What types of funerals are you used to attending?

[Skippy918]

I've been to the Catholic funerals with the wake, then Mass and burial and restaurant the next day. My grandfather's wake felt like a mini family reunion, which was nice in a way since most of the relatives hadn't seen me since I was little.
I did go to a service recently, I think it was Baptist, and there was some singing, a slide show and a few eulogies, then snacks were served in the congregation area. This person had been cremated so there was no casket.
When FIL died, he was cremated, but no service.

 

[jdb in AZ]

When my mom passed in May, the visitation before the funeral was the first time in several years that we'd seen many of our relatives. So it was only natural to stand around and talk, not gossip so much as catching up. Our church women traditionally furnish a funeral luncheon after the graveside services, and that gave the family more time together. The next day, those of us who were still in town got together for an impromptu dinner at a restaurant.

Just before a local university professor passed from lung problems, he knew his time was short, and he helped family members produce a video of family memories, and the video was presented as part of the funeral. They made a point in the video to thank all the doctors and nurses who helped make his last days as comfortable as possible.

 

[indimom]

Typically in our community, there is a "visitation" or viewing at the funeral home on one day. During the week it is typically after 5 to allow the majority of people a chance to attend, but could be at any time of day on the weekend. And the length is based on the expected crowd, anywhere from 2-4 hours. The family line up before the casket, so you can express your condolences as you walk toward the front. Video slide shows are pretty common now, in addition to lots of photos throughout their life.
The following day there is a service at either a church or the funeral home, officiated by clergy, then a graveside interment, followed often by a luncheon in a church basement or home. On a few occasions, the visitation continued for an hour or two prior to the funeral service, I assume because they knew there would be family/friends who could not make the first date.
The casket is typically open at visitations (not always, but probably 90% of the time) and closed at the funeral service.
I've seen a few subtle variations. Once a young man in the community who was part of the local baseball league passed unexpectedly. They were expecting a very large crowd, and the visitation was held on the local ball field, and you walked the bases until you reached the casket at home plate. When a member of our church passed from breast cancer, the entire event was held at the church on one day, but still a visitation followed by funeral service followed by interment. I've seen butterfly and balloon releases at the funerals of children. Some family prefer that parts of these traditions remain private/family only.


My preference would be cremation, but it seems to make a number of my family members uncomfortable so it probably won't happen. I can deal with open caskets, but I do NOT like it. And I don't want it for myself. And I really don't get visiting a monument in a cemetery. I don't believe my loved one is there, and I can reminisce/pray anywhere. I know that the majority of people feel differently, it's just not what makes sense for me. So, I'd prefer a memorial service for family and friends. And if my kids/husband were willing, I'd love to have my ashes scattered, not stored/displayed in the home.

 

[shoney]

Well as the old saying goes...
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
One less drunk.

LOL

Usually there is a wake, viewing, for a day or 2, with 2 hour viewing session in the afternoon and evening. This is at a funeral home.
Then the close family meets at the funeral home the morning of the church service and few words are said. Then off to the church. Then to the cemetery if they are being buried.
Then some kind of lunch at a restaurant or someones home (depending on budget).

 

[mi*vida*loca]

The night before there's an open casket viewing. Usually 6-9 pm. The next day there's an open casket viewing 9-11 am then there's a service from 11-12. This could all be done at a church or funeral home. Then you do the drive to the cemetery with some words said there.

It's chaotic. Tons of people. Lots of crying. Sometimes people pass out. Some people throwing up from their nerves. I've really only been to funerals for young people so it's a different atmosphere than an 85 year old grandmother dying.

 

[Nancyg56]

My grandparents all came from big families. Honestly, it's so much easier if you start going when you are little. Dd15 was 3 when my grandmother died. She approached the casket many times and stroked her cheek. I made sure to bring my kids to wakes of people they didn't know (like my friend's mom) to desensitize them. When my mom dies this year (a second mom to them, they saw her daily), they were fine at the wake (they were present at her passing).

I agree. I am French/ Irish Catholic and grew up attending funerals tha lasted three days. I know everyone is different, but I never felt the dread that some folks have about funerals. I felt the loss, but that is altogether different.

Well as the old saying goes...
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
One less drunk.

LOL

Usually there is a wake, viewing, for a day or 2, with 2 hour viewing session in the afternoon and evening. This is at a funeral home.
Then the close family meets at the funeral home the morning of the church service and few words are said. Then off to the church. Then to the cemetery if they are being buried.
Then some kind of lunch at a restaurant or someones home (depending on budget).

Yes! The first time I attended a wake in my DH family he heard me laugh in the other room. I thought he was going to faint! Turns out his family waited until after the burial to drink, so no stories and laughter til then.

