what to do about people who invite themselves on your vacations?

[TalkDisnerdytome]

How does one invite themselves on someone elses trip? I know I have asked if I could go along on trips, since I have moved out my family goes on trips and it will be the whole family including my younger brother (who lives with them) except me and if I want to go I will ask to go along. If I was talking about my plans to go to Disneyland and someone was like "Cool I will see if I can get off" I would stop them right there and inform them in a nice way that they're not invited. If they want to plan their family trip at the same time mine is planned that is a different story, then they can pick their own hotel, pay for their own fare and make their own plans. js

 

[ConnecticutNonna]

Zombie thread! Lol!

 

[Christina-B-Na]

I have a relative that does this to me ALL the time. She not only tries to tag along on planned trips but will even claim dibs on possible future trips...ie " We are gonna go with you if you ever go on a Disney cruise", "if you guys ever think you're gonna go to the San Diego zoo, tell me so we can go too", " next time you go______, we wanna go too". Uuuggh! She is family and I love her but good lord! I always feel bad because she is recently divorced, has 2 kids and not many friends. I think she does this because she is lonely, doesn't have anyone else to travel with and is a little afraid to do it alone with just her kids. Its so tough!

 

[ConnecticutNonna]

I have a relative that does this to me ALL the time. She not only tries to tag along on planned trips but will even claim dibs on possible future trips...ie " We are gonna go with you if you ever go on a Disney cruise", "if you guys ever think you're gonna go to the San Diego zoo, tell me so we can go too", " next time you go______, we wanna go too". Uuuggh! She is family and I love her but good lord! I always feel bad because she is recently divorced, has 2 kids and not many friends. I think she does this because she is lonely, doesn't have anyone else to travel with and is a little afraid to do it alone with just her kids. Its so tough!

If she is willing to pull her own weight financially, maybe plan a 4 or 5 day mini vacay with her, just you guys and all the kids. It would be doing 2 things, she would gain confidence, and you would be doing a HUGE mitzvah in life. Then you could say to her, "you now have the tools to do this on your own".Of course, if you absolutely couldn't be around her for any length of time, this is an absolute no...
Even a long weekend somewhere, not necessarily WDW would be a great ego boost for her.
Help.her fly on her own.

 

[DisneyPhans]

My large & extended family has the OPPOSITE problem with me. I NEVER liked to do anything with them at all. It's so bad I've even forgotten to attend some of their weddings.

To make it up, for my 40th birthday I've invited them all to Disneyland (30+ guests), I am paying for 3 nights at nice hotels within walking distance. It's kind of like a game of chicken, because I figured some of my family members would be extremely upset with me and not respond. I was expecting either to be ignored (good - they can't say I didn't invite them), or some kind of response like, "No, because you didn't attend X, Y, and Z when I asked you to. You don't care about your family."

I already had a response to that worked out: "You're absolutely right - I deserve it. It's just not going to be the same without you!"

Unfortunately, my plan did not work out exactly as I anticipated. Every single one of them said, "That sounds GREAT! Thanks!"

 

[Christina-B-Na]

We have tried this and unfortunately it has only seemed to reinforce her ideas of always traveling together. I love her and dont mind her tagging along on some small local things but feel like I need to draw the line somewhere.
She is so caring and a give the shirt of her back kinda gal but also tends to take over and be a bit overbearing. Her kids are teenagers (too cool for almost everything) and mine are very young so when we go places there are often opportunities for their "firsts" like 1st time on a ride or 1st time eating ________ or seeing __________ .......selfishly sometimes we want to be the ones to do those things with them or have it just be us as a family. When she comes along, she takes over and will try to do those things with my kids without any consideration for me or my husband. To add to things, my husband has a very difficult time tolerating her. My husband is a pretty patient man but she has a unique personality that just does not jive with hubby. Its a tough balance.

If she is willing to pull her own weight financially, maybe plan a 4 or 5 day mini vacay with her, just you guys and all the kids. It would be doing 2 things, she would gain confidence, and you would be doing a HUGE mitzvah in life. Then you could say to her, "you now have the tools to do this on your own".Of course, if you absolutely couldn't be around her for any length of time, this is an absolute no...
Even a long weekend somewhere, not necessarily WDW would be a great ego boost for her.
Help.her fly on her own.

Funny....as I write this, she sent me a text saying that she wants to tag along on whatever we are doing for the 4th of July. Lol!

 

[Christina-B-Na]

Unfortunately, my plan did not work out exactly as I anticipated. Every single one of them said, "That sounds GREAT! Thanks

Isnt that always the way it happens!?! Ha!
Sounds like quite the trip though!

 

[ConnecticutNonna]

Underst

We have tried this and unfortunately it has only seemed to reinforce her ideas of always traveling together. I love her and dont mind her tagging along on some small local things but feel like I need to draw the line somewhere.
She is so caring and a give the shirt of her back kinda gal but also tends to take over and be a bit overbearing. Her kids are teenagers (too cool for almost everything) and mine are very young so when we go places there are often opportunities for their "firsts" like 1st time on a ride or 1st time eating ________ or seeing __________ .......selfishly sometimes we want to be the ones to do those things with them or have it just be us as a family. When she comes along, she takes over and will try to do those things with my kids without any consideration for me or my husband. To add to things, my husband has a very difficult time tolerating her. My husband is a pretty patient man but she has a unique personality that just does not jive with hubby. Its a tough balance.

Funny....as I write this, she sent me a text saying that she wants to tag along on whatever we are doing for the 4th of July. Lol!

Understood!

 

[ConnecticutNonna]

My large & extended family has the OPPOSITE problem with me. I NEVER liked to do anything with them at all. It's so bad I've even forgotten to attend some of their weddings.

To make it up, for my 40th birthday I've invited them all to Disneyland (30+ guests), I am paying for 3 nights at nice hotels within walking distance. It's kind of like a game of chicken, because I figured some of my family members would be extremely upset with me and not respond. I was expecting either to be ignored (good - they can't say I didn't invite them), or some kind of response like, "No, because you didn't attend X, Y, and Z when I asked you to. You don't care about your family."

I already had a response to that worked out: "You're absolutely right - I deserve it. It's just not going to be the same without you!"

Unfortunately, my plan did not work out exactly as I anticipated. Every single one of them said, "That sounds GREAT! Thanks!"

do you need an extra "great" aunt to tag along and help wrangle the kids???

 

[dragonfly57005]

This may sound strange, but I was planning a solo trip to DLR for a few days after July 4th and this friend of mine invited herself along. I suppose most people would prefer to have somebody along with them, but there are specific people I like to travel with (IE friends who won't follow me around like lost puppies or slow me down) and people who I don't (the opposite). She's one of the ones I don't.

Luckily I got mono and had to delay the trip. Now she's not going.

My advice: Get mono.

Best excuse ever!

 

[mpadilla89]

Maybe you should stop telling people your plans. Why do you need to inform them of where and when you are going? Everytrip i take to Disneyland where i tell someone im going they end up coming also. If i want to go just us we just pack and go no need to tell others they will find out when we get back or through social media. When they do tag along we don't spend every minute together. There are ways of "losing" people in disneyland.

 

[bpesch]

As I read through this thread, I think about a saying that I've applied to my life for many years..."You can't be taken advantage of unless you allow it to happen." It has served me well.