What should children call non-family adults?

[Andtototoo]

I'd prefer that kids not address me as Ms. LastName because my last name is hard to pronounce and I get tired at times of hearing it mangled. From experience, I ended up being called Ms. MangledLastName forever because once a person "learns" a name they seldom unlearn it.

 

[MichelleinMaine]

As long as they use whatever title/name respectfully I'm good.

It isn't the title or lack there of that indicates respect, it's the behavior around it.

 

[NHdisneylover]

It isn't the title or lack there of that indicates respect, it's the behavior around it.

 

[RadioNate]

This was inspired by another thread on here which mentioned children calling adults by their first names and not Mr./Mrs./Ms./Dr./etc. I have to admit, this is a pet peeve of mine. I was brought up to call all adults by their proper titles, to the point where I had a hard time wrapping my head around calling a friend of mine (about 10 years older and an adult, with a family and everything when I met him) by his first name. I will raise my children to call all our adult friends by their last names, and DH (though he doesn't think it's important like I do) is okay with this.

But I think my friends have other ideas. We're all starting to have kids now and it rankles me every time one of the little darlings (who I adore otherwise) calls me by my first name. One friend, who just had her first, introduced me to the 2 month-old as Aunt MyFirstName. My response was, "Hi sweetie, I'm not really your aunt."

So am I crazy? Should I just get used to all my friends kids acting like they're my friends (they're not, they're my charges every time their parents leave the room)? Will I be the only person whose kids get reprimanded for forgetting that someone should be addressed as Dr. LastName and not Mr. or Mrs.?

I think the adult should decide what the child calls them.

I prefer to be addressed by my first name only or Ms. Firstname. I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE being called Mrs Lastname. That is my former MIL. I've NEVER liked it and now I really don't. (yes, I do regret not returning to my difficult to pronounce maiden name.)

Frankly, I think it comes from growing up with a last name that most adults couldn't pronounce correctly. Forget kids saying it right. When I have to 'teach' people 100x to say my last name correctly, I'd much prefer anyone to use my first name.

 

[leebee]

I HATE being called Miss Firstname; it sounds SO old-fashioned southern belle to me, and grates on this New England yankee's soul! Other than that, I don't really care what kids call me. I kept my maiden name but have finally stepped off the soapbox, so I don't care if kids call me Ms. DH/DDlastname or Ms. MyLastName, but DON'T like to be called MRS. MyLastName.

Regarding my DD, she calls some adults (like those in our neighborhood) Ms.?Mr. Our VERY closest friends she calls by their first name, but these are the people we rely on in lieu of family (don't have any within 200 miles). Other adults she calls Mr./Mrs. unless they say OK. She usually goes with the flow, so some of her friends' parents she calls by their first name, and some are Mr./Mrs. However, she called her aunts and uncles by their first names until she was in high school, when she started calling them Aunt and Uncle.

I am in a funny position, as I am the costumer/seamstress for my DD's ballet company (comprised of junior dancers ages 8-14 and senior dancers aged 15 and up). The ALL call me by my first name; I guess there's a certain degree of familiarity that comes with fitting someone to costumes! However, all the dancers (including mine) call other dancer-parents Mr./Mrs. I don't really know how it all came about, but the choreographers, teachers, stage manager, exec director, and I are all "firstnames" and the other parents are all Mr/Mrs. Go figure!

 

[cornflake]

I'm in the 'you use a title unless specifically instructed otherwise' camp. I will say that the number of comments with miss and
Mrs as options is strange to me, as i think mr and ms settled it fine decades ago. The mr/ms firstname thing sounds obnoxious to me and I think of it as exclusively southern.

 

[englishteacha]

My daughter will call people what they prefer to be called. As a teacher, I'm Mrs. Lastname. As a camp counselor, I'm called by my first name or "Mama Lastname." Our best friends prefer to be Aunt/Uncle Firstname, which is fine by us, and our DD will call them that.

 

[evnted]

For me, it all depends on how close they are to the family. I grew up calling one of my mom's best friends by her first name (and of course others), but most of the time I was using Mr/Mrs/Sir/Ms.

 

[Hutchy]

I prefer to be called my my first name. No reason to add Ms. to it for me. Of course among my closest friends my nickname is B00B (I used zeros in case it's censored?) and has been for many years and that's what all the kids call me. I was visiting a few weeks ago and something was said about my name and my friend asked her daughter what my real name was and she looked at her like she was crazy and said "um it's B00B". They also call me Aunt B00B occasionally and one of the kids started this nick name when he was around 2 and he's now 8 so it's been around a while and I don't see it fading out. lol

 

[aprilgail2]

My daughters friends all call me by my first name- I prefer it that way. I always introduce my daughter to people by their first names- if they insist on being called Mrs. So and So then it really doesn't matter because we wouldn't be seeing them after that-they would not be the type of people that we would end up being around or friends with because that is WAY to uptight for me to be around.

