What to do in Disney when your husband hates Disney....

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Not for us. Perhaps I’m lucky that DH & I have similar interests so we have not been faced with anything like this. It also helps DH’s opinion on life that his dad died when he was 11 & was sick since he was 6. So, to him, time is more precious than anything b/c it’s the one thing you can never get back. It would never occur to him to stay home rather than be with his family b/c it’s something he didn’t get. Hence the reason I never have to “drag” him anywhere. For me, my dad died this past yr. Although I was an adult, it made me thankful that we had been a close family who did most things together. We find it more insufferable the idea of wasting precious time with each other being selfish. That doesn’t mean I don’t think the family shouldn’t try to go somewhere they all like. But, for us, being together is more important than being places we don’t love.

My husband and I have both lost our fathers as well. I was VERY close with my dad. He did things without me, and he didn’t always participate in activities with my mother and I. I don’t feel as though I missed out or didn’t get as much time in as possible with him. I would have been extremely regretful if I knew he did things with me just to do them and that he didn’t truly enjoy himself.

I would rather my own children partake in activities with my husband that they all enjoy. The feelings and memories won’t mean anything if they aren’t truly into it.

I get the whole, “I’m happy wherever my family is” attitude because I am like that myself. Not everyone is. It’s not a flaw, it’s just some people’s personality.

The OP and her kids shouldn’t have to miss out on WDW if they really want to go, and her husband shouldn’t be forced to go under the guise of “family bonding time” if he really doesn’t want to.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I absolutely agree with those examples, but in MY experiences, these are the same dads who are staying home from vacation b/c they don’t like it. I don’t know that to be true of OP’s DH, of course. But, I can say that’s where my opinion of the situation is coming from. Knowing parents like this.

It really depends on the person. I won't say the OP's DH is selfish because he has gone to WDW before and just doesn't like it. He's TRIED.

My XH was what you are referring to. If he didn't like something he didn't care and just wouldn't go. Or if he would rather be doing something else he would bail on us. There were many times I took the kids to the zoo, aquarium, Sesame Place alone. This wasn't because he didn't like it, but because he was selfish and didn't want to be bothered with us that day. Taking little kids to the zoo or Sesame Place can be exhausting and he just didn't feel like it.

I can assure you my SO is not selfish for not wanting to come with us to Disney this next trip. He went with us and he enjoyed it but he feels that if he goes with just DD and myself that he will be stuck doing too many "girly" things. He wouldn't mind if DS was coming but he's not. And my SO feels I should have some one on one time with DD. Plus it gives him the "excuse" to plan a one on one trip with just me. I think he's really looking forward to it.

These are two completely different situations.

 

[loves to dive]

My honey has no interest in going, as a matter of fact he has very little interest in any vacations except diving so I go without him. Seriously, if he hates it no matter what you plan for him to do he is most likely going to be miserable, thus making everyone else miserable. Start a tradition of some mommy and kids time, Dad will probably appreciate the guy time alone and you and the kids can enjoy WDW, everyone wins.

 

[Nancyg56]

I absolutely agree with those examples, but in MY experiences, these are the same dads who are staying home from vacation b/c they don’t like it. I don’t know that to be true of OP’s DH, of course. But, I can say that’s where my opinion of the situation is coming from. Knowing parents like this.

My circle is a bit wider than that. I know parents whose behavior make me certain they are selfish in terms if their family, but choosing to opt out in vacation is not the usual threshold in my experience.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

My circle is a bit wider than that. I know parents whose behavior make me certain they are selfish in terms if their family, but choosing to opt out in vacation is not the usual threshold in my experience.

Right?

We must be the most selfish parents ever... We’re opting our KIDS out of our vacation this summer

 

[sk!mom]

We really do not know enough of the detaiils and the dynamic here to make any judgments.
I did happen to ask, "What might the DH like to do with the kids/family".
And, some separate trips/activities are okay!

I did read another recent thread by the OP that was very, very, enlightening.

I am not making the assumption that Disney is the ONLY vacation that would be okay with the kids.
And, reading the other thread I just mentioned was enlightening.
OP, like I had asked, if you and the kids want to vacation with your DH, would there other vacations that he would be happy with???
If he does not feel that he enjoys Disney and does not want to go back on another WDW vacation for this year, what would be some other options?

Giving him a break, and other options, might go a lot further in dealing with this vacation thing than persuading 'coercing' him to come.

You've hinted twice, how about a link so that we can all be enlightened?

 

[ThistleMae]

Is anyone else wondering whey the OP has said nothing more to the questions some of have asked, in order to help her? There are 10 pages of speculation here, without further feedback. What's up with that?

