What should happen in this situation?

[Erin1700]

My child is involved in a sport which is co ed. She is 11 years old. Today while the coach was writing instructions for the kids, a boy came up behind her and slapped her hard on both of her arms. She yelled at him. He then did it to the 2 other kids in their lane.

This boy is nasty to her and curses at the other kids (**** included). He had been yelled at for that before. The coach over heard it.

I need to add that my child has an implant of medicine in her upper arm. He did not hit that spot, but I am concerned that he hit her.

She came home and told us. (it was verified by other kids) I yelled at her that she should have gotten out and spoken up to the coach. Her mistake.
What are your thoughts on this??

 

[hereyago]

Yes, I would tell my kid to tell the coach-sometimes coaches, teachers, don't see everything. I would also tell her if hit boy kept it up, she would have my permission just to knock his butt to the ground. I'd also let the coach know that if he doesn't wrangle this kid in, my kid will protect herself.

 

[zurgswife]

Instead of yelling at her for not telling the coach I'd try to find out why she didn't tell the coach. Is she afraid of him because he is an adult. Was she afraid the boy would retaliate. I think you should find out way she didn't tell. Then coach her on how to do it the next time.

 

[Coconut36]

She needed to speak up to the coach about what happened. Despite him being near he didn't necessarily see or hear everything. He might have heard her yell at the kid but not known why or what all the circumstances were. They are busy when at a meet/coaching and they watch as best they can but the reality is there are more kids than they have eyes so stuff isn't always seen.

I would not have yelled at my child..what was the point of yelling at her about it? I would have asked if there was a reason she didn't speak to the coach (fear of peer pressure/retaliation from that kid or others? Embarrassed?) and explained that she needs to speak up to someone in authority/that can help her if she needs it.

 

[Disney Doll]

I'd advise her to tell the coach. The child needs to be taught to keep his hands to himself and if he cannot do that, then he needs to be off the team until he can better control his own behavior.

 

[Tinkh]

Maybe she has trouble speaking up when someone yells at her or does something aggressive because she is used to not being able to have an outlet when someone yells at her. I am a bit confused why she was yelled at for not speaking up. To me, that almost enforces the whole keeping silent when someone is treating them in a way they would not like to be treated. I would sit her down and explain to her why she should not sit quietly when she is being treated poorly and that you love and support her. I do think children should communicate with their coaches, but she might need that little push to do so at this point. Sorry you all are having these kinds of issues.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I agree with the pp that it struck me as very odd that you "yelled at her" for not speaking up for herself. It seems like your actions are sending the opposite message from your words.

I think the PP is spot on that you need to calmly sit with her, teach her some skills for how to stand up for herself and let her know you support her.

 

[luvmy3]

Yes, I would tell my kid to tell the coach-sometimes coaches, teachers, don't see everything. I would also tell her if hit boy kept it up, she would have my permission just to knock his butt to the ground. I'd also let the coach know that if he doesn't wrangle this kid in, my kid will protect herself.

I agree.

I'm also not sure why you yelled at her, I don't think she did anything wrong here. If this boy continues this kind of behavior towards the kids (after the coach has been told about it) I would speak to the coach myself.
I'm really sick and tired of the rest of us having to deal with punk kids because they are never held accountable for their actions. Sorry, my own personal vent there.

 

[rwdavis2]

If this was about 20 years ago I'd say kick the boy in the testicle. That will make it stop. Nowadays this would get you arrested.

 

[Erin1700]

OP here..

I did not scream at her, but I did yell a bit. If someone hits you, you need to speak up. If the kid just called her a name, I could see her not jumping out and saying anything.

I spoke with the coach and so did she. He was going to speak to the kids parents because he did other things to other kids. The coach told her do not keep quiet, you must speak up right away.

So far the kid has left her alone.

 

[RadioFanatic]

Boy, first your daughter gets "beat up" by the boy and now you essentially beat her up by yelling. Nice.

 

[Erin1700]

Boy, first your daughter gets "beat up" by the boy and now you essentially beat her up by yelling. Nice.

Ha! I guess you had to be there. I did not scream at her. She was not upset that I spoke in a stern way. She needed to know that she should have spoken up right when it happened.

 

[DeaverTex]

I can TOTALLY understand how OP could have become, shall we say, intense when talking to her daughter. I'd have been so steamed that it might well have come out as a volume increase, and sounded a lot like a scolding.

I think that the testicular option is still perfectly valid, by the way, if this is ever repeated. But then, I'm old. We did things differently back in the '60's. (I'd also suggest that she kick from the knee. Much faster and harder to dodge.)

 

[hereyago]

The kick to the testicles is still very valid. The last thing cops would arrest a kid for is for protecting themselves even if it meant a kick to the family jewels,lol.

Even if the kid who did it was around other kids, if the "kicked" kid was mean to other kids, the kicker might even get a round of applause and "silence" on the other kids' who saw it.

