. https://www.osv.com/RSS/365DaysToMe.../21013/ArticleID/7297/Opencasket-viewing.aspx

Office manager of our Catholic parish.

We've had several visitations and funerals. Casket is open for the 2 hour visitation immediately before the funeral. Left in place in the front of the church. Casket is closed. Funeral mass begins. Christian symbols and pall are placed by family members. Scripture Readings. Homily- words by the priest. The bread and wine are brought forward. Communion for those who are Catholic. Eulogy by a family member/friend. Closing prayer. Funeral litany is sung as casket is wheeled out. Bells are tolled for the deceased. Casket is placed in hearse for transport to cemetery. Blessing of grave. Casket is lowered. Family and friends gather at church or elsewhere for a meal.

 

[Queen of the WDW Scene]

Here is a little more information, I had no idea since I am not Catholic. https://www.osv.com/RSS/365DaysToMe.../21013/ArticleID/7297/Opencasket-viewing.aspx

Hmm seems like this article is more for IF there is visitation at the church prior to the mass.
The Catholic funerals I've been to have begun with the viewing at the funeral home followed by the processional to the church so when the casket is brought into the church is it closed and remains that way because the viewing happened already.

 

[Pixiedustaway]

I agree. I am French/ Irish Catholic and grew up attending funerals tha lasted three days. I know everyone is different, but I never felt the dread that some folks have about funerals. I felt the loss, but that is altogether different.



Yes! The first time I attended a wake in my DH family he heard me laugh in the other room. I thought he was going to faint! Turns out his family waited until after the burial to drink, so no stories and laughter til then.

When my dads Mon passed, Irish Catholic, my uncle had laughing in the hospital after she passed. It was what she would have wanted. Her family together.

 

[Nancyg56]

Office manager of our Catholic parish.

We've had several visitations and funerals. Casket is open for the 2 hour visitation immediately before the funeral. Left in place in the front of the church. Casket is closed. Funeral mass begins. Christian symbols and pall are placed by family members. Scripture Readings. Homily- words by the priest. The bread and wine are brought forward. Communion for those who are Catholic. Eulogy by a family member/friend. Closing prayer. Funeral litany is sung as casket is wheeled out. Bells are tolled for the deceased. Casket is placed in hearse for transport to cemetery. Blessing of grave. Casket is lowered. Family and friends gather at church or elsewhere for a meal.

My DH aunt and uncle have had this kind of visitation, but it was the evening before the service. A dear friend did as well. I'm not on board, but my DH has made it clear he wants this.

When my dads Mon passed, Irish Catholic, my uncle had laughing in the hospital after she passed. It was what she would have wanted. Her family together.

Yes.

 

[Minnesota!]

Every funeral I've been to goes like this...there's a viewing at the funeral home, usually the night before and you go and sign the guest book so later they will read it and know you were there. The funeral is a mass at the church. Then they take the casket out to the hearse and everyone goes to their cars. The closer you are to the deceased is the order you follow the hearse. Everyone drives to the graveyard and they say a few words there too. Then we all go to a hall or the family's house and eat finger sandwiches and cookies.

I found I has a hard time actually believing my loved ones were actually really gone until I saw them. So i guess you could call that closure.

This is our exact set up, too. Except, it's a full potluck meal somewhere...house or church basement. Everyone contributes.

By the time I was 16, I had been to dozens of wakes. I don't think I've ever been to a wake where the grandchildren weren't present.

Same here. I know there were more before (my grandparents had huge families), but the first one I remember was when I was 6 - my great grandma. My kids started coming to funerals with me before the age of 1. It's not something we hide from them, or shy away about talking about. It's a fact of life - an ugly one, yes - but I feel preparing them and letting them handle how to deal with the loss from an early age is a great concept to learn.

 

[Minnesota!]

Also, I have been to funerals where people are drinking beer (in the funeral home), laughing, telling wonderful stories, dressed in tie-dye, all pink, camo, etc. Those are the best..

 

[Patch'sD]

What types of funerals are you used to attending? The ones with Dead People. Sorry but the Thread Title just asked for that type of response

 

[pryncess527]

95% of the funerals I have attended have consisted of

2-3 hours of viewing (which we call a Wake) at the funeral home, usually at night. Open casket unless something horrible and disfiguring happened. The family is there, usually sitting next to the casket and a large photo of the deceased. There is a guestbook for signing, and usually a small folded card you can take with the birth & death date of the deceased, often a picture, and a paragraph or two about their life.

The following day, there is a funeral. In the church of the deceased if they had one, or in the chapel of the funeral home if they don't. After the funeral service, we all process to the gravesite where a few more words are said and the deceased is lowered into the ground. The group at the graveside may or may not be a smaller, more intimate group than the full funeral. Very close family and friends might then go to a family members home and decompress, usually with an obscene amount of food that loved ones have thoughtfully dropped off in the preceding days.

If people only attend a portion, they attend are most likely to attend the Wake.

Once, a friend lost her mother and their viewing habits were different -- the body was laying in viewing for several days and the family was generally not present. It caught me off guard to go by in expectation of paying my respects to my friend and find no one other than funeral home workers present. It was a learning experience