 

[Hikergirl]

I'm pretty sure we've scared her off.

 

[amberpi]

It seems based on other postings that her DH is a scout master, so he's probably pretty involved. He may just not be interested in WDW (which is fine) and it sounds like dance thing could be pretty intense. Not everyone should have to do everything together, right?

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Hang in there. These kinds of things ebb and flow. My husband has had some real surprises out of our daughters as they've gone through their college years. You'd be surprised as the time marches on you'll suddenly find them at your elbow to go with you someplace or do something when they've never shown a lick of interest their entire life. This past summer found DH teaching each of them the basics of furniture refinishing for completely different reasons and at different times. Not really his hobby per se', but he was happy to walk them through it. At some past college moves he's found himself chatting at lunch with groups of their friends about either his professional interests or some of his hobbies they've heard about and found cool. A couple of the former high school boyfriends are in contact with him from time to time about different projects or common interests, too. Don't be surprised if your daughters think highly of and appreciate your interests even though they may not be their particular favorite pursuits.

I still do one on one stuff. Took DD12 to a college volleyball game recently & we had a ball. DD17 & I will go to the movies or watch Netflix together.

It’s more times like when DW goes on the occasional “girls weekend” with friends & I’m left with the 2 of them. I’ll always suggest a bike ride or a trip to the zoo, etc. And that’s the kind of stuff we typically do as a family, so they nix it. When I leave, the 3 of them always manage to find “girl stuff” to do together.

 

[Colleen27]

Hello everyone! I have a dilemma and I need suggestions...

My husband has informed me he hates going to Disney World and never wants to go back. He said we can go without him. This of course upset the kids. They really want him to go with us and thought if we planned fun stuff for him to do while we are at the parks maybe he will go. I have no idea what to plan for him. He likes hunting and cars. Those are his hobbies. I wish he golfed because that would be a no brainer. I told the kids we can go to the beach and to the space center, I think those would be things he would do, maybe even go fishing...but I have no idea what else to suggest for him.

Does anyone have experience with this? I would really like my husband to come with us but I am ok just taking the kids but they really want him to go. I was hoping that would be enough to convince him but I don't think it will be. Thanks for your help!

My husband hates crowds. They annoy him when it is just us, and and make him downright anxious when he's trying to keep an eye on the kids. He is willing to go to Disney with us once in a while, but not every time. My solution? Go without him. It really doesn't upset the kids - they got upset once, when I was upset about it (they were little, 4 & 7, and he was trying to talk me out of going as a family for the very first time), and I think that was just them reading my mood. He comes with us on other trips, camps with us every year for fair, goes hiking and kayaking and swimming and shooting with us, but just doesn't do theme parks. And it really isn't any big deal. We don't all have to like the same things. Maybe I'd feel differently if Disney was the only trip we were taking, but at this point we do at least one or two trips a year that do appeal to him, and he sucks it up and deals with certain trips that aren't his thing if they are firsts for the kids or trips where they very much want him along (touring colleges with DD16, visiting DC and NYC for the first time, etc.). But after all these years and all these Disney trips, that just not an issue I care to push any more.

And oddly enough, after 5 years of trips without him, *he* was the one who resurrected my long-buried idea of taking a "just us" Disney trip without the kids while our older two (college freshman, high school junior) are still living at home and available to help with our 9yo while we're away.

 

[Suger Mag]

That's a dangerous game to play with your spouse and can backfire in ways you didn't imagine, IMO.

Going on 25 years this August... so at this point, I think I know how to play the right games... and this game he doesn't complain about, but you could be on to something... he did get a bit upset about that electro-shock pad and the beer fridge.

But in all seriousness, he did sign an informed consent...

 

[Colleen27]

Sorry. I disagree. I don’t know how old the kids are, but they won’t be young forever. As a parent there is plenty I don’t love to do that I suck up & do for DS. I expect my DH to do the same & he does. If there is another vacation destination that everyone would enjoy then that’s fine. But OP has said that her DH told them to go without them, but that upsets the kids. I think that’s terrible especially if he knows that they’re upset. He’s the adult. Imo, he should suck it up for kids.

It sounds like he has, though. The kids are a tween, a teen, and a young adult, and this isn't a precious first trip to a magical place. It is *another* trip to a place Dad sucked it up and went to multiple times, but just doesn't enjoy. I don't think he's obligated to continue sucking it up and spending his vacation time in a way he doesn't enjoy until the nest empties.