 

[poohfriend77]

It isn't the title or lack there of that indicates respect, it's the behavior around it.

That's what it comes down to for me. I grew up calling most of my friends' parents by their first names, unless they were teachers. In fact, one of my mom's good friends was married to my 3rd grade teacher, so I always called them Jane and Mr. Smith.

Before my kids got to school, their friends/neighbor kids/etc called me by my first name. I spend a lot of time volunteering in the school now, and the students are taught to call all parents Mr. or Mrs. Lastname. It was weird at first, but now I kind of like it.

Some of the kids call me different names based on where we are (First name at my house, but Mrs. at school). And I do childcare for a bible study group, and those kids call me Miss Firstname. None of it bothers me, as long as they are respectful.

 

[*Fantasia*]

Out of respect, I call the elderly using, Mrs., Mr., Ms. and their last name. Out of respect, I would call my children's teacher using Mrs., Mr., Ms. I teach my children the same way. But if it's their coach, then the kids and I use the word Coach and their first name if they are about the same age as I am, but if they are a lot older than I am, I think using their last name is a little bit more appropriate. I'm in school right now, and the professors are about my age, young. But out of respect with their authority, I do call them Professor, or Dr. or Mr., or Mrs., or Ms. If they are my co-workers, then I only need to address them by their first name, with the exception of the Optometrist, which we call Dr. and their last name.

 

[Bungle]

It's Mr. or Mrs. lastname for us. If they prefer first names than it is Mr. or Mrs. first name. I think its just a show of respect.

 

[MichelleinMaine]

Out of respect, I call the elderly using, Mrs., Mr., Ms. and their last name.

My children did several scouts service projects at nursing homes this spring. It drove me nuts that the staff called residents (and introduced them to my scouts) by their first names.

The boys ran a Pinewood Derby for one home and we needed the names ahead of time for the race roster. The director game me their first names. I asked if we could have last names too and she replied there was only one of each name, we didn't need last names.

I felt very awkward having the young men announce the race by first name. I got there early and asked the receptionist to please give me the last names so they could be Mr/Mrs. ____.

 

[TinkerBelled]

I'm another one in the 'Ms/Mr Firstname is like nails on a chalkboard' camp. I have absolutely no problem with kids calling me by my first name–it's more or less how I grew up. Actually, now that I they about it, I usually called my parents' friends by their first names and my own friends' parents by Mr. or Mrs. Lastname (which I'm also very happy to use).

 

[Scurvy]

I think kids should always start out calling adults Mr/Mrs Lastname unless they are asked to do otherwise. I think even with two adults, it is better to err on the side of being too formal than to be overly casual with someone who isn't comfortable with that. If someone requests that children call them by their first name (or something else) then I do think it would be rude to insist on continuing to use their title and last name. Personally, I really do not want children to just use my first name. I am not comfortable with that and it bothers me when other adults introduce me to children that way. I'm fine with either Mrs Lastname, which is what my son's friends call me, or Miss Firstname, which is what most other children we know call me.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I ask that the children call me by my first name. I run a casual home here. Depending on the person I will have them call adults Mr./Mrs. Last name or Miss First name. If the adult requests that they just call them by their first name I abide by that. I think people should be called what they want. YMMV.

 

[kaytieeldr]

When I was growing up, we all called all our friends' parents by their first names; the older people in the neighborhood and acquaintances' parents Mr. & Mrs.; and our parents friends Aunt & Uncle (ditto for their siblings). As new people moved into the neighborhood, they were addressed as Mr. & Mrs.

That includes the couple who bought the house across the street when I was fifteen. Thirty five years later (I go back once in a while) she pointed out we're only a few years apart in age and really, it's okay to use her first name!

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I think it just depends on the relationship between the adult and child too. For example, my children and their friends call us, the moms, miss Carla or miss Julie, but if the adult is not close friend of the girls too then they use their last name. I don't see anything wrong with it at all.

 

[debster812]

DS is 15, and is one of 26 cousins on DH's side. He was the 10th cousin born, and the 1st to call DH's siblings Aunt and Uncle. I think that has as much to do with the demographics of the family (DH's oldest niece was born when he was 16)

As far as adults to whom we are not related, DS will always call them Mr., Mrs., or Miss, however if they tell him it's OK to just call them by their first name, that is what he does, but we always start out formally.