 

[Turn the Page]

Typically in our community, there is a "visitation" or viewing at the funeral home on one day. During the week it is typically after 5 to allow the majority of people a chance to attend, but could be at any time of day on the weekend. And the length is based on the expected crowd, anywhere from 2-4 hours. The family line up before the casket, so you can express your condolences as you walk toward the front. Video slide shows are pretty common now, in addition to lots of photos throughout their life.
The following day there is a service at either a church or the funeral home, officiated by clergy, then a graveside interment, followed often by a luncheon in a church basement or home. On a few occasions, the visitation continued for an hour or two prior to the funeral service, I assume because they knew there would be family/friends who could not make the first date.
The casket is typically open at visitations (not always, but probably 90% of the time) and closed at the funeral service.
I've seen a few subtle variations. Once a young man in the community who was part of the local baseball league passed unexpectedly. They were expecting a very large crowd, and the visitation was held on the local ball field, and you walked the bases until you reached the casket at home plate. When a member of our church passed from breast cancer, the entire event was held at the church on one day, but still a visitation followed by funeral service followed by interment. I've seen butterfly and balloon releases at the funerals of children. Some family prefer that parts of these traditions remain private/family only.


My preference would be cremation, but it seems to make a number of my family members uncomfortable so it probably won't happen. I can deal with open caskets, but I do NOT like it. And I don't want it for myself. And I really don't get visiting a monument in a cemetery. I don't believe my loved one is there, and I can reminisce/pray anywhere. I know that the majority of people feel differently, it's just not what makes sense for me. So, I'd prefer a memorial service for family and friends. And if my kids/husband were willing, I'd love to have my ashes scattered, not stored/displayed in the home.

I agree with all of this. I just don't get why people want to think of their loved ones buried in the ground in a field of headstones. That is the most depressing part of it for me I think. My aunt and uncle absolutely loved WDW and went every year until they passed away and their kids continue to go annually. Their headstone is absolutely gorgeous (and probably cost the equivalent of a years worth of tuition at a private college) and had a color picture of Cinderlla's Castle on it. But I never felt them there. I always feel them at WDW when we go. I walk around the different parks and remember doing all those things with them. That's where I feel them, not in the cemetery.

It is also very common here to have video slideshows or pictures around. When my ex died (of a drug overdose) DD10 was 3 years old and hadn't seen him for about 4 months when he passed away. My ex in laws felt it appropriate to put pictures of DDn everywhere to make it look like he was a loving involved father. They even had a picture of her up next to a picture of him by the guest book. I was furious they exploited DD that way.

 

[Nancyg56]

I agree with all of this. I just don't get why people want to think of their loved ones buried in the ground in a field of headstones. That is the most depressing part of it for me I think. My aunt and uncle absolutely loved WDW and went every year until they passed away and their kids continue to go annually. Their headstone is absolutely gorgeous (and probably cost the equivalent of a years worth of tuition at a private college) and had a color picture of Cinderlla's Castle on it. But I never felt them there. I always feel them at WDW when we go. I walk around the different parks and remember doing all those things with them. That's where I feel them, not in the cemetery.

It is also very common here to have video slideshows or pictures around. When my ex died (of a drug overdose) DD10 was 3 years old and hadn't seen him for about 4 months when he passed away. My ex in laws felt it appropriate to put pictures of DDn everywhere to make it look like he was a loving involved father. They even had a picture of her up next to a picture of him by the guest book. I was furious they exploited DD that way.

In defense of the parents, sometimes it is very difficult to accept that your child is less than perfect. My first husband died when he was 25, alcohol induced hepatitis. He had put me though hell and his parents knew that, but when he died, they could not face that side of him. They immediately put their blinders on, and I let them keep them on. I felt that if they had to face the loss of their child by changing his behavior, so be it.

 

[Turn the Page]

In defense of the parents, sometimes it is very difficult to accept that your child is less than perfect. My first husband died when he was 25, alcohol induced hepatitis. He had put me though hell and his parents knew that, but when he died, they could not face that side of him. They immediately put their blinders on, and I let them keep them on. I felt that if they had to face the loss of their child by changing his behavior, so be it.

I get that. But they had no right to exploit a toddler to protect their perfect family image.

Heck, a few years after the fact they visited the town they used to live in (not their hometown) because the church they attended had a memorial service every 5 years or so to commemorate the members that had passed over the last few years. They hadn't attended this church in about 7 years at this point but they also knew no one there knew what the real story was. So they went and told the entire church that he died of pneumonia and they had begged him to go to the doctor but he didn't because he was really depressed because he desperately wanted the marriage to work out and I refused to work on it. We had been divorced for 3 years when he died but yeah, it was my fault he died.

