What should DS's punishment be?

[MrsPete]

IMHO, we give kids way too much freedom at ages when they are just too young to handle the responsibility that goes along with it.

I agree. We as a society are allowing our teens -- even young teens -- to dress like adults, watch/listen to anything they please, own adult "toys", and pretty much go where they please as long as they're in by their 12:00 curfew.

Then we're surprised when they mess up!

 

[alanapapa]

I have to agree with MICKEYSAVER. We bought a FIREFLY do DD12 when she started track last year and would not be able to take the bus home. The ONLY numbers programed for her to send to or receive from are DW's cell, my cell, my work, and our Pastor's (I think). She knows she is not supposed to give her number out to anybody and that even if she did, she would not be able to receive calls from them.

To OP: I might cut your son some slack, he might not have found out about the parents being gone until he arrived at the party. That happened to me once when I was in High School. This does not absolve him of the "Dead Battery" cell phone though.

 

[MrsPete]

To OP: I might cut your son some slack, he might not have found out about the parents being gone until he arrived at the party. That happened to me once when I was in High School.

Sure, the girlfriend might've misled him . . . but once he arrived at her house and realized that her parents weren't there, he could've said, "Sorry, but I know I'll get in trouble if I stay . . . see ya later". If my child were in that situation, I wouldn't be upset with him.

I do remember being in a similar situation in high school: my boyfriend came over when my mother wasn't home (she was taking college night classes). He showed up without calling or anything. My first reaction was to tell him he'd have to leave, but he'd walked all the way there (too young to drive), and I didn't want to risk making him mad. I didn't have any fun with him being there because I was dreading my mother coming home the whole time. I made a conscious decision to make my mother mad instead -- and was she ever mad! I totally deserved the grounding she gave me. I hope I raise my daughters to be a little more brave than I was as a teen.

 

[MushyMushy]

Yep, a week's grounding for the lie is appropriate. No phone, no TV, no visiting for one week. Well, I'd let him carry the cell to and from school, since you say he walks alone and it's a safety issue -- I mean no phone once he's home from school.

A friend whose advice I trust gave me some good advice years ago: Always give the worst punishment first. That way the kid knows you're serious. If you "work up" to worse punishments, the behavior will continue. If you stomp on the problem the first time, the kid will think twice before doing it again.

And once he's off restriction, emphasize that he is ALWAYS to have his phone fully charged, and he is NEVER to be at the girlfriend's house when her parents are not at home -- even for 15 minutes.

I totally agree with this one!

 

[Liberty Belle]

Thanks all.

It seems we took the middle road. We took away his cell phone today and are only going to let him have it to and from school (he can't have it turned on in school, so that's not an issue). He'll get it back in a week. Also, we've grounded him from and social activities this coming week and next weekend.

And, we talked about how now the next time he asks if he can go to a party, we will walk in and talk to the parents. He HATED that.

I'm not sure about talking with Sophie's parents. I'm still playing around with that idea. (For the record, I'm not sure if I was clear. Paige is ds's girlfriend and Sophie is a friend of both of theirs.)

We definitely will not allow him to be alone with his girlfriend without an adult present, so no worries about grandchildren. His girlfriend is a nice girl with good morals and I believe we've raised our son with good morals. He made a mistake and is already regretting it.

Thanks again for all the advice!