what to do about people who invite themselves on your vacations?

[**Tinker*Bell*7**]

does anyone have any advice for this?

every single vacation we've been on in the past 8 years except for 1 someone has invited themselves to go along on. sometimes i don't mind but i'm getting really tired of this. just found out that my sister has invited herself & her family on our oct. DLR trip (not that they can afford it but somehow they always manage to find money to go on vacations, even if they lose jobs & don't pay bills).

i want a trip that's just for the people i planned it for for once. i feel like saying "if i had wanted you to go I would have invited you in the first place". i have a friend and other relatives who have also invited themselves to go along. my friend has invited herself on 4 trips to wdw, she doesn't pay her fair share & has also invited herself to go to DLR but says she doesn't think she has enough money "this time".

what can i do about these people??????? i'm tired of pretending it doesn't bother me.

 

[DangerMouse]

I would stop telling people you are going and just sneak away without anyone knowing. Or tell them you are vacationing in Tubac, Arizona this year. That should keep them from wanting to join you.

Seriously -- can you just tell them no? I have no problem letting my family know tha specific trips are just for our immediate family so we can create special memories for ourselves.

 

[disney-super-mom]

Well, for future trips, I would keep my plans to myself and not tell anyone about it until a day or two before you leave so they don't have time to "invite themselves and actually be able to go."

For your October trip, I'm not sure what you can do since you can't keep your sister and her family from Disneyland if they want to go. I might secretly change hotels though, and then tell her it was a last minute thing for whatever reason.

 

[AmericanItGirl]

Sounds like a question for Miss Manners.

I'd say that while you do enjoy her company, you planned a very special trip for just your children and that it is going to be focused on doing exactly what they want to do, something that you feel can't be achieved if there are others coming on the trip as well.

 

[Sy-]

Take em along!!!! The more the merrier, right???

Tell em you are staying in GCH and there is only room enough for your family and that if they want to come along they have to pony up $4k for their own room!

 

[bumbershoot]

We don't tell hubby's family about many trips b/c they seem to think you aren't allowed to take trips when children are young, that you must put your money towards buying homes and whatnot.

Let's note that FIL lost TWO homes, one that was paid for in full, thanks to very bad mistakes he made. I'd also note that they traveled all over Asian when their kids were young, LOL.


I don't tell MY family about it b/c two sides of my family don't speak, so I can only pick one side to tell, and that gets annoying.



Anyway, for your situation, just say "oh that's great you're going to be there. Let's pick a meal and meet up for it!" Just don't be available to them.

 

[Sleepless Knight]

If the trip is just for your family, flat out tell your sister that. You can't stop her from going at the same time, but just tell her that she'll have to book their own lodgingl, meals, , transportation if applicable, et all. If it's a family trip and friends are inviting themselves, than you have the perfect and polite reason to turn them down.

And if it's just a friends trip, tell any "uninvited" that they're going to be on their own for everything like food, lodging and all that good stuff. This would include dinner reservations and the like. You don't need to tell them when and where you're eating.

 

[nun69]

I say "don't tell them anything" and if they say anything when you get back, you just say we planned a surprise trip and didn't tell anyone...then deal with her then...if your sister wants to go on a vacation, why can't they did it on their own and not have to go when you do?

I'm with bumbershoot on the taking your kids on vacation!!! I NEVER had a vaction with my family gorwing up, so I SWORE that when I did have kids, that even if it wasn't every year, that they we get to go on some vacations and really enjoy them...we are taking the 2 older kiids to Legoland, San Francisco and Disneyland at the end of the month...and you know what, we don't own a house, but then again you can't buy memories or go back in time to make those...{ok...that was way off subject...sorry}

 

[julw]

I agree with the others about not telling anyone you are going until just like a day before

But, for this trip with your sister. Even if they invite themselves at the same time, that doesn't mean you have to share everything with them. Just tell them your dates and maybe even where you are staying if they ask and let them figure out the rest. I for sure would put my foot down if someone suggested sharing/splitting a room. We go all the time with our best friends and also my sister and her family and their kids and while we love them to death we would never ever share rooms! It's just a privacy and rest thing. Just tell her she is welcome to go at the same time as you guys, but they'll need to get their own room and travel accommodations. Just don't put yourself in a situation where you are ever splitting anything (travel/rooms/meals or food etc.) and you won't feel like someone isn't paying their fair share.