 

[winterman]

When DH died, we had a viewing 3 days later for 2 hours in the evening, with his casket open. The Funeral Director had recommended just 2 hours and he was right. Friends organized food and drink for a gathering of family and closest friends after the viewing. The following morning was the funeral Mass. During the Mass the casket was at the front of the church (closed). After the Mass, the casket was returned to the hearse because he was going to be cremated. Our priest had told us that the Church prefers to have the body at a funeral Mass, not the ashes. A group from the church put on a luncheon at the church hall for everyone after Mass. A few days later I went to the funeral home to pick up the ashes.

 

[Nancyg56]

I get that. But they had no right to exploit a toddler to protect their perfect family image.

Heck, a few years after the fact they visited the town they used to live in (not their hometown) because the church they attended had a memorial service every 5 years or so to commemorate the members that had passed over the last few years. They hadn't attended this church in about 7 years at this point but they also knew no one there knew what the real story was. So they went and told the entire church that he died of pneumonia and they had begged him to go to the doctor but he didn't because he was really depressed because he desperately wanted the marriage to work out and I refused to work on it. We had been divorced for 3 years when he died but yeah, it was my fault he died.

Again, I am not saying it should be the way they did it, but I am saying that many times parents cannot cope with the reality that their kid was an addict, a loser or a failure. In my case, I also was blamed for some of Donald's decisions, and while I refused to accept that, I did not force them to keep the picture of his demise in their minds. In the following years they managed to whitewash his choices, the circumstances of his death, and how he chose to be a husband and father.

Now this family had to endure the loss of three of their four children, all frrom poor choices. There was no wary I was going to fault them for protecting their sanity by cleansing the truth. I figured that the only people they were fooling wars themselves.

 

[DawnM]

Usually a viewing the night before, for a couple of hours. Then a funeral the next day, closed casket at the funeral.

But it depends. I had an aunt die and by the time she passed away she looked pretty bad, so the funeral home had her in a different room in the back for those who truly wished to see her, everyone else just came to support the family. My mom says she went back to see her sister and wishes she hadn't because she didn't look good at all.

 

[mrsheppo]

When my grandparents died, we had the traditional viewings one day, followed by the funeral at the funeral home the next day followed by burial at the cemetery and then back to the family home for a reception. I can remember people taking pictures of my grandfather in his casket which i found a few years later which kind of gave me the creeps because I realized how much my dad looked like him and I didn't want to see my dad laying in a casket. When my mom died, we had no viewing as she died from burns and was unrecognizable. We only had the funeral and burial could not be done for 2 months since it was winter and the ground was frozen. When my dad died, I had to come from out of state while my siblings lived where he was. We had agreed it would be closed casket with no viewing. When we go to the funeral, I was upset to find out it was made open casket and all I could think about were the pictures of my grandfather.

My older brother committed suicide last year and it was left up to me to take care of arrangements for him. He had no family other than myself and our sister and brother. His only life insurance was left to his boss. I opted for direct cremation and had his cremains interred with my parents at the cemetery. There was no ceremony as I knew none of his friends. He basically lived as a hermit and went to work and came home.

One of the hardest things I had to do happened yesterday. My oldest daughter suffered a miscarriage and the hospital told her and her husband that a local funeral home would cremate the remains for them free of charge. They have had some financial issues due to medical so I offered to get a urn for the cremains. I have never cried so hard as I did ordering that tiny urn to hold my grandchild's cremains. I'm still crying just thinking of it

 

[MrsDuck]

I am most familiar with Catholic traditions, but Protestant ones here are very similar. Before the funeral, a wake is held, usually at a funeral home but occasionally in a church or someone's home. The body is there for viewing or sometimes the casket is closed. The room usually is filled with photos of the deceased and often now a slideshow will be played. People come to pay their respects, say a prayer over the body if they wish, and talk with the family and other mourners. Sometimes there will be eulogies and usually a priest (or minister) at some point will lead the group in prayer.

After one or two days of wake, the funeral service takes place the following morning at church. For Catholics, usually a full mass with music, homily and eulogies. Then family and close friends proceed to the cemetery, where the priest does a committal service at the gravesite. People say their final goodbyes and typically place flowers on the casket as they leave. This is usually followed by a luncheon gathering at a restaurant or family member's home.

This is similar to how my family handles funerals and the majority of our family/friends follow a similar path. We live in South Florida where there is a large Jewish population so we've also sat Shiva with/for friends.

We are Scotch-Irish and a fair amount of drinking and laughing that happens the evening after the funeral. We are somber through Mass and the luncheon then try to celebrate the person's life that evening.

 

[King Schultz]

When my grandparents died, we had the traditional viewings one day, followed by the funeral at the funeral home the next day followed by burial at the cemetery and then back to the family home for a reception. I can remember people taking pictures of my grandfather in his casket which i found a few years later which kind of gave me the creeps because I realized how much my dad looked like him and I didn't want to see my dad laying in a casket. When my mom died, we had no viewing as she died from burns and was unrecognizable. We only had the funeral and burial could not be done for 2 months since it was winter and the ground was frozen. When my dad died, I had to come from out of state while my siblings lived where he was. We had agreed it would be closed casket with no viewing. When we go to the funeral, I was upset to find out it was made open casket and all I could think about were the pictures of my grandfather.