OP: glad the boy has left your DD alone after the coach was made aware of what happened.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

My child is involved in a sport which is co ed. She is 11 years old. Today while the coach was writing instructions for the kids, a boy came up behind her and slapped her hard on both of her arms. She yelled at him. He then did it to the 2 other kids in their lane.

This boy is nasty to her and curses at the other kids (**** included). He had been yelled at for that before. The coach over heard it.

I need to add that my child has an implant of medicine in her upper arm. He did not hit that spot, but I am concerned that he hit her.

She came home and told us. (it was verified by other kids) I yelled at her that she should have gotten out and spoken up to the coach. Her mistake.
What are your thoughts on this??

I would not have yelled at her, but I would tell her to punch the kid in the nose if he touches her again.

 

[Erin1700]

Op here again.

I left out of my OP that my DH told her to hit him back next time. I thought for sure all of you would be against that! DD would never hit back though, she doesn't even hit her younger sibling back.

I need to toughen her up!

 

[hereyago]

I left out of my OP that my DH told her to hit him back next time. I thought for sure all of you would be against that! DD would never hit back though, she doesn't even hit her younger sibling back.

I need to toughen her up!

I for 1 am not against defending ones self. I am very old school, I am not worried that the police will come take my child if they defend themselves in a kids non weapon fight, or the school puts my kid in ISS-I would be sitting there with her giving her my support,no joke.

Your DD's hit boy is a bully, bullies suck and they won't stop most likely until the other kid defends themselves.

 

[bumbershoot]

A slap on the arm deserves a punch, or a kick in the testicles? Definitely not my style.

My main problem with a bully was dealt with by "telling on her" and getting her suspended for a few days. It's really too bad that the teacher, who sat RIGHT THERE in front of us at her desk, since the seating was done alphabetically and she and I are A and B, didn't stop it when she would mess with me every single day until I finally talked to the teacher about it....guess she thought I didn't mind it until then?

Anyway, that ended that. No need to act like a bully myself.

 

[hereyago]

A slap on the arm deserves a punch, or a kick in the testicles? Definitely not my style.

My main problem with a bully was dealt with by "telling on her" and getting her suspended for a few days. It's really too bad that the teacher, who sat RIGHT THERE in front of us at her desk, since the seating was done alphabetically and she and I are A and B, didn't stop it when she would mess with me every single day until I finally talked to the teacher about it....guess she thought I didn't mind it until then?

Anyway, that ended that. No need to act like a bully myself.

Perhaps your teacher was waiting for YOU to help yourself, to take up for yourself even if it meant telling her, even though I disagree with an adult who sees what is going on and does nothing.


Sometimes telling is the key, sometimes they need a punch or a kick. I was bullied by this girl in 7th grade after school. On the school bus, the bus driver would see and just tell her don't do that, no reprimand of any kind. We get off the bus and every day I had to run "for my life" so this girl wouldn't get me. She even chased me to my house, to my front door.


My DF told me to defend myself. I got tired of running and one day I let her hit me just so I could say I didn't hit first and I beat the crap out of her.
And I was not a fighter, I was the quiet girl, the girl who if someone looked at me wrong I would cry. all that stopped on that day.

She left me alone after that just to pick on the next victim.


As for Op's dd being slapped on both arms, one of her arms had a internal medicine that could have really hurt her,so no if her DD kicked him where it counts, it would have been deserved.

Sometimes adults don't see what is going on and need to be told, but if it keeps continuing, then yes the kids should be allowed to defend themselves. Once someone hits you, they are fair game to get it back.

 

[luvmy3]

A slap on the arm deserves a punch, or a kick in the testicles? Definitely not my style.

My main problem with a bully was dealt with by "telling on her" and getting her suspended for a few days. It's really too bad that the teacher, who sat RIGHT THERE in front of us at her desk, since the seating was done alphabetically and she and I are A and B, didn't stop it when she would mess with me every single day until I finally talked to the teacher about it....guess she thought I didn't mind it until then?

Anyway, that ended that. No need to act like a bully myself.

I don't think that having the attitude that one who defends themself physically is acting like the bully is any better than a teacher sitting by and doing nothing.

Also, from experience telling on kids doesn't always stop them, and can make things escalate. Of course it doesn't help when you have parents who refuse to see the truth and use a discipline, but that is a whole other thread. My ds is going through something right now with a boy in our neighborhood, who came into my yard and hit my ds in the arm. I called his mother, she came and took him home. Next day at school he threatened to break my dses arm next time, so I reported it to the Principal and the boy was given in house detention for 1 day. Well there hasn't been anything physical, but the verbal nastiness hasn't stopped, so I have told my ds if this kid tries to hit him again, he is to do what it takes to make sure there won't be a next time. The bully is twice the size of my ds, but 2 years of MA classes has taught my ds how to defend himself, and if that means breaking an arm then so be it. I don't believe in making it fair for a bully, they need to learn to keep their darn hands to themself and sometimes that takes more than an equal slap/punch on the arm.