What types of funerals are you used to attending?

[Mac4life30]

Im sure I could have worded the header differently however.. I know different cultures do things different ways. Coming from a hispanic culture when someone dies there is a viewing. This viewing can go on all night depending on what the family wants. The following day there is a burial..

I have seen on tv some people have a service at a church and after the burial.

Personally I dont like the idea of being inside a room with the deceased person while everyone around me does everything but talk about the deceased person. Its like what is the point of this to gather together and gossip with a dead body in the room????

 

[Christine]

Most funerals I have attended have the deceased laying there in the room, as you describe. It's not something I care for either. I think it's important for the family to view the body after death for some closure, but after that, I guess I do find it weird to sit in that room for 2-3 hours and stare up at the body. However, I find that all we do is talk about the deceased person so we kind of differ there.

 

[gwynne]

I think funerals are for the living. People might talk about the deceased, but they might also talk about other subjects, too. It's a stressful time, and hopefully they find comfort in sharing their grief.

 

[PrincessShmoo]

Im sure I could have worded the header differently however.. I know different cultures do things different ways. Coming from a hispanic culture when someone dies there is a viewing. This viewing can go on all night depending on what the family wants. The following day there is a burial..

I have seen on tv some people have a service at a church and after the burial.

Personally I dont like the idea of being inside a room with the deceased person while everyone around me does everything but talk about the deceased person. Its like what is the point of this to gather together and gossip with a dead body in the room????

I've attended various funerals over the years. Most of them involved the casket (either open or closed) at the front of the facility (sometime a church, sometimes a funeral home) with people attending sitting facing it. And there's a service of some sort, songs, remembrances, sometimes a "comforting word" from a clergy person of some sort. Then everyone heads out to the cemetery for the burial.

When my great aunt died (upstate New York) there was a viewing the day before the service. The family sits in the same room with the deceased in the casket and people come and visit/spend time/talk about the deceased. Then the service was the next day. Now, since it was winter, there was no burial until spring (ground is too hard to open a plot.

I've also attended memorial services for some people who didn't have a "formal" funeral service (or there was a private family-only one). At the memorial service, there are photos and other tokens for the deceased person (no casket or body) and people (other than family, usually) would stand up and talk about their memories of the deceased.

In my husband's family, they have a wake. After someone dies, they are usually either buried immediately or cremated and scattered. Then the family gets together at a time convenient for everyone for a pot luck meal and remembrance time at someone's house.

 

[dotfurio]

Usually a viewing the day before, then an indoor service at the cemetery or a church followed by graveside.

I never do viewings. I didn't even go to my dad's viewing. I know it gives some people comfort and closure, but that's not how I want to see or remember them. I know I'd end up dwelling on that memory instead of the many wonderful memories of them alive.

 

[bigbabyblues]

My dad died in January, and his was the same as my momma's. There was a viewing (calling hours) the evening before the funeral. There were about 250 or so people that came, they were lined up out the door for a long time. We (his daughters, except one) stood near the casket and people filed through to talk to us, introduce themselves, etc. We had a slideshow of pictures playing on a big tv screen. There were plenty of chairs out, some people went thru the line and then left, some sat around and talked to other people. The funeral was the next day, at the funeral home. Mostly family, a dozen or so friends (he was 82), full military ceremony. Then we went to the cemetery. They had already dug his grave, but it was so cold and not many of us (just family) so they took us in the mausoleum for the "graveside" service. The military guard came in to present the flag to my sister and then they went outside, they played taps and shot the guns.

All the funerals I've been to have been similar.

 

[mjkacmom]

One or two days of viewings (2 - 4, 7 - 9 or 2 - 6), usually open casket, usually a little service at each viewing, before the funeral Mass the next morning, family and close friends go to funeral home to pay last respects. Everyone goes to the Mass, then to the cemetery, then to the repast (usually at a restaurant).

 

[Bilberry]

I've been to a few funerals with a viewing at a funeral home, later service at a church, and later burial.

A neighbor had an unusual viewing a few years ago. His wife died of cancer and for a viewing her body was placed onto a table in the front room. It reminded me of what was written about in how funerals were handled in Victorian times.

 

[AppleDumpling]

I am most familiar with Catholic traditions, but Protestant ones here are very similar. Before the funeral, a wake is held, usually at a funeral home but occasionally in a church or someone's home. The body is there for viewing or sometimes the casket is closed. The room usually is filled with photos of the deceased and often now a slideshow will be played. People come to pay their respects, say a prayer over the body if they wish, and talk with the family and other mourners. Sometimes there will be eulogies and usually a priest (or minister) at some point will lead the group in prayer.

After one or two days of wake, the funeral service takes place the following morning at church. For Catholics, usually a full mass with music, homily and eulogies. Then family and close friends proceed to the cemetery, where the priest does a committal service at the gravesite. People say their final goodbyes and typically place flowers on the casket as they leave. This is usually followed by a luncheon gathering at a restaurant or family member's home.

 

[lizabu]

Every funeral I've been to goes like this...there's a viewing at the funeral home, usually the night before and you go and sign the guest book so later they will read it and know you were there. The funeral is a mass at the church. Then they take the casket out to the hearse and everyone goes to their cars. The closer you are to the deceased is the order you follow the hearse. Everyone drives to the graveyard and they say a few words there too. Then we all go to a hall or the family's house and eat finger sandwiches and cookies.

I found I has a hard time actually believing my loved ones were actually really gone until I saw them. So i guess you could call that closure.

 

[AppleDumpling]

Just want to add that if someone is uncomfortable viewing the deceased, they can skip the wake and just attend the funeral (church) service. Often this is the case for young children. I was 16 the first time I attended a wake (my grandfather's).