My older brother committed suicide last year and it was left up to me to take care of arrangements for him. He had no family other than myself and our sister and brother. His only life insurance was left to his boss. I opted for direct cremation and had his cremains interred with my parents at the cemetery. There was no ceremony as I knew none of his friends. He basically lived as a hermit and went to work and came home.

One of the hardest things I had to do happened yesterday. My oldest daughter suffered a miscarriage and the hospital told her and her husband that a local funeral home would cremate the remains for them free of charge. They have had some financial issues due to medical so I offered to get a urn for the cremains. I have never cried so hard as I did ordering that tiny urn to hold my grandchild's cremains. I'm still crying just thinking of it

I am so sorry to hear of you and your families loss,

((((hugs))))

 

[RedAngie]

The most common type of funeral I've experienced has been where there is a visitation at a funeral home in the evening, usually 7-10pm, then another short visitation the next morning, perhaps 9-10am. A priest/minister then says a few prayers at the funeral home, and most people depart for the church for a religious service. After the service, there is a processional to the cemetery, a few more short prayers are said, and then there is almost always a repast at a restaurant or social club.

When I was a kid, it was almost verboten to bring kids under 13 to a funeral. Presumably, parents thought the experience would be too traumatic for younger children. The first full funeral I attended was for my paternal grandmother when I was 15. In about 3rd grade, one of the school-teaching nuns died, and the entire school went to her funeral Mass at the church down the street.

 

[dotfurio]

Sometimes though, traditional is perfect...in the case of my grandmother, she would have loved seeing all the people sad and crying over her, and knowing there were so many flowers and cards. It would have been a feather in her cap, LOL!! We all laughed afterward and said it was a shame she didn't get to see it herself, she'd have reveled in it. And in that moment of laughter and smiling, following an emotionally exhausting day, we were able to pause and reflect, and think of her with love and affection, and appreciate who she was as a person. To me, that's what is most important.

My dad would've been the same way! My step-dad died a few months prior to my dad. He had been a local musician so there was a big turn out at the funeral. My dad seemed almost annoyed and mentioned something about how many people were there and how abnormal that was. Little did he know a few months later the attendance at his own funeral would be even bigger. My dad was a retired teacher who continued to substitute at many schools and districts in our area. I guess he touched more lives than he realized.

And I really don't get visiting a monument in a cemetery. I don't believe my loved one is there, and I can reminisce/pray anywhere. I know that the majority of people feel differently, it's just not what makes sense for me.

I feel the same way. I rarely go to the cemetery - maybe once a year. My sister and mom nag me for not being a dutiful daughter and taking flowers regularly. I remember and honor him, just not that way. I just don't feel that he's there.

 

[Nancyg56]

When my grandparents died, we had the traditional viewings one day, followed by the funeral at the funeral home the next day followed by burial at the cemetery and then back to the family home for a reception. I can remember people taking pictures of my grandfather in his casket which i found a few years later which kind of gave me the creeps because I realized how much my dad looked like him and I didn't want to see my dad laying in a casket. When my mom died, we had no viewing as she died from burns and was unrecognizable. We only had the funeral and burial could not be done for 2 months since it was winter and the ground was frozen. When my dad died, I had to come from out of state while my siblings lived where he was. We had agreed it would be closed casket with no viewing. When we go to the funeral, I was upset to find out it was made open casket and all I could think about were the pictures of my grandfather.

My older brother committed suicide last year and it was left up to me to take care of arrangements for him. He had no family other than myself and our sister and brother. His only life insurance was left to his boss. I opted for direct cremation and had his cremains interred with my parents at the cemetery. There was no ceremony as I knew none of his friends. He basically lived as a hermit and went to work and came home.

One of the hardest things I had to do happened yesterday. My oldest daughter suffered a miscarriage and the hospital told her and her husband that a local funeral home would cremate the remains for them free of charge. They have had some financial issues due to medical so I offered to get a urn for the cremains. I have never cried so hard as I did ordering that tiny urn to hold my grandchild's cremains. I'm still crying just thinking of it

I am so very sorry.

 

[tinatark]

Most of the funerals I have attended have been viewing one evening, with funeral the following day.

My DH's great grandmothers was the first I attended with her casket in her home - people came in and out for the days before the funeral. I could not go in the house. When his grandparents passed away, they had the same thing - I could not imagine them being anywhere else!

Where I live (E. TN) - a more common funeral is a several hour viewing, followed by an evening funeral - many who come to the viewing stay for the funeral. Burial the next day. I am not a fan of this type of service schedule!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

To each his own, I say. I will have an open casket viewing for myself if possible.