I have to wonder though if the posts would be this forgiving if it were mom who didn’t want to go. I feel they wouldn’t be. Like a pp said, as a mom, we often sacrifice & do things we don’t want to do for our kids. To me, it seems like dads get a pass b/c they “don’t like to do these things”. It’s even often the themes in sit-coms & entertainment. I don’t love to do some of that stuff either, but oh well, it’s no longer about me once I have a child. After reading so many posts, I’m definitely extra thankful for my own dad & my DH.

Really? I feel like if you flipped the script and made it Dad asking how to convince Mom to enjoy roughing it in the woods or spending a week at hunting camp or camping on the infield at Talledega, that man would get laughed off the boards.

Sorry. Unfortunately, I have seen many men in my experience who fit those portrayals. They wouldn’t be funny to some ppl if they were just outlandish & not in any way realistic. And, in my experiences, it is the moms who bring the kids here & there & do everything & dad gets a pass b/c he “doesn’t like it” or it’s “not with fighting him” blah blah

I've seen it too. Some that are genuinely clueless and some who play that way to lower expectations. And you're right... it is funny because we've all known men who display at least some element of that behaviour, not because it is completely foreign. Of course it is exaggerated, because that's what comedy does, but there's truth in it too.

 

[kimblebee]

So, to sum up this thread:

1- have a lot of *** with him while on vacation

2- have the kids talk to him and guilt him into going

3- children who don’t go to Disney are suffering

4- if you don’t go to every game, every recital, every..everything, you are a bad parent

5- dad needs to just suck it up and take one for the team

6- families should be happy they have each other to do things they hate with


This thread is bonkers..

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

So, to sum up this thread:

1- have a lot of *** with him while on vacation

2- have the kids talk to him and guilt him into going

3- children who don’t go to Disney are suffering

4- if you don’t go to every game, every recital, every..everything, you are a bad parent

5- dad needs to just suck it up and take one for the team

6- families should be happy they have each other to do things they hate with


This thread is bonkers..

Number 6 made me LOL.

 

[DVC Sue]

I think if you assure him you can go at a slower pace or cooler time. The running and heat gets my husband in a bad mood. Even if we split up and he finds a bench can diffuse that.

 

[sk!mom]

So if they keep you so busy with their activities doesn’t your schedule pretty much revolve around their activities then? That’s all I’m talking about. I feel like most parents do this, but ppl are making it sound like that’s not what anyone does. Yet everyone I know with kids pretty much spends most of their time away from work taking care of their kids in some capacity. To me, that IS revolving your life around your kids. With young kids, did you just eat when you were hungry & not feed your kid at an appropriate time? I’m sure not. That’s is revolving your life around your kids, IMO. Also, you might miss a game b/c you don’t feel like going. But what if your kid said he/she really wanted you there?

Being kept busy driving your kids around, supporting their interests and activities, and feeding them is not the same as allowing your child's vacation desires to dictate what the family does. You really are stretching this to try and get agreement.

 

[ThistleMae]

I'm pretty sure we've scared her off.

Must be something like that....there are many varied suggestions in here. Wouldn't mind some feedback from OP!

 

[LSUmiss]

Being kept busy driving your kids around, supporting their interests and activities, and feeding them is not the same as allowing your child's vacation desires dictate what the family does. You really are stretching this to try and get agreement.

It’s 2 different conversations. Ppl were posting that their lives do not revolve around their kids. I said mine absolutely does & ppl commented on that as if it were a bad thing. But, then, you & others listed all the things you do for your kids so it sounds like most of our lives revolve around our kids as it should be. That’s different from my beliefs about the vacation & dad. I was thinking of small kids when I first commented. The ages do change things somewhat maybe since I don’t know the guy. Btw, I couldn’t careless about trying to “get agreement” from internet strangers. Those are my opinions/values & thankfully my family/DH share them so there is no conflict. I might have different opinions with different life experiences, but, I think it’s safe to say that’s most of us.

 

[LSUmiss]

My circle is a bit wider than that. I know parents whose behavior make me certain they are selfish in terms if their family, but choosing to opt out in vacation is not the usual threshold in my experience.

I’m not saying it’s just b/c of vacation. I’m saying the ones I know who are selfish would be the type to stay home from vacation b/c they don’t like it & would rather do stuff they enjoy which is a they even want to do. So that’s why I immediately thought what I thought. I assumed (and shouldn’t have) that it was a dad with little kids who doesn’t want to suck up WDW (which little kids really enjoy) b/c he doesn’t like it & would send mom to do it alone. Like we all do, I was basing my opinion on things I’ve experienced & ppl I know.