 

[okeydokey]

I have been to different kinds, even Catholic Funerals that were very different from each other. I went to one yesterday in fact, where the girl's body was still at the hospital or somewhere for autopsy but a funeral mass was held for local friends and loved ones. There will be another one in the family's home town later (this girl lived a few hours away from family and died very suddenly. The family traveled here when she was injured. They will take her cremains back home when they can).

 

[Queen of the WDW Scene]

I'm used to Catholic funerals.
The person passes away.
There is an announcement in the paper for viewing hours.
There's generally 1-2 days for the viewing with hours of usually 2pm-4pm and 7pm-9pm.
The next day is the funeral, you meet at the funeral home where they will say a little something and give everyone one last chance to go up.
You drive to the church where the body is brought in and the funeral mass takes place.
You drive to the cemetery and a few words are spoken there.
Then you are off to the lunch after which may be back in the church hall or at a restaurant.

I usually don't see gossiping at the funeral home.
You go up to the loved ones of the person that has passed and offer condolences and hugs and then they may chat for a minute to ask how its going if its someone that you haven't seen in a while.
Then you go to the casket and say a prayer or talk to the person and then leave.
Of course if you are a loved one or close friend of the person that passed you'll be staying and talking to numerous people throughout the viewing.

The gossip generally happens at the lunch if its going to happen lol.

 

[tvguy]

Just want to add that if someone is uncomfortable viewing the deceased, they can skip the wake and just attend the funeral (church) service. Often this is the case for young children. I was 16 the first time I attended a wake (my grandfather's).

Not always. Yes they can skip the viewing, but I have been amazed how many church funerals I have attended with open caskets. When my FIL passed away, my wife's step-mother wanted an open casket. Not only do I not like open caskets, but I really didn't like the idea of my kids having to see their beloved Grandfather deceased. It would not have been my wife's choice, but she felt her father's wife's wishes were more important than hers.
One ritual that I hope never see is where the service is held in the crematory, and those in attendance are there when the deceased is place inside, and often a family members turns on the crematory. I know it is tradition in some religions, but a co-worker did this for her brother, and she turned on the oven, and she says that helped give her closure and accept the finality of his death.

 

[mjkacmom]

Just want to add that if someone is uncomfortable viewing the deceased, they can skip the wake and just attend the funeral (church) service. Often this is the case for young children. I was 16 the first time I attended a wake (my grandfather's).

By the time I was 16, I had been to dozens of wakes. I don't think I've ever been to a wake where the grandchildren weren't present.

 

[NJlauren]

I'm Jewish, and mostly have attended Jewish funerals. Usually the body is buried within I believe it's 24 hours (if possible, I think a little longer is probably normal). There is a service closed casket, then you go to the cemetery, then a shiva for a week. Usually at the home of the closest living relative but this can vary I would assume. I have experienced a shiva to be a gathering to support the family, people send or bring food and meals are served. There are a few rules surrounding the shiva period, observed at varying degrees.

When my grandfather died my grandmother wanted and open casket for him, this is not common in Jewish trandition, to the point where people wouldn't even enter if the casket was open.

 

[Magpie]

My father-in-law chose to be cremated. We had a service at the funeral home with his ashes in a box on a pedestal, surrounded by pictures of him. My daughter (then six) went up and chatted "with him" for quite awhile. A pastor (non-denominational) said a few words, then sat down on a folding chair and pressed play on a boombox, playing the song my father-in-law had requested. My husband and his brother said some words about their father. My son (four), passed out Kleenex to anyone who needed it (which was most everyone).

Afterwards, we all got together at my mother-in-law's house, got drunk (except for me and the kids), ate food donated by the neighbours, and told funny stories about his life. We did that for pretty much the next week, until my mother-in-law got tired of her sister's actual-real-alcoholism and said everyone had to go home. We toast his memory every year, on the anniversary of his death.

I have a good friend whose mother chose to donate her body to science. Instead of a funeral, every year our local university has a memorial in honor of everyone whose donated their bodies, and all of their relatives are invited. The med students play instruments and sing... which, according to my friend, only goes to show that it's a darn good thing they went into medicine and not the performing arts. At the end, everyone gets a bulb to plant in their loved one's memory.

I think I'll be good with either of those options, and personally I'm leaning toward "donate my body to science". Formal funerals are ridiculously expensive and I think I'd rather my family used that money and had a nice big vacation at Disney World to remember me by.

 

[Disneylover99]

I've been to all types of funerals. I do prefer a viewing with an open casket though.

 

[AppleDumpling]

Not always. Yes they can skip the viewing, but I have been amazed how many church funerals I have attended with open caskets.

Clearly it depends on the denomination, local custom and in some cases, as you say, personal preference. I can tell you I have never seen an open casket at any funeral in a Catholic Church, and I have been to many.

Part of the ceremony is placing a pall (white cloth) over the casket, which remains on during the mass. The casket is covered as soon as it enters the church, before the procession down the aisle to the altar, accompanied by the pallbearers and the family. The pall is symbolic of baptism garments. The priest also blesses the body with holy water and incense.

Bottom line, I guess, if it bothers you to view the body, try to find out the family's plans in advance, so you know what to expect.

 

[AppleDumpling]

By the time I was 16, I had been to dozens of wakes. I don't think I've ever been to a wake where the grandchildren weren't present.

I guess I was just lucky that no one I was close to died until that age.

It's a personal preference, but among my family and friends, I don't see a lot of younger kids. Teens and tweens maybe. I think it's really an individual choice; you have to know your child, know how it will affect them and of course it depends on the relationship with the deceased. I wouldn't force a child (or anyone for that matter) to attend if they did not want to. Everyone handles grief differently.