What to do when a child invites themself (from the siblings at the bday party thread)

[Beth E. (NJ)]

I'm planning a party for my child. I was at the school the other day and I saw a child my daughter invited. She was with her mom. When I saw the child I asked her if she got the invitation to my daughter's party and I said I hoped she was coming. Her younger sister (probably 1 year younger) chimed in to ask if she could come too. I was caught completely off guard. I was hoping that the mother would come to my rescue, but she didn't say anything. I felt bad telling this other child that she wasn't invited, but she isn't a friend of my daughters. I ended up babbling something about it being for the older girls and then the mother finally said something to the daughter.

I felt so bad. I only wanted to make sure they had gotten the invite.

How would you have handled it?

 

[WeirdEyes]

The same way you handled it. This used to happen to me all of the time when my DS was younger and had b'day parties every year.

 

[Kimberle]

I think you did just fine!!

I'm suprised that the other Mother didn't say something. But, maybe she was caught off guard.......

 

[Cruisin]

I would have done the same, said something like.........Oh, I'm sorry sweetie, not this time, this party is only for the (bigger, older, insert whatever explanation works) girls.

 

[CEDmom]

I think you handled it great. I would have done the same thing.

 

[missypie]

What you said was fine. Don't feel bad toward the other mother...would that we could all control what our kids come out with!

 

[4greatboys]

I had a skating party for one of my boys one year and the mom asked if she could bring her dd. I said okay--it was just one extra kid. Well turns our the whole family came to skate on my dime I didnt mind paying for the kids but mom and dad could have paid for themselves.
I think you handled your situation a good way.

 

[KatelynnsAuntie]

Well, if it were me, I probably wouldn't have even asked her, in front of her sister, if she was coming. Especially if she was only a year younger. But I know you didn't mean any harm, I just think maybe the younger one wanted to be included.

 

[momm2four]

I've been on the other side of this scenario many times. My two oldest are 18 mths apart and b/c of when their birthdays are, they are only one grade apart.

My second oldest is TERRIBLE about asking if he can go if his older brother gets invited to anything. He is such a social butterfly, he just cannot see himself staying home when there's a party going on.

We have had serious discussions about inviting yourself to things , but anytime that he has asked a parent if he could come too, I immediately say something to the effect of, "No, this is something Ben was invited to. You will get to go to other things."

I think the way you handled it was fine.

Lori P.

 

[doxdogy]

I think you handled it just fine.

 

[Beth76]

I think you handled that very well. The other mother should have said something to her daughter rather than putting you in that awkward position. I don't even know what I would have said, but you did great. I probably would have said "yes" and then complained about it later to my husband. I couldn't even finish reading that other thread about siblings at parties. It was ticking me off to even hear some of those stories.

 

[suzannews]

My DD's 9th bday party is just around the corner. I was just telling my neighbor yesterday that I am waiting to see which siblings invite themselves. Now I'll have a good response, thanks!!

 

[Nutsy]

Like Momm2four said, being on the ohter side of this is hard too.

My two boys are only 13 months apart & only one grade apart at school.

So younger son always knew olders sons friends & vice versa. We'd have friends around here to play & all would be together.

Whenever eldest son got invited to go somewhere youngest would always feel left out as he considered his brothers friends to be his friends too. But the table soon turn when it comes to invites........youngest was always overlooked.

Whenever my kids had parties, I always let them invite at least one friend their age to the others party.

It's hard when your kids are so close in age & to be quite honest, it hurts them & us.

Every situation is different & you did what you felt was right in your situation.

 

[pjlla]

My story (sort of) ........ My SIL was having a Laser Tag party for her eldest son's bday. He was allowed to invite a certain number of people, as the laser tag has a limit (8 I think).... Anyhow she made sure to work out the numbers so that her younger son could play also. When the son got a "sorry can't make it" for the party, he invited another cousin to make the number up to the 8. Well, as it turned out, the kid who couldn't make it gave his invitation to another kid at school (who was NOT invited and not really even friends with the birthday boy), like he was giving away a concert ticket or something!! And this other child showed up!! WITHOUT CALLING OR ANYTHING! Rather than offend the child or the parents my SIL had to have her younger child sit out the games. He was very disappointed. And in my opinion the older kids were old enough to know better (turning 11). And who are these parents who didn't even call?? .......................P