Also, just because you go with a group doesn't mean you have to do everything together. We sometimes will go to the parks earlier than other parties in our group or go back earlier etc. You can also just tell her on certain days that have made plans to do something, for example the Aladin show at 1pm. Just be matter of fact about it. They will either go with you or do their own thing. Most of my frustrations with going in a group comes when we are all standing around going, "what do you want to do next"? and nobody will say or someone will suggest something and then the others don't want to. Ugh that gets me. So, we will plan our day in advance and if it work for our friends then great! If not, we agree to meet up at a later time. We have friends who like to go back to the room and nap and swim in the middle of the day. We don't care to do this and they know that and everyone is ok with it. We just say our goodbyes at that time and meet up later in the day.

Try and stay positive about your upcoming trip even though you may have some company. I'm sure you'll still have a blast!

 

[DisneyJamieCA]

We've run into similar situations. A trip that started as just us (or just us and my parents) have turned into these large group trips involving siblings and their spouses, etc. When this has happened, we've simply stated that these are our plans, either go along with us or make you own, BUT we don't want to hear any complaining if we split up during the day. For Disneyland in particular, they are all aware we spend a good portion of our day in Fantasyland and meeting characters because we have two small children.

Now, we've just stopped telling people our vacation plans because I'm getting tired of others coming along. Or if we're just inviting my parents, let's say, I let them know ahead of time that this is a trip we'd like to do with just them so please don't mention it to others.

 

[DevilDuckie]

First of all, stop volunteering details. You're going to Disney. They don't need exact dates or hotel name (in most cases).


If they announce that they are coming along, say something like, "Oh, you'll be there the same days? Maybe we can meet up for lunch one day!"


As for paying her "fair share"... I'm confused. How did that become an issue? You pay for your stuff, she pays for hers. Y'all are presumably both grownups with phones and credit cards. Possibly some of the confusion about her thinking she's welcome is coming from you booking for both families. Stop that now. Book YOUR room, tickets, ADRs but if she's an unwanted tag along and a mooch, the for the love of little green apples stop encouraging her by letting her stick you with the bill!

Your biggest problem right now is that you have allowed it in the past and set a bad precedent. This makes it harder to put your foot down but not impossible. Be firm. Tell your sister that this trip is planned for a specific group (just your immediate family, adults only, sorority sisters, left-handed redheads, whatever) and that perhaps you can plan a joint trip at a future date. If that future trip comes, handle your own finances and make her handle hers- or let her do the booking (but besure you DO pay your full share) and front the money.

You have control of this situation. You just let someone convince you otherwise.

 

[JadeDarkstar]

um well my family almost invited them selfs. this time but since the acdent wasnt covered becouse ppl didnt have insurince that hit them. they cant go

I love my family and like to have fun but my mom and sister togetehr is like hell
I will plan a trip next year if they think they can do it christmas time and stuff now
but if i didnt want them to go id just say so they would be fine id say let them tag along but make them pay there own share and plan some alone time with just you and your family or have your sister wtach your kids once at least so you and huibby can be alone?

 

[kiwitravel]

Thats a really hard one, we had something similar last trip we had. If they want you to organise everything then my advice would be to make them pay now, ie book and pay for air tickets, dl tickets and accommodation deposits. often a decision is made now to go later and the money will sort itself out, if they have to commit financially now they may well have second thoughts, it will also mean you are safe in the knowledge that even if they do go they will be paying their own way.

 

[julw]

First of all, stop volunteering details. You're going to Disney. They don't need exact dates or hotel name (in most cases).


If they announce that they are coming along, say something like, "Oh, you'll be there the same days? Maybe we can meet up for lunch one day!"


As for paying her "fair share"... I'm confused. How did that become an issue? You pay for your stuff, she pays for hers. Y'all are presumably both grownups with phones and credit cards. Possibly some of the confusion about her thinking she's welcome is coming from you booking for both families. Stop that now. Book YOUR room, tickets, ADRs but if she's an unwanted tag along and a mooch, the for the love of little green apples stop encouraging her by letting her stick you with the bill!

Your biggest problem right now is that you have allowed it in the past and set a bad precedent. This makes it harder to put your foot down but not impossible. Be firm. Tell your sister that this trip is planned for a specific group (just your immediate family, adults only, sorority sisters, left-handed redheads, whatever) and that perhaps you can plan a joint trip at a future date. If that future trip comes, handle your own finances and make her handle hers- or let her do the booking (but besure you DO pay your full share) and front the money.

You have control of this situation. You just let someone convince you otherwise.

Your post cracked me up! BTW ITA

 

[dmked]

I hate when someone invites themselves to go anywhere! I would never say "hey, I'm coming with you on your trip!" so I'm not sure why people volunteer to come along, I didn't ask you to! My sister said, "I can come with you to help with the kids" I said, "we are fine we don't need help" and then she starts saying she can get off work and everything. How many polite ways can I say that we don't want her to go!

If I thought it would be fun for you to go, then I would invite you, please don't invite yourself. Isn't this something you're supposed to learn when you are little?

I think I am going to start the "last minute, suprise" trip the PPs mentioned, then no one can plan on coming!

 

[PHXscuba]

TinkerBell7:
Man, I feel for you. I would be annoyed too if that happened every time!

I think sometimes we are victims of our own vacation-planning success. Those of us who do our homework, ask lots of questions, find great discounts, etc., end up with great vacations that get the most for our money. When we tell our friends/family, I think some want in on the deal.

It sounds like you have become an unpaid travel agent/tour guide because you probably have had some great vacation successes. They want your expertise and deals because they don't want to do the work involved.

I like KiwiTravel's suggested about "get the $ first". It keeps you off the hook financially, and also shows them (upfront) how much this will all cost. Most people don't want to see the grand total, just the monthly payment on the credit card.

As for the future, I think I'd be purposely vague about exactly where and when you are going. However, if you have an OCD vacation planning reputation (like I do ), everyone will know you plan things far in advance!

Don't let them spoil your trips regardless!

PHXscuba
"You can't have everything, besides, where would you put it all?"

 

[audrabolster]

I don't think you should have to wait until your trip is almost here to tell people about your trip.

I would just say that this is a trip that you want to go on with just your immediate family and children.

 

[tofubeast]

I don't think you should have to wait until your trip is almost here to tell people about your trip.

I would just say that this is a trip that you want to go on with just your immediate family and children.

I completely agree. I bet they know you are a planner, so being vague might just seem weird to them. I would just be firm. Set the tone now...

Stop the insanity!

Good luck. I know it might seem hard to do, but once you get the words out, it will go easily. This will make it a lot easier in the future.

 

[JenDisneylandlver]

We never tell my DH's family about vacations until were back for this reason. My inlaws will find a way of being there at the same time, and well from past experience, they can effectively ruin a trip. We always have dinner with DH's grandma, since she lives 5 miles from DL. We will call her once were there, and surprise her! Then ask if any day that week is good for her. Would rather tell her in advance, but MIL and FIL will find out!

So I say, keep it a secret if you want to keep it just you guys!

 

[momofeva]

If you tell them or they find out and want to go, tell them that you have no room for them either in transportation or hotel. If they really want to go, they need to make all their own arrangements and use their own money or credit cards. Don't be their travel agent! Don't let them "guilt" you into paying for them.

We have done big family trips, but they were planned as such. We didn't even stay together the entire time. We all did our own thing and then met up for a meal, show or parade. Cell phones are great for finding each other. I found the time with my siblings frustrating because even though they have AP's and we don't, we know DLR and DCA better and can avoid the crowds better. Just because you travel at the same time it does not mean that you have to be attached at the hip the entire time!